Believe. Faith. Love. When they are alive, HE is alive.

Archive for November, 2013

28/11/13 112am

So, i guess FB is the most accurate medium to announce official stuffs nowadays. You guys probably knew it since last night.
To be honest, i am still not very used to not being alone, still not  very used to calling someone baby, still not used to mention the word “BF”.
But someone crept silently into my life recently and ….

vj

Who would have imagined, after 2 years of AWESOME lonesome, i am back in the trap again. Like what i told him, IT IS A TRAP!
If you know me, you would have known how much i am against the idea of committing to someone/ a relationship (ever since my last abusive r/s)
But of course, i werent like that all along, i was a hopeless believer of fairytales. Then, those fairytales turn out to be nightmares, ofml.

Anyway, long story short, as much as i am still VERY skeptical (about r/s matters), Mr John Lim managed to make me (want to) explore the possibility of getting happiness out of our new status.

Of cos, everyone wants happy ending. Who wouldnt. But i cant guarantee anything nor confirm anything about him, about me or about us for now.
Quoting him- even though he isnt sure if im the one for him, he hopes that i am.
That’s mutual, that’s what i hope for too, thus we do hope something good will work out for us.

And if that happens, i will blog about the story of how we met and blahblahblah (if you are kaypo enough to wait)
If no magic happens, forget it lah! HAHA

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Really do not know what the future holds, really really am afraid and skeptical, but till date, i still wana thank you John, for being my early Xmas pressie, thank you for being nice, thank you for being super duper smart so i can learn alot from you (but sorry, i am still not agreeing with your political views) thank  you for making me lol with  your arrogance though i seriously duno hw to reply u at times, thank you for loving me for who i am (errr hopefully you do becos i added this in myself) and thank you for your love (till date u r still doing ok )

To all the friends that messaged me privately, thank you. Especially Regine. Thank you  for talking to me,  i appreciate your encouragements and kind words very very much.
Thank you gf, you are still my pillar and will always be.
Thank you sincere friends who wished me (or us) well, lets chill and see what happens.
Thank you, ex bfs and haters who gave weird and negative opinions, at least you bothered to.

This post is for you John, u better dont say i never blog about u because u matter to me and it is not playplay k.

p/s God, Your Will to be done. Always.

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What is inside me?

IMG_20131124_12Hi.

I haven’t been blogging seriously for some time. There are no excuses but i was just not in the mood to do it.

I would love to say that there are some new happenings in my life. But really, i duno if there are stuffs happening too.
Forget it, i dont know how to make this clear too.

So, work is really in a mediocre state till i have nothing much to say. It is really JUST about the money money money. Kaching!

Recently, i realize that i am sicker. Sick of pretending, sick of wanting this and that to happen, sick of being sucha perfectionist, sick of working out (which i usually love), sick of sleeping and sick of not being able to sleep, sick of eating (fml please. food leh), sick of heading out, sick of staying home, sick of this sick of that.

Why am i like that?

Whenever i feel this way, it is time for me to take up more challenging stuffs, like serving a new ministry, start a new hobby, learn something new. Perhaps i have been really lazy and nuar for the longest time of my life and thus for now, i really cant stay in a stagnant state.
Many ask me to find a new job since i am suffering here everyday, but easier said than done. We all know it.
A new job means interacting with new people, adapting new working environment, learning new stuff, handling new office politics and etc.
Plus, how would i know if i will be paid better and all? (fml for wanting this comfort zone)

But, isnt that what i want? New challenges?!

Many say maybe it is time for me to start dating again. Actually i didn’t really stay home as a nun. I mean, i still talk to new people now and then but am too jaded to start trusting, start loving and in short, i am sick of having a r/s.  I am sure my reasons are justifiable, who would be keen to start risking the heart being hurt and cheated again after all the shit i went through 2 years ago? (oh and that excludes shits i went tru before 2years ago)

But, isnt that what i want? New challenges?

