Believe. Faith. Love. When they are alive, HE is alive.

Posts tagged ‘friendship’

Vdates – Changes

IMG_20131023_3Before i start on my updates, i have a question for you guys.

What do the term “Changes” mean to you and how do you feel about having Changes in your life?
And i mean, major changes, not tiny little ones.
But of course, different individual view the size of changes differently.

Right now, there are quite a few changes in my life, i would say they are definitely good changes but i am really really afraid despite the excitement. Maybe i can list them down, you decide if they are big or  small changes. For me, they are all big changes because i believe that these changes change my destiny, and perhaps, bring me nearer to where i deserve.

I shall just compare the Me now and Me 5years ago.

1) I am a Christian

This is a major change because i remember i was a very rebellious kid. I felt that God (Jesus) is not real and even if HE is, we will never cross paths. I cursed, i swore and i said every nasty thing about Jesus but yah, i guess He loves me anyway.
Thank God for God, if not for Him, i wouldnt be able to be experience an intimate relationship with someone that High up. People always think that God is way up there, but ever since i came to know Jesus, i know that God is just right beside. Alot of times, i thought i was about to die, my life has reached the best it can ever go, God shows me otherwise. Too much to explain but i am glad i know You Jesus. So thankful.

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2) I no longer yearn for a relationship with a person
Perhaps back in those teenage days, i was lacking of family love and ever since, it has become a habit to find love elsewhere. The habit did lasted for quite sometime but i am glad that something really bad and major happened 2 years back (with my last ex bf) and made me realize that BGR isnt the most important thing in life. I realize that despite the argument that not all men are the same (crappy and shitty), i have more or less gave up on pursuing that fairytale for myself. I came to know that everything on earth can be forced except love. Marriage is important and was deemed to be the most important event in life for me 2 years ago but nope, it no longer hold much place in my heart anymore. Too many sad cases, too much betrayals, too much examples.
If the best happen, it happens (i am not saying you dont have to work for it, you do have to) but if it doesnt, it just doesnt.
so yah, BGR is desired but no longer essential.

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3) I no longer commit myself to cigarettes 
I quit smoking on the 1st of Jan 2013. I didnt touch a stick till somewhere in May. I rem i was trying to light up a cig since i havent been touching it but it didnt feel very well. I shall not lie about it, i still smoke now and  then. But i am not addicted nor committed anymore. It is very very occasional that i will touch cigs again, They always say that “since you have stopped, why get back into it again?” I agree to a certain extent and thus i have never wanted to start the cycle of buying a pack every 2 days ever again.
But i believe, despite the fact that smoking harms, the addiction itself harms more. And thus i quit addiction, i quit the bad habit. It is more important to me, to be able to cut myself from that redudant commitment to smoking. However, i still have to emphasize, while it is not healthy being a social/ casual smoker, at the very least, i no longer behave like a slave to cigarettes and i have no yearnings for it no more. In short, i have control over my desires. Thank God

4) I spend more time with my Family and Mum
I remember spending time with them when i was in primary school. That was quite sometime ago and ever since i enter secondary school, i have stopped. I stopped wanting to know about them, i stopped showing that i care, in fact, i do not care at all. I do not want to have anything to do with the family and family members were just there cos they have to be there. I kinda hated myself for being so insensible then. And now, i have been doing all that i can to make up for lost times, however, sometimes i do fail them. But i am really very thankful that i get back that kinda lovey dovey feelings from  my family. I remember having those feeling when i was 7yr old. I have never forgotten about it, i just lost it and am i glad i got it back now. I hope it is not too late.

IMG_20131028_5Please look at the mood swing Mum in these 2 pics.IMG_20131026_231339

5) I started exercising to keep fit and not only to lose weight
I always think that exercising is a chore and i still think that way sometimes when i am lazy. But i have come to accept that exercises not only build up the metabolism rate, but also self confidence of a person. At least for myself, it does. It is the best form of motivation and besides being able to look better, being able to be healthy mentally and physically is very important too. Age is a figure but what emits from within is more crucial. Especially when i am more than a quarter of a decade old. Ahem.

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IMG_20131026_194908i wouldnt say i am in perfect shape but trust me, i love the progress i see in the mirror. I mentioned previously that i am on a programme for slimming and it really does work! Of course, it is best to combine proper dietary plans and exercises. I never believe in taking only diet pills or supplements.
I have another 2 months to go before i see the  full result, stay tuned, i am more than willing to share about it!

6) I started to save
Not much but yah, still trying my best to. It is a little late as my peers are all having 5 figure digits in their banks while i…. but better than nothing!

7) I stop forcing myself to be out on Fridays and Saturdays
I used to think that it is a MUST to party or at least be out on weekends so as to ‘not waste’ the weekend away. But nope, i stopped forcing myself to feel tired and i stay home after work most of the time. I will only head out when i feel fresh or ‘awake’.

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IMG_20131014_11Love my gf lots. #throwback #ktv

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Random Food i eat.
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Babies make me happy.

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8) I started to leave friends that do not want to cherish friendship
In the past, i get way too upset whenever a friendship has to end. I thought friends are forever. Guess i wasnt so mature.
Friends, in fact, do come and go. I believe God gives us different friends at different phases of life. And although i still feel a little upset initially when i chose to give up certain dishonest and negative friends months ago, i have learnt to let go and now, i feel nonchalant about these 2 persons. They might have helped me alot in the past, but thats the past, what matters now is the present. People do change and so do friends. I have accepted that fact.

9) I have taken a huge step for my health
I shant reveal what it is over here but let’s just say, i have taken a huge step in following up with my doctors (yah, more than 1 doc) regularly and am on medication to improve things.

