Believe. Faith. Love. When they are alive, HE is alive.

Posts tagged ‘Addictions’

Right or Wrong?

Hi.

Actually, i never want to touch on such topic as it is really sensitive. Ok, perhaps not sensitive but it is not really worth debating over- because it will take ages and there will not be any conclusion anyway.
It is the usual thing – different perspectives from different individuals.

We should respect each other,i agree with that. We should respect each other’s choices and thinkings.
So instead of arguing our own perspective through, perhaps we should let it go and stop teaching others what to do and what not to do.

Take for example, Xiaxue and her pregnancy and her baby. I see so many people teaching her what to do and what not to do during her pregnancy.
I was not offended because i do not even know her personally. I was not really angry but i was disturbed when these people started to wana take control of her pregnancy and life. I was questioning how Genuine were these people, do they truly care for her or were they just being 1 of those that want to get involved in everything, even with the person they do not fancy, even with the blogger they detest?

Yea, human should not tell each other what they should or shouldnt do. But sometimes, genuine advises don’t hurt at all.

SO ENOUGH OF ALL THE BEAUTIFUL TALKS and back to what i really want to say!

Anyway, why i am writing about this is because i was pissed this morning.
Yes, i get irritated rather easily. Thus i went to take a breather and calm myself down before i write this. LOL

Ok, relax, it isnt something so serious anyway. Hurhur.

Let just say, i have a friend name B.

I shall call him B because his gf is some lunatic stalker freak -i think. (sorry for that name because you will find out later)

I do not want to be called a r/s wrecker again you see. (just in case)

Ok, B sent me flowers out of friendship and to cut the long story short, his crazy gf found out from i dont know where and he questioned me about it.

I was lik WTF?

Pardon my French.

But it was really WTF to me… i mean, i do not appreciate being questioned about if i went to tell the gf about the flowers.
This is plain ridiculous.

Why?

BECAUSE

1) if you are game enough to send flowers to other women other than your gf, then u r prepared for any questionings from the gf right?

AND THAT SHOULDNT BE MY PROBLEM???

2) why would i go and tell the gf because i didnt even have the intention to break or wreck up any r/s.
Especially Not yours for sure. I am not that desperate for a r/s, a man, or YOU? (not a question, it is a statement)

In Fact, i have never thought of us in that way.

Ok, i admit the things i said and did might have misleading effects, shrugs.

But whatever.

Oh ok, Sorry.

I was just pissed the other time, for being questioned if i went to tell the gf. Even if i really like you and went to tell your gf, you dont freaking question me like that. Because i shouldnt be the one carrying the burden of this ‘problem’ and you should be the one.
Yes, sorry to say that. I know it is a bit unfair to Men but this is how it works what. If a Man cant even account and stand up for what he did, what kinda Guniang is that?
Is like, you heard of ‘Gentleman’ and not ‘Gentlewoman’ right?

But thank God i did not do such despicable act if not i wouldnt respect myself either.  But I wouldnt even do that even if you are Brad Pitt lah.

#Justsaying
Hope i am understood.

Then, we are cool with things again because he apologized. I am ok to let matter rest.

We chatted and randomly, although not surprisingly, i saw how many sleazy FB pages and Weibo pages he followed or liked.
I dont mean to stalk  but it shows up lah. Look, it is Internet, you can see who you befriend and what pages you like right?

(I have alot of guy friends who did that and i am used to seeing such but  honestly, i am not trying to say i am free of lust or anything but i just dont go around liking pictures of Penises. :/ )

Yes, i mentioned that alot of my guy friends go around liking those sleazy FB pages and websites that shows boobs, almost naked or naked photos of all kinds – thais, chinese, japs, wadever nationality.

Like what kind? You ask me.

Here it is- an example:

disgustingsorry that i kinda covered up some parts.
It isnt gross on bed if you are doing it with your gf lah, but it is gross to put it here because i am not hosting a Porn site lah. -_-

I wouldnt judge and say they are bad guys but for sure, i definitely wouldnt have a good impression on someone lidat or consider dating someone lidat.

I know i know i know that it is guys or even human nature to look at sexy and intimidating sleazy pictures, i sometimes have that urge to take a 2nd look at pictures of long legs and cleavages too – well we cant deny a woman’s shape is 1 of the most amazing creations ever, Right?

But liking such pictures, websites, contents and FB pages – SO FREQUENTLY and it turn into an addiction and habit…is a little too much isnt it?

Not to mention, it is abit degrading.

