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Posts tagged ‘Marriage’

Loyalty in a Relationship

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Just a random thought and i feel like sharing. I did not intend to write about this but i was doing some work when i happened to know about someone (dont ask me who) messaging his ‘mistress’. Needless to say, i am disgusted.

Actually, in any r/s, the most important factor is Trust – they say.

I think the most important factor has to be Honesty and Transparency.

Trust comes from Honesty isnt it?

It is really sad to know that many people are having affair with someone else other than their boyfriends/girlfriends, husbands/wives.
Whats worse is, they actually think it is ‘Okay’ or ‘Alright’ to do so.

I am not gona blog a whole chunk of logics and theories today. Thus i will save on the big reasons of how and why 1 shouldnt betray.

When 2 became 1 ( i am talking about married couples), it is actually expected that 2 separate individuals come together and joined themselves in spirit and soul as one. So if 1 is hurting or betraying another person, it is as well as hurting own-self. If you love your partner as much as you love yourself, why would you hurt him/her? You wouldnt because you guys are 1.

Maybe some people don’t understand what i am talking about. Is fine. To make it simpler, i actually think it is pointless to cheat…If you intend to b with someone. Why cheat? If you havent had enough of fun, then stay single? Simple?

But we can never stop people from being selfish isnt it? Many of those that cheat are just greedy people that are never satisfied with whatever they already have or owned. They do not want to let go of their comfort zone but they couldnt stay disciplined to that comfort zone.

In short, they are just self centered. There is nothing one can do about such people or Betrayals.

So, when Betrayals occur, what do you do? What would you do?

There are only 2 ways – Give up and move on OR Forgive and stay on.

Actually, there is another way which is rarely mentioned – Forgive and Move on.

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To give up and move on –  sounds like it is the easiest but it is also the hardest. To give up on a r/s that you cherished so much, a r/s that you spent time and effort for, isnt that simple as it sounds. Moreover, it is written in your Marriage Vow –  “Till Death do us part” 
If betrayal isnt anywhere near Death, does that mean a couple should not part?
Afterall, it is written in the Vow, and a Vow is a Vow because it isnt a promise.
Promises can be broken but not a vow.
Do we honor the Vow and hang on to the r/s and forget about parting then?

Now, Forgiving and staying in the r/s tt is already stained, is a huge responsibility and when i say Forgive, it means you are ready to start afresh and not think about the betrayal that once happened. No matter how tough the situation might arise in future, you can never mention about the past. You forgive with your whole heart and you bear no jealousy, no doubt, no hatred, no anger, no hurt ever…You are not to be reminded of what happened before, you are not to become paranoid because of what that happened before. You basically start everything anew.
So, is it that easy to forgive and stay on? Not for me.

The last choice that is left is to Forgive and move on..We all know that Forgiveness is the hardest. But perhaps by moving on, you will hate lesser?
Besides, have you heard that even if you forgive, you do not have to stay with that person? You simply forgive for your own sake, but you leave the person for the best of both persons.
I am not sure about you. For me, i left my ex boyfriend not because i chose to but I thank him and i thank God for the breakup because God knows how long more i might stay on. The betrayals and abuse he gave is horrendous, really not very easy for me to forgive.
To be honest, i dont even know if i still hate him, he is like a stranger to me now. But if given the chance to meet again, i rather not. LOL.
But by leaving each other, i realise that it is really easier to forgive, perhaps this is why some breakups is really meant for the best for 2 parties.
Of course, thank God we werent married, if not, i will really be in dilemma.

Because i am a Christian and Marriage is Sacred to me, i really honor what thats written and what Jesus said. Although yes, i might not be perfect and i might not have honored everything that was written, but i really try my best to. And for a Marriage, if there is no transparency and loyalty, then why bother to get married?

So, honestly, after seeing that someone msging his ‘mistress‘ just now, i do not know what to say. It seems like the whole world is doing such thing and thinking it is alright to do so.

GF told me her friend cheated on her bf with another man. That ‘another man’ is married and anticipating his 2nd child. Isnt that heartbreaking?