10) This is a crazy plan
Yes, it is. I cant reveal it now but very soon, you will know what i am saying. I always feel small about myself since i dont know when. I always think that i can never accomplish big things, the good endings are not for me and etc. Thank God for sending me nice angels to be with me, to talk to me, to encourage me. I am taking a huge step to achieve this goal. It is very important to me now and i am really praying for the best. It is not easy as i am not born with a silver spoon to start with. I cant afford to not work, not even for a month. As i have to tc of my family. Thus, i am really giving my best and all. I know there are already people doing what i want to do, and perhaps plenty of them do not have to struggle so much as i do because they  came from a better background. But i believe God will show me what He wants for me along the way. By Faith, i believe. God, be with me.

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Alright, so i didnt expect to write so much but i did. Unknowingly, i gathered 10 points. I wanted to list only 3 initially. Haha.
What about you? Are you making changes to your life as well? Are you afraid of changes?

I, am very afraid. Thus i always pray for my courage to be more than my fear because fear is there to stay, as long as there are challenges. Instead of asking for it to be gone, i ask for Courage to cover Fear.

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But i guess, “changes” are good, because if there isnt any change in my life, it would simply mean i will be as useless as i was 5 years ago.

Haha.

Alright, gtg, till the next post, God Bless!

Oh! i forgot to include, from tomorrow onwards, i will be able to sing for my Christian meetings. I have always wanted to serve as a vocalist in the choir but i didnt dare to in the past. Also, there was no slots available back then. It has been years and i thought that the vision of me singing to God was just a dream that will never happen. Little do i know that, God really does make it happen! In His timing. 🙂
I am very very nervous and anxious. It is not another KTV session, i have to actually be moved by faith so that the worship will be good.
Thus, i am really really very very excited and nervous. Gotta  go and listen to the songs on Youtube now, laters!

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Who is the Victim?

Like what the title suggests, alot of times, when 2 parties are in a fight, people tend to wonder who is the one that is at fault and who is the real victim.

Also, at alot of times, it is not that simple and easy to tell because somethings can’t be viewed from the surface.

For example, someone that is constantly portraying that image of being spiritual and kind vs someone that has no intention to hide his/her true feelings.
Who will you sympathize? Who will you trust then?

Yes, i am indeed talking about myself and someone that i was once very close with. I have mentioned briefly previously that our friendship has deteriorated to the worst. There is no room for reconciliation as far as i see. I do not think any reconciliation will happen without Transparency.
To me, any r/s requires transparency and that is what it is lacking in this friendship.

I do not know if i am blogging this with anger, with disappointment or disgust. It is a mix feeling and i dont intend to act like i am an angel. But i hafta admit i am damn pissed off by hypocrisy.

Honestly, i no longer care what the  ex cell group think anymore. I mean, there used to be a group which we called “cell group” but ever since the group split due to some crap reason, there is basically a division.

I am glad that i am no longer with certain people in the group because as if the world isnt bad enough, the crazy amount of judgments and discrimination is making me suffer. Whenever that happens, i will be told that these people/ problems are here to train me to be a better person.

Yes, i dont deny  that. God does send people to our lives to mould us. But frankly, i have enough of these problematic folks at work, i really dont see the need of mixing around with more negative people (wad’s worse is, they claim to be your spiritual family).
In short, it is just stupid to suffer on and am i glad to be out of the group.

FO Dramas.

Ok, having said that, i am not saying the entire group is evil. I really received alot of help before, from different people in the cell group and they are not all bad and mean. The 1  thing i cannot stand is how mighty some they think they are, there is no humility but only rigid ways of manipulating.

I was judged constantly for every word i say. Anything i say or do can be mis-interpreted and deemed as non-spiritual.
One good example : i am sick and when these group of people ask me if i m ok, i replied that i am sick.
Guess what’s the next reaction from them?
They: You cant say you are sick! You cant proclaim that you are sick! If you do, you will really be sick!

Really??????

Ok, i do believe that the mouth should proclaim the good and not the negative stuff, but i dont intend to lie either. If i am sick, then i am sick lah!
Y should i lie and say that “OH NO I AM SO DAMN WELL”
I will get better isnt it. Must i lie to  get better?
Cant i say “look i am sick but i will recover”

So, i guess God thinks it is enough, enough for me. Thus i am out of that silly hypocritical group.

So, yup, i do not care what they think of me anymore. I do not care if they side this hypocritical person that i fall out with and i do not care if they bitch about me behind my back. How would i not know? They bitch about anyone that is in the group, people who left, people who are still around, basically everyone and everyone is at fault EXCEPT they, themselves.

Everyone is at fault but when it is their turn to be wrong, there is always a very good enough reason to back themselves up.

This sounds extremely familiar with the person i argued with and till today, she is still acting angel infront of me and the rest.
Example?

I asked her sometime back: I asked you if you did it the other time, but you said no. Now that you talk about it, it seems like you did, so did u or did u not?
She: Errr. Yes, i did.
I:  Then y u say you didnt when i asked you then?
She: oh, because i do not want to affect you, i do not want you to lose faith.

I: ?????

I was in total confusion. Why would hiding something from me be good  for me? Why would telling the truth to me make me lose faith? Lose faith in what? In who?

So i continued  asking…

I: lose faith in what?
She: I do not want you to think that a spiritual person can do something not right and cause you to lose faith in your walk with God.

HONESTLY SEVEN SHI KAI QI, i didnt say it then because i was totally manipulated, but try telling me that now and i will ask you to SHUT THE F UP.

Stop using God’s name in vain, 7. That is so disgusting. Please.

As for what is that “something she did”, i shall not mention as it is not really nice. I am gonna tell the truth but i m not intending to divulge her personal stuff here.