I mean, why would one need to be so hooked on such pornographic stuff? It is ok to look, but to look at them on a regular basis like you are addicted to it? Not sure if that is Normal, yes it is def Common but Common doesnt means Normal. :/

Actually… Lust and Addiction doesnt necessary has to be linked to sex nor drugs.

Lust can be anything, like a gal can actually lust over Chanel.

You know what i mean? And Lust is actually very unhealthy.
Thus i wud say also, that any brand suckers are also very unhealthy.
In my opinion.

Ok anw, back to where i stopped off.  B actually told me that it is a virtue to be honest and open about such addiction.

I AM SPEECHLESS.

How can doing something so low, be a virtue??? Whats more is, you have a GF  for goodness sake?!

I was very pissed by such lame excuses for such cheap doings but is fine, i mean, i am disgusted because of the excuses and lameness.
But as i am nobody but a friend, i have no special/ romantic liking towards this friend, it is fine. Not like i am the wife or what right.

I feel sad for the gf though.

Then, today..we were talking about some silly gossip- Aaron Kwok splitting with his beau of 7 years.

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It is really silly because nobody wud bother much about these celebs break ups. I am just being the usual me, bored and wanted to just read about such gossips.

So i randomly told him that Aaron Kwok is quite a jerk for being irresponsible, errr i dont like that ex gf of his anyway but i just find him irresponsible lah – as a man.
But i do like Aaron’s face. LOL

He spoke up for Aaron Kwok  as usual, because apparently Aaron Kwok is his idol or something.

I expected it but i didnt really expect someone to be so oblivious  just because the person who committed the irresponsible act is a Man, and an idol.

Look, why did i say that Aaron Kwok is irresponsible is because i feel that any man who wana be serious with his gf would have married or proposed sometime after they have dated. Of course, time frame is not the most important issue in a r/s.
Some people get married after 2 mths of dating, some take 10 over years. But honestly, anything above 3 years is alittle too long to me.

I am not sure about you, but the really responsible men i met or know, cant wait to marry the gal once they are financially stable, and emotionally stable.
And that dont really take 7 long years.

Sure, i did said that time isnt the most important issue in a r/s but frankly, how many 7 years can a gal holds?
Even if she doesnt mind (which i doubt. yes, such gals exist but what are the chances- maybe 2 out of 10?)
7 years of youth, from a gal who is in her prime, in her twenties till now…i think the gal is in her 30s :/
All given to a man and this man has never given her any status by acknowledging her as his gf.

Thats worse than not proposing lah.

and thats the irresponsible part i am referring.

I seriously find that its a tad too much and yes he happens to be a celeb but we all know he is almost 50 and i dont think he needs to ‘maintain’ any image (if he has any except being a playboy)
I am sure the fans or whoever that are concern will be happy for him if he can settle down right?

So whats the problem? Why didnt he admit his r/s with this gal despite many photos taken.
So is she a fling or what?
Someone that he isnt proud to even acknowlege or what?

Ok, in case you think  that i am being too uptight about Celebs gossips…i nida emphasize, i am talking more of the r/s issue and not so much on Aaron Kwok and his Ex here.

My point is, despite any happenings (whether the gal is good or not, whether she wants marriage or not, whether she is a bitch or not), if you are still dating her after almost a decade (a decade is 10 years, so 7 years is…ok lah, almost a decade what) then you should at least admit her as your gf or have plans to marry her right?

If she is a bitch and she isnt worth marrying or if you are not sure if she is the 1, u shld just break off right? So you wouldnt be wasting her time and your own time right?

I feel it is a Man’s responsibility to be able to give sense of security to the woman he loves or wants.
Lets not look at this case as ‘Aaron Kwok’ the celeb.
If it is just a normal man, what other excuses would 1 have? (but as i mentioned before, it doesnt matter if he is a celeb or not because he is already outdated and nobody cares about his celeb status now because he isnt BigBang or Justin Bieber and i dun think it is wrong for me to say that people wud rather see or hear that he settle dwn than breaking another gal’s heart AGAIN)

So B was saying that i do not know what went wrong in the r/s and i shouldnt judge and all.

Sure.

I shouldnt judge but i aint saying what the others are saying of Aaron, I aint saying that he is a jerk because he sleeps around or because he is known to be a flirt and all.

My point here is, no matter who, celeb or not, a Man should be responsible and should be able to acknowledge the gf (he has never do so even  after 7years) and thats the only right thing to do, as a Man (despite status) Isnt it?

Well, he argued with me and pulling all the other philandering Male celebs in and blaming them, digging their scandals and all.

I was lik What The Heck?

I aint arguing here as a Fan leh, i am stating the facts about Irresponsible Men!?

Ok, so i cant be bothered to go on anymore.