A friend of mine forgave his wife after his wife cheated on him and decided to accept the wife again.

More examples which i really cant be bothered to list.

The world is so warped that i cant resist asking myself  “which man (or woman) is really loyal to their partner nowadays?”

It is so sad to even think of human beings in that way right…but thats how the world is now. Sadly.

Some women i talked to, told me that they knew what was going on with their straying husbands but they chose to ‘close one eye’ – they chose  to pretend that they do not know as long as their husbands come back to them, come back  home after each scandal that happened outside.

I feel it is ridiculous but well, some people can just do that.

Some men i spoke to, told me that there will be no excuse to betrayals and thus they will chose to divorce or break up with their partner no matter what. They added “i am a man, i have my pride”
Now, thats how fuck up most men are, their pride and ego is everything. I am not condemning all the men here ok, i am just saying most or some of the men that i knew of. Do you dare to tell me you have never hear that from a man before?

Why should a man be expected to fool around and be looked up to and why is it when a woman do the same thing, they are being labelled as sluts?

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I dont know about you but i guess i wouldnt pretend that i dont know anything because that isnt me. But if i ever break up with someone over betrayal issue, it wouldnt be because of my pride. It would most prolly means i cant go on anymore and going on will be painful and once Trust is gone, everything will just go downhill. I cant say i will definitely forgive but i will try, but to stay on in the r/s, it is impossible.

Thus i think i can never be married right now because i still cant honor “till Death do us Part”, because in my world, i honor “till Betrayals do us Part”. I do not expect my partner to be flawless, i expect my r/s to be flawless.

And when i say “Flawless”, it doesnt mean that the r/s is full of roses, choc and sweet moments without argument or whatnot. Flawless to me, simply means – ZERO betrayal.

Sounds easy but it is really not easy in the society now. Being in a world full of temptations, having advance technology that help speed up the process of getting in touch with your temptations, one can really stray easily without even realising.
(In the past, you need a phone to page your fling and your fling has to call you back and all. Now, you just need to wechat or whatsapp FOR FREE somemore, and thats all! Hassle Free and easy to manage, just delete the message history. Or if you like, you can even find some potential whorish looking women that looks like they are out for fun, or some desperate dudes that are hunger for sex while the wife is expecting over FB. All you need to do is ‘POKE’, FB poke i mean. But it doesnt take long for that FB poke to turn into a real ‘poke’)

Actually…I do not know why people still believe in True Love.  (opps, did alot of you just roll your eyes at this sentence? lol)

Okok, i do believe that True Love might still exist in some corners of this earth, but i cant help being skeptical.

But anyway. Tts not the point. lol.

So…what do you think you would do if your partner cheats on you?

Trust and Honesty, do you expect these as basic of the r/s or are they bonuses in a r/s?

And lastly, to all Adulterers and Betrayers, this verse is for you.
Dont worry, it isnt hard to understand and you need not be a Christian to understand.

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Matthew 7:12

Feel free to email me to share if you have anything to share! my mailbox is valenciafaithz.z@gmail.com 🙂

What does God wants for me?

After so much unhappiness (from the Bus saga), i decided to let go and move on since i made my point across, any other opinions of whoever doesnt matter now.

Anyway, there isnt a reason good enough to be unhappy on a Friday!

I read the articles below and find them really interesting and worth reading. Thought of sharing with you guys!

Question: “Are we supposed to be actively looking for a spouse, or waiting for God to bring a spouse to us?”

Answer: The answer to both questions is “yes.” There is an important balance between the two. We are not to frantically search for a spouse as if it depends solely on our own efforts. Neither are we to be passive, thinking that God will one day cause a spouse to arrive at our door. As Christians, once we have decided that it is time to start looking for a spouse, we should begin the process with prayer. Committing ourselves to God’s will for our lives is the first step. “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). Delighting in the Lord means we find pleasure in knowing Him and trusting that He will delight us in return. He will put His desires into our hearts, and in the context of seeking a spouse, that means desiring for ourselves the type of spouse He desires for us and who He knows will delight us further. Proverbs 3:6 tells us, “In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Acknowledging Him in the search for a spouse means submitting to His sovereign will and telling Him that whatever He decides is best is what you want.