Like what i told her, i really do not take this shit. She can act like a victim all she wants and go ahead and say it is me that hurt her, that malign her and wadever. Her bf can continue calling everyone that knows the both of us and check if she is indeed so shitty as what i have told him. I am not the one sleeping beside him anyway, so there is no need for him to trust me.

Before i continue saying anything, maybe you can take a look at this and right, this is  what i meant by being a Hypocrite:

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And just mins, or the most, an hr after i read the above, guess what i see next?

So much for all the LOVE GOSPEL.

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She commented on my insta picture, dont ask me what is she  trying to say, i have to read it a few times to understand too.
Language aside, see how a person can change from a loving angel that stands by God’s kingdom, to a person who accuses.

I have made myself very clear in my reply to her and if you are still not getting the picture, perhaps i can fill you in. She is saying that i am not talking to her face to face but spreading stuffs abt her behind her back, telling people how displeased i am with her. She assume that whatever nasty picture or post i posted is about her. There was no name mentioned but she just choose to believe it is her i am talking about, without me hinting or anything. She just conveniently match whatever i am saying to herself.

So, the reason why i have gave up meeting up with her to talk it out is because i am extremely tired and it is really not easy listening to lies when you already know they are shit excuses and lies. So why would i wana meet up and waste everybody’s time then?

i have ENOUGH, and i really mean ENOUGH. There are numerous times of me wanting to salvage, i apologized whether it is my fault or not. I just tried to be nice, i prayed and i endured her lies as much as she endured my temper.

Fair enough.

Yes, she was the 1 that kinda help me through my lowest period, she was there for me whenever i needed help a year back and she was really really caring back then.

I am not a person who bite the hand that feeds, i am definitely not a disloyal person that can just disregard someone that helped me so much before. Of course, it is up to me to say what kinda person i am but if you really know me, you would know. You would know that if you help me with 1 hand, i will and i can do anything to help you back, to repay you with both my hands.

But, in this case, does it mean that i am indebted to her forever even if she is lying constantly and disrespecting this friendship/me?

Frankly, there was much struggle inside me and i really felt affected initially when the friendship starts to break down. But as time goes, i became very numb towards her dishonesty and eventually gave up.

I want to spill so much but there are just too many examples and honestly, i dont feel  good writing much of her personal stuffs here.
In conclusion,  this friend has preached too much, way too much to me, in God’s name but i see ntg of her actions showing what she preaches. Which disgust me.

Secondly, as a friend, she was only there for me when she was single, which is fine too. I mean, everyone does neglect their friends a little once they are in a r/s. But, leaving me alone for the longest time once she is attached. Lying to me and manipulating me with al the bullshit excuses. Wads the point of that? I rather have no concern than fake concern. That is disgusting.

Thirdly, as an insurance agent of mine, there are numerous time of MIA actions from her despite promising my Mum that she wud meet up with her to do the claims and etc. It is fine if she is busy and stuff and couldnt make it. But at least have the decency to text or inform if she cant make it right?

NO NEWS from her at all and only till midnight 12am,  she replied that she was tired and busy while what i heard from her bf was that she was already with him having dinner in the evening. Yeap, have time to eat, no time to text to inform. That is very spiritual and responsible.

I would love to add that, none of us (neither me nor Mum) asked for her to come, neither did we fix a date for her to come. She was the one that said  that she would be coming over on either Sat or Sun. We let her do the decision making, let her choose the dates and time and we didnt even ask till 9pm on Sunday after hearing NOTHING from her.

How awesome.

So please, Gary, Bf of hers, if  you are reading this, please STOP speaking up for her because there is simply no excuses for being irresponsible.
You told me your patients play you out sometimes, you said that they do not turn up despite making an appointment with you sometimes.
But you know what, they are YOUR patients, they are your customers.

In this case, i am a customer, a friend.
I can  give and take as a friend, and i can do  that if your gf is responsible enough to inform us and not keep us waiting. We didnt even text her till the very last minute of Sunday. (Look, she promised to come either Sat or Sun, if we that mean, we would have texted her on Sat to ask WTF is she)
As a customer, i will totally make a complaint towards sucha agent.

This is not the 1st time that she is behaving lidat?

Previous times, wrong information given to us about the claims, we accepted that, fine, since she said that she will compensate but that is really not the point.

And Btw Gary, please dont come speaking to me telling me you want to know the whole damn shit.
You should stop being a fool yourself first because if i were you, i would be damn pissed off if my gal has to smoke in secret and claiming that she didnt, INNOCENTLY after spraying on some perfume.

Another Lie for you.

And the church people who came to me in shock asking me is it true that she is a smoker.
I mean, cmon, i used to smoke and i still smoke very occasionally.
Smoking doesnt mean one is bad but “hiding” shows alot of the person.

I have never denied nor hide like someone does but well.

I heard abt the lies she told to the people in church, i just kept silent. Recently, she even told me that she has received NO help from a mentor who she respect and claimed to love so much just months before something bad happened to that mentor.
Initially, she proclaimed her love and respect for him, she urged me to stand by this mentor no matter what happens.
THEN, She told me to go ahead and join that mentor and that she will not be involved with that mentor.

How DISGUSTING is that? As if that is not enough, she got the cheek to tell the mentor that she is just busy and that she cant afford  the time and etc.

LIES again.

So much for being grateful. When something happens, she chose to go the easy way out. That, of course is none of my business and i  cant judge but that enough is the ultimatum for me. I seen enough of her and that’s it.

