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Posts tagged ‘integrity’

Loyalty in a Relationship


Just a random thought and i feel like sharing. I did not intend to write about this but i was doing some work when i happened to know about someone (dont ask me who) messaging his ‘mistress’. Needless to say, i am disgusted.

Actually, in any r/s, the most important factor is Trust – they say.

I think the most important factor has to be Honesty and Transparency.

Trust comes from Honesty isnt it?

It is really sad to know that many people are having affair with someone else other than their boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives.
Whats worse is, they actually think it is ‘Okay’ or ‘Alright’ to do so.

I am not gona blog a whole chunk of logics and theories today. Thus i will save on the big reasons of how and why 1 shouldnt betray.

When 2 became 1 ( i am talking about married couples), it is actually expected that 2 separate individuals come together and joined themselves in spirit and soul as one. So if 1 is hurting or betraying another person, it is as well as hurting own-self. If you love your partner as much as you love yourself, why would you hurt him/her? You wouldnt because you guys are 1.

Maybe some people don’t understand what i am talking about. Is fine. To make it simpler, i actually think it is pointless to cheat…If you intend to b with someone. Why cheat? If you havent had enough of fun, then stay single? Simple?

But we can never stop people from being selfish isnt it? Many of those that cheat are just greedy people that are never satisfied with whatever they already have or owned. They do not want to let go of their comfort zone but they couldnt stay disciplined to that comfort zone.

In short, they are just self centered. There is nothing one can do about such people or Betrayals.

So, when Betrayals occur, what do you do? What would you do?

There are only 2 ways – Give up and move on OR Forgive and stay on.

Actually, there is another way which is rarely mentioned – Forgive and Move on.


To give up and move on –  sounds like it is the easiest but it is also the hardest. To give up on a r/s that you cherished so much, a r/s that you spent time and effort for, isnt that simple as it sounds. Moreover, it is written in your Marriage Vow –  “Till Death do us part” 
If betrayal isnt anywhere near Death, does that mean a couple should not part?
Afterall, it is written in the Vow, and a Vow is a Vow because it isnt a promise.
Promises can be broken but not a vow.
Do we honor the Vow and hang on to the r/s and forget about parting then?

Now, Forgiving and staying in the r/s tt is already stained, is a huge responsibility and when i say Forgive, it means you are ready to start afresh and not think about the betrayal that once happened. No matter how tough the situation might arise in future, you can never mention about the past. You forgive with your whole heart and you bear no jealousy, no doubt, no hatred, no anger, no hurt ever…You are not to be reminded of what happened before, you are not to become paranoid because of what that happened before. You basically start everything anew.
So, is it that easy to forgive and stay on? Not for me.

The last choice that is left is to Forgive and move on..We all know that Forgiveness is the hardest. But perhaps by moving on, you will hate lesser?
Besides, have you heard that even if you forgive, you do not have to stay with that person? You simply forgive for your own sake, but you leave the person for the best of both persons.
I am not sure about you. For me, i left my ex boyfriend not because i chose to but I thank him and i thank God for the breakup because God knows how long more i might stay on. The betrayals and abuse he gave is horrendous, really not very easy for me to forgive.
To be honest, i dont even know if i still hate him, he is like a stranger to me now. But if given the chance to meet again, i rather not. LOL.
But by leaving each other, i realise that it is really easier to forgive, perhaps this is why some breakups is really meant for the best for 2 parties.
Of course, thank God we werent married, if not, i will really be in dilemma.

Because i am a Christian and Marriage is Sacred to me, i really honor what thats written and what Jesus said. Although yes, i might not be perfect and i might not have honored everything that was written, but i really try my best to. And for a Marriage, if there is no transparency and loyalty, then why bother to get married?

So, honestly, after seeing that someone msging his ‘mistress‘ just now, i do not know what to say. It seems like the whole world is doing such thing and thinking it is alright to do so.

GF told me her friend cheated on her bf with another man. That ‘another man’ is married and anticipating his 2nd child. Isnt that heartbreaking?

A friend of mine forgave his wife after his wife cheated on him and decided to accept the wife again.

More examples which i really cant be bothered to list.

The world is so warped that i cant resist asking myself  “which man (or woman) is really loyal to their partner nowadays?”

It is so sad to even think of human beings in that way right…but thats how the world is now. Sadly.

Some women i talked to, told me that they knew what was going on with their straying husbands but they chose to ‘close one eye’ – they chose  to pretend that they do not know as long as their husbands come back to them, come back  home after each scandal that happened outside.

I feel it is ridiculous but well, some people can just do that.

Some men i spoke to, told me that there will be no excuse to betrayals and thus they will chose to divorce or break up with their partner no matter what. They added “i am a man, i have my pride”
Now, thats how fuck up most men are, their pride and ego is everything. I am not condemning all the men here ok, i am just saying most or some of the men that i knew of. Do you dare to tell me you have never hear that from a man before?

Why should a man be expected to fool around and be looked up to and why is it when a woman do the same thing, they are being labelled as sluts?


I dont know about you but i guess i wouldnt pretend that i dont know anything because that isnt me. But if i ever break up with someone over betrayal issue, it wouldnt be because of my pride. It would most prolly means i cant go on anymore and going on will be painful and once Trust is gone, everything will just go downhill. I cant say i will definitely forgive but i will try, but to stay on in the r/s, it is impossible.

Thus i think i can never be married right now because i still cant honor “till Death do us Part”, because in my world, i honor “till Betrayals do us Part”. I do not expect my partner to be flawless, i expect my r/s to be flawless.

And when i say “Flawless”, it doesnt mean that the r/s is full of roses, choc and sweet moments without argument or whatnot. Flawless to me, simply means – ZERO betrayal.