Many say i should start doing something more, maybe head out, know new people or learn a new language. But frankly, i am too tired for all that.
I guess i just need a break. Like a long hiatus, like a getaway. But where is the time, the energy, the money and the companion?

I have no more leave to take because i have used them up due to my health issues, i have not enough money for a long Europe trip (please, i dun wan a 3days 2nights getaway), i have almost no friends to go with. I sounded so pathetic. FML.

But it is true. As i aged, the friends who were once very close to me are al married and busy with making babies, the money is put to other good use and a large part of it went to my personal plan, the time i have is left for work and exercises, the little amount of time i have left is also used to make myself sleepy so i can sleep.

Yep, the health issue is not getting better although i have been trying and i found myself trembling and shaking just this morning. This is crazy.
Slept at 940pm, woke up at 2am, went back to sleep at 3am, woke up at 6am and went back to sleep at 7am. Finally woke up at 8am and feeling out of breath.
I light a cigarette and tried to smoke all these nonsensical worries away, but i cant even hold the stick properly. Terrible.

Then my good friend told me i am not determined and i do not have the willpower to overcome my own sickness. Thank you very much.
I seriously duno what else can i do to make myself recover from this crap.

If working my way to be better, to do healthy stuffs, to be a better person, isnt “helping myself”, what is?
If seeing the doc monthly, increasing dosages, spending useless $ hearing the doc say that i need time and each time i visit her, all i was told was i need more time and patience  to recover….

Time. I do not know how much time i have. No. i am not suffering from terminal illness, if i am blessed enough (i am in Christ name) i should be able to have lots more time on earth. But what i mean is, age is catching up, i still do not feel that i have achieved much in life.
Look, what have i achieve?
Probably i am earning more than the past, but i am unhappy everyday, dreading my feet to Tg Pagar at 8am.
Probably i am alot more healthier than the past, but i am still on medication.
Probably i am happier, but when can i finally feel that “yes, this is the time of my life. i am truly happy and stable”

Ok, this post might be alittle negative, forgive me. I wk up feeling like crap. I nida rant. Maybe this is what they call- mid life crisis (mid life????)
Ok, perhaps it is just the late twenties crisis. Maybe it is peer pressure and seeing my peers far ahead of me can be quite taxing sometimes.

I talk alot this time about how i really feel inside me for the longest time. I rarely do this yea. So this post isnt about some updates of what i did, where i went and who i met. It is more of a real update of how i feel.

But it is all talk lah. Back to reality, i still have to face all the shits, i still have a meeting on Friday for my plan (really, i have kinda lost the motivation to do what i planned, but i have already commited myself to it, giving it up now really just show how loserish i am) i still have to face TONS of backstabbers at work, i still have to face the problem i created myself, i still have to try to sleep, i still have to work out, i still have to try to eat properly (only because i promised John) i still have to ….ARGH, i have to live.

Yah, Life is simple, it is just not easy. And i should stop whining. Sometimes, dont you just wish that Life comes with instructions?
For example, a guide book. You flip to page 1 for Monday and 2 for Tuesday and etc, then follow what God wants us to do and where God wants us to go, meet people God wants us to meet and etc.

Ok i am sounding a little naive and unattractive already. Better stop here.

Shall upload pics and tts it, i am not writing anymore. Feel like resting the poor brain that hasnt been resting for almost a week.

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Went to gf’s crib recently after doctor’s appointment. Had fun with Kinect and babies, of cos, with gf too! 😀
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Met up with Alan and John recently.

IMG_20131116_2Some dude- Alan’s fren

IMG_20131116_3Ah Zai

IMG_20131116_4seriously, i really don’t know her. I dont even know if i can call her Alan’s fren.
Her name is Apple Gao, btw.

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IMG_20131116_6I know i really bring joy, but need to be so happy not?

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IMG_20131116_10i nida explain this. Look, i am not leaning on John ok, it was er….awkward.
Because errr Apple was lik….wanting to be closer to Alan and Alan doesnt seem lik he like it and so i kinda push her to him and aiya. 
Sua, i duno what to say.