Lastly, i really would love to say that, i have not gone around telling people how displease i am towards her. I did revealed to a few person, that includes her BF (purely because i thought he would be fair to judge since we were once all friends, i admit that i was habouring the hope that he could help to mediate matters but i was wrong), the new insurance agent ( because she needed to know why i want to change my agent to her), and 2 of our ex cell group friends.
That is a total of 4 person and that is not EVERY1 i met.

But since she want to say  that, fine, once and for all, i will write it here. Not to shame her but to clarify myself.

At least i admit telling those 4 person.

She went to tell the same people about how mean i am, crying out to them that i bully her and want to pick fights with her and etc.

I haven even mention that and she wants to turn around and say it is me. ME ME ME ME ME. It is all me.

Look, i cannot conceal my anger so perfectly as you 7, i cant act like an angel and proclaim i talk to Jesus 24/7 like you did. I cant pretend that i still care for you like how you pretend that you still care for me, according to what i heard from the people you spoke to.
I cant pretend to the ministry that “opps, i forgot i have to serve and i wore slippers, thus i cant serve!”
In actual fact, who would forget about serving and wear slippers on purpose just to avoid serving?
Ok, in short, you want to pretend this and that, fine  fine fine.
You cant serve the ministry because your forgot that you have to, and thus wearing slippers do not allow you to serve, but in fact, you are so kind and spiritual and you want to serve.
You do not have to account to anyone or explain to anyone because you only account to God and you are of clear conscience.

WHATEVER 7.

I just  cant be so pretentious like you are, and i cant pretend to be spiritual and kind.
So, you are the best, i am the crap, i hope you are happy.

There are lots more examples which i really am tempted to tell but i think i shall just leave it as it is, and move on after this post.

I have decided that my life doesnt need such hypocrite to be around, my Mum need not be disappointed again because i have changed an agent and the new agent is extremely nice and helpful.

From today onwards, i want ntg to do with this woman.

At the end of this, i just want to say Thank you for all the help, but no thanks for all the lies, and lastly, i would love to ask you “is that mask of yours so thick that you can actually wear it constantly acting like an angel without being discovered?

And lastly,

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is playing victim the latest trend or practice of yours?”

IT IS AMAZING HOW ONE CAN TALK SO MUCH BUT SAYS NOTHING.
AND HONOUR NTG THAT WAS BEING SAID.

SEVEN SHI , The preachings done with God’s name and scriptures really made me shiver and tremble with fear.

How can someone that quote JESUS and preaches like a pastor day and night, on social media platforms and in real life, be so gross n  goes on lying and lying behind everyone that does not know the truth.

Putting on an angelic and innocent face, pretending to care, infront of all the people.

GROSS.

Ido not wish to cover up for this person. Not a bit. ANYMORE
You can say i am ungrateful and not being graceful.
But there is simply no reason why we should cover up this deceitful person just because of grace.
Winning an argument and losing a friend might be silly.
But there is Zero cost for losing such a ‘friend‘, because with a ‘friend’ like that, who needs foes?

If she cant respect the friendship and me by lying non stop and taking me for a ride, then why should i hold back anything.

Exposing the person is not Tarnishing a person.
Dont even think of shutting me up just because of your guilty conscience.

And STOP using God’s name. FOR GOD’s SAKE.

To clear the air of being maligned as being ungrateful recently. I just simply mean the above and anyone that is not of integrity, i have all my rights to say what i know. I can confidently say, trust what you read.
It is not that i cant let it go, it is also not that i m so free to harp on it but i really cant bear to see more people falling for sucha trap.
Some loving tender care fake-ness and then being led to lies and more lies.

always remember, the guilty person keep quiet not because she is innocent and magnanimous, but more what can a guilty person says towards the truth?

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Vdates – End of May (and full of rantings)

IMG_20130526_213901Hi and in a blink of eye, 2013 is half gone.

I really hated the fact how time flies without me realizing. During my youngER days, each day is a dread and i do not know how to get past those days.

When i was in Primary school, i hated school because i was a dork and i was being bullied regularly.
The 6 years were terrible and each day was a struggle to me.

When i was in Secondary school, i have to worry if my Discipline master will catch my tinted hair, my not very long school skirts and basically all the other disciplinary problems lah. Thus the years crawled slowly and i cant wait to get into the society and work. (totally regretted having that thinking)

During Poly and Private Schooling days, i cant remember what happened but it didnt seem fast either.

Then it was those few years of feeling lost, not knowing what work to do, what job to get, what to do with life before i turned abit more serious at around 25 yo.

Those days of being lost and ‘useless’ really passed by very very slowly.

Recently, i have more plannings, more commitments and goals, time seems to fly its way at the fastest speed and it is not enough even if i am given 48hrs a day.

Sorry for growing up at a slower pace and at a later age. I am not sure how mature are my readers,  i am not sure who are you guys.
But do you also feel the same as me? Do you also feel that being committed and responsible for more things in life seems to make your days so short?

I only get to feel this way now because i really have alot of worries and things on mind, i really do not know how i manage to get pass each day in the past.

Anyway, back to vdates, my past week was TERRIBLE and i thank God it is over.

I dont even feel like starting but i guess i will have to.

Had another huge fight with my Family and this time round, it is MY FAULT. My sis said something unpleasant abt a relative and instead of being patient with her, i flared up and started to bang on things (tables,chairs, doors). Unbelievably mean of me.
I remember being very patient initially but i was just too outta control that night and i said nasty things and ran out of the hse in a fit of anger.

She was at fault for giving names to a relative  and i m very glad she realised it already but i was worse because i swear and cursed and i screamed at my Mum and her. I said alot of nasty things and i poured all my bitterness out.

Sometimes, i wish my sis can do that, so that her bitterness towards me and Mum can be confronted and dealt with. But nope, she doesnt and in the end, i was the 1 who did that. Damn.