Sounds easy but it is really not easy in the society now. Being in a world full of temptations, having advance technology that help speed up the process of getting in touch with your temptations, one can really stray easily without even realising.
(In the past, you need a phone to page your fling and your fling has to call you back and all. Now, you just need to wechat or whatsapp FOR FREE somemore, and thats all! Hassle Free and easy to manage, just delete the message history. Or if you like, you can even find some potential whorish looking women that looks like they are out for fun, or some desperate dudes that are hunger for sex while the wife is expecting over FB. All you need to do is ‘POKE’, FB poke i mean. But it doesnt take long for that FB poke to turn into a real ‘poke’)

Actually…I do not know why people still believe in True Love.  (opps, did alot of you just roll your eyes at this sentence? lol)

Okok, i do believe that True Love might still exist in some corners of this earth, but i cant help being skeptical.

But anyway. Tts not the point. lol.

So…what do you think you would do if your partner cheats on you?

Trust and Honesty, do you expect these as basic of the r/s or are they bonuses in a r/s?

And lastly, to all Adulterers and Betrayers, this verse is for you.
Dont worry, it isnt hard to understand and you need not be a Christian to understand.

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Matthew 7:12

Feel free to email me to share if you have anything to share! my mailbox is 🙂

Clubbing is NOT Sex-ing (wrong marketing lines woes)

Recently, i see a huge amount of OBSCENE advertisements and shout outs from different Night spots (in my FB)

The insenstive artwork i saw of 1 of the clubs. We can disregard the distasteful art, but the tagline is just cheap.
*i adjusted the colors though, and is slightly different from original artwork,

My Facebook is filled with shout-outs from different Nightclubs (NOT the sleazy dirty ktv nightclubs. Nightclubs in this sense, are the discotheques in Sg). and these shout outs have alot to do with One Night Stands, have alot to do with casual SEX and full dodgy hidden meanings.

Firstly, i am not gonna preach about how holy sex should be, it is my belief that when 2 become 1, not only 2 flesh r joined together, but also, their souls and spirits. It should be shared between husband and wife and…. yea, and it should be special in this way and so it is.

Even if sex is not a great deal to most people (like how i used to think in the past), it shouldnt be taken lightly.

Casual sex is fun, but empty (ok, i dont even think is fun because i am a woman, perhaps?)
Casual sex is cheap (even a whore needs to be paid, if you are a free 1, how cheap can you get?)
Casual sex leaves regrets (i guess i do not need to address the issue of Aids here.)

Whatever it is, SEX should never be the main focus of Clubbing. SEX shouldnt be the main marketing focus or direction of an organisation.
I know, i know that Sex sells. I was marketing for a Nightspot located in Clarke Quay 1 year ago, and i practically ‘live’ at the clubs 3/4 of my life back then, seeing tons of different people.
How would i not know that if a Club is filled with sexy hot babes, there will be men, very naturally. Very naturally, sales will be better too.

However, the thing i am saying here is…. shout outs lik – <“I wana Suck and Lick you all night” @ “ReBorn’s Lollipoppy night” >, <“I am yours tonight, play me all over” @ “Monk”>, <“Rub you the right way at “Kaya factory”> are plainly cheesy and downright  low-class.

Do you REALLY think that, by saying all that, can attract attention of the right crowd?
The smaller clubs are really desperate for attention as competition is tough here, yes.

However, the so-called “atas” and premium club that’s located in the central of Singapore, in a prestigious Hotel, is shouting about 1 night stands on a weekly basis, Is it necessary?

Whats worse than labelling yourself as a members only club, but on the other hand, promoting your club as a whore den?

I wonder if the marketing person (of those places) is just a sex maniac or he/she just couldn’t  propose better taglines, or better stuffs to shout about, besides sex.

To be Fair, not all the clubs in Sg are that cheap. 1 example is Zouk. ( i am not promoting Zouk even though i personally like the place)

They are cool in their way, i dont really see the ‘sex element’ in their marketing collaterals. (yes they have pretty models on the posters sometimes, but nothing too over, no dodgy taglines, no casual sex promos)

I know, Clubbing is indirectly linked to decadence and sex. However, i do not see the need of obscene and somewhat offensive taglines. (unless you’re a strip club).

Many forget that, Music is the main element of a club. Some do not care, some do not know nor understand. Is ok. Is sad, but is ok.
I dont know my music very well, i listen to all kinds, as long as it is pleasing to ears, i do not prefer any specific genre.
Thus, when people laugh at me when i do not understand ‘their music’, i am fine, sometimes, i feel, no1 understands ‘my kinda music’ too.

Clubbing can be fun, with the right amount of booze, Good company, Great Music. They will make a great night for most of us.

I seriously do not think that, by adding tons of Sex promotions and shout outs, will entice the experience of Clubbing much.
Look. those sleazy taglines, sex-filled contents of the marketing collaterals do not really reflect very well on the Club’s Branding and image too.

As Club goers are getting younger and younger nowadays, “thanks for educating them about 1 night stand this way”.
“You really help the society!”
Yes, internet, porno,media are alreadydoing that, but because of your irresponsible “sexual marketing”, you just did your part in encouraging casual sex.
Nope, dont deny that, you help out in that area by portraying  that casual sex is ‘cool’.

No matter how we whine, this sad fact might not change much of how the clubs want to do with their image though, however, i sincerely hope that kids can be smarter.

Honestly,it is difficult for the marketing team of a Club nowadays, we know. So difficult to stick to promoting music and other stuffs BUT sex. Thus, if their ideas are limited, we gotta remind ourselves that..Clubbing has very little to do with Casual sex and One Night Stands.

*been there done that, the wild days of partying, the experiences of decadence. not at all innocent and pure. just my 2 cents on how people market their business nowadays. in no position to critisize, but have my right to blog my views, at least-i believe,

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