Believe. Faith. Love. When they are alive, HE is alive.

Archive for November, 2012

a little calmness after a little calamity of emotion ride

Hihi

My previous post was filled with extreme darkness. I was indeed feeling like crap last week.

Also, if you have not realize, even a Christian, even with God, you might still be feeling helpless and sad.

But deep inside you, you know that you wont fall nor die because the Creator of the Universe (that includes all emotions, things, and me) will never fail.

HE already knew what i was/ am thinking and up to, HE already knew my choices in different situations.
Even if i take a wrong pathway, it will not be wrong in His eyes as HE will plan everything for good.

It is human nature to have emotions, thus i have my own weak times too.

But i think, God is good. HE didnt let me stay in that area for too long and HE held my hand and walk me through with much patience.

Sometimes i feel very guilty. I love God, i wana be Christ like, but yet, i can lose my temper or patience. Yet, i stay unhappy with people.

Sometimes i feel i am expecting alot of myself, sometimes i feel i am just not trying hard enough to be kind, or kinder.

Example no. 1

You see, i was extremely pissed off when the wife of my buddy is rude.
It is no surprise that she is rude as her poor attitude is always there whenever we meet up. This isnt just my personal opinion of her but was agreed by all friends that hang out with her.

Can i judge? Do i judge? If i agree to it, am i already sinning? But if it is the truth that she is rude, it is the truth, how can that be judging?

Till the day they got married, i finally convinced myself to accept her like how i accepted my friend.

But, despite being the one giving in and wanting to make friends, she still behaves lik as if i should do this, like i should give in.

Firstly, i am angry as NOBODY is expected or obliged to be friendly to anybody. We behave nicely and talk to someone nicely not to expect anything in return but the least the other party can do, is to be polite and respectful.

Cases like this, do i judge or do i tell myself that i am kind, i love her anyways?

I do not want to lie to myself, i can never love her, not even liking her. But Jesus taught us to love our enemies?

Haha.

Look, being a Christian is easy. Anyone can go for baptism and anyone can declare that they are Christians. But being a God fearing and God loving Christian is very hard and i am STILL fighting my flesh to be one.

I struggled and am still struggling. Now, people will tell me – pray. I guess thats the only best way but Seven taught me something very useful too.

She said: If you are talking to this person nicely and he/she (in this case, my friend’s wife) ignore or behaves rudely, he/she is accountable to God and not you. Just do what you ought to.

Sounds easy? Yes very easy. But is not easy to let go just like that, is not easy. You may  say i am petty but is true that it is a struggle to bear with irritating people right?

Then God also say, In this world we will all have tribulations. Thus, challenges and irritating people are bound to be around, it was already confirmed in the Holy Bible. It is no surprising that these people exist.
So if is expected, why am i expecting all people to be nice?

Anyway, thats just an example of one of the frustrations i faced last week. It is NOT about the rude woman but about myself.
I find myself fighting hard against my flesh.

In case you dont get it and you dont understand what am i talking about above. I shall summarize it: if someone is rude to you despite you being nice, even if you are very sure she is rude, just let go n let God deal with her (or him). You do whats right for yourself.

(I did. and i removed that FB status of telling the world she is rude)

My stuggle is to stay positive and happy, doing whats right DESPITE what the world hits at me, DESPITE disappointments and DESPITE situations.

I fail terribly each time i am tested and it is SO difficult to not put emotions above everything. I need to remind myself constantly and i really need the Holy Spirit. > Satan talking

I am not only with you, i Live in you. Why would it be difficult? > Jesus talking

I realised that, to be closer to God, it also means behaving like Him.
For example, i rendered help to a lady (my mum’s colleague) yesterday.
This lady always critisize my church and my pastors and to be honest, i was offended and never like her.

However, she needed help badly and i struggled to help her.
I was thinking to myself ” since she say so much nasty stuffs about my church, why should i still be helping her? she wants help, she go elsewhere to beg then”

Then i realized, if Pastor Kong were to know of my thinking, he would be very disappointed.
As if thats not enough, if Jesus know (ok, i think HE already knew) about my thinking, HE would be VERY sad.

Thus, in the end, i managed to get the lady a wheelchair (with the help of Janet and Kelvin) and i sowed a seed! 😀

I didnt expect her to stop badmouthing my church (as thats not my primary motive of helping her) but she eventually did, which is quite expected but not only that, she let me pray for her, and i was given the chance to serve.
While buying food for her yesterday, something came to my mind “you gave me food when i needed food”.

Thats what Jesus said! He said that we are actually serving Him when we are serving His people.

At that point, i thought to myself, how can i be so kind at 1 moment and so mean at another moment? What kinda person or identity i want to have? you cant be both kind and mean at the same time! It is very tough being this and behaving that. Everyone has to choose 1 identity.
This also explain why some undercover cops suffer from depression as they do not know who they are anymore – the bad robber or the righteous policeman?