I thank God i have gf with me, when i said the most nasty words tt hurt my Mum, gf was there talking to her. I really thank God that Mum also builds up her Faith and tried praying during such times. In the past, she wud just blame God.

Now, she would tell me: do u think this is spiritual attack?

I was like WOW MUM!

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Mum prepared this for my Lunch. Looks sickly but it taste very good – it is Chicken Breast.

Ok, i din intent to put all the blame on Satan that idiot, i have my part to play for giving in to temptation (of anger) but i thank God for His faithfulness. He reconciled us back together and this time round, it is quicker than usual.

I apologized to Mum and poor Mum has to suffer all my nonsense and talk nicely to me. I really love her alot, and i really am willing to do anything for her. She really show me what is selfless love. How can anyone love me so much besides Jesus?

I did not imagine i would apologize to my sister but i eventually did.

Honestly, as much as i hate to admit, i am a rather prideful person. I have no issues of admitting wrong and saying thanks – but thats only to people i am not very familiar with. To closer friends and family members, i tend to have that nasty pride problem that hold me back from saying Thanks and Sorry. I do not know why but i am THANKFUL that i am learning how to get that pride issue aside.

From this incident, something in me vindicated me badly. Something, a voice (if you wana call it a voice) in me KEEPS telling me i am wrong.
I have no choice but to approach my sis and apologize to her.
She surprised me though, she did not say much this time except for admitting her own mistakes  (no defensive statements from her).

I then realized that actually Pride is like a heavy weight, it is extremely hard to handle as it stretches your muscles while holding them. But they are not that hard to let go, and once you let go, your muscles feel relaxed.

As of 3pm today, sis and i were chatting away like kids:

[2:51:54 PM] Valencia Lesley: hi MT
[2:51:56 PM] Valencia Lesley: i love u

[2:52:16 PM] MT Cheng: …

[2:52:23 PM] Valencia Lesley: y?

[2:52:30 PM] MT Cheng: lol

[2:52:30 PM] Valencia Lesley: i tink despite u being a XXXX sometimes
[2:52:31 PM] Valencia Lesley: i love u
[2:52:37 PM] Valencia Lesley: since young i bully u

[2:52:39 PM] MT Cheng: f off HAHA

[2:52:42 PM] Valencia Lesley: wen i teach u maths
[2:52:45 PM] Valencia Lesley: i not patient with u
[2:52:49 PM] Valencia Lesley: 1+1 = 2

[2:52:52 PM] MT Cheng: despite being XXXX. wth

[2:52:53 PM] Valencia Lesley: bt u were SO STUPID
[2:52:55 PM] Valencia Lesley: u say 3

[2:52:57 PM] MT Cheng: aiya still say

[2:53:00 PM] Valencia Lesley: then i ask again

[2:53:01 PM] MT Cheng: my maths not good.

[2:53:01 PM] Valencia Lesley: u say 4
[2:53:04 PM] Valencia Lesley: then u say 6

[2:53:09 PM] MT Cheng: SINCE WHEN I SAY that? HAHA

[2:53:09 PM] Valencia Lesley: i was lik WTF is wrong w u!??!
[2:53:12 PM] Valencia Lesley: 1+1 = 2 la?!??!?!
[2:53:18 PM] Valencia Lesley: wher the 4 6 3 come frm?
[2:53:33 PM] Valencia Lesley: HAHAAH bt i m ashamed tt i m so impatient with a small kid lik u
[2:53:35 PM] Valencia Lesley: so i am sorry
[2:53:36 PM] Valencia Lesley: i love u
[2:53:43 PM] Valencia Lesley: n u said tt
[2:53:50 PM] Valencia Lesley: bc i rem clearly i scolded u say u stupid
[2:53:55 PM] Valencia Lesley: althou really abit stupid
[2:54:02 PM] Valencia Lesley: bt u were jus a kid
[2:54:03 PM] Valencia Lesley: i m sorry
[2:54:13 PM] Valencia Lesley: n i noe u are capable of bigger things
[2:54:19 PM] Valencia Lesley: so u r nt stupid ok

[2:57:31 PM] MT Cheng: haiz.
[2:57:39 PM] MT Cheng: i know im born smart

[2:57:44 PM] Valencia Lesley: … not really.

[2:57:46 PM] MT Cheng: but my talents are hidden
[2:57:48 PM] MT Cheng: HAHHA
[2:57:48 PM] MT Cheng: u guys didnt know

[2:57:52 PM] Valencia Lesley: lol!

[2:57:54 PM] MT Cheng: till now

[2:57:54 PM] Valencia Lesley: omg.

[2:57:55 PM] MT Cheng: well

[2:57:55 PM] Valencia Lesley: hahahhahah

[2:57:57 PM] MT Cheng: not so late

[2:57:57 PM] Valencia Lesley: WADEVER

[2:57:58 PM] MT Cheng: LOL!

[2:58:02 PM] Valencia Lesley: i m gona post this
[2:58:04 PM] Valencia Lesley: shit u

[2:58:06 PM] MT Cheng: WTF

[2:58:10 PM] Valencia Lesley: 😉

[2:58:11 PM] MT Cheng: HAHA
[2:58:15 PM] MT Cheng: blackmail
[2:58:19 PM] MT Cheng: can sue u for that
[2:58:19 PM] MT Cheng: haha

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHAHA

I was very happy and i am still happy. We are now planning for our first Family trip for Mummy’s Birthie! 😀

I will most prolly be away for Aug for Mum’s birthie and the Project i have with gf. I pray for Open doors of Opportunities from God and i see how He guide me step by step, small steps and big steps. I believe He has a plan for me (and gf) so i believe we will do well. Praise the Lord!

