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Posts tagged ‘Vdates’

On my way to what i want to do

IMG_20140123_5I am dying of boredom. Look, i have done what i need to do over HERE and i have more or less settled my personal work.
Before i can go ahead with any other work, i need my work mail to be set up first and i am waiting for the designer to do  that for me.

Have to admit, though i dont exactly sound like it, i am actually really really stressed. So stressed that i dont even want to face u guys and tt explains that emo picture on the left (taken by Johnnie :p)
I really cant wait to start my venture now but then it is CNY soon and that means i have to wait a little longer.

Actually, i was quite lost, in fact, i was never clear about what i really want in life (in terms of what i wana do/ my ambition). Maybe, even up till now, i am still not sure what i really want. Well, i had ambitions but obviously they didnt work out, i worked in many kinda industries before and there were ups and downs.

I do not know if there is anybody that is like me except for GF. hahahaha. But i know there are alot of lost sheeps out there still trying to figure out what they want to do in life. But really, out of 10 friends, i have prolly 1 friend that get to do what he/she wants. The rest are merely just surviving and keeping their rice bowls.
Sadly, this is life isnt it. I dont know, some say it is Singapore. But i really dont think going elsewhere can change this.
Ok, perhaps for the Sportsmen, then it is really the country’s culture and the govt (that kinda hinder their progress)

But for people like me… i am just aint sure about what i really want. I know what i enjoy doing but that doesnt necessary keep me  rooted in a certain place leh. Shrugs. But i am glad i am not so lost to the extent of just staying in a place to rot, that is USELESS and i still have not reach that stage yet (i doubt i will. thanks)

But anyway…

Let’s see what i wanted to be when i was young? HAHA!

1) Butcher – yah i wanted to be a butcher because whenever i go to the market with my Mum, i love it when she visit the butcher stall. The way they chop and cut the meat and all was just very cool to me. Shrugs. You may judge me.

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How on earth did i find this cool?  oh Lord.

 

2) Lawyer – a huge contrast from the above but basically because it is very cool to wear that black robe and white headgear (watched too many HK movies with Mummy when young)
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3) Doctor – again, it is that white robe and that telescope. Perhaps it is really all (JUST) about the uniform.

docDoctor looking lidat, who wants to recover  right? 

4) Cashier – i love that machine that goes “DING” when the cashier collect money. #LAME
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5) Teacher – this is crazy but really, i wana be a teacher because i love the ‘chalk sound’  the teacher made while writing on the board.

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6) Ok, this might be the most exciting job that i want to have..The Wheel of Fortune lady – you know the one that walk to the boxes and ‘lit’ them up whenever the contestant got the right alphabet or something? HAHAHHA. i think it is the most relak job + she gets to wear pretty clothes and look chio.

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I guess my childhood was really boring, i cant remember much but really, 6 different kinds of ambitions is really not very little (extreme contrast and differences  somemore)

When i was in my teens, i really just want to have fun and do nothing.
But of cos, on random day-dreaming times, i would imagine being a singer so i can have alot of $ and fame while doing what i love.
I wanted to be a radio dj because i can play songs i love but i couldnt  decide if i want to go the very cheena way because i might end up in channel 8 somehow or go the  ang mor pai way and end up dating random djs. (just kidding, no offence to any djs. opps)
But what i really wanted to be was just a journalist, to report news. But i have to admit, if i were to be a journalist, i will want to be a paparazzi.
Sorry, just Paparazzi, forget abt the Journalist part. hahah.Those fking irritating ones that snap and snap celebrities like a sniper and write exaggerated headlines.
If not, please send me to some countries and war zones  to cover some really big ass cases or ok la, i am also ok with the recent riots in Thailand. Just not Little India’s riot. Thanks.
Well, yah.

At my age now, which is over a quater of a decade…i have absolutely no idea what i really want to be. I have worked in the events industry, i have worked in a pub as a waitress (feeling useless daily because all i did was just drink and play games with customers), i have worked as promoters which the ignorant people term as “free lance models” now, i have worked as a sandwich maker in O’brians and i totally screwed the place up because i cant even make proper coffee nor sandwiches, not only that, i cant even wash plates, FML! I have worked as a receptionist and all i have to do is to look pretty and sit  there doing some boring admin job and greet the humsup Japanese bosses, i have worked as a part time cashier at a supermarket and i cant be more ashamed of the uniform (no offence but i was really paiseh to wear that auntie-ish uniform at the tender age of 18. it just didnt look good on me can)

Honestly, i do not remember what else have i done.  I have been doing Marketing ever since 5 -7 years ago and despite the fact that i was a slave most of the time, people still think i get the best because i market in the Music and Entertainment Industry those days. Shrugs.

