Happy Birthday Leslie!
he has been an inspiration, and will always be.
Happy Birthday Leslie!
he has been an inspiration, and will always be.
I recently went to get my fringe trimmed. Boring me has officially return to having “bangs” again. Yeap. Boring.
I wanted so much to persist on having long and flowy fringe like my GF but i couldnt take it no more. The fringe is getting on my nerves by getting into my eye all the time.
It was kinda random because i just walked into a Shunji Matsuo after my workout at the Gym and requested for Bangs. I hope i look better now. GF said that i look like a kid but really, i wish i do. But ney, i dont think so.
All along, fringe always has the higher votes, but who cares right, i gotta like what i see in the mirror and not accommodating to what others like. I used to keep my fringe long just because my ex bfs prefer that to “bangs”. All the while in the past, i was pleasing others. But honestly, if a person is gona love me any lesser just because of my hair, then he can go love others. I dont need such love. But of course, i dont mean anyone must love my dirty hair if i never wash for weeks la.
Ok anyway, i love this bangs now. No matter who say what.
Nothing much over the past 2 weeks. The usual, i hit the gym, stay home for movie marathon (alone and with Mummy), hang out with gf, played with babies, went church.
Frankly, i still go to church despite whatever is happening and despite the uneasiness in me. Thus i was hoping that the msg i receive can be pure. Last week’s msg was good and i did alot of reflection on myself as well. But honestly, it will be better if there wasnt so much hidden implications. I mean, it is a personal feeling, sorry if i wronged anyone but i love Dr Robi. I just wish that at certain point of time, there wasnt so much awkward hints of personal attacks without mentioning of names. I wish there wasnt so much clapping and cheering for the wrong reason.
Watched so much movies that i really cant remember how many. Haha! But i think the 1 that left a deep impression on me was Unfaithful.
I used to avoid watching some shows and betrayals/ adultery-related is def 1 of them. I guess it was due to an old scar in me. But well, everyone has to recover somehow or rather and so i did. The show was a long one, by Richard Gere and the beautiful Diane Lane. It is so rich with emotions and very realistic. But somehow, i can relate to how the characters feel in the show. Still, i was cursing the wife because she hurt the husband so deeply while indulging in her sexual desires.
Anyway, i took some pictures while trying some clothes. Guess which 1s did i buy?
I love them all though.
Like usual, i did not edit nor photoshop the pictures. I did filtered them though. I would also want to keep a record of how the body looks as time passes while i continue with my exercises.
The fact is that nothing much is shed, i am still not a Size 0. Oh please, i am not even a size 4. I am a size 8 to 10 and very occasionally 6 for certain brands.
But really, i am feeling better of myself now than 6mths ago because although not solid fit as in FIT, i am not as flabby as before. Especially my arms, and i believe my legs are slowly but surely becoming tougher.
It feels better no matter what i am decking on my body now, at least i know it is not on a pile of soft flabs. HAHA!
Some commented the clothes i wore above look disastrous on me, while my collgeaue just told me 1 min ago that she feels i have been exercising wrongly because she feels i still look ‘fat’ wor.
Ok, to say i am not offended by either is gona be so fake, i am affected but trust me, it is only to a certain extent.
In the past, i would be so affected till i feel inferior of myself, till i doubt myself, till i feel so scared whenever i head out. I would feel terrible and i would ask myself why are people looking at me.
Really, i dont want to swear but trust me. Things are different now.
Look, my colleague is alot bigger than me and sometimes i really doubt her agenda of saying mean things to me. Of course, i am giving her the benefit of doubt too. She might really want the best for me but i dont think i should listen to someone that eats and eats and goes on diet pills. She doesnt exercise at all, and thus why should i be listening to her?
It doesnt help when i caught her staring at my new clothes. my body and my hair. It is super creepy because i caught her doing that while my back was facing her. Why would i know – you asked. I have a mirror infront of me and her expressions was reflected – crystal clear. Scary much.
Honestly, i am not a confident person which many thought i am. I have been through alot of things and along the experiences i have, i build myself up slowly and i am still not 100% as confident as you might think i am. But i am thankful i started somewhere, since i dont know where.
If you are a inferior person, I hope you can too, Look, you gotta start somewhere and you gotta do something about it. I am tired of wallowing in self pity and self blame. Arent you?
I know it is tough but slowly, surely. Remember that nobody is confident from birth. Sometimes i confuse myself too. Sometimes i mix up humility with inferiority. It is tough for me as i always thought that being humble is good but sometimes i tend to be too humble for my own good and it turns into ugly inferiority. It is really hard, and i m still figuring which is which. Dont ask me why because i do not know how to explain, it is just me.
