I need help.
Archive for August, 2013
Something Big is coming. Ok, it is not exactly big to others but to me, it is really HUGE.
I am both excited and scared.
Please be kind and pray for me!
This is the …wait, i lost count. I really lost count of how many days have i not slept.
Its been around 2 weeks since my insomnia started, coincidentally, it started together with the Chinese ghost month 7th Month. But ney, i dont really believe it is……….. till i started hearing noises, experiencing weird shit.
But whatever it is, He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world.
I doubted God and i apologised and trust Him again. I feel so sorry for my poor body and my brain is fried, my eyes are sore, my body is very weak.
Will tonight be a better night for me? Can i sleep tonight?
I am currently busy, super lack of sleep and kinda sick. Too much to handle currently and thus i wont be blogging anytime soon. Really feel so sorry to my blog and the tiny pool of readers. I will try my best to come back soon.
Meanwhile, the song above for myself and you!
Ephesians 2:10 ESV
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
I recently went to get my fringe trimmed. Boring me has officially return to having “bangs” again. Yeap. Boring.
I wanted so much to persist on having long and flowy fringe like my GF but i couldnt take it no more. The fringe is getting on my nerves by getting into my eye all the time.
It was kinda random because i just walked into a Shunji Matsuo after my workout at the Gym and requested for Bangs. I hope i look better now. GF said that i look like a kid but really, i wish i do. But ney, i dont think so.
All along, fringe always has the higher votes, but who cares right, i gotta like what i see in the mirror and not accommodating to what others like. I used to keep my fringe long just because my ex bfs prefer that to “bangs”. All the while in the past, i was pleasing others. But honestly, if a person is gona love me any lesser just because of my hair, then he can go love others. I dont need such love. But of course, i dont mean anyone must love my dirty hair if i never wash for weeks la.
Ok anyway, i love this bangs now. No matter who say what.
Nothing much over the past 2 weeks. The usual, i hit the gym, stay home for movie marathon (alone and with Mummy), hang out with gf, played with babies, went church.
Frankly, i still go to church despite whatever is happening and despite the uneasiness in me. Thus i was hoping that the msg i receive can be pure. Last week’s msg was good and i did alot of reflection on myself as well. But honestly, it will be better if there wasnt so much hidden implications. I mean, it is a personal feeling, sorry if i wronged anyone but i love Dr Robi. I just wish that at certain point of time, there wasnt so much awkward hints of personal attacks without mentioning of names. I wish there wasnt so much clapping and cheering for the wrong reason.
Watched so much movies that i really cant remember how many. Haha! But i think the 1 that left a deep impression on me was Unfaithful.
I used to avoid watching some shows and betrayals/ adultery-related is def 1 of them. I guess it was due to an old scar in me. But well, everyone has to recover somehow or rather and so i did. The show was a long one, by Richard Gere and the beautiful Diane Lane. It is so rich with emotions and very realistic. But somehow, i can relate to how the characters feel in the show. Still, i was cursing the wife because she hurt the husband so deeply while indulging in her sexual desires.
Anyway, i took some pictures while trying some clothes. Guess which 1s did i buy?
I love them all though.
Like usual, i did not edit nor photoshop the pictures. I did filtered them though. I would also want to keep a record of how the body looks as time passes while i continue with my exercises.
The fact is that nothing much is shed, i am still not a Size 0. Oh please, i am not even a size 4. I am a size 8 to 10 and very occasionally 6 for certain brands.
But really, i am feeling better of myself now than 6mths ago because although not solid fit as in FIT, i am not as flabby as before. Especially my arms, and i believe my legs are slowly but surely becoming tougher.
It feels better no matter what i am decking on my body now, at least i know it is not on a pile of soft flabs. HAHA!
Some commented the clothes i wore above look disastrous on me, while my collgeaue just told me 1 min ago that she feels i have been exercising wrongly because she feels i still look ‘fat’ wor.
Ok, to say i am not offended by either is gona be so fake, i am affected but trust me, it is only to a certain extent.
In the past, i would be so affected till i feel inferior of myself, till i doubt myself, till i feel so scared whenever i head out. I would feel terrible and i would ask myself why are people looking at me.
Really, i dont want to swear but trust me. Things are different now.