Even though it is not easy to forgive those wrongdoings of mine, those people that hurt me, those rude peope that (still) exist, i have to choose to let go. I do not know how to forgive, honestly, it is almost impossible for me. So, i give it to God and ask God to wash my heart and i submit to HIM, the people i hate, the wrongs i did.

Personally, it is very good for me to render help to needy as i will find myself to be stronger, emotionally and spiritually. As i am behaving more like Christ, i wouldnt have to fight n struggle (so hard) between being a robber & a policeman.

Ok, i talked briefly about how to handle disappointing people, and i guess God is testing me to the max. This colleague is PUSHING everything to me again when it is none of my business nor jobscope. Gossips are flying all around again. 

BREATHE IN AND OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are many things which bothered me last week. Some are too sensitive to be discussed over here but i have more to share. The next time, it will be how i turn to be the one disappointing others. (not proud but i bet every1 disapoints somebody in their life before, dont deny) ha.

Stay tune.

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walking through another valley of shadow

I am filled with guilt and disappointment now.

Guess i will only be able to write when i calm my emotions down.

Honestly, i really need God now.

I feel like just lying there, motionless and just let go to you, God.

I am sad.

May i walk through this with You by my side.

 

I am sorry G and Kai7.  I am sorry to myself.

Gypsy Woman – Crystal Waters (Aural Pleasure)

It is getting cold as we approach the end of the year. I miss the beach even if i dont really like the idea of seeing the glaring sun. (i used to love the sun when i was younger and i used to get myslf roasted, i prefer to be tanned back then. :p)

I like this cooling weather but i miss the sun. Haha. Thats me being bitchy. Thats human being contraditcting and irritating, wanting things they cant get.

Anyway, i want to share this, i personally love it alot. The moment i listen to this (old song btw), i can see the beach and the sun Immediately. I can also see my ice cold beer and mojito.

I see myself getting floaty and tipsy (NOT drunk) and embracing the breeze, dancing to this tune!

Enjoy and here are some details of Crystal Waters :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crystal_Waters

I love how free she made the tune sound, so laid back, relaxed, lazy and fun.

JamsHatch/Diwali’12

PH is over and we are back to reality. But is mid week already! 2 more days to wonderful weekends, i miss you everyday. haha.

It was Jams’s birth ytd and we celebrated over at his place. Simple gathering but fun as we talked and laughed.

Wanted to swim but didnt manage to, was in a lousy mood, my hair thong caught fire (which i have no slightest idea why?!?!) and i will be having straight hair all day long from now till i get a new one.

I was a little pissed b4 the bbq because there was no1 ard to help Chris (Jam’s wife) to set up and to prepare the food. She already went out early to buy the ingredients and food, the least we can do is to go there earlier to help out instead of just arriving right on (dinner) time to eat.

Thus, when 7 and Gary arrived, i kinda told them off. The 7 i knew in the past, set her priorities right but not now.

Anyways, she isnt the only one that just arrive and eat. I wonder how some people can just sit there and eat, taking everything for granted. But, honestly, there are just people like that and as long as the host is happy….. whatever.

I should thank God that i did my part in helping, because i used to be so darn lazy and i cant b bothered with such gathering. As long as i show up, i guess, is enough (i used to think that way).

Omg, i think i am very disgusting in the past.

Ok, the air con in my office is freezing me to death and i cant really concerntrate now. I shall post some pictures taken and thats it.

Bye!

The cake from me and Mindy, delicious yo!

Setting fire to the rain


aww how sweet


Stanley, the Leslie Cheung alike!


my fav teacher
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Picture says a thousand words

 HiHi! It is Deepavali tmr and everyone is on Holiday mood today even though it is Monday. It is the best Monday for most of us and in fact, most of the people are not wrking today, they took leave for the super long weekend.

I dont feel like blogging at all now.  Just too ‘nua’ (lazy).

However, i want to share some pictures and thus…. haha.

Went for painting class yesterday with Gary and Seven. It is a 1 time class but i am falling in love with painting.
I always think i cant paint because i am not open to learning new things, moreover, painting seems to be a hassle, with all the coloring and brushes…

I also feel that i cant even paint or draw a decent image but i realised that painting and drawing is very personal. There is no right or wrong (of cos, the teacher will guide you on the strokes and brushes, usage of colors la, you wouldnt wana be too far off from professional right) and you can just draw whatever makes you happy!

To me, i feel better after painting because i painted my wishes, my visions and my desires. Upon completion, there is a sense of satisfaction and fulfilment.