Check this out, this is ridiculous:

B: maybe he wanted to marry her already leh?

I was like… why am i wasting my time talking abt this shitty piece of news with someone like B?

Then i remembered : i aint talking abt Aaron Kwok, i am in fact talking abt the responsibiliy of a Man lah!

And i was kinda pissed because i was putting myself in the gal’s shoes. I think if i have a daughter and my daughter is dating some1 for 7 years but the guy has no intention of marrying her, i will ask her to wake up her idea.
But! But if she didnt want to get married, i will prolly ask why and feel upset inside me (LOL) and perhaps just let her be…

BUT IF THE GUY SHE IS DATING DID NOT WANT TO OPENLY ADMIT THAT SHE IS HIS GF FOR 7 YEARS….i think i might disown her because i cant believe i will have sucha silly daughter! Haha. Kidding but i will really be very upset for her.

So, honestly, i wonder how B will feel if this happen to his daughter…like dating a irresponsible guy who refuses to acknowledge her as gf.

But as expected, we cudnt come to an agreement on this ‘ A MAN’s Responsiblity” issue. So we kinda stop talking.

Frankly, it is not  B i am complaining. I know everyone has their own thinking and i cant make every1 tinks like me.
But if the guy friends around me, if my dates, if my co workers think and behaves like B, i am screwed, i will cry.

1stly, i cant appreciate Men lusting over sleazy stuff online OPENLY (you may lah, i mean, you are an adult so you def have the right to make choices ma) but i dont like such men lah.

(Oh, even worse for guys who are attached. I know there are plenty. But i think there is still a small group of Men in the world that doesnt do such stuff lah. )
It reflects alot on a Guy i would say.
Imagine seeing Obama’s fb being linked to various sleazy pages…Omg Gross. dont even want to think about it.

These overly lustful men can also say they wont like a petty pricky woman like me too, i am fine leh.

Yes, some do it in the dark, thats worse. Definitely.

Integrity is doing something right even in the dark. So it will be best if a guy do not lust over such stuff so much, YES EVERYONE IS LUSTFUL I KNOW but you do not have to make it an addiction or habit right!
(is like, everyone likes fried chicken but do you eat it daily just because you like it? No what, you wud think of your weight, your shape, and most importantly- your health what! No?)

So, if you really cant be healthy and you need to …you know…look at boobs and feel high behind that keyboard, FINE.
But at least be discreet lah. 
I am not teaching Men to be sneaky ok, but i really dont get it why some men can feel no shame and say it is a virtue to be open about it.
Need to be proud of being open about seeing naked women bodies daily meh???

I cant appreciate people (Men especially) making excuses for their wrongdoings. Sure, i do that too, sometimes.
Every human err and i agree that nobody should judge anyone about that.

But honestly, making excuses for being irresponsible is really not sexy lah. Especially when a Man does that, it is so so not appealing.
Not Macho at all.

Ok, i aint a perfect woman, and i know i shouldnt even judge or discriminate horny and irresponsible men…LOL…but i just cant help it but write what i feel here. Because i am triggered to.
I believe almost every woman would feel the same too.

Of course, i admit that there are irritating things that women do that will piss a man off too. I cant deny that at all.
Thus we are all not perfect.

But….. But… But….What i wrote above is really….cant explain it, just something from me that i wana pen my views on…

Can’t help it if you dont like what you read.

Conclusion is…there isnt Right nor Wrong but whatever a person does, determines his or her character value.

How much are you worth then?

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Aplenty Updates – (Besides loving others, one has to appreciate herself)

Hi!

I am writing about random stuff today.  (Warning: it is actually VERY wordy)

First and foremost, i would like to talk about the dress i am selling.

Information and pictures as below:

Brand: Love Bonito, CNY Collection Erving Dress – Sold out on Love Bonito Website

Size: M measures 16″ PTP, 12″ to 18″ waist, 23″ hips, 33.5″ down.

Color: Yellow/ Lemon

Price: $30 Brand New, Never worn before. (Original retail price on Love bonito is $32)

 

SOLD
Additional description:

Highlight the number’s unique detail with sparkly embellishments, making your chic getup hard to miss! Fully lined; cotton polyester material. Slightly sheer; especially for White (comes with petticoat). Key hole opening at back with button fastening. Elastically banded at waist. Made of crepe chiffon.

sale2 sale

Photos and information courtesy of http://www.lovebonito.com/

The Yellow piece was a gorgeous one. I really like it  alot. But i reckon it was an impulse purchase because the moment i received the physical piece, i realise it is really NOT ME at all.
Chiffon and all, i dont really like it afterall but i still thought it is a very pretty dress, the color is so awww, it just makes anyone feel a tad lighter in this hot weather.

