Believe. Faith. Love. When they are alive, HE is alive.

Posts tagged ‘help’

Acceptance.

Approximately 15 minutes ago, i was very depressed.

I was asking for a favour from my sister and although it is not unexpected that she turned me down, i still feel pricked because probably i still have hope in me (that perhaps she will show some care by saying Yes)

However,  she turned me down flatly and even say things like “you said you can do it alone”

Sure, of course i can do it alone.

I am doing it alone, arent i doing it alone from day 1?

I know that nobody is obliged to help me out. It is a dream that both of us wanted and since the day she backed out, i am still in this dream.
It is fine, i wanted it.

But despite the fact that she isnt in this with me, i still think alot of how to share this dream with her, should this dream harvest into something fruitful.

But i guess, that is just one sided.

I guess what i do not understand is not about why she reject my plead for help.

I do not understand why as blood tied kins, how can someone so close (that came out from the same tummy) is able to feel indifferent when it comes to rejecting a favour asked. She feels nothing, AT ALL.

She just threw me a sentence “i dont feel like”

Now, that is very hurting.

I would offer my help with all i can even if she says that she is able to do it alone. Is that very stupid or Kay-Poh of me? Should i mind my own business in future?
If i do, i will feel uneasy and selfish, perhaps that is my character. I cannot bring myself to say things like “well u wanted to do it alone, so you do it alone, why are u complaining?”

Because i will feel for the other party, i will know how stressful she is, i will try my best to help even if she does not ask anything from me. I cant bear to see her feeling stressed all alone….

So why cant she do the same for me???

20minutes later, which is now…

I feel much better.

I guess i have only Jesus to thank.

I thought of Him. 

If you have to know, i can share with you.

Look, my belief and faith towards Jesus is strong but my love for Him isnt strong enough……Why would i say that?

Well, I am sure HE is there for me every second and is waiting for me to turn to him and give HIM some attention. But honestly, i didnt.
Most of the time, if i am not busy working and planning out my dream, i am watching some TV drama series.
I only talk briefly to HIM for 5minutes before i sleep and less than a minute when i wake up.
I am sure HE feels as sad as how i feel now….

But if HE were to feel hurt and expect me to be as patient as HIM, HE would have given up on me long ago because i can never be as faithful, i can never give HIM my constant attention.

But HE loves me still. That is unconditional love.  That is Acceptance.

Thus, as i am typing this, i can feel my heart lighten up, feeling much better. This is the 1st time i try thinking of Jesus when i m very depressed and helpless, i am ashamed to even say that this is the 1st time but indeed it is.
In the past, i just allow myself to be sad and wallow in self pity and sadness but this time round, i have too much on my plate to handle, i cant afford to waste time in sadness and insecurity.

I cant be anymore thankful, thank you Jesus, thank you for making me understand that every1 has her flaws, and i have my flaws too.
Most importantly, i cannot and should not expect anyone to be as “helpful” as me, there are things that i cant do too and if anyone expects that i do the same thing and behave the same way as them, i would be unhappy too.

Maybe this lesson is for me to learn – everyone has different character and personality, she might be less helpful but perhaps she is more calm when it comes to arguments. I shouldnt expect of her to be the same as me like how she wouldnt expect me to be the same of her. Maybe i should let go and stop expecting. Somethings can’t be forced but some relationships are destined, we cant change that. Thus we should really learn to Accept.

Thank you God.

Now, you might find that this is silly, but i really did manage to feel better and now i am off to do more constructive things, to plan for my project.

I am not trying to help anyone here but i just need an avenue to pen down my thoughts. I haven been opening up ever since i was told  that i am ill and that i need a shrink…

I might find strength in my Faith, but if you are not a believer and you think that Jesus is like Santa Claus, perhaps you can also see things in another perspective…
There will always be someone that is nicer to you than you know, he or she will accept you unconditionally, it might be your Mum/Dad, your Spouse or Partner? I wouldnt know, but you know, because he/she is the 1st person that came to your mind when i mention this.

However, this person has never once expect the same from you, he/she forgives and loves you even though you are not as nice as them. This world is never fair, quoting my sister “if the world is fair, all fingers will be of the same length”.
While you are upset with others failing your expectations of them, there are people who are equally upset with you but still accepting you… Maybe you would like to do the same, by accepting another person who sin differently as you?

