Believe. Faith. Love. When they are alive, HE is alive.

Posts tagged ‘Dating’

Vdates Mini End Sept

IMG_20130924_200507Hihi! It’s been long as always. 😛

Nothing much but still as busy as ever.

Took the step to step out and everything STILL seems surreal, i reckon it will feel as surreal till the day really comes.

Anyway, i will update on that.

Recently, i read an article and thought it might be of good help to alot of gals/women who are hopelessly in love.

The beginning of the article sounds extremely familiar and i wud definitely write something like that. Totally relates to me.

Well, if you are lost and not sure if you are dating right, please have a read and save yourself.

“When I was in my early twenties, if a guy acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, I would get hooked. You could say I was addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player. I was drawn to what psychotherapist, Ken Page terms as “attractions of deprivation” – when we are drawn to people who embody the worst emotional characteristics of our parents. Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.

“The child in us believes that if the original perpetrators — or their current replacements — finally change their minds, apologize, or make up for that terrible rupture of trust, we can escape from our prison of unworthiness. Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which hurt us the most as children.”  – Psychology Today

So games used to work on me because 1) I had unresolved daddy issues and 2) At the tender age of 20, I was trying to figure out who I was and to top it off, I was ridden with insecurity and a low sense of self-worth.

But somewhere in between the passing of a decade, something changed.

I learned to love myself.  I became independent, confident, and started to value my self-worth. I went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked myself back up which built my strength and courage. Instead of relying on beauty as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values, contributions to the world and how I helped others. In a sense, I finally grew up. I went from being a girl to becoming a woman. And as a woman, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a girl.

A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. You can switch the genders in this post and most points would likely still apply. Or, read this post on “The 11 Differences Between Dating a Girl vs a Woman“.

If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.

  1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
  2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life).  A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
  3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
  4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
  5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
  6. A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
  7. A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting crunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
  8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
  9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
  10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.

*To clarify, when I’m referring to “games” I mean mind games.”

The above article in italics does not belong to me. I am just sharing. 
Credits: http://justmytype.ca/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/

As For Me….

IMG_20130922_194827Yup, i absolutely agree and i have far too many goals to attain now. I have been with the right ones but regretably they have to leave and i have to leave. And the wrong ones, thanks but no thanks, i had enough of bullshits. Special thanks to that last ex who beat the hell outta me to let me grow up and grow out of being silly enough to stick to an abusive man who slps around. 
I am never so thankful for being alone now. 

But who knows which nice angel will appear next right? But till then, no bullshit, drama free, focus on food. LOL. kidding, focus on the more important stuff.

Meanwhile, some Throwback pictures, went to Slug again with gf and love love love the brunch and chilling session as always. I love Garden Slug, i love the boss of Slug, he is very nice and considerate and is constantly checking how we feel about the food. If there is anything we are unhappy about, he would change another plate for us or offer some other nice gestures which i do not want to say much. (just in case there are rotten apples who wana take advantage of him!)
LOL. But generally, he is a nice chap that really take care of his customer. It is also a place for the PLUs and Garden slug welcome animals 🙂

It is a nice chilling place and personally, i love the food. No special recommendation because so far, i love al the food i order and i am trying to get gf to go back again tis week, Hopefully.

Garden Slug
8688 8575
55 Lorong L Telok Kurau #01-59/61 Bright CentreSingapore, Singapore 425500

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IMG_20130921_190931Chilled with babies.
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Meanwhile, as i am on  diet, i am eating ALL THESE!
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Love this, Nutella Banana Mash. Sinful to the max and guess what, we added BANANAS and Nutella!

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#Garden Slug

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And then, a large bowl of not very fantastic Ramen, perhaps i had better ones before.
Since it is not fantastic, shant share the address and the shop’s name.

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Thanks Gf for the above!

There are plenty of Mooncakes at home now, from various friends and i have no particular interest in them. Lucky me.
but for the snowskin (s), i am guilty… :p

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Basically, alot of food lah. I was eating like crazy. Actually, not really crazy crazy but i wasnt starving.
How is that consider a diet plan?

Well, i am on a program right now and all i have to do is eat moderately.
I wasnt exactly gorging, but i am def not starving.

 

I just started this plan a week ago, if the result is good, i will definitely share.

Oh and yes, i still exercise, not that frequent but i am still trying my best to do it at least once or twice a week, one and 1/2 hour each time.

IMG_20130920_204757Amazing view during workout. 🙂

IMG_20130920_235727Zen joinned me for the workout and was screaming tired after 5 minutes of cycling. Lousy. LOL

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And i spent 1 of the Sundays packing my desk. It was WAR zone.

IMG_20130915_165721And i found an old picture of me and my buddy. It was year 2007, i was skinny and dark. 
And to those who keep saying i m resting my boobs on his arms, please get a life, it was just the angle.
Y would i do that? He wasnt a bf to begin with and it is quite obscene to hear that.

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IMG_20130915_164925Trust me, it might not look very neat in these pictures, but the desk was really neat and so much neater than before. 
4 hours of packing paid off.

And

My random pictures which you might have seen in my Insta if you are following me.
Follow me if you are not!
http://instagram.com/valliezlesley

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IMG_20130922_233300Especially true currently.

IMG_20130924_161614Oh, to that new follower on my Insta, hi and thanks! 🙂
U have always been in my memory and thanks for the wonderful memories you gave.

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And I just did a test that is extremely accurate, you might wana try?

Click TEST to try out now!

Alright, i gtg, till the next post!

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