But really, trust me, not everyone views you as how badly you view yourself. If you know you are doing the right thing and you know the right thing you do can produce right result, What does it matter if who say what?
For eg. my colleague. She is always saying i am fat when she is so much bigger than me, when she just eats and does not exercise. I and probably the whole world knows that, exercising will be a long term beneficial plan than diet pills and supplements. I and probably the whole world knows that i will look more freshened up, my muscles will look so much nicer and i will look toner than before.
Does what she says actually matters?
It really doesnt matter what others say.
Because not everyone is gona like what u say what u do what u talk abt what u wear what u watch whatever.
Some might just be jealous, some are just opinionated and the others are jus genuinely not liking you.
What matters is, do u like yourself?
Do u like what u say/do/watch/wear or eat? If u do, that settles it.
If u trust ur own judgment and preference, that settles it.
Nobody feels gd abt u if u cant even feel good about urself.
Check that mirror and see wonderful image and let those critics go on, they cant see a bigger picture.
This is just an example i would want to share with you. Sorry if my example isnt great enough but really, because i go through criticism like you do, and this is so real and instant (happened about 1 min ago), i just have to quote this example.
Alot of others doubt me too, saying i am not spiritual enough. But really, i do not have to account to anyone about my spiritual being, i know it is enough as long as i account myself to God. Some others quote bible verses and some others preach alot but i really dont see them walk the talk anyways. So, what you see might not be what is real anyway.
What i am trying to say here is, as long as you have a clear conscience of what is right, and you are not guilty of doing the wrong thing, who cares abt what they say?
Beauty is subjective, you can be Jessica Alba and there will still be people saying you are ugly. Thus lets not even touch on that. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Confidence is Beauty but Arrogance is not, neither is Inferiority. I am very much aware of this thus i am reminding myself constantly.
I hope you too, keep that in mind.
It is definitely not easy for me to type these out because now and then i struggle with insecurity. It was just weeks ago that i cried out to Mel about my chest problem (i will leave it private and talk more about it next time)
It was just days ago i keep feeling bloated and fat.
But it is also God’s way of showing me that, hey, Jennifer Lawrence is so gorgeous and her body is so hot despite not being a size 0 or 6. She isnt your typical bombshell nor Kate Moss but boy, her body is so hot. (and she is weighing above 60kg fyi)
Yeap, i watched the Silver Linings Playbook over the long weekend. Haha.
It is also God’s way of showing me that alot of people only talk the talk and not walk the talk when situations arise. That certain person who preaches alot is now missing in action.
I shant judge but yeap, alot of times it is like that.
Not many might know about your struggles and your credits for doing well, but you know, God knows. Sometimes it is enough.
Before i end this post, here is wishing everyone that God show u (including me pls) how much potential you have, and how beautiful you are and for those tt are too arrogant, may God shows you defeat so you practice humility.
In my opinion, Leslie Cheung has to be the most beautiful Man in Asia besides Takaeshi Kaneshiro.
Given the fact that Leslie Cheung is all natural, he wins Kaneshiro of course! (the latter had plastic)
But even Leslie himself was being insulted as ‘ugly Gay’. *Roll eyes- since when sexual preference has to do with looks right
Ryan Gosling, almost the next perfect thing in Hollywood, was just criticized by my friend this morning of being ugly. I mean, who the crap will say that?!
Now i really hope you see the picture, nobody will earn the liking of everyone. Not even Ryan Gosling nor Leslie Cheung.
I wish i can write more but i gotta go, i promise more for next time round! 🙂 Meanwhile be blessed and browse my random pictures. :p
Pigeons around my house, lazy to even move when i am near.
Woo! Mum and my treats for the PH eve.
The Pink 1 was really very attractive, even more attractive after you open the packaging.
Taste good too!
A song i long forgotten if not for the movie. My fav~
Friends and readers know how much i adore this piece of Art.
I refer him to an Artpiece because he is simply perfect, as if his life is painted like a masterpiece.
Having said that, he is also flawed. I just didnt know how one can be so beautiful despite the flaws of insecurity, fear and sadness.
Once again, I cant stress enough on how talented he is and how much i would love to see him in person.
But that is really impossible and all i can do now, is to remember him in my own ways.
A Tribute to Leslie Cheung, once again.
Specially selected this group of photos over Google. Hope you like them as much as i do.
Very thankful to the uploader.
Here is the full version.
Thank God for the uploads by your Fans.
Bits and pieces, here and there.