I honestly contemplated for very long, (2days? is long enough for me) before making the decision to sell it.
It is so new and never been worn before.

But anyway,  i have other clothes for CNY and they are mostly working attires (sadness) and honestly, i didnt buy much clothes this year, because CNY has been boring though it is 1 of my fav festivals. I do not have much relatives to visit, friends are mostly bz visiting, so i doubt i m hanging out much, thus CNY is just an excuse for me to shop, n i intend to stop using this excuse to shop so much this time.

As i mentioned above, the original price Love Bonito is selling @ $32 and i am letting it go at $30, it is brand new, no defects, never even tried on before.

If you are interested, leave a comment or email me @ valenciafaithz.z@gmail.com

Next up:

I have been taking care of myself recently. Not that i have been torturing myself in the past (come to think of it, i kinda tortured myself in the past. LOL)

“Like How?” – you ask.

Well, i used to party non stop and my highest record was 6 days a week, sometimes 7 days straight, but i was really young back then, maybe 20 or younger.
I remember during that time, Romance, Fun, Parties, all activities that are not constructive appeal so much to me.
Drinking from the bottle itself is like heaven, smoking non stop is nothing unhealthy in my eyes, it is just for me to catch / absorb more air into the throat and feel damn shiok  (twisted logic and i feel like slapping myself now).
I DONT do drugs though. I was offered drugs since 14year old but i refused to touch it because i know i am quite weak in disciplining myself. Like smoking, some people can control themselves, and not get addicted but i got addicted heavily ever since i started smoking at 14yr old (i am 27 now and  thats 13 years of smoking). I refused to touch drugs because i do not want to get addicted to it, i know there are drugs that will not get you addicted but honestly, i think that ADDICTION DOESNT necessary mean that YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE PRODUCT ITSELF, ADDICTION CAN BE YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE HABIT.

Anyway, more on ADDICTION later.

Back to the Unhealthy (old) me. Yea, i lost alot of weight back then and i wonder why, perhaps i was always emo after all the drinking, and the bad relationships i had with the wrong people. It was just Shit lah.
I smoked more than i eat, i think. I love the slim body back then but i seriously look tired and disgusting.
However, because my skin is still Okay as per se, thus i always conceal and hide through cosmetics, not really thick make ups but normal make up.

I forgot for how long have i been leading that kinda life and to be honest, it was tiring. Physically/ Mentally and Spiritually.
So this was around 2000 – 2006? I seriously cant rem!

Then, i got into much stable relationships and i party lesser or infact, i kinda got myself outta the party scene.

But, those r/s didnt last long, sad but true, although i was MORE serious (i am serious all the time but by 24, i am almost thinking of ‘settling dwn’ and marriage might be in consideration)  in the r/s when i was older ( i think i am around 24 then).
It was never 1 party’s fault, i was not suitable for the exes and neither are they worth loving and blahblah.
So you know, i heard this from some1 really successful – the most difficult thing on earth is finding the right person as a lifetime soulmate and partner. Thus, despite my (you may say many) failed relationships, i tried not to blame anyone or myself.
Year 2008??

After ending those r/s, you must be thinking “Valencia must be back to those crazy party days again”
Nope i didnt really return to those party days but i kinda worked with a nightlife company.
People who know me will know which company is it and i am always at Clarke Quay, that is.
Although i market (marketing)  the different F&B outlets and Entertainment Clubs, i am NOT ONLY required to work in the day but i am also required to hang around the clubs at night, sometimes, till wee hours. Needless to say, i have countless nights of spending time entertaining and Drinking is inevitable.
Sometimes my mum would even ask me “what are you wrking exactly, y r u drunk and all?” HAHAHA
And of course, Smoking is inevitable too, especially when you are a smoker and  the business associates smoke too.

That was when i was single, i spent all my time at work and my ex colleagues smoke alot too (most of them). So, what i did besides working hard was Smoking, Partying, Drinking and it repeated for approximately 1 year.
This was in 2009 (approx).

Then, i got attached to the philandering ex bf Adrian and i guess you know what happened after that. I got abused and all for another 1 year.
I was already looking like a zombie by then (according to my mum LOL) I didnt sleep well, didnt eat well, i smoked alot and i have bruises all over me and i really dont recognise myself.
If i were to see Me now – the Valencia 1 year ago , I really will cry for myself.
Year 2010- First half of 2012

So…the above account for the  unhealthy me for the pass…wait, i have to count because it was the longest time and it felt like forever….
Ok, the Unhealthy me for the pass 13 years (i reckon i should start counting from 14 because i started smoking back then).