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IMG_20131116_13Yah, trophy for Singaporeans. 
Mandatory shot when u have it, Krispy Kreme.

IMG_20131118_1Everyday, my eyes are lidat, i can never open them.

IMG_20131122_1Random. Trying dresses for Christmas, got more later. HAHA

IMG_20131123_1Gf day. Thanks to her and Chris, we went to….

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AMEI Special Showcase for the MBS Vips.
Pardon the blurry pictures, samsung S3 really..you know la.

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IMG_20131123_233048And this is my dinner with my gf after the concert, i was zombiefied. 

IMG_20131124_7 And this is me and XiaoHui at Jackson’s wedding. Congrats Bud! 
God will surely bless your wonderful new journey with Net!

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IMG_20131124_201520#Ootd for Jackson’s big day. Not bad ah, the dress.
But it is too loose and i am  thinking of selling, any takers?

IMG_20131124_201640Went Jockey’s to meet John after the Wedding.
My dinner at Jockey’s.

John’s fav place -_-

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IMG_20131123_154136 Cute not? Cute right? Haha. 
My talented Sis made this. So love hor.

IMG_20131124_19Went to H&M and tried on different attires.
My favs are the red and the bottom right.
Tts almost what all the others chose too.
My dear John chose the 3rd frm the top and the 1st on the bottom left.
FHL.

IMG_20131125_17And i am supposed to be touched when he tk pics of his food for me cos he says that he dun do that usually.
And becos of that, i took pic of my dinner and sent him and i was made to promise him that i have to eat proper meals for dinner.
How sian.

IMG_20131125_1At Jockey’s.

Shine bright like a diamond

25.50-carat Brilliant-cut Flawless Type IIa Diamond

“But it is the woman who grow out of that silly darkness that shines like a diamond.” – valliezLesley

Be the one that is in control, regardless.

Passenger – Let Her Go

“is that familiarity that heals and kills” – valliezLesley

Just another day, but another new day

And after all that has been said and done.
And Moving on…

todayisanew

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And i believe that nothing is too huge for me to bear. I have been through the worst, and every crap that comes my way is just polishing me for the bright future.

But for now, i cant take the sleepiness  OH LORD! SLEEEEPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

On a serious note, i am so so so anxious and nervous for the coming year because it will be very challenging and tiring and mentally stressful for me. I really really do not want to worry so much and just do it but you know how one cant help it when it comes to fear.

Well, i will do my best, God do the rest!

Shifting my focus back to the very important task that is coming ahead. #anticipates

Do your part to STOP WEBCAM CHILD SEX TOURISM

I guess i do not have to elaborate much on the below. Because it disgusts me to the max to even start talking about these jerks.

Pedophilia is sick, it is Terribly SICK.

I am not here to judge anyone, but if you realise that you might be pedophilia, please  consult a doctor. There will always be help.
I did not bother to do a research on what is the exact cause of it but i reckon it is not as important (in my opinion) at this point.
Those selfish pervertic old men  that stays behind the cam, paying kids to perform such obscene actions, omg i cant even imagine.

Because there is something worth more attention and urgent and i urge you guys to watch this clip, and participate in the petition. I did my part and my heart really goes out to these poor children, it is just a few clicks. Would you help the poor kids?

Please sign the petition here : http://www.avaaz.org/en/wcst/?copy

Intoxiquette LACE BOMBSHELL BODYCON TUBEDRESS IN BLACK for sale

sell2sell

sell3

PTP: 12.5-16.5″
WAIST: 12.14.5″
HIPS: 15-18″
LENGTH FROM PITS: 26″
Made of thick quality lace and polyester blend mix, non sheer.
Features padded bust, side zip. Material stretchable.

QUALITY ASSURED

Original Price including postage is $31. I am selling at $29 (inclusive of normal postage).

Letting go because it is too small. 
Brand New, Never worn before (except for trying), Never wash before

PM me at valenciafaithz.z@gmail.com or leave a comment.

pictures credits: http://intoxiquette.livejournal.com/73355.html

 

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