Look, my colleague is alot bigger than me and sometimes i really doubt her agenda of saying mean things to me. Of course, i am giving her the benefit of doubt too. She might really want the best for me but i dont think i should listen to someone that eats and eats and goes on diet pills. She doesnt exercise at all, and thus why should i be listening to her?
It doesnt help when i caught her staring at my new clothes. my body and my hair. It is super creepy because i caught her doing that while my back was facing her. Why would i know – you asked. I have a mirror infront of me and her expressions was reflected – crystal clear. Scary much.
Honestly, i am not a confident person which many thought i am. I have been through alot of things and along the experiences i have, i build myself up slowly and i am still not 100% as confident as you might think i am. But i am thankful i started somewhere, since i dont know where.
If you are a inferior person, I hope you can too, Look, you gotta start somewhere and you gotta do something about it. I am tired of wallowing in self pity and self blame. Arent you?
I know it is tough but slowly, surely. Remember that nobody is confident from birth. Sometimes i confuse myself too. Sometimes i mix up humility with inferiority. It is tough for me as i always thought that being humble is good but sometimes i tend to be too humble for my own good and it turns into ugly inferiority. It is really hard, and i m still figuring which is which. Dont ask me why because i do not know how to explain, it is just me.
But really, trust me, not everyone views you as how badly you view yourself. If you know you are doing the right thing and you know the right thing you do can produce right result, What does it matter if who say what?
For eg. my colleague. She is always saying i am fat when she is so much bigger than me, when she just eats and does not exercise. I and probably the whole world knows that, exercising will be a long term beneficial plan than diet pills and supplements. I and probably the whole world knows that i will look more freshened up, my muscles will look so much nicer and i will look toner than before.
Does what she says actually matters?
It really doesnt matter what others say.
Because not everyone is gona like what u say what u do what u talk abt what u wear what u watch whatever.
Some might just be jealous, some are just opinionated and the others are jus genuinely not liking you.
What matters is, do u like yourself?
Do u like what u say/do/watch/wear or eat? If u do, that settles it.
If u trust ur own judgment and preference, that settles it.
Nobody feels gd abt u if u cant even feel good about urself.
Check that mirror and see wonderful image and let those critics go on, they cant see a bigger picture.
This is just an example i would want to share with you. Sorry if my example isnt great enough but really, because i go through criticism like you do, and this is so real and instant (happened about 1 min ago), i just have to quote this example.
Alot of others doubt me too, saying i am not spiritual enough. But really, i do not have to account to anyone about my spiritual being, i know it is enough as long as i account myself to God. Some others quote bible verses and some others preach alot but i really dont see them walk the talk anyways. So, what you see might not be what is real anyway.
What i am trying to say here is, as long as you have a clear conscience of what is right, and you are not guilty of doing the wrong thing, who cares abt what they say?
Beauty is subjective, you can be Jessica Alba and there will still be people saying you are ugly. Thus lets not even touch on that. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Confidence is Beauty but Arrogance is not, neither is Inferiority. I am very much aware of this thus i am reminding myself constantly.
I hope you too, keep that in mind.
It is definitely not easy for me to type these out because now and then i struggle with insecurity. It was just weeks ago that i cried out to Mel about my chest problem (i will leave it private and talk more about it next time)
It was just days ago i keep feeling bloated and fat.
But it is also God’s way of showing me that, hey, Jennifer Lawrence is so gorgeous and her body is so hot despite not being a size 0 or 6. She isnt your typical bombshell nor Kate Moss but boy, her body is so hot. (and she is weighing above 60kg fyi)
Yeap, i watched the Silver Linings Playbook over the long weekend. Haha.
It is also God’s way of showing me that alot of people only talk the talk and not walk the talk when situations arise. That certain person who preaches alot is now missing in action.
I shant judge but yeap, alot of times it is like that.
Not many might know about your struggles and your credits for doing well, but you know, God knows. Sometimes it is enough.
Before i end this post, here is wishing everyone that God show u (including me pls) how much potential you have, and how beautiful you are and for those tt are too arrogant, may God shows you defeat so you practice humility.
In my opinion, Leslie Cheung has to be the most beautiful Man in Asia besides Takaeshi Kaneshiro.