Although it is not a complete clip but people like us that did not even have the chance to watch a single second of the concert, are already thankful for the bits and pieces.
Still looking forward to seeing more.
Yesterday was a tough day for me and i do hope that today will pass quickly. It is terrible.
I have hated Aprils Fool day ever since..
Alright, my friends are worried because they feel i am obsessed but i guess i have a reason (many reasons infact).
I have never know or seen you in real, but your words, movies and songs have accompanied me through the tough times.
For a person who suffered from Depression previously, i am glad that i choose to live on.
I am also appreciative of how your case study became a wake up call for all judgmental individuals (towards Depression patients).
Also, for the more thorough experience HERE.
You are breathing in my memory, Leslie.
It is hours to 10th year (death) anniversary of Leslie Cheung. It was a hard day for me.
I went shopping the whole day, for myself and mum. I bought apparels for both of us, and even Twelve cupcakes.
I thought my mood might be better, well, i was ok till i reached home.
I was trying to search for anything online, videos or wadever because i do not have Starhub TV and only Starhub TV will broadcast Leslie’s memorial concert.
As expected, nothing online, no webcast. I can only wait for kind souls to upload onto Youtube.
But i found this clip, Gosh, i couldnt help crying throughout the clip.
I really truly respect this couple. Leslie’s death aside, this is 1 of the very rare TRUE LOVE r/s that i know of…
I cant even imagine living with an ex spouse’s ashes for a decade, enduring the loneliness, living with the dog both owned…
(omg, my tears gushed down the moment the clip play how Leslie’s bf walked the dog alone..following by the pic Leslie took with the dog)
Too real and yet romantic. Looks like, there is true love on Earth afterall.
I always thought that Romance is just dead, is just fictional…
This r/s really proves me wrong.
The saddest part is seeing all the pictures of laughter and happiness …. memories.
Credits of clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1RRjQsVMtM
Alin‘s songs are really appropriate and brings out the whole feeling of the clip.
Its been almost a year or 2 since i was mesmerized by you.
I mean, i knew you since young due to my Mummy, she loves you.
But i didnt know you are that talented till these 2 years.
Its a few days away from your 10th year death anniversary.
Almost all my friends know i adore you very much, but some are very puzzled and some are even disgusted by my obsession with you.
I have to say, i do not have idols in my life.
Yes i would ogle at the handsome hunks like Louis Koo, Channing Tatum and Takaeshi.
I would say i love listening to Bruno Mars and Jacky Cheung.
I would say i like to watch Andy Lau or Hugh Grant.
But non of them makes me addicted. Just to add, all of them are straight handsome dudes.
I cant even believe that i cry over u, i mean, who are you?
I dont even know you (in real life)?!
I have my fair share of brushing shoulder with celebrities due to work but i have never met you.
If you are alive, you are even older than my mum.
You must be damn special to attract both ladies from 2 different era, i mean, please.
MUMMY and ME?
We falling for the same dude?
Cant believe it. haha.
I love to watch entertainment with talent, real talents.
I am not keen in the K pop scene because it is crappy to me (no offence Kpop fans but i really think the Kpop stars are very cool with their outlook and no doubt, they are a hardworking bunch. Just not my kind)
You possessed both talent and good looks.
Yet, there are artistes that possess those qualities, so what it is about you that keeps me so crazy about you?
I am still clueless, goodness.
I am crazy for Jesus Christ & my Mum.
Yes, you cant be compared to the 2 but i can safely say you are almost the top 5 in my list. Goodness.
Well, your songs are damn old school, i cant say i like them all. I am after all just in my 20s. I might not be able to appreciate all of the old school songs, but i can guarantee that i know and i love almost 80% of your songs.
I wonder to myself too, whats with me, and whats with you that drives me so crazy.
The, I realized that we share the same agony in life.
I suffered from Depression way back (since childhood till 2 yrs ago), i lost my self worth since young.
There was unhappiness in the family since a long way back.
Things did not turn out good for me during my teenage and i did alot of things i wouldnt want to do now, things that were wrong, i have met the wrong people, made the wrong decisions in life.
Depression is something that is uncontrollable for me at that time.
It wasnt something that i can control, i felt sad and i just felt like dying, i felt like how you felt- i just want to lept to my death so that i can sleep well, at least for once.
In Asia, Depression was considered a ‘taboo’.
We were not so open to discuss about Depression, almost everyone is conservative towards mental illness.
10 years back when you committed suicide, people were even more conservative than now.
10 years ago, my unhappiness was already bottling up till approximately 2 years ago.
