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Posts tagged ‘career’

On my way to what i want to do

IMG_20140123_5I am dying of boredom. Look, i have done what i need to do over HERE and i have more or less settled my personal work.
Before i can go ahead with any other work, i need my work mail to be set up first and i am waiting for the designer to do  that for me.

Have to admit, though i dont exactly sound like it, i am actually really really stressed. So stressed that i dont even want to face u guys and tt explains that emo picture on the left (taken by Johnnie :p)
I really cant wait to start my venture now but then it is CNY soon and that means i have to wait a little longer.

Actually, i was quite lost, in fact, i was never clear about what i really want in life (in terms of what i wana do/ my ambition). Maybe, even up till now, i am still not sure what i really want. Well, i had ambitions but obviously they didnt work out, i worked in many kinda industries before and there were ups and downs.

I do not know if there is anybody that is like me except for GF. hahahaha. But i know there are alot of lost sheeps out there still trying to figure out what they want to do in life. But really, out of 10 friends, i have prolly 1 friend that get to do what he/she wants. The rest are merely just surviving and keeping their rice bowls.
Sadly, this is life isnt it. I dont know, some say it is Singapore. But i really dont think going elsewhere can change this.
Ok, perhaps for the Sportsmen, then it is really the country’s culture and the govt (that kinda hinder their progress)

But for people like me… i am just aint sure about what i really want. I know what i enjoy doing but that doesnt necessary keep me  rooted in a certain place leh. Shrugs. But i am glad i am not so lost to the extent of just staying in a place to rot, that is USELESS and i still have not reach that stage yet (i doubt i will. thanks)

But anyway…

Let’s see what i wanted to be when i was young? HAHA!

1) Butcher – yah i wanted to be a butcher because whenever i go to the market with my Mum, i love it when she visit the butcher stall. The way they chop and cut the meat and all was just very cool to me. Shrugs. You may judge me.

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How on earth did i find this cool?  oh Lord.

 

2) Lawyer – a huge contrast from the above but basically because it is very cool to wear that black robe and white headgear (watched too many HK movies with Mummy when young)
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3) Doctor – again, it is that white robe and that telescope. Perhaps it is really all (JUST) about the uniform.

docDoctor looking lidat, who wants to recover  right? 

4) Cashier – i love that machine that goes “DING” when the cashier collect money. #LAME
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5) Teacher – this is crazy but really, i wana be a teacher because i love the ‘chalk sound’  the teacher made while writing on the board.

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6) Ok, this might be the most exciting job that i want to have..The Wheel of Fortune lady – you know the one that walk to the boxes and ‘lit’ them up whenever the contestant got the right alphabet or something? HAHAHHA. i think it is the most relak job + she gets to wear pretty clothes and look chio.

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I guess my childhood was really boring, i cant remember much but really, 6 different kinds of ambitions is really not very little (extreme contrast and differences  somemore)

When i was in my teens, i really just want to have fun and do nothing.
But of cos, on random day-dreaming times, i would imagine being a singer so i can have alot of $ and fame while doing what i love.
I wanted to be a radio dj because i can play songs i love but i couldnt  decide if i want to go the very cheena way because i might end up in channel 8 somehow or go the  ang mor pai way and end up dating random djs. (just kidding, no offence to any djs. opps)
But what i really wanted to be was just a journalist, to report news. But i have to admit, if i were to be a journalist, i will want to be a paparazzi.
Sorry, just Paparazzi, forget abt the Journalist part. hahah.Those fking irritating ones that snap and snap celebrities like a sniper and write exaggerated headlines.
If not, please send me to some countries and war zones  to cover some really big ass cases or ok la, i am also ok with the recent riots in Thailand. Just not Little India’s riot. Thanks.
Well, yah.

At my age now, which is over a quater of a decade…i have absolutely no idea what i really want to be. I have worked in the events industry, i have worked in a pub as a waitress (feeling useless daily because all i did was just drink and play games with customers), i have worked as promoters which the ignorant people term as “free lance models” now, i have worked as a sandwich maker in O’brians and i totally screwed the place up because i cant even make proper coffee nor sandwiches, not only that, i cant even wash plates, FML! I have worked as a receptionist and all i have to do is to look pretty and sit  there doing some boring admin job and greet the humsup Japanese bosses, i have worked as a part time cashier at a supermarket and i cant be more ashamed of the uniform (no offence but i was really paiseh to wear that auntie-ish uniform at the tender age of 18. it just didnt look good on me can)

Honestly, i do not remember what else have i done.  I have been doing Marketing ever since 5 -7 years ago and despite the fact that i was a slave most of the time, people still think i get the best because i market in the Music and Entertainment Industry those days. Shrugs.

Now, i am in a stagnant place which pays me ok, but i lost the drive and i lost that ‘something’ in me, which i really do not know how to describe.
I have plannings, yes i do, but i am afraid, then i  tot …FUCK IT, do or die. The most i start all over again.