After committing ourselves to God’s will, we need to be clear on the characteristics of a godly husband or wife and be seeking someone who qualifies on a spiritual level. It is important to have a clear understanding of these qualities first and then to seek someone who fits them. To “fall in love” with someone and then discover he/she is not spiritually qualified to be our mate is to invite heartache and put ourselves in a very difficult position.

Once we know what the Bible says we should be looking for, we can begin actively looking for a spouse, understanding that God will bring him/her into our lives as we are in the process of looking, according to His perfect will and timing. If we pray, God will lead us to the person He has for us. If we wait for His timing, we will be given the person who fits best with our background, personality, and desires. We have to trust in Him and His timing (Proverbs 3:5), even when His timing is not our timing. Sometimes God calls people not to marry at all (1 Corinthians 7), but in those situations, He makes it clear by removing the desire for marriage. God’s timing is perfect, and with faith and patience, we will receive His promises (Hebrews 6:12).

Question: “What is the Christian view of engagement?”

Answer: In the Bible, there were three steps the Jewish people had to take when getting married. The families first had to agree to the union, and then a public announcement was made. At this point, the couple was betrothed, or engaged. Finally, they were officially married and began to live together. Betrothal, then, was somewhat similar to what we call engagement now, except that our society does not honor the seriousness of engagement as they did then. When a Jewish couple was betrothed during Bible times, they were already bound together by a contract that could only be broken through death or divorce.

Any Christian who is considering marriage needs to realize the depth of this kind of commitment and not jump into it lightly. God intends marriage to be a lifelong commitment, not a temporary arrangement. The Bible says this about marriage: “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together” (Mark 10:7-9, NLT).

Christians need to make sure they have a clear understanding of the person they may marry before becoming engaged. The Bible says that Christians cannot team up with and live in harmony with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). A Christian teaming up with an unbeliever almost guarantees that the Christian will be pulled away from Christ because, as the Bible says, “bad company corrupts good character” (1 Corinthians 15:33). The only way to have a God-honoring, stable foundation for a marriage is to be firmly grounded in one’s faith and make sure that the potential partner is equally dedicated to God.

Christians should live their lives with God in the driver’s seat, so to speak. He wants to be a part of every aspect of our lives, including whom we marry. Having a clear understanding of God’s Word and developing a personal relationship with Him through prayer and yielding to the direction of the Holy Spirit is the first and most important step in determining His will for us. The world’s advice on dating and engagement should only be considered in light of God’s truths in Scripture. If we seek His will in all we do, He will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Question: “What does the Bible say about dating / courting?”

Answer: Although the words “courtship” and “dating” are not found in the Bible, we are given some principles that Christians are to go by during the time before marriage. The first is that we must separate from the world’s view on dating because God’s way contradicts the world’s (2 Peter 2:20). While the world’s view may be to date around as much as we want, the important thing is to discover the character of a person before making any commitment to him or her. We should find out if the person has been born again in the Spirit of Christ (John 3:3-8) and if he or she shares the same desire toward Christ-likeness (Philippians 2:5). The ultimate goal of dating or courting is finding a life partner. The Bible tells us that, as Christians, we should not marry an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14-15) because this would weaken our relationship with Christ and compromise our morals and standards.

When one is in a committed relationship, whether dating or courting, it is important to remember to love the Lord above all else (Matthew 10:37). To say or believe that another person is “everything” or the most important thing in one’s life is idolatry, which is sin (Galatians 5:20; Colossians 3:5). Also, we are not to defile our bodies by having premarital sex (1 Corinthians 6:9, 13; 2 Timothy 2:22). Sexual immorality is a sin not only against God but against our own bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18). It is important to love and honor others as we love ourselves (Romans 12:9-10), and this is certainly true for a courtship or dating relationship. Whether dating or courting, following these biblical principles is the best way to have a secure foundation for a marriage. It is one of the most important decisions we will ever make, because when two people marry, they cleave to one another and become one flesh in a relationship which God intended to be permanent and unbreakable (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5).