I am just saying. Like i say, i am not even sure if i can help myself because of my illness, i am not so noble to help the world. I just wish to pen down my thoughts and share if i can.

Till the next post, may Love take over all. God Bless`

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Vdates March

V-dates   IMG_20130324_1 Hi! It is rare that i blog on a Sat. But i am doing it today anyway.

Well, i should be running now but looking at the time, i hesitated. TBH, i dont usually care about timing when it comes to jogging as long as it is night and dark. No sunlight please. I am used to running at night, 12mn, 3am? No diff to me.
But i have been receiving warnings and advises from various people, warning me and super against me from running at such hrs.I appreciate the concern, really. But i love running in the dark, quiet and peaceful.

However, tonight, something inside me tell me to listen to the advises and not run. It is however, 2am now.
Call me timid but i am super cautious about my well being recently, you know, besides having tons of dreams that i havent achieve, i am also very concern about my loved ones.

I do not want anything to happen to me and cause any sadness to my loved ones.
Thus i am staying in tonight and hopefully do some stretching and crunches tomorrow.

First and foremost, Vdates simply means Valencia Updates in short- a record of my past weeks events and whatnot.
I am sweating like madness now, the weather is crazy now and i am sweating even when i am stationary at home, sitting on a crouch. Can you imagine the pain. ARGH. Ok, typing till this part, i can no longer endure the warmth as it is killing me and i hate to blog in such condition.

There is no A/C in the living room and i have to run to my  bedroom for A/C.
I do not really like doing much in my bedroom except for sleeping and watching online movies- something that doesnt require me to use my brain. Thus i shall continue tmr or Mon. I cant take the heat, so…sorry! no updates till then! Will be back^

Sunday evening 9pm….

Hi, i am back but i doubt i can finish this post.
Just finished 3 hrs packing  my wardrobe.
It is not that i have plenty of clothes, ok maybe i have but most of them are impulse buys and some are old  and the fact that it is super messy doesnt help.
I am so lethargic now and the weather is CRAZY since yesterday. It is so warm and humid.

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Slept at 5+ am this morning, watched a Chinese show call ” Together” starring Kai Ko (that dude in the TW school show), Michelle Chen (that gal in the same TW school show), Angelababy (omg, she is super super pretty) and the Ip Man guy….oh Donnie Yen.

It was a terrible show. Besides eye candies, there is ntg much to watch. After regretting, i dl Resident Evil- Retribution. I knew i make the right choice but it was already 4+am and i watched a little before drifting to sleep.

I love the feeling of drifting to sleep, super tired kinda feeling rather than rolling on bed, ‘waiting for the right time’ to fall asleep :/

Btw, i have done repairing my lappy at $60. It is cheap, yes, but it is still money.
Others might not get it, like W, he thought it was really cheap and that i am still ‘whinning’ about $60.
But it is still money to me and i am saving money for 1 big plan of my life, thus i dont really appreciate when that kinda “y u so stingy attitude” surfaces.

It is also true that my fren used to reformat my comp for free in e past…but well, since i am there (sim lim) already…might as well just get it done.

Nevertheless, i thank W and his friend for the good deal & finally, after weeks, i am relieved that i am able to return W’s lappy to him.

I dont really want to have the indebted feeling, and i feel i am obliged to have, in this whole ‘borrowing and asking for reference for repairing saga/incident/situation’

Anyway, i am a grateful person, i will thank you with the bottom of my sincere heart. But i dont really like the feeling if the person who help me EXPECT me to keep saying thank u, keeping sucking up and etc. I really dont like it that way.

Shrugs. Anyway, I am really clueless with typing out all the happenings, i shall post pictures and let pictures and captions do the talkings. It is easier for me that way, and clearer for you people too!

Oh, the Star Awards advert on tv (constantly) is kinda irritating me (perhaps you too). LOL.

