Believe. Faith. Love. When they are alive, HE is alive.

Its been almost a year or 2 since i was mesmerized by you.

I mean, i knew you since young due to my Mummy, she loves you.

But i didnt know you are that talented till these 2 years.

Its a few days away from your 10th year death anniversary.

Almost all my friends know i adore you very much, but some are very puzzled and some are even disgusted by my obsession with you.

I have to say, i do not have idols in my life. 

Yes i would ogle at the handsome hunks like Louis Koo, Channing Tatum and Takaeshi.

I would say i love listening to Bruno Mars and Jacky Cheung.

I would say i like to watch Andy Lau or Hugh Grant.

But non of them makes me addicted. Just to add, all of them are straight handsome dudes.

I cant even believe that i cry over u, i mean, who are you?
I dont even know you (in real life)?!

I have my fair share of brushing shoulder with celebrities due to work but i have never met you.

If you are alive, you are even older than my mum.

You must be damn special to attract both ladies from 2 different era, i mean, please.
We falling for the same dude?
Cant believe it. haha.

I love to watch entertainment with talent, real talents.
I am not keen in the K pop scene because it is crappy to me (no offence Kpop fans but i really think the Kpop stars are very cool with their outlook and no doubt, they are a hardworking bunch. Just not my kind)

You possessed both talent and good looks.

Yet, there are artistes that possess those qualities, so what it is about you that keeps me so crazy about you?

I am still clueless, goodness.

I am crazy for Jesus Christ & my Mum.
Yes, you cant be compared to the 2 but i can safely say you are almost the top 5 in my list. Goodness.

Well, your songs are damn old school, i cant say i like them all. I am after all just in my 20s. I might not be able to appreciate all of the old school songs, but i can guarantee that i know and i love almost 80% of your songs.


I wonder to myself too, whats with me, and whats with you that drives me so crazy.

The, I realized that we share the same agony in life.

I suffered from Depression way back (since childhood till 2 yrs ago), i lost my self worth since young.
There was unhappiness in the family since a long way back.

Things did not turn out good for me during my teenage and i did alot of things i wouldnt want to do now, things that were wrong, i have met the wrong people, made the wrong decisions in life.

Depression is something that is uncontrollable for me at that time.

It wasnt something that i can control, i felt sad and i just felt like dying, i felt  like how you felt- i just want to lept to my death so that i can sleep well, at least for once.

In Asia, Depression was considered a ‘taboo’.
We were not so open to discuss about Depression, almost everyone is conservative towards mental illness.

10 years back when you committed suicide, people were even more conservative than now.
10 years ago, my unhappiness was already bottling up till approximately 2 years ago.

Along the way, people improve in their thinking and through alot of case studies, YOURS especially, more and more Asians are becoming receptive and accept the reality of  Depression and the related discussions about this mental illness.

It is no longer a big fuss nor taboo to alot of people though some ignorant ones still classify Depression as “Lunatic”.

Somehow, i feel that although it is unfair and depressing to say- but you died for a greater cause.

Through you- many ignorant people are more aware of the importance of mental health wellness.

As a person who suffered from Depression before, i totally understand how it feels to be so depressed.

You are someone that is loyal to anyone you love. That’s my character too. Yet, we were hurt by many that we  were loyal to. Sadness.

We both grew up in the same environment – broken family. We both made it and we survived through childhood and teenage.

We are both very mindful about what others say of us, we are constantly living to expectations of others (which is not healthy and i can say, i have since changed quite abit about this, but you died with this…. )

Those are a few pointers, just to name.

Of course, i do not have that much achievements as you do, my stress level is so much lesser than you. You are a legend while i am just a commoner.

I do not have zillion of fans and i have no legacy to begin with while there are people crying over you even 10 yrs after your departure.

But, i can feel you because somehow, i go through similar pain and i learnt alot from you (through your words, your interviews, your songs)

Your songs encourages me, your words motivated me.

It is just sad that they didnt do the same for you.

Last night i quarreled with my sister, i feel so low this morning till i re watch this concert of yours, my heart feel so much lighter.

Why do you have such impact on me, i am still bewildered.

Honestly, i learnt to stop judging Gays because of you. Well, obviously, it is because i like you, i started to accept gays.

The thing is, you and your partner have gained my respect. I used to think that only a straight r/s is worth fighting for until i know about you and your boyfriend. The way you guys supported each other through the low times and the way you both stick to each other for decades won me over.

This clip is exceptionally touching. I cried and cried after watching it.

I would say, not all normal and straight r/s can attain that level of love, at least not for all my past r/s. Ha.

For the 1st time, i respected a gay r/s. I learnt to stop judging.

I would like to emphasize –  i do not support Gay r/s (just in case people spam me again).

But good for me, i stop judging.

It is also because of you, i learnt to love myself more. To be honest, i always harbor suicidal thoughts till i meet God.
After i knew more about you, i actually am very afraid to die. I saw how many are sad over your death and i realized  that the ones that suffer are the people alive and not the one that is dead.

I might not have many people crying for me if i ever die, but i know my Mum and loved ones definitely will…
I do not want to die before my time because i love my family and yes i love myself now.

In order to love yourself, you have to be extremely confident about your existence, you have to know why you exist, you have to know you are God’s creation and you have to know there are purposes in life, you have a purpose to fulfill.

God taught me that i am His wonderful masterpiece. You assure me that, when you sang the song “我”. You guys see the lyrics HERE.
Honestly, i feel i am beautiful, because of you. Omg, crazy again.
But indeed, the way you taught how to behave like a woman because of your feminine nature, i learnt them from you!
You once said something along the line of “you need to be sexy, stylish, cool and smart etc” and i was impressed by how versatile you can present yourself.

The way you behaved and presented yourself is full of elegance and posh. I am so far from that, shame of me. But i am still learning! Hurhur.
Yah, i learnt from the interviews (of your old friends and co workers) that you planned every move and expression for your concerts.
Maybe thats why you got me captivated by all your concerts and i can never have enough even after watching them so many times.

Not to mention the amount of Charity works you do. You gain my admiration for that.

The countless trophies and awards you gotten, including being 3rd for the World’s Music Icon award (Michael Jackson got First for that)..
I cant understand why are you so capable and perfect and why would you feel lousy about yourself? Thats the biggest question mark in me but also through this, i learnt to be thankful.
I am thankful that i can contribute to my family and some needy friends even though there will be no trophies for me.
I am thankful i am born to be capable in my small little ways :p

There might be other reasons (which i have not discover) to why i like you so much.  Shrugs.

It is rather creepy why i feel so close to you, like you are a brother, a father, or even a bf (errr).

But i would like to thank you for making that connection with me (eerie).

Oh yah, i enjoy your movies too.

I wanted to just post your concert clip here and i didnt want to write SO MUCH in this post, and up till this point, i am still very surprised why did i write so much about you in this post.

Readers, If you do not know Leslie (which i doubt), you may wana watch the clip i posted. If you are still puzzled by why i love him so much, you may also check out the clip, you will be amazed by his performance.

Lemme dedicate this post to you Leslie, its been 10 years but

You will be remembered forever.

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