Question: “What should I look for in a Christian boyfriend?”

Answer: Anybody can say they love Jesus, or that they’re a Christian. But how do you know, when you’re falling in love with someone, whether they are the real deal? The Bible doesn’t mention the kind of dating relationships we see today; in fact, the only romantic relationships portrayed are either marriage relationships or adulterous relationships. What this means is that a Christian boyfriend should be, first and foremost, a man you plan to marry or at least someone who would make a good Christian husband. A Christian woman should be looking for someone who is serious about God and serious about his relationship with her. A Christian boyfriend isn’t dating just for fun; he has marriage in mind.

The Bible is full of verses that describe what a Christian man should be like, verses that are helpful and trustworthy for a woman who is evaluating a potential husband. The following are some guidelines based on those verses. A Christian boyfriend should be:

Humble and teachable: The Bible tells us that a righteous man, or a wise man, will take instruction gladly, even when it hurts him (Psalm 141:5; Proverbs 9:9, 12:15). A righteous man evidences a willingness to be corrected by Scripture and a tendency to love and listen to those who can teach him from the Scripture.

Honest: Do his actions agree with his words? The Bible says that a righteous man is characterized by honesty in his personal and business dealings (Ephesians 4:28). In addition, when he makes a promise, a Christian man keeps his promise, even when it hurts (Psalm 15:2-5). In short, his character should be one of integrity.

Selfless: The Bible speaks specifically to husbands when it tells them to love their wives as they love their own bodies, just like Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25-28). A Christian boyfriend should begin to exhibit this kind of care and love for his girlfriend long before marriage. Love is easy in the romantic beginning stages, but a Christian boyfriend should be the kind of man whose behavior and intentions will be loving in all kinds of circumstances (1 John 3:18).

Able and willing to provide: The Bible says that a man who doesn’t provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). Provision doesn’t necessarily mean “bringing in a lot of money.” The issue is whether he takes responsibility for the welfare of his wife and children. It is important for women to grasp the seriousness of this verse. A man that doesn’t want to provide is very hard for a woman to respect, and if a wife struggles to respect her husband, marital troubles will go beyond the material. A woman’s respect for her husband and a man’s love for his wife are interdependent and life-giving to a marriage (Ephesians 5:25-32).

Willing to proactively protect: Both physically and emotionally, women tend to be weaker and more easily hurt than men. They need to be understood and protected and cared for in a proactive way. A good Christian boyfriend is a man who will look out for and care for his girlfriend and carry this passion for protecting her on into marriage (1 Peter 3:7).

Also, here are some negative things to watch out for: materialism (1 John 2:15-16; 1 Timothy 6:10), lying (Proverbs 12:22,19:22), sexual unfaithfulness (Ecclesiastes 7:26; Proverbs 7) and poor treatment of family members, especially his mother (Proverbs 15:20, 19:26, 20:20, 23:22). Usually a man’s treatment of his mother is a good indication of how he will treat his wife. Also, watch out for irrationally, controlling or jealous tendencies, as these often lead to violence (Proverbs 6:34; 27:4).

Finally, a Christian boyfriend is one with whom a woman is evenly matched. First, in the spiritual sense – a couple’s relationship with God should be the primary factor in any relationship, and they should be matched in that regard. Believers are commanded to marry other believers (2 Corinthians 6:14), so there is no reason to be dating an unbeliever. But a couple should also be evenly matched in the more practical aspects, having compatible temperaments, similar energy levels, and shared life-goals and interests. These things add tremendously to happiness in a relationship.

In addition to all this, if a man has a good sense of humor and a steady, cheerful disposition, this is wonderfully encouraging for his wife. Nobody can be “up” all the time, but a man who is characterized by the peace and joy of the Spirit is a real catch. Life is hard, and marriage is hard too. There will be times of sadness and there will be conflict. Because of this, a cheerful, encouraging spouse is a real blessing (Proverbs 16:24; 17:22; 15:30).

Credits to http://www.gotquestions.org/ for the above articles.