Sis is baking coffee cake and cookies now, cant smell any better…WEEEEEE

IMG_20130318_6 Pardon the cheesy ‘Sunnies’ effect. My eyes were looking like -_-  Just wana share the picture of this cropped top/blazer. It is nice 🙂 by Bows & Feathers IMG_20130320_2

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IMG_20130320_4 Super ugly first pic, more swollen lids pictures…My lids were swollen and reason is unknown. Took MC to rest at home and the right lid is now still a little swollen. Sadness but i like the part which the swell makes the eyes bigger. Sick but still, the lids r too thick and i can see how i might look if i ever ‘enlarge’ my eyes. Thus no cosmetic surgery for me ever. #haha IMG_20130322_2   Still swollen…

IMG_20130319_9 IMG_20130319_2 IMG_20130319_3 Did Scaling and polishing to remove nasty stains. Am i happy? Absolutely.
Perhaps i am saving for Teeth Whitening too!
Thank God i stopped committing myself to Smoking, never gona  get those nasty smoke stains ever again.
I do not have before and after pictures because i simply cant be bothered and i 4gt to take the ‘Before’ pics but just imagining it alone can be rather disturbing already.
The Pics above are not filtered.
yeap, scaling and polishing can make the teeth looks so much better already, imagine Whitening.. IMG_20130321_194601   My prayer this month is with Chris and her Dad, i sincerely pray for Mr Wong to get well and i am praying here a bold prayer. I know i have a couple of believer friends reading this blog, may i request for your prayers for Mr Wong, who is currently very ill. He small intestine is bleeding internally and if he doesnt go for the ops, he might be in huge danger. If he does, it might be worse as he is already very old. Please keep him in prayers.

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Work in progress… IMG_20130321_201345   After visiting Chris and her Dad at TTSH, i went over to Gary’s clinic. Yes, Gary has opened his own clinic this March. I didnt help much, except for some simple chores, and i am still guilty of not going over ytd to help him with reception works. I knew i was in trouble when i couldnt sleep the night before 😦 Sorry Gary!

Yea, his clinic is relatively new and thus he needs more help. Though his clinic is new, he has rich experience in treating body aches, and guiding you to keeping fit. You may also read more of him at http://www.garytho.wordpress.com

IMG_20130322_003816   And we hang out a little, Seven,Gary me at Wendys for their awesome ice cream cones after a pint over at Harry’s

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IMG_20130323_21 Visited gf.

Walked the dog, watched a horror movie – the old Exorcist (very old school) Drank Moscato. Ate Hotdogs. Ate Mc breaky.
Super slack and i anticipate myself to be over often. #haha

There are Belle (black Labrador), Toro (White Maltese), Miko (Mongrel). Noshii was not in that night. IMG_20130323_20 I was his bed for the night IMG_20130323_19I IMG_20130323_18

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  Also, i would like to ask…If you are looking to adopt a dog. You may consider Belle.

She is a 7 yr old Labrador. Her previous owner abandoned her heartlessly and look at the pic, she is apparently rather hurt and traumatized by that heartless woman.
If you are sure you can love this lovely doggie till she pass on, please pm me.
Belle is currently staying with Cel, and Cel has 3 dogs excluding Belle and she can barely handle all of them anymore.

Despite knowing that she will miss Belle dearly, she has no choice but to give Belle up for adoption as her friend (that heartless owner) will most probably put Belle to sleep should Belle goes back to her.

Belle is gentle, not violent, and unfortunately, she has skin disease (but she is ok under the right care). 575323_10151385346963721_1459245805_n   IMG_20130322_020549Sis (or Mum) bought these. Love ’em! IMG_20130324_055938 IMG_20130324_061650 Yea, i watched this half way and looking forward to finishing it.

IMG_20130323_231645   Dialect Worship album by City Harvest’s Dialect church. The album is sold out and they are reprinting. The gospel songs are awesome. Got it for Mum and really thankful to CHC’s Dialect church for the efforts. IMG_20130323_183551 Really thankful for this as it speaks  directly to what i am fearing/feeling that day. 🙂 Thank God, Thank Chuch.

IMG_20130324_212538[1] Sis baking coffee cake. Her first attempt, i just need to eat. Haha.
However, she kinda  failed this time. The cake tasted like pudding. But the cookies are superb! 😀

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IMG_20130323_182115   A Beautiful reminder. #Faith

So, i did quite alot of stuff over the week. Busy Busy and i am still delaying dinners and outing. Sorry!

Is good to be busy but i wish i have more than 24hrs. Who doesnt? Till the next Vdates~

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Loves` God Bless

p/s i was wrong, i managed to finish this post. gtg, Mon is looking at me frm a short distance. ARGH!

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