Given the fact that Leslie Cheung is all natural, he wins Kaneshiro of course! (the latter had plastic)
But even Leslie himself was being insulted as ‘ugly Gay’. *Roll eyes- since when sexual preference has to do with looks right
Ryan Gosling, almost the next perfect thing in Hollywood, was just criticized by my friend this morning of being ugly. I mean, who the crap will say that?!
Now i really hope you see the picture, nobody will earn the liking of everyone. Not even Ryan Gosling nor Leslie Cheung.
I wish i can write more but i gotta go, i promise more for next time round! 🙂 Meanwhile be blessed and browse my random pictures. :p
Pigeons around my house, lazy to even move when i am near.
Woo! Mum and my treats for the PH eve.
The Pink 1 was really very attractive, even more attractive after you open the packaging.
Taste good too!
A song i long forgotten if not for the movie. My fav~
Stevie Wonder – Don’t you worry bout a thing
Today Vshares on the very famous House of Seafood.
Again, i would like to emphasize that none of my sharing are paid nor sponsored unless stated.
Because i paid for them and thus i am totally honest about what i paid for and how i feel towards the services/products.
Of course, that is if you trust that i have the integrity to write with my utmost honesty.
If i am lucky enough, sometimes i get more than what i pay for. But on some other occasions, we just have to take in our stride that we will not enjoy value for money services and products all the time.
By now, you would have already guessed that i have much complaints to make about House of Seafood. But honestly, i hope i wouldnt have to. I really enjoy writing good things than bad. But unfortunately, i cant really write much good stuff this time.
Anyway, i will keep it really short and pray that this will not be a lengthy post. I shall just emphasize on the few important points and that’s it.
Vshares on House of Seafood (Joo Chiat Branch)
Category: Food (Seafood/ Zi Char)
Value for $: V
Level of service: VV
Will i recommend to my friend: No
Went for the crabs and other famous dishes as recommended by my colleague. It was a much raved about eating place and i thought it would be nice to bring Mum for her Birthie. Actually my heart still aches as i am typing because of the steep price i paid over there.
i am fine with paying that amount if only the food tastes much better. Sorry but i am gona b honest and blunt about my dis-satisfaction there.
We did not know it is so way inside Joo Chiat road, and thus we have to walk a long distance after alighting outside Joo Chiat Complex. I am fine with the distance but not for my Mum and Granny. I would take a cab if i know that it is so far away from the bus stop.
Along the road, you will probably see some indecent pubs/ ktv bars with some women in sleazy scantily clothes. Needless to say, tons of dirty old (and young) men. I hope this isnt enough to turn you off yet as there are more to come. Just kidding, not that terrible.
Upon reaching, we were directed to the 2nd level of the place. If you are keen to try out House of Seafood, please go ahead to their website and check out other branches instead of this Joo Chiat’s branch. Unless you have a car, or you are taking cab over, the location of this branch is really not accessible and causes much inconvenience.
The waitress that came over to take our order is quite friendly but she tried way too hard to sell us the expensive menus. We ordered 1 Medium crab (as what she suggested, that weighs around 1,6kg) and 1 small crab (that weighs around 1.4kg). Honestly, i do not know how heavy should the crabs be, for 5 pax. Thus i left it to her to help us decide.
The side dishes are
1 medium Scallop stir fry Broccoli
My Aunt loves Broccoli and according to her, they used the Broccoli from China which is not as nice as the ones from US.
The difference between the 2 is that, the latter is softer and not so ‘raw’ and hard when you nibble on it.
The scallops are ok, not really fresh but still acceptable.
The picture above was taken before we touch the veg and this small plate of Medium Broccoli costs $24.
I remember the cost for this because i remember that it is really not worth $24, the quantity is really pathetic
(not that the quality make up for it)
1 Small Coffee Pork Ribs.
Supposed to be 1 of their signature dishes.
I guess it is up to individual, it tastes really average to me.
The meat is really tough and i do nt like it.
Of course, this isnt a dish for the elderly either.
i wouldnt recommend this dish for sure and in my opinion, it does not deserves the “Chef recommended” status.
1 Small Honey Chicken.
This dish is ok to me, it tastes alright. Just a tad too salty.
For those that love heavier taste like myself, you will like it.
It is also quite sweet as there is honey in it but the meat is once again, too tough.
We feel that the dish is not fresh at all and the chicken joints might be frozen to death before being cooked.