So yea, i cant wait for my stuff to be settled.  I am left with 11  mths till 2015 and that is hell fast.
I left with a heavy heart after the msg at BBG last night (my spiritual meeting). The msg is about not being stagnant and that Faith without Works is dead. Maybe it is really  God telling me to STOP SITTING on my dream/plan and just get my ass out to do it.

Frankly, i am in sucha stagnant state currently that i no longer have tt much fear in me. I just want to start it, get it over and done with. If i make it, praise Lord. If not, maybe Lord has better plans, so fuck it. Since i am already 2/5 to where i want to go, might as well just carry on walking right? If the path does not lead me to where i want to be, at least i made the moves. Like a GPS, God will guide me if i really turn the wrong way, right? AMEN.

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And so…i give myself another 1 month before i see a completed project infront of me, challenge accepted,. Life, bring it on!

this post is for myself and my lazy spirit in me. this is to encourage myself and stop myself from being emo over the worries i have in me.

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Vdates – crossroad (last mth of 2013)

Hi birdies`

IMG_20131206_2Happy eve of Friday! You know how much i cant wait for this…

For as far as i remember, the only time i sleep more than 5 hrs was last weekend but it was very disturbed sleep. I hate it whenever i cant sleep like a baby throughout, kept waking up and drifting back to sleep… 😦

Basically, i feel extremely lost recently. I guess i really have to move on but i am very stuck at the moment because if i were to move on, i wouldnt know what are the new (and prolly alot more) things that will be added to me, i might not be getting what i am getting now too…

Sigh.

Moreover, i need alot of time to do what i am doing currently…

Ok, i bet you guys do not know what the heck i am talking about, please just let me rant and bottom line is, my job sucks. It is not the weekdays that are pissing me off, but yah, i am depressed almost everyday.

However, i am thankful i have John with me, he manage to make me feel better whenever we meet up. I would also love to thank him for tolerating my nonsense, taking my weirdness  (i am very eccentric and i cant be anymore thankful for his patience).
Met up with him yesterday and saw a very pale face, he was sick. So terribly sick and still came all the way to meet me in town. Before that, he didnt even show signs of tiredness or sickness during our earlier convos.

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I: why didnt u tell me u r sick? why cant u just say u r sick and not meet up?
He: because i dun wan to upset you, you dont like changes to your plans.

FML, he is very sick leh, and he still can think of what i think and how i feel? Best BF or what? Hahaha.
Ok, on a serious note, i am really thankful for him.

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at #49seats, we were q-ing forever. that place is truly 1 of the most raved abouts.

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IMG_20131207_6It is actually not bad, i like their friendly staff (not for that old uncle though. damn, he look like a loanshark or somthing)
I love their Al Scampi Sauce (it is beyond description, too nice!) and i guess John’s smoke duck pasta tasted ok too.
Prices can be considered as reasonable, approx $50 for 2 pax (1 main each and 1 side)

I would definitely recommend this place for chillaxing and dates. But John thinks  that the food is just mediocre.
He has high expectations for Western food. :/

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IMG_20131208_1I don’t know what the future brings but we are definitely working on it. As i said, we cant be sure as everything is still too new. We knew each other for over a decade and we dated our friends, we never even speak till 14yrs later? 
But for now, i am very  thankful for you, John. 🙂
Thank you for treating me like a queen, saying things i like to hear, doing things i wana do, giving in to me (thou not al the time)
#grateful

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IMG_20131208_3Chilling with Alan after John’s mini tournament with Thorsten Hohmann. (2013 WPC World 9-Ball Champion)
Oh, and he won Thorsten. How amazing right! HAHA!

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IMG_20131209_2Separately, on the next day, he won another tournament and that trohpy above is my first gift from him! Haha, my 1st time receiving trophy from another person, quite meaningful. 

But honestly, i really feel uneasy day by day because i have nothing to look forward to currently but if not for the money and the ambiguous fog ahead  that i might face, i wouldnt make myself so miserable daily. 😦 

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I am so lost recently that i am thinking of so many weird things to do, like learning how to play an instrument and i even have the instrument in mind already (but it is not cheap thou), i am thinking of getting inked again (not big ugly pics, just fonts), i am thinking of learning new sports like golf (yah damn, i hated golf and i actually tot of it now??) i am thinking of doing alot of things to keep myself going because i start to realise that i cant stand being in the same stagnant place for long. I prolly need some excitement to my own growth.

IMG_20131209_1Went Jamming with the cell group peeps. Pretty gal besides me is Ashley. 

Ayte, i know this is abrupt but this is a really short post and randomly, i would like to say that i cant wait for Xmas to come. I really am looking forward to Xmas very very much, my fav day of the year. Till the next update, be blessed people!

P/S i hope to come back with better news and hopefully there will be improvement to my current situation. 🙂
P/S P/S Thank God my family is safe and doing good though.

To lighten up the mood, this song is for all you guys! I have what and who i wanted this Xmas, (and hopefully every xmas). I hope the same happen to you too!
p/s it will be better if i know where should i  go from here. But i do know that God gives the freedom to me to walk my path.
I just pray that i have mre discernment in my judgments.
God bless~

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