I personally find the articles helpful, hope you njoy reading them too! 🙂

Sex isnt problematic, Lust is.

Sex is created to exchange spirits, not fluids.

Sadly, not many people see sex importantly. To many, it was just an action, like taking a dump, like sleeping, like eating. like any other normal activity that makes one feel good.

Honestly, i dont deny it is a form of pleasure, it is a form of temptation and no temptation doesnt make one feel good (though the good feeling dont usually last)

Sex is created by God, a desire that pleasure both parties. If you find that your sex life is sad, probably it is really sad because it is an exchange of love emotions and spirits, between 2 people and you shouldnt feel sad about it. Worse is you are sad and the other party actually do not know or care.

Usually, the ultimate pleasure cant be achieved during ONS, or casual sex session. People feel good only during that few mins, or rather, most men feel exceptionally good during those few minutes.

What actually follows after that is emptiness.

Before my friends feel i am preaching again, i am not saying SEX should be after marriage, i am not acting Virgin here. According to the bible, yes, sex is something that should be done after marriage. But in relation to the  ‘world’s standard’, it is not advisable to let sex wait after marriage because you wouldnt wana realise that your spouse is actually a sex maniac on the night of your wedding.

So, what now?

I feel, it is up to individual to engage sex before or after marriage.
But i am really against casual sex and they includes …..Personally, i am very turned off by paying for sex, yes, prostitution, adultery sex (yes, irresponsible-selfish pleasure), and random casual sex.
Maybe i didnt feel so strongly about casual sex in the past, maybe is the society, maybe is the media, i dont know. But i feel i was blind before i really realise the blunt truth – Sex is not exchanging of fluids but spirits and emotions.

Would you want to exchange your spirits with someone random, someone who isnt worth your precious body ( most of the guys, i noe, your bodies are not as precious as you think)?

Forget about moral values, forget about all the self-righteous moral talks. I aint gona educate nor judge, plenty of people are still gona sleep around after reading this, some will roll their eyes in disbelief, some just cant be bothered.

Is fine, thats your life.

As for me, i wouldnt wana exchange fluids randomly that might be danergous (certain diseases), neither do i wana exchange my spirit with some1 random (i do not want to risk getting bad spirit from someone i dont know, who knows what kinda crap he might be).

Actually, spirits here do not mean spirits like ghost or soul. I believe there are spirits in a person, spirits like jealousy spirit, anger spirit, spirit of violence and  etc and there are also better ones like spirit of patience, spirit of generosity and etc.

I used to convince myself that sex is just an act, like 2 pieces of flesh rubbing against each other or wadever you call it. But it is obviously not, the intense mixed emotions involved is more than enough to tell me that it is not just an act. It involves everything of a person, not only physically but also mentally. For example – a cheating bf during sex,his mind was guilty (though very little part of it contains guilt at tt point of time), pleasure (tons of pleasure), thrill, and whatever..
Yep, it is actually doing your mental state good OR harm during sex because you are actually building emotions along with the act.

So, if sex is good with the wrong people, wrong gfs, wrong bfs, it will be better when you are having sex with the right one. Right? And by then, we no longer call it Sex. It is Making Love.

Anyways, just my thoughts, whats yours? (ok i dont need to know. shh)

 

p/s I love my husband (yet to meet, haha) but i love you before i met you
because i know that if you are able to be my husband (and read this at the right time),
you must be some1 i really love.
I love myself but i love you too
and thats why i am protecting my body now, for you.
Because you matter to me, your feelings are important
and your happiness is what i care about.
I do not want to stain  myself with some random people and stain you.
I understand that not many, in fact, i do not know if there is anyone that still thinks this way…
But i aint a freak, you knew it.
I just love my body too much to let it risk being stained.

|_ () \/ (- is a decision


Hi,  this post is long overdue. I once said i wanted to write something about Love.  Remember?

Well, i am no expert in Love, all kinds of Love. I am really not the best person to talk about Love. But i just wish to type out some teachings i received on Love, some views i had and have now.