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Went to visit Gf at the MBS suite and she bought bubbles for me! So happy! 😀
Chris and her (and my Mum) say that i am like a kid. :/

Then, before  May ends, i had an argument with Seven. I really do not think it is right to say it here but i also do not know if it is my fault.
I asked a few people about it and besides acknowledging tt i have a screwed up temper issue, the real problem here is not only my temper issue but a friendship issue.

Something is very wrong with the friendship.
Sometimes i feel that i am not being treated fairly in this friendship as her priority is no longer the friendship or something pure and fair. Her priority now is Gary, her beau, who happens to be a good friend of both of us too.
Hate to say this, i am not envy of her because after seeing what she is going through in this r/s, i really thank God i am single.
Not saying that she is suffering or whatever, that is not up to me to judge, but i am saying i wouldnt want to be in her position.
Hate to say this, i am not jealous at all but i do feel that the Seven i respect is now another person whom i might feel very …hard to find words.
I just feel that she changed and i can only say i am silly to expect from a human.
As much as she is very spiritual, kind, helpful and please-fill-up-the-list-with-all-the-good-virtue-pointers, she is still a human after all.
Why am i expecting her to be the same rational friend that held neutral stands that i once had?

I do not know what to do with the argument that we had, we basically did not talk after tt.
Knowing her well, she is not the least bothered because friendship, r/s, kinship and wadever ships to her are just secondary.
She told me she wouldnt even cry if someone close pass away. What do you think?
I know she is a rational person and some call her cold hearted. But i just thought it is not a problem for her to get over.

I did not tink of apologizing because i am still rather disturbed with what had happened. If doing something for me in the not so legal way is not possible, then why get me involved with the policy in the first place? Because even if i do not trouble Gary to help out, the whole thing is still Not legal.
So whether you get Gary to help me or not, you are still involving me in a NOT legal thing what. Why do you have to portray how righteous Gary is then? I mean, if he and you are so righteous, then why are you all doing the same not very legal thing for others?
I am not very sure about how insurance policies work thus you cant expect me to know everything. Is like, do you need to use  the word “Fraud” on me, hello?

Ok thats so much i am revealing, i am not gona get anyone into trouble by saying more, if you are smart, you would have guessed it.

As for me, i understand that when one apologize, it doesnt always mean that one is wrong, it is sometime for the r/s.
But for this case, i really do not know what to do, apologize for my attitude perhaps? But not for her selfish thoughts for Gary before me. I understand he is her beau but i feel crappy inside me.

Would also like to say this, yes i admit i kinda expect everyone to behave like me and i am really trying my best to change this very BAD habit of mine. Of course, i cant expect everyone to be fair and not 重色轻友 (the 4 chinese characters means one that cares more for his or her beau so much to the extent of neglecting friends)

I have my moments of being sucha bad person before too. I was busy being depressed with my last Ex, and i neglected Regine (which also made her very bitter towards me even after so long. She recently confessed that to me. Yes, how nice to have family arguments, frenship problems all tog right?)

But honestly Regine, i hope you see this and think about it, i have helped you many times before which i hate to claim credits for those times, you helped me multiple times before too. But you do realize that you ‘abandoned‘  me for some guys before too right? You do realize that as much as Adrian was a real jerk, i was blind that time and i wanted to marry him and thus i was depressed like mad when he abused  me and betrayed me during that time right? Y did you hate me so much for that 1 year of me abandoning you? I basically abandoned myself back then, dont you realize? SIGH.

I cant expect everyone to be as ‘tough’ & ‘cool’ as me, but u know how i cringe whenever Seven does the doll voice to coax Gary each time we are out. I mean, ok fine…couples like to do these lovey dovey things but i am not invisible, if you want to do all these, perhaps i shouldnt join the outing…right? It is really awkward for me.

I am a terrible person lah. I can only get along with certain people because these people accept me and i can accept them fully with no frustrations.
Terrible right?

I wouldnt be like others bc i wouldnt find excuses to defend myself saying i am cool because i am who i am. I am indeed terrible, that i admit.
I know i have been told that the real problem is me because i cant get along with people.
I agree, sadly.

I am trying to accept people and i am learning but i am still not able to do it. I think i need time and His Grace.

While typing this, my colleague who lost 7kg from the Nuskin TRA programme, came and remarked on my diet sarcastically AGAIN.

She lost alot of weight and it is obvious, from 75, 76kg to 68kg now? Well i do not know if she lies about her weight but from her shape, i can tell she lost weight. Good for her but she has been pushing me to buy that TRA thing for the longest time even after i told her i have commitment issues as i am with the Gym now and i am saving up for stuffs.

I would love to try TRA, why not right? I wana slim down too. I gained like 10 kg in a year of stuffing everything into my mouth last year.
But i would love to know i work for what i want, i cant deny i have fallen in love with exercising – Cycling, Swimming, Stretching and etc.
She pities me CONSTANTLY and say i am very 可怜 (pitiful), but i do not feel i am suffering.
She dissed my exercise regime, i was like…wads wrong with exercising???? Yes i would try TRA if i can afford to (it is $2k over for 3mths)
BUT i would still exercise EVEN if i am doing through that TRA crap.
I thought i made myself very clear already.
She dissed my healthy fruits and salad diet because she can eat fried chicken chops and other fried food because she has that TRA thing.
But why cant i eat healthy instead? Besides slimming down, i would like to be healthy too what?!
All those pills and supplements makes one slim down in a rapid rate, if i say i do not want that, i am lying.
But i also treasure my workout times, i love to work out and tone my muscles, i love to eat healthy now.

Nothing wrong right?