Let me do a short summary of my health and well being after the 13 years of crazy torture to myself.

Hair – Dry and frankly, i do not know how my lifestyle can affect the hair but i reckon my hair was forever stained with smoke and smelling bad back then.

Face – Worst part of the body. WORST. DRY LIKE CORNFLAKES (dont ask me y cornflakes. i just feel so) The Skin peels like mad, dry to the max and nothing more than just being Dry. SIGH. Now you know what they say about smokers’ skin condition? IT IS SO TRUE. YELLOWISH AND JUST DAMN DRY.

Body – Weight infatuated. Fat, lost weight and then Fat again. Tired of all these.

Mental – Totally Depressed. Severe Depression, because of the stress from work, the miscom in family, the hurtful relationships. I was referred to Shrinks (my family were very very very protective of me, they know that i am not unsound, they know that i was just too stress at that moment)

I am 27 but i already felt like 37 after going through all that  physical and mental torment.

So what now? Yeap, i have been taking care of myself, at least, for the past few mths and esp the recent 1 mth of 2013. haha.
I am not writing about some 2013 resolutions because i mentioned i do not believe in resolutions. If a person wana b better, it can be anytime and not relying on making some resolutions that most cant keep.

After 1 decade of crazy torture to myself, i finally started to Love myself aplenty and be more careful with the way i live.
I know it is kinda late as i am already over mid twenties.
The smart and disciplined ones started maintaining a healthy body since 21 or even teenage.
But BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.
I said that because i still see or know people who party non stop, drinking non stop, smoking and doing whatever that harm the body non stop at late 20s to even 60s. OMG PLS.

But anyway, i got this message nagging me during the end of 2012. Infact, i have this naggy voice telling me to quit smoking since 2011. But i brushed it aside because it was impossible to me back then. I was so heavily addicted, without cigarettes- i cant sleep, i cant do anything and i will feel frustrated.
Previously, I even threw my stuff around, flaring up because i couldnt find a lighter to light the cig.
That was how extreme i was and that was  how much i would do for a cig.
I remember that i was very broke at one point of my life, i only have $ enough for 4 packets of rice (which can last me for 2 days!) OR 1 packet of cigs.
I bought the cigs without thinking at all.  Back then, i can do without food but i cant do without cigs.
Again, thats how much i would do for cigs, and thats how deeply addicted i am.

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So anyway, back to the naggy voice…It was very soft and honestly, the normal Valencia you know – WILL NEVER SAY YES TO QUIT (smoking).
I have discouraged i-cant-rem how many friends from quitting (i was a crap, i noe)
Thus, i do not know who spoke that idea of ‘quitting’ into my heart and brain and it turned into a burden. TOTAL BURDEN.

The voice was getting louder and louder till i cant take it and i just told myself in Dec 2012 that i will STOP COMMITTING MYSLF TO SMOKING. Yeap, Stop smoking lah.

Do you think i can do it? I tell you the truth, it was DIFFICULT AS I DONT KNOW WHAT, for the 1st week. During the first 3 days, i almost wanted to …i didnt know how to not smoke. Really, i do not know how to not smoke, just like you asking a non smoker to smoke, he/she wun know how to smoke or how to light the cig and how to inhale and exhale right?
I really do not know what to do without smoking. The worst parts were after meals, the morning sticks and the sticks before sleep. TERRIBLE.

I can assure you, it is not easy, those that say it is easy are just bullsh*tting because they are proud.
HAHA. Ok lah, my Personal experience was really bad and it was not easy at all.

Those Preachy talks about “if you have determination to do something, you can and will do it”…
But, as cliché as it sound, it really work that way.
NOTHING, and i mean it. NOTHING help if you do not really WANT TO DO IT.

I dont know how i did it, but i can be very frank with you, even up till now, i still have that urge, now and then. ESPECIALLY when i am feeling upset.

Maybe, just maybe, God really knows how to help me. Even if it means, using my weak point.
Why i say that? Because i am super LAZY. I am really super LAZY, i shall not explain but trust me that i am super lazy. (rem i said something about self-discipline?) Ok, 1 eg. I dont like to walk down to the shop to buy food for lunch, so most of the time, i just dont eat or during weekends,  i find food at home to feed myself.  I am lazy to even walk that few steps to the Hawker.