I personally feel that, 1 can also release their emotions through painting, at least that works for me 🙂

I will get the details of the painting place and post it here. The teacher there is a young lady and her name is Jane. She is extremely helpful and nice. She is always encouraging me when i was feeling inferior of myself. The class was supposed to last for 2hrs and i took ard 3 hrs!

Haha. I spent too much time painting the sky and towards the end, i have to rush! My painting is more simple, direct, one can almost tell what i am painting about. I guess thats just me, i am not so deep to understand and i believe i am quite an open book.

(though i really dont understand why some will feel that i am closed and i m too ‘mysterious’. I am really not, if you know me, i will share almost everything with you!)

Gary and Seven painted some abstract pieces and i asked Seven about her painting after guessing what she wanted to portray.

Gary’s painting was very awesome too! I thought it is about life and the emotions in life, but he probably dont mean it tt way la. haha.

Anyway, we had fun and it was very interesting, the studio is small and cosy, with loud indie music (which is very soothing and nice while you paint). The teacher is so patient and nice. I will definitely go back again! 🙂

Here are the pictures of us.. and i was telling Gary that we are there for camwhoring instead of painting because we camwhored quite a bit for ard 10mins before we got started? haha

Can you tell which is mine?

Tada! (i feel my painting looks like 10yr old’s beside the both abstract paintings. But Gary keep encouraging me haha)

  Gary’s sketching before painting. (din manage to catch 7’s, she sketch so fast and she begin coloring so fast too!)

Thats my sketch.

Coloring starts! 😀

Seven sketching

Gary’s beautiful drawing!

Seven’s painting of ‘Promises’!

My painting of Peace,Hope and Love!

(i will only tell u if u ask me what my painting means!)

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Love those Close Doors

Argh, i gained abit of weight (i dont know if is consider as abit or alot. lol) recently. Y cant i be skinny all the time and not worry about wad i eat! HAHA. Ok, thats the b*tchy side of me. 
 Okok, at least i am not like SUPER FAT and ugly. I shld be happy and just go lose some weight instead of hating. haha. 😦

Anyways.

Hihi.

Good day! It is Friday! The whole world is happy today. haha.

I am happy too!

I am kinda happy. But then, i sometime wonder, why should i be happy because of situations? Shouldnt i be happy all the time? Why am i only happy when certain situations happened according to my way and liking?

Very irritating right? I have to even find reasons for being happy.

To be honest, i just do not want to build my emotion on situations and human. Thus, whenever i am upset, i will ask myself: why are u upset? Dont you know that God has taken care of your life? Whenever i am happy, i will ask myself: Is gd that u r happy, but will u b able to stay stable and happy when this happy incident doesnt happen anymore, or will you turn disappointed or bitter?

Yah. I really just do not want to build emotions on situations that human created. yea.

Anw, i am very blessed, because i nv thought i will be able to encourage people.  (but, YES i did! :p)

Usually, i get advices and encouragements from others all the time. Yes, i am not exactly independent, i like to learn from people, or you can say, i am not really a leader.

However, God says ntg is impossible right? So i guess i have no choice bt to believe that i might be a leader someday. haha.
I aint doing a fantastic job at encouraging and helping the people who needs more help than myself. But i am EXTREMELY grateful and touched when my friend (lets just call her ‘Mimi’ as i dont want to let the whole world noe who i am talking to. it might or might nt affect her) told me that she feels exceptionally encouraged by me and all that i have done (i honestly do not think i did alot, really) and said have greatly impacted her. Honestly, i aint trying to brag, my point is, i am really very encouraged and i realise that when God is at work, He wudnt just benefit 1 person, but all that are involved in His work will be benefited. Perhaps, after talking to me, Mimi felt better from all the crap she was feeling,? 1 thing i know for sure – through her, God gave me the chance to serve Him, to love, to show love, to be more tolerant and patient, to be more confident and feel better of myself.

Praise the Lord!

I dont see myself as a patient person, i like to help people yes, but when it comes to counselling, i will feel abit obligated and uneasy. I mean, who am i to counsel people? Why should i counsel anyone because it might backfire or it might not even help the person, and if it really doesnt work out, then i am wasting my time!

I soon realised that, those excuses start to chew on me whenever i feel like saying no to people who needs a listening ear. Thus, yea, even if it is at my inconvenience, i will try my very best to listen, even though i might not be giving the best advice. 🙂

All these wouldnt be possible if God didnt close certain doors in my life. It will take a long long time if i were to tell my story from the beginning. Thus, all i can say is, i am glad i am on God’s path. I am confident i am.

If i am still in that company (i was already a Christian when i am in that co but i wasnt stable and i just go with the flow and environment), i would still be an arrogant stuck up b*tch, despising people, choose people to befriend with …and ETC.
Now i look back, i was like.. -_-, i feel embarrassed for myself, i was lik.. WHO ARE U TO DESPISE PEOPLE?!? OMG.