1 Yam Ring (standard size)
I have never liked Yam and will prolly never like it. However, to my surprise, this might be the best of the rest.
I like how crispy it is prepared, and how the nuts, prawns and other ingredients are flowing from the ring.
They tasted fresh too.
If there is a dish i can recommend (out of the many dishes we had), it will be this.
and 4 plain rice + 1 small plate of Fry Bee Hoon (for 1 pax) The Bee Hoon is nice, not your usual dry and tasteless bee hoon from the zi char stalls.
And of course, how can we not mention about the crabs? They are what the restaurant is famous for isnt it?
There you go, their famous Crab. We ordered the Chili crab only to regret that it is not spicy. It lacks the spicy and ooze factor and thus it is a big disappointment. The meat is fat and juicy though but it comes with a huge price. The claws are enormous and honestly, too big and too much for us. Well, i shouldnt have listened to the lady and let her decide on our order, i mean, obviously it is a scam. Sorry to say that but do you know how much is this huge juicy crab? It costs us $87. Thank you but it is so not worth it.
I can get a nicer crab this size at Melben’s for $60.
And as if the Chili Crab isnt enough to turn us off, here comes the smaller Butter Crab. This butter crab taste nothing like butter crab to me as it is so crazily sweet. It is more like Caramel Crab instead. I am not sure about you but because some like their butter crab sweet, if you do, then probably you will like this. But not for me. It taste horrible to me as it is way too sweet. I prefer Melben’s as their Butter crab is really buttery and creamy, there is also a slight tinge of sweetness despite the buttery taste. Also, this small tiny butter crab costs $60+ (sorry, i remembered wrongly, $48 was per kg, I wrote $48 earlier on and i realised i made a mistake!) A price which i can pay at Melben’s and be satisfied about.
Although i know the Melben’s owner (TPY) and though we (churchmates) often visits the one at Opal Crescent because of friendship and etc. I am definitely honest about how i feel about the food. I will not be bias and write anything that is to their advantage just because we know each other.
To me, if the food that my friend cook isnt that great, i rather not write than writing fake opinions. But blessed i am, Melben never fails to satisfy.
As for House of Seafood, it is disappointing and the Pricing$ just does not justify. I really regret leaving the choice to be made by the waitress. I was totally being treated like a foreigner, being ripped off a total of $330 over at House of Seafood.
YES YOU READ IT CORRECTLY. IT IS $330 for those dishes you see above.
All i can say is, there is ZERO possibility that i will go back to House of Seafood, not even the other branches.
I dont mind paying that amount but really, not for the quality and quantity i get over at House of Seafood.
It is finally the eve of 2 PH that is connected to the weekends! Wee!!! I really cant wait for 6pm to come, the start of my long weekend~ I want nothing but my bed. Thanks.
Anyway, this post is a little late. My Mum’s bday was yesterday and the celebrations we had was sometime back.
Firstly, i really want to say i am sorry, for being so harsh on Mum on days she couldnt express herself properly, on days she refused to listen to me, on days which i feel lousy. I am so sorry that she has to put up with me constantly. Frankly, she show me how unconditional her love is and in order to love unconditionally, 1 has to ACCEPT – accepting whatever lousy characteristic and habits of the loved one.
I always say i love her unconditionally, but Love is patient and i am not even patient towards her, whenever she do something that doesnt pleases me, i get pissed. I am terrible. I am terribly guilty. 😦
I have to remind myself daily that i will not scream nor shout at her anymore (despite situations), and i will always give in to her because she is getting old and she might not be as alert as before and that i ought to (REALLY OUGHT TO) be very patient with her.
I know i cant do it, i seek for prayers and i am praying that i am able to love her unconditionally like how she loves me, thru Christ.
So, even though Mummy might not be able to read this part, i still feel better writing it out because i do not want to portray that perfect daughter image but in actual fact, i am actually far from being perfect.
Having said that, even though i might not like Mummy all the time, i Love her always.
Thank you God, for giving me sucha nice, strong and loving Mummy. I really thank You for her. I thank my Mum for being so strong, so loving, towards me and my sis. Thank u Mummy that you have never thought of leaving us nor giving us up ever since the day Dad let us down. Thank you for your love Mummy, your love is very strong.