I had quite a number of  failed relationship experiences, i used to let people down in my teenage and maybe it is Karma, people let me down after i am a better person.
I do not know how to express my love for my family till very recently and i am not very patient towards them. I am still trying to improve with God’s grace!
I only love friends who are really loyal and treasure the friendship, for ‘friends’ who can only share happy times and not tough times, i cant manage to love them. Sadly.


There is some1 who can do all of the above easily though and He is Jesus.

The Greatest love of all has to be Jesus. The Greatest love of lying down own’s life.

I think, at the present stage, i can only lay my life for my mum with no condition, or my sister? I am not sure, i aint in the situation now so i wouldnt know. Despite my love and faith towards God, i still do not have the courage to say that i would die for Him.

Ok, anyway, back to the topic of Love.

I would like to talk about Romance, Love between 2 person who got attracted to each other, who want to commit to each other- Forever?

How do i start…. it is very profound to me. hmm.. ok anyway, i will try my best:

Firstly, i do not really believe in love at first sight. I do like alot of people at first sight but thats just a kinda physical attraction. Right, LOVE is much more than just 4 letters, thus i never believe in Love at first sight, but rather, Lust or Attraction.

There are people whom you develop crushes on and after much understanding and more hang outs, you realise that, it is merely the appearance that attracts and nothing about the character, there is no chemistry left to motivate progression.

These are just passer bys that might or might not stay as friends.

But, for those dates that might turn into something more serious, like a relationship, thats the point which a person might or might not lose his or her sanity.

They say, Love is blind, Love is insane. I bet to differ, Love is not insane, it is not blind, But Love does make 1 irrational at times, most of  the time. ( i touch on what exatly is Love at a later part of this entry)
 
You see, i will tell myself everytime, that i would do this, i would not tolerate that, i would not do this and i would etc etc etc whenever i am single.
But when i am in a relationship, i give my 100% or more, and i forgot that i told myself to give just 50% because  they say the person who gives the least will not suffer as much as the one who give all.

I guess, it is the same for everyone who is in love. No 1 is sparred. No 1 reserves any % of love when it comes to a serious relationship, if  there is anyone who would reserve any part, then i do not think the person is really in love. Real Love is not like that, at least thats what i am taught?

The Attraction Stage (Courtship)
Look, when both person first get together, it is exciting, it is romantic, it is sweet, everything is new, the world seems to be brighter, the colors of anything or everything seem to be more vibrant. It is normal, some call it the honeymoon period.
At this stage, normally, we tend to hide our true selves to portray the almost perfect image, thus, not much quarrels, just alot of giving. More efforts put in to conceal flaws of characters in this stage.

The Comfort Zone (The real thing)
The real test is when the relationship reaches a stage of comfort, when the couple is so comfortable with each other. They start to reveal their true colors, they start to put in more effort to control/possess/express real feelings rather than effort to make things better. This is the stage of expectations (REAL expectations), the stage of make or break. Some stay on because they really want to work things out, some walk away because they fear the real commitment. It is also at this stage, that people start to think and analyse if their r/s  are really working out, if they want to make it work.

The Next Last Stage (The next stage of life)
At this stage, New beginnings have different meanings. It is either Marriage, which is a new journey in life, or ..another break up.
We cannot judge how long people usually take to reach this point, some take months while others might take years. Whatever it is, it is not easy to come to this stage. Whether it is tying the knot or ending the r/s, it takes alot to walk till this stage because one can easily end it at the previous stage.
If there is not much problem in the r/s, the couple would probably choose marriage at this stage. However, some people actually choose to disappoint at this stage, they either drag marriage or dread marriage. The ultimate fear is commitment, and self-sacrifice, in short, i call them selfish.
Ironically, i can totally understand the fear, i have that fear too. All the time.
Marriage is not just a cert, not just a ceremony. At least not to me.
Marriage is sacred, is joining of 2 spirits into 1 and it is a lifetime commitment. A vow made is more than just a promise, promises can be broken ALL the time. A vow is a vow, if a vow is like a promise, then we wouldnt call it vow but just a promise made before marriage. A vow like “till death do us part’ has that significant meaning of, literally, only physical death shall part the both of u.

