I have nothing much to update actually, this week is a boring week. I have been feeling extremely tired this week because i am having insomnia.
Crap, thought it is gone forever, didnt expect it to be back so soon.
But i am not depressed, i am just insomniac. My body seems to be missing that one week of late nights and prolly that is why.
Old Picture taken before my face was swollen. Sigh i miss my good skin.
I didnt really want to start writing since i have nothing much to share but i reckon i might as well.
Speaking of “MIGHT AS WELL”.. I really wish to tell alot of my friends, or even people whom i do not know-but who are reading this space…that…. IT IS MIGHT AS WELL and NOT “MYSELF”!
Ok, i dont make sense above but check out the following sentences and you will know what i mean.
Gal A: If you are getting this, MYSELF you get that as well?
Guy C: hello Miss, if you want to go that direction, you MYSELF turn the other way since it is nearer?
See anything wrong with the above sentences? They just dont make sense dont they?
Try pronouncing the words and reading the sentences.
It is like… why are you SOFA KING stupid?
Ok, pardon the french, i dont mean it. It was meant to be an example. Duhzzz.
So, there were already so many friends that made the same mistake and i was too embarrassed to tell them.
I know my English isnt fantastic, but this mistake is abit OVERBOARD please, i dont even know what is going through their mind when they type that out! (YES! GF WAS SAYING THAT IF THEY PRONOUNCE IT THE WAY IT IS, IT IS ALREADY BAD ENOUGH. TYPING THAT OUT IS UNFORGIVABLE PLEASE! I mean, who would type “myself” out of nowhere, in the middle of a sentence when it is not relevant to the sentence, and when it is not even linking another word or making sense in the sentence?????)
Ok, get it once and for all, it is MIGHT AS WELL.
It is very common sense and simple mah, isnt it? -_-
When i was young, i also pondered why isit call “myself”, i used my puny brain and thought about it, went to ask a teacher and got her to confirm my answer and all. I know it is like super weird or boliao (senseless and meaningless) lah but at least i use my brain right.
And i got the right spelling and i am using the right word since 8. If not… it would be embarrassing to commit sucha awkward mistake lah!
This is supposed to be very random, i was just talking about this with GF last night and thus i decided to blog about it. No offence to anyone!!!
missmissesmissesssss my goodoldskin! 😦
Anyway, another thing that i thought of mentioning but hesitated to do so is that…
Ok, how do i put it…..
It is awkward to call this person my Ex boyfriend but he indeed was my boyfriend. But it was like 10 years ago.
Puppy love you say, but we shared more than just puppy love. (quite personal, so i dont think i should pour all the details)
But whatever it is, we were tog and alot of shit happened then.
I used to put up with his nonsense of abuses (verbal and physical. but he is nowhere near my last ex Adrian) and of course, i wasnt perfect also.
But i never believe that a guy should verbally or physically abuse any woman and after my worst experience last 2011, i am never so sure that i will never never put up with an abusive r/s or person ever.
So this Ex added me in FB and we kinda got back in contact and it was awkward at first because i cant imagine us talking again, it has been 10 years and i was really hurt by this person back then.
To make matter worse, he initiated break up every other day back then. Seriously, i was crazy to even stay for that 1 year with him.
I told him all these when we were talking days ago and he acknowledged. SO, I AM NOT BADMOUTHING HIM BEHIND HIS BACK.
I aint sure if he reads this space but at least i am not saying behind his back as whatever i said here, i meant it and i said in his face too.
Of cos, it kinda surprised me that he is talking to me as if nothing happened before when so much so much shits happened back then. Thus i brought the past up, not to blame, but to seek a closure. I cant pretend ntg happened before actually. Yah.
I apologized for the part of me being a very insensible and not good enough gf too, but more of me was thinking “why am i talking to such a jerk? didnt i wish him to die back then?”
There was a struggle inside me, that i admit. I was struggling if i should forgive, if i should even reply his messages.
Gf was saying that if it was me a few years ago, i would hv shouted vulgarities at him already.
But actually, i wudnt. I most likely will just ignore. (i did that to a few jerks so i am quite sure thats my reaction usually haha)
But something in me tell me to forgive and just let it go.
Honestly, the torments and hurts is still very fresh in my heart and mind. The scar he caused, is still on my left eye and it will never go because i had 4 (or was it 6) stitches for the deep wound.
But i dont know why i feel weak inside me to be angry with him.
Now, i dont and i never habour the hope of getting back together. It is just Impossible.
So i reckon i have really changed quite abit in terms of accepting someone who had let me down. I do not know if i should thank God for that, but all i know is that i am doing it for God – solely Jesus. I want to be like Him, i am trying.
Because i prayed and i asked “God, why do u make me so weak, why should i be talking to someone lidat? He hurt me badly and why should i talk to him or even think of helping him if he ever needs help?”
I didnt really hear from God but i know there is a peaceful feeling in me. (but i still question myself sometime if it is worth my time talking to someone that hurt me so much before)
So, yah, he apologized too and to be honest, i actually wish that he is well, despite the fact that he told me about the ‘Karma’ that happened to him.
And i actually do not want him to feel guilty towards me….
and then i wonder if i ever will talk to someone more terrible like my last ex bf. ever.
Honestly, i didnt and i WILL NEVER expect or imagine him saying sorry or even feeling sorry. I will NEVER.
But if ever people (like him) who hurt me, needs help from me or anything, would i be bothered (in future)?
Anw, then i hear this ex (who added me in fb recently) telling me his Mum and him think that i am not so bad a person afterall, i am still quite ok as a gf.
I wanted to say “why didnt you guys realise it sooner?”
But i didnt.
Because recalling the past, as much as i am not very bad a person, i am still not considered as a good gf. I wish i can be better.
Of cos, i do not know if he really mean it. I mean, i am not trying to be skeptical towards him, i am trying my best not to judge him based on 10 years ago but it is not so easy huh?
We can forgive, but we can never forget. So i am also trying my best to be neutral and treat him like someone i just got to know.
Errr, this is so weird to end, but i just want to say, it is actually not that hard to forgive and maybe i am born so kind (LOL! OMG PLEASE) but i guess time really does washes the wounds clean.
For me, it is God who allow that compassion in me. Hmm..
Yah. Weird, i am ending it here.
A picture for you to ease the awkwardness. I forgot to post this the other time. A sweet greeting from RBC for my bday 😛
Ok anw, i am so tired because it is the ‘time of the month’ again and i chatted with GF till wee hours.
Gymming later with Se7en and i am so so dreading because of the heavy flow of…
But i am looking forward to Gymming since last week 😦 So prolly i will try my best to make it. I havent been exercising last week so i cant slack off this week right? 😦
Ok i gtg. I cant wait to celebrate Mothers Day with Mummy and Aunt and sis this Sunday. Yes, it did burnt a hole in my pocket but i guess Mummy is worth aplenty. As for Aunt, i will treat her as my mum too since she has no kids and she has us 🙂
I pray Mummy will recover soon thou, from her giddiness 😦
Last but not least, i really pray for God for alot of Grace and Wisdom. I need to really start on my plannings already and i am excited, yet i am fearful. Thus i pray for courage. Like what Pastor Kong says…never pray for fear to be gone. Instead, pray for courage to be as much or more than fear! 🙂
Speaking of which, i pray for Pastor Kong, Sun and Eng Han (and the others who were alleged) I believe God has a plan for them and the church and the innocent will prevail in HIS WAY. Glory to Yaweh~
Ok. Have a good weekend you people, i will be right back!