Anyway, 6th of August is the day my Superwoman’s birthday. We celebrated the week before at MBS for a weekend staycation.
The hotel is really overcrowded and all weekends are fully booked till next year. I tried asking a few friends that are connected to the place but all of them told me that the hotel is fully booked for weekends. I was rather disappointed.
However, thanks to my wonderful pretty lovely cutesy GF, i managed to get a room! HAHA. It was on a Sunday though, thus sis and i have to take leave on Monday. Doesnt matter because Mum secretly wishes to stay at MBS for sometime. But i do know that all she ask for is peace in the family and us to be safe. She is not someone that will desires or lusts for luxury.
So we checked in on Sun, GF and Chris bought a Birthday Fruit Tart (big enough for 6 pax) and we did the usual lah, singing and clapping along with the Birthday song.
After Chris and GF left, Aunt (yes we invited Aunt too!) Mum, sis and i went up to the Skypark and took some pictures, walked around the boring shopping mall and had dinner.
We were quite lethargic actually.
I guess there is nothing to be unhappy about with the service of MBS. You guys ‘know’ i am quite a fussy person when it comes to Service (even though i do not admit to that, lol)
But really, we do not need to comment much on MBS’s services. I am saying this not because it is a huge name nor because it is ‘branded’.
Even the food of their ‘affordable and casual’ class of bistro possesses restaurants’ standards. A must try is the ‘Ayam Penyet’ at A Taste of Nanyang. It is affordable, costing less than $10 a plate. We did not try any fine dining because Mum is definitely not into that. Knowing her, she will reprimand us for spending a bomb for something so little and knowing her, she rather have local delights. :s
So anyway, if you are not intending to spend alot since the room alraedy costs quite a bit, try out A Taste of Nanyang on level B1. If not, you may also try ordering the food from the room. I had Fish and Chips and it is okok, cant really remember the price for that but price is approx $20 for Wanton Mee, Never get to try the raved about Fine dinings there, perhaps another time.
Mum watched her tv prog on channel 8 and Sis and i strolled around the mall to digest the food in us. We popped into 7-11 and ended up buying more snacks. LOL.
Went back to the room with lotsa food and we spent the night chatting away with FOOD. Mum was feeling tired and she slept before we did. On the next day, Sis and i went pool dipping and camwhored like crazy. Then we checkout and brought Mum to lunch.
I was feeling so CRAZILY TIRED pls. I always feel tired whenever i stay in hotels because i can never sleep well outside, i cant even slp well on my own beloved bed, not to say other beds. No expensive beds can make me crash immediately. Sis then went to the hospital for her check up , Mum and i went home after lunch.
Mum was happy although she keep nagging at us for the surprise as she hates surprises because she will want to prepare this prepare that for event like that. I also do not know what is there to prepare. LOL.
On 3rd Aug, we went to House of Seafood for her 2nd celebration. This time round, we included Aunt as well as Granny. The place was raved like crazy by my colleague and online but OH please, listen to me, DONT GO. DONT EVEN TRY. I will do a Vshare on House of Seafood in my next post so i wont spoil this Bday post.
Yesterday was the actual day of Mum’s hatchy. I intended to bring her out for dinner again but sadly, i kinda lost my temper on her in e morning. I want to kill myself! :s
She was asking me for advices for some work related issues which i hope i wont get to write it here because if i do, it will be a bad and big thing then. But i was pissed when she refused to listen nor believes. I hate it whenever i am asked YET doubted at the same time. It is very frustrating.
Thus the morning was not very good for us. Things got better in the evening and we went for dinner downstairs my house. I bought durians for her as she was craving madly for durians. We finished 2 boxes of durians (that is a total of 3 med size durians and 4 small durians) on the night itself. Thankyouverymuch and FML. I probably will cry when i see the weighing machine this Thurs.
So, her Bday ended with a prayer from me. My sis is still at Taiwan so she sent back her wishes and we are waiting for her to be back on Thurs.
Well, i do not know how to end this post so i shall end it with a simple prayer for my dearest Mummy, do pray for her as well ok?
May the Lord bless her with His presence for His presence is nothing but the best we can ever ask for.
His presence heals and He brings joy and peace.
May He shower all His love and blessing on my Mummy, may Jesus bless her with Longevity and safety daily.