Along the way, people improve in their thinking and through alot of case studies, YOURS especially, more and more Asians are becoming receptive and accept the reality of Depression and the related discussions about this mental illness.
It is no longer a big fuss nor taboo to alot of people though some ignorant ones still classify Depression as “Lunatic”.
Somehow, i feel that although it is unfair and depressing to say- but you died for a greater cause.
Through you- many ignorant people are more aware of the importance of mental health wellness.
As a person who suffered from Depression before, i totally understand how it feels to be so depressed.
You are someone that is loyal to anyone you love. That’s my character too. Yet, we were hurt by many that we were loyal to. Sadness.
We both grew up in the same environment – broken family. We both made it and we survived through childhood and teenage.
We are both very mindful about what others say of us, we are constantly living to expectations of others (which is not healthy and i can say, i have since changed quite abit about this, but you died with this…. )
Those are a few pointers, just to name.
Of course, i do not have that much achievements as you do, my stress level is so much lesser than you. You are a legend while i am just a commoner.
I do not have zillion of fans and i have no legacy to begin with while there are people crying over you even 10 yrs after your departure.
But, i can feel you because somehow, i go through similar pain and i learnt alot from you (through your words, your interviews, your songs)
Your songs encourages me, your words motivated me.
It is just sad that they didnt do the same for you.
Last night i quarreled with my sister, i feel so low this morning till i re watch this concert of yours, my heart feel so much lighter.
Why do you have such impact on me, i am still bewildered.
Honestly, i learnt to stop judging Gays because of you. Well, obviously, it is because i like you, i started to accept gays.
The thing is, you and your partner have gained my respect. I used to think that only a straight r/s is worth fighting for until i know about you and your boyfriend. The way you guys supported each other through the low times and the way you both stick to each other for decades won me over.
This clip is exceptionally touching. I cried and cried after watching it.
I would say, not all normal and straight r/s can attain that level of love, at least not for all my past r/s. Ha.
For the 1st time, i respected a gay r/s. I learnt to stop judging.
I would like to emphasize – i do not support Gay r/s (just in case people spam me again).
But good for me, i stop judging.
It is also because of you, i learnt to love myself more. To be honest, i always harbor suicidal thoughts till i meet God.
After i knew more about you, i actually am very afraid to die. I saw how many are sad over your death and i realized that the ones that suffer are the people alive and not the one that is dead.
I might not have many people crying for me if i ever die, but i know my Mum and loved ones definitely will…
I do not want to die before my time because i love my family and yes i love myself now.
In order to love yourself, you have to be extremely confident about your existence, you have to know why you exist, you have to know you are God’s creation and you have to know there are purposes in life, you have a purpose to fulfill.
God taught me that i am His wonderful masterpiece. You assure me that, when you sang the song “我”. You guys see the lyrics HERE.
Honestly, i feel i am beautiful, because of you. Omg, crazy again.
But indeed, the way you taught how to behave like a woman because of your feminine nature, i learnt them from you!
You once said something along the line of “you need to be sexy, stylish, cool and smart etc” and i was impressed by how versatile you can present yourself.
The way you behaved and presented yourself is full of elegance and posh. I am so far from that, shame of me. But i am still learning! Hurhur.
Yah, i learnt from the interviews (of your old friends and co workers) that you planned every move and expression for your concerts.
Maybe thats why you got me captivated by all your concerts and i can never have enough even after watching them so many times.
Not to mention the amount of Charity works you do. You gain my admiration for that.
The countless trophies and awards you gotten, including being 3rd for the World’s Music Icon award (Michael Jackson got First for that)..
I cant understand why are you so capable and perfect and why would you feel lousy about yourself? Thats the biggest question mark in me but also through this, i learnt to be thankful.
I am thankful that i can contribute to my family and some needy friends even though there will be no trophies for me.
I am thankful i am born to be capable in my small little ways :p
There might be other reasons (which i have not discover) to why i like you so much. Shrugs.
It is rather creepy why i feel so close to you, like you are a brother, a father, or even a bf (errr).
But i would like to thank you for making that connection with me (eerie).
Oh yah, i enjoy your movies too.
I wanted to just post your concert clip here and i didnt want to write SO MUCH in this post, and up till this point, i am still very surprised why did i write so much about you in this post.
Readers, If you do not know Leslie (which i doubt), you may wana watch the clip i posted. If you are still puzzled by why i love him so much, you may also check out the clip, you will be amazed by his performance.
Lemme dedicate this post to you Leslie, its been 10 years but
You will be remembered forever.
1 more week to Leslie Cheung‘s 10th year anniversary.
I regret not being in HK right now.
Full of Misses.