If i am still in that r/s, not only will i be suffering constantly, i wouldnt have time or mood to go to church, to do what i am doing now, to love. Because all i have is fear and my time n life will be compromised.

If i am still in that state, in that company with that bf, i would have missed out so much time with various friends, wads worse is,  my Mum will be SO neglected!

Omg, the list goes on. I believed i talked about this topic before yea. But ya, this sermon i listened to before i went to sleep last night, really really touches me so deeply. I feel that i can relate to the sermon totally, every single word.

And yes, despite feeling upset, disappointed and stress, towards every closed door/opportunity now, i will tell myself NOT to dwell in the emotion and get out of it asap. Because we are to love Close Doors like Open Doors!

Open Doors are obvious blessings, they are your new opportunities, they are your Obvious blessings from God.

But Close Doors, are in my opinion, blessings in disguise, hidden blessings!

They are as important as Open Doors. Why?

Look at me, i am a LIVE example. Haha!

Alright,  i better get going and do some work, thus, i shall stop here, will leave it to you to enjoy the word of God by Pastor Joel!

p/s: I am thanking God everyday for closing doors for me. haha, and for not answering certain prayers of mine, for He knows whats best for me and thus He ignored the silly desires that i prayed for. Rem to count your blessings n appreciate your close doors! 

 http://www.itbn.org/index/detail/ec/w4NngwNTp7-H5QCKYOt7qyj_8g6v0_6W 

You Exist in my song

Hihi.

I would like to share some good music with you guys. Recently, i am very into soothing Jazz, Bossa Nova, Slow rock, Shanghai Jazz.

It depends on my mood, weather (yes! weather makes a diff too! haha, really!) and time (i dont like listening to fast tracks in the mornings).

I was listening to various Jazz and Bossa Nova singers singing old school chinese tunes like ye shang hai, qing mi ai ren. It is so sensual and soothing.

Then, i was on Youtube listening randomly to different songs of the similar genre. Then i found this singer – Qu Wan Ting. I wouldnt say she belongs to Jazz nor Bossa Nova, perhaps more Alternative/Pop.

Yes, she is on my current playlist (together with Joanna Wang)

She has this unique voice that captivates and captures my attention. To be honest, i do not usually download ALL the songs of 1 singer no matter how much i like the singer.

But her voice really impressed me and i went to get a whole list of her songs just for her voice, nvm if the tunes or lyrics are not to my liking.

Not bad.

Here is some info of her, courtesy of Wikipedia:

This is a Chinese name; the family name is Qu.

Wanting Qu (also known as Qu Wanting; Chinese 曲婉婷) (October 10, 1983 in Harbin, Heilongjiang) is a ChineseCanadian pianist, singer and songwriter based in Vancouver.[1] In 2009, she became the first Chinese artist to be signed to the Nettwerk label;[2] she is managed by Terry McBride.[3]

Both her English and Mandarin tracks are very nice, if i were to describe them in my way, i would say… They are like glasses of fresh chilled Orange Juice, which you would thirst for, in the sunny Singapore.

Haha!

Alright, I personally like these few tracks specially: Drenched, Everything in the World, Hideaway, You exist in my song

You may want to google / youtube Qu WanTing for other/ more songs performed by her.

Prior to Qu WanTing, there is this lady name Joanna Wang. Similar voice and also very outstanding, but i heard she isnt so into Pop music industry, and she left the pop industry. 😦
 I hope Qu WanTing will not disappear like Joanna Wang.

I dont know what has gotten into me, i am so into Oldies nowadays, Old Chinese Jazz, Old Canto/Mandarin Pop. I hope it is not the age thing. haha.

But these songs are so soothing, (like ice vanilla and OJ in the summer) how to resist!! I hope you will like what i shared 🙂

Recently, i took a leap of faith to try out SK2. Yes, i heard alot of rumours that SK2 might not be as gd as it sounds, i dont know because i have never use SK2 before. My frens whom used it told me that the moment u stop using, u will see the worse outbreak ever. I was lik…”really meh. omg”

So i decided to take the risk and try it out. I first used it ytd night and i will give myself anotehr 28 days or so to see the results. If is good, i will highly recommend here! 😀

I will be back to blog (like really sit down and write) soon.For now, i am off to the musical land, aww so soothing and dreamy! Music loves ❤

 

-Qu WanTing

-Qu WanTing

“There is a star shining on you
Star to believe
Star to reach
Star to a cheer
Star to dream of
Star to believe
Star to reach
Star to a cheer”
(lyris of Star in You)

 

-Joanna Wang


– Joanna Wang ,fantastic rendition of 償還. She made the song sound a little sad, a little sexy, a little angsty, while the original piece is very sad (by Teresa Teng).
 The ever awesome original as below, by Teresa Teng (i told u i am really into oldies)

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