Why do people have fear towards commitment?
Though most of the time, people can’t resist temptations, some will still walk away from distractions and temptations.
But a large number of people fear commitment because they fear that they cant be loyal to the one they love, Forever.

Another kinda ‘coward’ would be someone like me.

 

  I ask myself: can i really maintain my love for some1 forever (till i die)? Like how i love my mum?
 If my answer is ‘yes’, it would mean that, even if he is badly injured? even if he is disfigured? even if he can’t walk due to whatever   reason?
Will i be able to forgive NO MATTER WHAT happens then? Will i stay with this person even if a better person comes into my life? (actually i am pretty confident i can do this hurhur. Reason is simple, there will alawys be a better some1 out there.fingers crossed!)

Yep. Is easy to love someone at his or her best, it is not difficult to love some1 especially when he/she is looking great, have awesome characters and etc. But human being human, we still might fail time to time.
Do we choose to stay with the person whom we once thought is perfect or do we give up because everything is stagnant, is no longer exciting and there is no longer sparks in the r/s?

My Pastor, Pastor Kong Hee, once touched on this topic. He said: Love is a decision.

I was like “what do you mean by love is a decision? Love is not a decision, it is like fate, if it happens, it happens, if the feeling is there, the feeling is there, if not, then there is no Love. Simple”

But i was wrong and i m so ashamed to even admit that i am wrong for the longest time.

Love is a decision because if it is just feelings, then we can all quit now because feelings come and go.

Wow, that sentence really make perfect sense.

I realised that the thinking i had previously was really immature 😦 
Yes, back then- when i was in my early twenties, Love is just a kinda feeling to me, yes, i commit to the r/s i had but i wasnt really putting in much effort. (I rather not mention the younger days, i know nothing about love and those rally young days, i don’t even know much about commitment.)

During my early twenties, I had a long term r/s  with JJ, the r/s lasted around 4years and i called it off. The reason is, there is no more sparks, we behaved like we are best friends rather than lovers, we are so comfy with each other that we dont really feel attracted to each other anymore. It was just boring, the relationship turned stagnant and dry. I cant deny that the r/s is good, he was1 of the nicest bfs.
We talked about marriage but eventually, i was not ready.
To me, the sparks is gone, yes, he gives me security that i desire the most.
The stability is there, everything is good, but i feel it doesnt keeps me going anymore.
Ironically, security and stability is what i need most now. haha. 

I was young, i regretted but when i look back now, i guess, it is better this way. We prolly have different purpose in life anyway.

But if we are still together, i will not call it off just because i am bored or just because there is no more sparks in the r/s.
Though reviving sparks in a dry r/s is near impossible, but nothing is impossible.
Especially when there is God to hold on to the r/s (this is my belief, maybe non believers might not think so).

Another example, my gf’s ex bf. He is the classic example. He knows every gal the same way, go after them the same way, fall in love the same way and ditch them the same way.
It is clear that Love isnt a decision to him, it stops at attraction, after the attraction fades, his ‘love‘ fades too.

No couple will stay excited about each other forever, thats a sad thing to say, but is true. Every kinda excitement will disappear. But have you wonder y some people have that passion towards their hobbies forever? Like, playing badminton, soccer, some paint and etc. They love doing that, they commit to the activities they do and they can go on forever without feeling tired. They can sacrifice their time for that too.

So why isit so hard to stay passionate towards a living human being then?

I cant really answer that but i think, doing the things you enjoy just means you like doing it for yourself. It is like, loving yourself, is a ‘me’ thing.

Loving another person is different, you sacrifice for that person, you give in to that person, you do everything for that person and you basically love that person. To love a person, you have to treat that person as yourself.
Value that person as much as you value yourself.
What you do not want others to do unto you, you wouldnt want to do unto others. 1 fine example is – you wouldnt want your partner to betray you.

Love is a decision and is almost the biggest decision of 1’s life. It is an attraction at the initial stage, then it is an indulgence, finally, it is a decision.