IMG_20130529_191352

Used to think tt 15mins on the cycling machine is crazy but i did 45mins ytd.

I honestly dont really care what you will say or dissed abt cycling because i have alot of people telling to me that it doesnt wrk if you wana slim down and etc
No doubt, i hope it works but if it doesnt, i will still love cycling. Just because you do not have the heart to cycle or cant put your lazy bum on that machine, just because you cant put in effort to exercise and you dissed me of the exercises i do… thats very mean.
Dont be surprise because there are alot of people like that around. They love to bring others down because they cant do it. They are hoping you are as lazy as them.
IMG_20130526_2

IMG_20130530_132140

Dearie Mummy prepared apples for me for lunch. 3 small apples! Yummy.

 

So you see, here i am complaining about another person. Terrible right?

I know I know and I know. I know i should learn to accept people and see their Good besides their Flaws. Because i wouldnt want others to see my flaws only.

Just this Morning, i bumped into Alex – my churchmate and his wife. I said hi and smiled, the wife looked away as usual whereas he greeted me happily and asked me how am i.
You see, Alex is a wonderful man, he is humble and helpful to everyone. I wouldnt say the same of his Wife because she is from HK and many told me she has a different culture background. (LAME EXCUSE FOR HER RUDENESS I KNOW, i rolled my eyes when the people told me that too)

Basically, She chooses her friends carefully. (even her husband says that)
I do not know if it is a bad thing because frankly, you cant blame her as you see, i choose friends too. (read above and you know what are the people i really wouldnt like to be friends with)

But i do think that as much as you choose friends, you have to have Manners lah. People say hi to you, smile at you, but you glared and look away?

I might not be AS RICH as those that you see in church (whom you have to suck up to), i might not be as pretty as your expectation, i might not be wearing Pradas and LV, I might not be the most spiritual gal in the church.

BUT I HAVE NEVER OFFENDED YOU IN ANYWAY!? I EVEN OFFERED YOU DRINKS, I TRIED TO GET FOOD FOR YOU WHEN WE WERE DINNING TOGETHER, I TRIED TO BE NICE.

I am not what you expect me to be and you can Don’t Friend Me , but you have NO MANNERS.

Hongkong teach you to be like that meh? Or Jesus taught you that? (ok Jesus will never teach her that i am sure)

IMG_20130527_202640

So my main point here is, i wana whine about people who irritated me for the past week. Nothing preachy. Just pure rantings.

Anyway, back to what i was saying, i was a terrrible person because my attitude to people depends on theirs to me. This is not totally wrong but it kinda reflects my low EQ. I cant help it. I am trying hard to change.  I have no excuses for myself but i can tell you…it is NOT EASY.

God have Mercy on me.

IMG_20130526_214252

It is Fri tomorrow and a new Month is coming. The upcoming months will be very challenging and i am glad i have my God, my family and gf with me. A BIG THANKS to gf for realizing my dream a bit faster for me, and she has been very supportive too. Love her.
I also wana thank Chris for ‘lending’ gf to me for this tough period. 🙂

I love Mummy and my Sis, i really pray that they can be healthy and safe 24/7. (Random but mean it)

Ok Anyway, the coming weeks i will be really busy so i thought i better blog today before i go MIA for sometime.

Someone asked if i will still be blogging more, i dont know man.It depends.If i am free and i feel like it, why not?

If i am lazy and all (hope you know that blogging is rather tedious. thank God i am just a normal blogger that blogs for i duno who.
Imagine the stress of the ‘famous bloggers’ of having to commit?? Meh)

Ok, i gtg. Good weekend everyone~ Till next post and God bless.

p/s: i hope you are not surprise by the exceptional huge amount of rantings in this post. I really feel i have to let out the steam. I really am trying my best to be good but i really do not know where else can i vent out. I am human but that is not an excuse for my errors i know. Pray for me?

🙂

BFF?

 Friends are just people that God send at different phases of your life.
People that you need and people who need u at different chapters of life.

Some stay while some leave, some forgive some bear grudges, some for life and some for season.
They have to go some how, for some reason only God knows why.

If one wants to hate, we cant control, if one wants to leave, by all means.

Happy Valentines 2013 (edited and updated)

Happy Loves Day!

Cliche as it sounds, everyday is Valentines if you are with the right person.

I was once pampered by flowers and expensive gifts on Vday.

Needless to say, it was happiness. But i was wrong. Because you wouldnt wana noe what happen on the rest of the days.

Thank God is over and for Vday this time round, i thank God i do not have to be happy only on 1 day and cry for the rest of the days.

Happy Valentines to the lovebirds out there, to my family, to my frens, Gary and 7, and those whom i love (and love me) !

🙂

IMG_20130214_132337.

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They are lovely. Thank you.
I mean, they are still pretty despite –

(15th Feb ’13)

So, how was your Vday? Hope you had a great one ya. I am sneezing non stop now and i am praying that i am not falling sick!
Church service tmr and i cant wait, i seriously cant wait 🙂

The recent tv programmes have been talking about Zodiac signs and i was told that it is a very bad year for Ox this year, in terms of Career, Health, Wealth or R/s.
It is damn funny la, the person who talk about it was a famous Fengshui Master and he is not only famous for Fengshui but recently, he made it to the headlines for not only 1 day but 2 days of adultery and scandalous case.
Goodness.
So…m i suppose to believe this guy or wad?

But, him aside, the other Fengshui Masters also said that it is a bad year for OX (my Zodiac sign is Ox, yah go and work out how old am i. haha)

I have to admit, i feel alittle disappointed because i have alot of wishes and desires, and new plans this year.
Then, after just a few seconds, i ‘woke up’ and wanted to slap myself hard. I mean…no offence to anybody, but how can my life be controlled by any human’s talking?