Thus, the moment i finished smoking the last stick i had, i never buy another box of Ciggies.  Because i am lazy. I am lazy to walk to any Mama shop or 7-11 to buy. Not only that, it helps too when i see myself less broke, and i can buy more dresses since i stopped buying ciggies.
I HONESTLY FEEL PROUD OF MYSELF AND NTG ELSE. HAHA

I can’t list the whole list of Pros (of quitting) but you already know the Cons of smoking yea. Everyone will eventually die 1 day, thus many people smoke and enjoy ‘the-moment’ now. These people (i am not being judgemental because i truly understand what a smoker feels and think) have the YOU-ONLY-LiVE-ONCE mentality and smoking seriously is like a “frustration-quencher” (watermelon juice- a thirst- quencher analogy because usually you feel better after smoking if you are upset) I really understand all that from a Smoker’s point of view. But there are def more pros than cons, you knew it.

Health: I dont know about you (if you smoke), but for me, i do not want to risk dying younger than i should because i really really treasure my life now more than b4, i treasure my family alot to die young.

Image: I do not want to die ugly.
Smoking causes stains here and there, teeth and nails and it makes a person smell so bad in and out. Thats enough to cause inferiority.
I also tend to hide in a corner to smoke most of the time because i really hate the smoking image. No matter how pretty a woman can be, the moment she holds a cig, it changes everything. (Tell me it doesnt? Tell me any guy that will feel proud bringing u back to their parents? Tell me you smoke infront of your friends’ parents and expect the parents to like you? )

Mental: I do not want to feel ugly.
Most of the times, i dont even dare to admit to people that i smoke but people usually smell it. I am so embarrassed and ashamed (dont ask me why am i ashamed, i just dont feel proud)

Financial: I want to be richer and i am getting more and more cautious as i am older because my savings now aint the amount i desire to have.
Again, not sure about you but i spend ard hundreds per mth and honestly, with these $, i see myself doing more constructive things. Like- dolling myself up because at my age, i want to maintain looking youthful and i do not want to resort to botox, thus i rather spend on skincare and more clothes.

Yep. I didnt break this news earlier on because i am always a person who speaks after action. I will only announce it after i have succeeded doing it. It holds more weight though i am not trying to convince anyone Nor impress anyone but i just like to do it before saying it.

However, as i confessed, i still have the urge to smoke sometimes, though not often.
I did accepted 2 sticks from a friend who offered (and yea, i gave in to temptation then) after not smoking for a month.
But i am still trying right? So please dont judge! But you can pray for me though. 🙂

I managed to be free from the addiction not only due to my own determination but also, i owe this to God. I prayed to Jesus, so many times during those tough times, i prayed for Him to take away my urge and honestly, i really do not remember having much urges.
Of course, there are people tt commented tt i always use the name of Jesus too often and too much. Well, thats my belief, and i do believe He did help me along because whenever i spend time praying the urge away, i feel i do not need a stick at all. Call it psychological effects but i believe in my heart, it is God that helps me along 🙂 Thank God!

Remember what i said about Addiction? I had very bad flu and all for the 1st 2 to 3 days, i felt sick during that few days of withdrawal symptoms.
But trust me, after  all the so-called after-effects, it is no longer the nicotine nor cig itself that holds u back.
It is your Habit, It is Yourself.

I always believe it is easy to break addiction to a product (Unless you are talking about Heroin) but it is NOT Easy to break a Habit.
Alot of people said that they are addicted but i personally feel that they do not know what they are addicted to. Are they addicted to Cigarettes or are they addicted to Smoking?
Cigarette is a product while Smoking is an action, a habit.
Thus, when you say you are addicted, you must be aware that you are addicted to a Habit and Not the product.
I mean, you seldom hear people say “i am addicted to cigarettes”. All of the time, it is “i am addicted to smoking” Right?
And since it is a habit that you are addicted to, you must be prepared to be strong and much stronger mindset is needed to cut this nasty habit away!

I did not eat those sweets, i did not use any nicotine pad, i never chew on any gums. I just bought a Vicks Inhaler (as below) and inhale if i feel the urge. But i did not want to start another addiction thus i try not to use it so often and yea, i kinda stopped using it. I just used it during the initial difficult stage.
vicks-vapo-vapor-inhaler_1_

In conclusion, i make use of everything to break a habit. Vicks inhaler, prayers, etc. Oh, i also try to chat with Mum to distract myself, initially, it was kinda deliberate and whenever u are doing anything deliberately, it is gona remind you of what you are trying to stay distracted from.
But, as time passes, it turned into a new habit and before you know it, your old habit is being replaced, gradually. Sounds easy? But i struggled for around a month. 30days.

It is never easy to quit, but Quoting what Gary told me
never tell yourself you are quitting because it is human nature  that quitting is hard, quitting anything is hard.
Just tell yourself that you are no longer a smoker, you dont smoke.”