Love is a decision when you find it hard to love the same person anymore, yet, you choose to stay. You choose to not leave, you choose to fulfill the vow, you choose to continue the impulse you commit back then, you choose  to love him/her as you love yourself.

I asked myself honestly if i can really Love someone that way and my answer is …i dont know. I am not confident.

Love, i sincerely believe it is as follow:

 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

New International Version (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

It is not easy huh, not at all.

Patience – i have limited patience.
Kindess – i might not be kind enough to console a wrong doing.
Envy – ok if this means jealousy, i am screwed.
Boast – i like to boast abt my partner. #fail
Proud – i am not really proud by nature. 😛
and the list goes on….. goodness. it is tough.

Actually, Love in the Romance sector, has alot to do with every other aspects of life. I always thought that, as long as i can be patient and etc to the 1 i love, i am done. I do not need to be kind or patient to others. Boy i am so wrong!

The fact is, if you cant be patient to your own mother, your friends, strangers, what makes you think you can be patient to some1 u r gona spend your entire life with? AND, Patience is just 1 of the many important attributes to Love.

Although Love conquers everything. I can never tolerate betrayals. Truth is, you do not cheat by accident, you do not choose to make a mistake by mistake. Perhaps, this is 1 of the reasons why i cant love a person sincerely too. Because true love can overcome all mistakes, though this does not means condoning mistakes like Betrayal.

Maybe there is pride in me, but i feel that if you want to cheat, you be single and thats it. Nothing hurts more than being cheated on.
Having said that, i do not know if i truely loved Adrian-my ex. He cheated numerous times and i tolerated that. But, i think i was just being stubborn than being in love. I dont know, is not that i dont mind the cheatings, i do, but i just thought things might be better and i reckon that more as pride than Love.

Since i am on this topic, i would want to remind myself and ALL women out there, never never ever be sucidal for anyone, the right one for you do not need you to sacrifice your life for him to love you. Never ever allow any1 to abuse the precious body that God created, that is your mum’s precious too, NEVER. No 1 is allowed to do that without God’s permission, or, YOUR permission. Respect yourself.

I lost respect for myslf sometime back and thus i lost the respect i should have too. I remind myself about self respect and well, sad but true, you are not qualified to love others when you cant even love yourself. If you are so weak to take good care of yourself, you are only a burden to others, you cant love, you need love but all you might get is pity or wrong attentions.

Ok, anyway, i saw this verse today, in chinese:

回到婚姻上來說,除非自己很明確地知道有獨身恩賜,否則,都應該要尋找人生伴侶,建立家庭,因為與妻子聯合,二人合為一體,是神所賜的恩典,因為神說「那人獨居不好」!
My translation:  1 Corinthians 7:8 I speak to those who are not married. I also speak to widows. It is good for you to stay single like me. But if you can’t control yourselves, you should get married. It is better to get married than to burn with sexual longing.

God did not create us without desire, but desire come with a price, happiness comes with a price too, are you willing to pay that price?

Freedom is not the right to do what we want, but the ability to do what we ought.  Thus i aint talking about casual sex, i personally dont think it brings happiness.

Anyway, above just my own views, i am not perfect, i cant love selflessly and unconditionally as yet. Though it wud be nice and sweet to start dating again, but i am extremely careful  (and skeptical -_-) this time after a terrible fall the previous time. 

I wish that, by Grace of God, i can be able to love truly, selflessly and unconditionally. 1 day.
It is not easy but i want to achieve that.

And i do believe in God-send. I am not exactly crossing out possibility with a non believer but i firmly believe that, in order to achieve a common ground, being in a place of same perspective and agreement, my partner has to be of equally yoked.
He has to have the same purpose in life as me, same love for God and allow God to hold us together (i used to think and say that, my r/s will be held on by myself and my partner, it has ntg to do with God. I cant explain why i do not think that way now but well, human can hold on to anything or any1 but human err and God doesnt. Thats all i can say. I will do my best, i trust my partner to do his best too, but i believe in the creator, He holds  the best.)

In conclusion of this long long post, which i myslf is getting tired of typing, to love and be loved, you have to (give) love and to love is more than just a 4 letter word…

It is a decision.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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