What do the term “Changes” mean to you and how do you feel about having Changes in your life?
And i mean, major changes, not tiny little ones.
But of course, different individual view the size of changes differently.
Right now, there are quite a few changes in my life, i would say they are definitely good changes but i am really really afraid despite the excitement. Maybe i can list them down, you decide if they are big or small changes. For me, they are all big changes because i believe that these changes change my destiny, and perhaps, bring me nearer to where i deserve.
I shall just compare the Me now and Me 5years ago.
1) I am a Christian
This is a major change because i remember i was a very rebellious kid. I felt that God (Jesus) is not real and even if HE is, we will never cross paths. I cursed, i swore and i said every nasty thing about Jesus but yah, i guess He loves me anyway.
Thank God for God, if not for Him, i wouldnt be able to be experience an intimate relationship with someone that High up. People always think that God is way up there, but ever since i came to know Jesus, i know that God is just right beside. Alot of times, i thought i was about to die, my life has reached the best it can ever go, God shows me otherwise. Too much to explain but i am glad i know You Jesus. So thankful.
2) I no longer yearn for a relationship with a person
Perhaps back in those teenage days, i was lacking of family love and ever since, it has become a habit to find love elsewhere. The habit did lasted for quite sometime but i am glad that something really bad and major happened 2 years back (with my last ex bf) and made me realize that BGR isnt the most important thing in life. I realize that despite the argument that not all men are the same (crappy and shitty), i have more or less gave up on pursuing that fairytale for myself. I came to know that everything on earth can be forced except love. Marriage is important and was deemed to be the most important event in life for me 2 years ago but nope, it no longer hold much place in my heart anymore. Too many sad cases, too much betrayals, too much examples.
If the best happen, it happens (i am not saying you dont have to work for it, you do have to) but if it doesnt, it just doesnt.
so yah, BGR is desired but no longer essential.
3) I no longer commit myself to cigarettes
I quit smoking on the 1st of Jan 2013. I didnt touch a stick till somewhere in May. I rem i was trying to light up a cig since i havent been touching it but it didnt feel very well. I shall not lie about it, i still smoke now and then. But i am not addicted nor committed anymore. It is very very occasional that i will touch cigs again, They always say that “since you have stopped, why get back into it again?” I agree to a certain extent and thus i have never wanted to start the cycle of buying a pack every 2 days ever again.
But i believe, despite the fact that smoking harms, the addiction itself harms more. And thus i quit addiction, i quit the bad habit. It is more important to me, to be able to cut myself from that redudant commitment to smoking. However, i still have to emphasize, while it is not healthy being a social/ casual smoker, at the very least, i no longer behave like a slave to cigarettes and i have no yearnings for it no more. In short, i have control over my desires. Thank God
4) I spend more time with my Family and Mum
I remember spending time with them when i was in primary school. That was quite sometime ago and ever since i enter secondary school, i have stopped. I stopped wanting to know about them, i stopped showing that i care, in fact, i do not care at all. I do not want to have anything to do with the family and family members were just there cos they have to be there. I kinda hated myself for being so insensible then. And now, i have been doing all that i can to make up for lost times, however, sometimes i do fail them. But i am really very thankful that i get back that kinda lovey dovey feelings from my family. I remember having those feeling when i was 7yr old. I have never forgotten about it, i just lost it and am i glad i got it back now. I hope it is not too late.
5) I started exercising to keep fit and not only to lose weight
I always think that exercising is a chore and i still think that way sometimes when i am lazy. But i have come to accept that exercises not only build up the metabolism rate, but also self confidence of a person. At least for myself, it does. It is the best form of motivation and besides being able to look better, being able to be healthy mentally and physically is very important too. Age is a figure but what emits from within is more crucial. Especially when i am more than a quarter of a decade old. Ahem.
i wouldnt say i am in perfect shape but trust me, i love the progress i see in the mirror. I mentioned previously that i am on a programme for slimming and it really does work! Of course, it is best to combine proper dietary plans and exercises. I never believe in taking only diet pills or supplements.
I have another 2 months to go before i see the full result, stay tuned, i am more than willing to share about it!
6) I started to save
Not much but yah, still trying my best to. It is a little late as my peers are all having 5 figure digits in their banks while i…. but better than nothing!
7) I stop forcing myself to be out on Fridays and Saturdays
I used to think that it is a MUST to party or at least be out on weekends so as to ‘not waste’ the weekend away. But nope, i stopped forcing myself to feel tired and i stay home after work most of the time. I will only head out when i feel fresh or ‘awake’.
Babies make me happy.
8) I started to leave friends that do not want to cherish friendship
In the past, i get way too upset whenever a friendship has to end. I thought friends are forever. Guess i wasnt so mature.
Friends, in fact, do come and go. I believe God gives us different friends at different phases of life. And although i still feel a little upset initially when i chose to give up certain dishonest and negative friends months ago, i have learnt to let go and now, i feel nonchalant about these 2 persons. They might have helped me alot in the past, but thats the past, what matters now is the present. People do change and so do friends. I have accepted that fact.
9) I have taken a huge step for my health
I shant reveal what it is over here but let’s just say, i have taken a huge step in following up with my doctors (yah, more than 1 doc) regularly and am on medication to improve things.
10) This is a crazy plan
Yes, it is. I cant reveal it now but very soon, you will know what i am saying. I always feel small about myself since i dont know when. I always think that i can never accomplish big things, the good endings are not for me and etc. Thank God for sending me nice angels to be with me, to talk to me, to encourage me. I am taking a huge step to achieve this goal. It is very important to me now and i am really praying for the best. It is not easy as i am not born with a silver spoon to start with. I cant afford to not work, not even for a month. As i have to tc of my family. Thus, i am really giving my best and all. I know there are already people doing what i want to do, and perhaps plenty of them do not have to struggle so much as i do because they came from a better background. But i believe God will show me what He wants for me along the way. By Faith, i believe. God, be with me.
Alright, so i didnt expect to write so much but i did. Unknowingly, i gathered 10 points. I wanted to list only 3 initially. Haha.
What about you? Are you making changes to your life as well? Are you afraid of changes?
I, am very afraid. Thus i always pray for my courage to be more than my fear because fear is there to stay, as long as there are challenges. Instead of asking for it to be gone, i ask for Courage to cover Fear.
Alright, gtg, till the next post, God Bless!
Oh! i forgot to include, from tomorrow onwards, i will be able to sing for my Christian meetings. I have always wanted to serve as a vocalist in the choir but i didnt dare to in the past. Also, there was no slots available back then. It has been years and i thought that the vision of me singing to God was just a dream that will never happen. Little do i know that, God really does make it happen! In His timing. 🙂
I am very very nervous and anxious. It is not another KTV session, i have to actually be moved by faith so that the worship will be good.
Thus, i am really really very very excited and nervous. Gotta go and listen to the songs on Youtube now, laters!