Some might think we are playing with words here but the difference is really huge because the word ‘Quitting’ is indeed intimidating.

If you are thinking of cutting this habit, I hope i help abit by penning down my personal experience of cutting cigarettes.

All i can say is, i have stop buying Ciggies (and nope, i dont go around asking for ciggies even though my current colleague smokes too) and
I AM NOT COMMITTED TO SMOKING
(i used to have this commitment, this committed r/s with ciggies, which also means that i will look for it, like how a gf will look for her bf. i will never abandon it and i will smoke wenever i am sad or happy. similar to how a good friend will share her good and bad times with her best friend).
Yep, i am no longer tied to,controlled by or bonded to the Cigarrettes Nor the action – Smoking.
I never never experience such freedom for 13 years, which is estimated 4745 days.
I wont say i am very healthy now but at least i am healthier than before, i get to make the choice of whether to accept an offer from a friend OR NOT accepting. You see, cigarettes CANOT control me anymore, i am so strong that i do not need something deadly to control me anymore. I control my own mind and thinking.
I do not need to be committed to Malborooooo Nor Nex Chill (cigs brands)

Btw, i went Cold Turkey because i personally dont believe in cutting down and etc. I tried cutting down and thats just crap to me, i will never stop smoking if i do not cut it off completely.
You cant say you will not have sex after foreplay right?
You cant say you will not eat the fried chicken after frying the chicken instead of steaming it right?
Point is: You run away from Temptation and Not resisting and coming near contact to it.

“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
2 Timothy 2:22 New International Version (NIV)

So, btw, smoking isnt very cool nor in the trend nwadays ar? Dont know why but i realise the trend now has changed. Smoking used to be cool (to some) but not anymore – seriously.

I did not write about what harm will be done to each organ in the body – hearts, lungs, throats, noses and etc… because honestly, as a smoker previously, i dont care about all that, i only know it is bad for myself but i still do it. It is a chore to read abt all those. But i will include this helpline for you although i saved the number but i did not call them because i manged to come out of it before i even call.

Monday to Friday – 8.30am to 5.00pm
Saturday – 8.30am to 1.00pm

QuitLine
Call 1800 438 2000 (Toll-free)

Hmm,  thats 1 thing off my list, 1 burden off my mind.

Next up: The body.
The body needs abit of exercising now even though i managed to get the shape back recently but i am still not as slim as before (when i was way younger, i was so skinny)
I am not Fat now, i lost weight, but i can do better, will blog more on this next time. I ought to do some workout and as usual, i will not be revealing much till after i have done it. But hints: I will prolly sign up classes that allow me to moves around and kicks around or dance around like mad! HAHAAH
Also, it is for fitness purposes lah, besides being trim, i hope i can be fitter too.

Face: I dont do facial because it is expensive and i know it does help but honestly, my skin is really quite good, according to docs, skincare specialists and friends. Thank God for that, and i dont waste $ buying packages for Facials but perhaps is time to do so…
I never put products on my face, not for the past 27 years. I know it is A MUST to slap on toners and moisturizer nightly and daily and religiously.
BUT I HAVE NEVER DONE ALL THAT till recently. Because i realised that i am reaching 30.

I mean, in all honesty, i am not exactly old but i am not teenager nor m i in the early twenties. I want to maintain looking good and even though i might not look 30, i dont want to risk looking 30. Not for anyone this time, not for Men nor friends but i feel good when i look good.
IT IS FOR MYSELF.

Thus, recently i tried SK2, i have 2 bottles of their sample (tell me small sample bottles dont work and i will ask u to talk to my hand because if it doesnt, tell me why they invent sample bottles). Moreover, i used it for around a mth+. More than enough time to tell the effects if any.
It doesnt wrk for me though. I heard alot of good reviews from others but maybe is just not suitable for me.

I tried Bio Essence. It used to work but it doesnt really bring the glow to my face. My face is really dry to an extent. Sigh. Big Sigh.
Yes, although i have no pimples and i can count with 1 hand, hw many times i actually have pimples in my 27 yrs of life. My skin is extremely dry (thus no pimples) and it turns flaky most of the time. My skin peel off itself and i cant even apply make up, i already stopped using powder and choose BB cream instead but it just doesnt sit well on my face and my whole face just look terribly flaky usually.

It is very sad whenever my skin peel off or feels tight and dry. I would try to slap on masks (sis  got them frm TW and i will use them) and usually it works but i guess as time passes, it kinda lost it effects.