Surely, i can control my own life. I can work it out, to be better or worse. Surely, there is a God that control my life and i do not believe just because i am born in certain year (that makes me a certain Zodiac Sign), i am ‘fated’ to be in good or bad luck the entire year.
Who else shares the same Zodiac as me? I have no idea, maybe a million, billion or zillion of people.

I am not going into religion now, i am just making a neutral stand. All these crap talks that acts as entertainment, might have various effects on us human leh. I think audiences have to be educated to take all these ‘info’ with a pinch of salt.
Being a staunch Christian, even i (nearly) got fooled into it,  i remember that i was thinking this to myself even “Omg. Thats it, my major plan with Sis is gona be put off. I will lose money. Thats it.”

Omg. Feel like slapping myself again.

Well, you know how well media and entertainment works. It really drills into you if you are not careful with it.

Anyway, thats just my random ramblings. I am feeling damn sleepy and i have to jog tonight. OMG – should i take a nap and then go jog in the midnight? I am so  tired!!! Feel like swimming again. Its been sometime but i hate public swimming pools and i dont stay in a condo. So. Hmm…

Friends with swimming pools! Anyone?

This is another random mention. But check this out:

vd

Funny or what? The person searched for “Happy Valencia’s Day” on 14th Feb- Valentines Day.

Just fyi, WordPress has this Statistic thingy which you can see how many views you have, “who” (from which country) clicked into your blog, and what keywords did the people search (on Google, on Yahoo and other Search Engines) and eventually land on your blog.

Why so funny and weird 1 huh? Who r u? Why you search such thing? Why you search such thing on Valentines Day?
You love me so much meh? HAHAHA

I was quite amused when i see this because i didnt thought of Vday as Valencia Day. AHAH. Whoever you are, please pm me, babe or dude, i think i wana know you. SERIOUS! You so funny la, and innovative. Thanks for labeling 14th Feb as Valencia Day. I will remember FOR LIFE. hahaha.

But again, it might be for another Valencia. There are so many Valencia-s on earth. Haha.

Ok, time for the mandatory picture to give thanks to the sender. Thank you for the flowers, they are not the usual ones i always get, roses, lilies…wadever. And is very CNY feel cos is very red. haha. But you know, i dont think it is appropriate for me to mention names, so you know i am thanking you lah. And you do mean more than the flowers. I cherish our friendship as much as you do. 🙂

To Friendship!

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p/s: i never know and i will never know someone like you ever again. Because nobody loves Nokia phones like you do. SERIOUSLY -_-. ahhahaha

Also to those that invited me for dinner or hang outs, sorry but i am really not in the condition to date now. Not flaunting  here, but i dont feel comfy and i think i ought to apologise, for the long delayed dinner dates.
(and when i say ‘those’, it is not like ALOT of ppl la. It is that few friends)

Alright. Eyes closing.

Till the next post, God Bless.

Loves,

Valliez Lesley

Laughter is Healing

Was listening to this sermon last night and i had a good laugh before i fall asleep! Pastor Joel is so funny 🙂

Ok, 1 great thing i heard about laughter is, each time you laugh, 87% of Youth cells are increasingly produced, who needs SK2 in that case! Haha 😀

Laughter is also Healing , find out why in this sermon.

My 12hours fasting starts now, today (10 Oct 2012) is a church-wide fasting day for City Harvest Church. We are praying and fasting to be closer to God and also for unity among ourselves and also for CHC to reach a higher level through various trials.

I personally pray for my own desires as well as Fairness and Justice to be with CHC 🙂

Alright, thats all, let me conserve some energy and meanwhile, you folks enjoy the Word!


Special note to Seven and Gary, thank you guys. Both of you really really made me understand what is true friendship. I always thought that i am a good friend, you know, loyal, helpful and etc.

But, i didnt know how to love and be sensitive with my words and minimize the hurts when there are conflicts. Thank you for showing me unconditional love and still loving me despite me being mean sometimes.

I love you guys truly and i cherish the bond we have between us 🙂

My Fasting Song this time:

For Gary Tho, my pet, my friend.


Gary Tho, Top 8 Finalist of August Man, also my pet, my bro, my buddy, my bitch, my gf’s bitch.

This is the first time (if my memory never fails me), that i am actually promoting and shouting for a pageant contest.  (ok, please exclude Michael’s Cleo Bachelor Contest, i was kinda working that time)
Nah, i have nothing against beauty contests or any pageants and whatnot, but is just never my concern because i feel it is all attention seeking, self-fulfilling crappy shows.

Sorry!
But thats hw skeptical i am towards such stuffs.
However, i have to admit that such competitions boost 1’s confidence and is like a benchmark of achieving/ accomplishing something in 1’s life (to some people at least).

Also, you never know what is your best and how much potential you can unleash till you are face with competition from your competitors right?

Anyways, i am clueless on how to vote here, apparently, organiser was saying they have closed the Voting, but i was informed (by organiser itself) that there is another voting system. Ok, organiser not sure about the voting system.  (-_-)

I still want to ‘support’ my buddy here, and wishing him all the best for tonight’s finale! I have never been concern about contests like these, but i know this mean alot to him. If i am not wrong about him, he isnt someone who just join for the fun of it (though it is fun too lah), but i know he is very serious in activities he engages in.

So Gary, if you win, please know what to do, i am yearning for oysters and i am dressing up (although not according to the 1920s theme the party wanted) for you, for your night! You are already a winner ok?

Haha. If you dont, dont worry, you are still the best. No offence to the other Alisters but i saw you guys and i was like…. ok Gary my bitch is still the best.

🙂

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