Desperate and din know what to do, Sis pass me a bottle of HaDa LaBo. She used it but have stopped since i dont know when. A bottle so big and she only used 1/3 of it. “i shall just give it a try, no harm” i thought. Afterall, they say in their ad that it will : 锁住一个海洋 (lock an ocean) HAHA

hadalabo

I must say i am amazed by it because my sis told me it is not expensive but the moment i slapped it on, i feel it hydrates my skin instantly.
I have been using it since Sunday, it is the 3rd day today and my skin is so bouncy, so hydrated, so firm (although i dont know why it feels firm because it is supposed to hydrate). I feel so good applying make up or even when i dont apply make up, i feel very good because there is a glow on my face.
Applying make up seems easier and faster, and the skin is so silky smooth. Now that i am typing this, i am feeling & touching my face (sounds psycho again but i am really doing it). It is VERY SMOOTH. If it is not baby skin, it at least has to be a toddler’s skin. Or you can describe as egg shell. glowy and smooth.
– No Flaky Skins
– No weird bumps and ugly pores problem
JUST WHITE SNOW SKIN. Looks so much healthier too!

In Just 3 Days.

I am NOT PAID to do any ad nor reviews for Hada Labo but i sincerely want to share here with readers about my personal experience because i am SO HAPPY that my face is so silky smooth now. I always have good skin as mentioned, but i have never experience the glow nor the flawless smooth skin texture before, never before (please exclude baby and toddler’s times).

Now i am happy that i finally found the right product for me!
Having said that, it works for me but it might not work for you as my Sis didnt like it cos she has oily skin and she feels uncomfy applying this.
So, result varies for individual. I shall browse their website for more products after finishing this post…

S_ ** users, time to ditch that expensive bottle of saliva (smells like it) and you know what is a better alternative! Really!

Above image and information, courtesy of http://www.hadalabo.com.sg

Well, i kinda spent 2 hours on this post. Terrible, i initially wanted to just upload my new picture and do some simple updates… never knew it wud be so long and naggy! If you are still reading, well thanks! Haha. Because i am lazy, i never wana do any review or beauty posts but since i am at this topic of well-being….might as well?

As for the Hair, picture below will do the talking. I personally like it alot, 10 outta 10 people commented tt i look younger than before. I feel  i lost 5 years of age aft the haircut and well, i love it. However, it is pissing me off gradually as i have to blow straight the hairends every morning if not i will look like an Octopus (it curls outwards and it is not right)

WD5CAOQGYINCAI4W7ADCAAP8F14CACN7YFVCAIXWD8YCALXVROFCATUGTF5CATTM49YCAHICUR0CACC293HCA7I2OJCCAM1449NCAXMABOBCA9EQY4OCAWXNU82CA8ED44SCADW4NXYCAR8OYKACA5BIDAQ
Thus, i am heading over to Bbra’s to get it permed. Yes, i am gona perm it. I am praying that i wont look old because you know how curls can make a person look older.
But i trust Bbra will do a good job for me, fingers crossed!
So before it is permed, take a look at it while it is straight! 4 mre days to perm!

 IMG_20130128_1
IMG_20130128_2

You may check out the skin’s condition. Both pictures- no make up. Zero make up. However 1st pic was filtered. 2nd pic is Raw.

p/s: i do not have before and after photos for my skin. My hp was faulty for the past 1 week. and i couldnt take any decent photos, moreover, the skin conditions cant be seen on pictures. It is just not obvious because i do not have acnes nor holes to start with, it is just the texture of the skin that has improved tremendously. I also do not have a picture of me before the haircut but i guess you can imagine lah, since i always post long hair pics previously. The phone is looking good, not faulty anymore but not as perfect as before. Sigh, hope it will not disappoint me again.

Managed to retrieve a picture of me having long hair over Insta for comparison (uploaded6.30pm 29/1/13):

Beforerad

AfterIMG_20130129_4

p/s p/s: gonna celebrate Sis’s bday this Sunday and bringing Mum to town to shop this Sat. can’t wait and then it will be CNY already. Happy CNY in advance!

p/s p/s p/s: “Besides loving others, one has to appreciate herself”
this was quoted from Leslie Cheung (my fav artiste and the late HK superstar).
This sentence also sums up the reason for this lengthy post. If you love yourself, you will find yourself being loved by many. If you love yourself, you will feel happy everyday. I have to remind myself that i Love myself, and because i love myself, i do not want to be inferior and i do not need people to label me. I can do things i want to do, i can make myself happier and healthier and i can show myself i can be happy despite situations.
I do not need to rely on anyone.

人除了要懂得怎去爱人,最重要是要懂得怎样去欣赏自己。- Leslie Cheung

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