Now, i am in a stagnant place which pays me ok, but i lost the drive and i lost that ‘something’ in me, which i really do not know how to describe.
I have plannings, yes i do, but i am afraid, then i  tot …FUCK IT, do or die. The most i start all over again.

So yea, i cant wait for my stuff to be settled.  I am left with 11  mths till 2015 and that is hell fast.
I left with a heavy heart after the msg at BBG last night (my spiritual meeting). The msg is about not being stagnant and that Faith without Works is dead. Maybe it is really  God telling me to STOP SITTING on my dream/plan and just get my ass out to do it.

Frankly, i am in sucha stagnant state currently that i no longer have tt much fear in me. I just want to start it, get it over and done with. If i make it, praise Lord. If not, maybe Lord has better plans, so fuck it. Since i am already 2/5 to where i want to go, might as well just carry on walking right? If the path does not lead me to where i want to be, at least i made the moves. Like a GPS, God will guide me if i really turn the wrong way, right? AMEN.

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And so…i give myself another 1 month before i see a completed project infront of me, challenge accepted,. Life, bring it on!

this post is for myself and my lazy spirit in me. this is to encourage myself and stop myself from being emo over the worries i have in me.

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Vdate – What a long hiatus! 2014

IMG_20140112_18Happy 2014!!! Although i am really almost a month late for the greeting.

Yeap, it has been quite sometime since i last blogged. A month of being missing in action might be the norm for most people but looking back, i used to blog weekly, if not, bi weekly! Goodness! I am hoping that i am not turning lazier but the fact that i have to convince myself i am not….
Ok, anyway, let’s just say i am busier with new stuffs and i have to commit myself to the more important things.

I was thinking what i should blog about since most people usually would do a flashback on 2013  or coming up with a list of 2014 resolutions.
I guess i do not fancy the latter so perhaps i will just do a SHORT flashback on 2013 because honestly, i cant really remember much of what happened in 2013. (Maybe i do, but there are alot of things that i have chosen to forget)

So… let’s see…

In Year 2013,

Spiritual
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I am with God and never leave HIM in anyway. I am still rooted in a very nice spiritual family – BBG.
To others, they might think that BBG is unlike the Church i used to go but i am very sure this is the place God wants me to be in.
Thank you God, i believe you are moulding me in Your way and blessing me in Your way too. 

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I am closer to my family of course. My Mum, my Sister, my Aunt and all. However, it wasnt really a good year for us, Mum was hospitalized for her weak knee and Sis and i have to visit her daily and took care of the house. Now, dont u go judging us. It is really NOT easy to do all the chores that Mum does. You know it perfectly well unless you have a family of your own.
Well, good thing is, Mum recovered and her being her, she is strong enough to look pass the fact that she is ageing though she can be rather negative at times. But alls well.
Sis and i faced the biggest challenge ever as we fought like crazy. We really felt very sad and bad that period of time, we have done everything we could to reconcile and in the end, she had to move out to cool down for a period of time… But thank God, she came back and she came back with an open mind and thank God, she is more kind and considerate this time round.
But all in all, i am just thankful that my family members are safe and sound, healthy and good.

Career
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I guess this section has to be the shortest. One word – Mediocre.
There is slight pay increment, there r some benefits here and there and i am thankful for all that.
However, the politics here is worse than Workers Party vs PAP.
So..i dont know. Basically i dont know what else to describe about my work except that i have a change of Boss and the current Boss gave a more detailed planning and direction for all the lost sheeps who were under poor management previously.
That is perhaps 1 good thing and yah, more stress might be on the way.
I have also started planning, doing something for my personal plan. I went overseas, i met up with relevant professionals.
However, due to budget constraint and my ill discipline, the plan was held back for very long. It is not helping when i was kinda timid and i was always lacking the courage to pursue what i want. But in year 2014, i swear i will just go ahead with all that i have on hand and do what i can and let God do the rest! Amen.

Relationship
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This must be the most exciting topic in this post. (at least to me and John? lol)
After being alone for 2 freaking long years (i have never been single for that long) I am in a relationship again.
To be honest, previously, i lost all faith in r/s (i know i say this many times and i always end up with some jerk after saying  that but really, this time it is different)
If you follow my blog, you would know. If not, you can read here and here. If you are too lazy to read or find out, let’s just say, i was really not intending to get hitched in any way. Yes i did hope for it secretly but really, on the scale of 10, my desire to be alone was 8.

I have hurt and i have been hurt alot of times and each  time after a break up, i would tell myself that i want to be alone because i am oh so jaded and i have lost all faith. But, you know, each time i say that, i was secretly hoping that someone will come around and show me that there is hope in this world, i was secretly hoping for someone that will appear in my life and show me what loyalty is all about, someone that is different, that will view loyalty as the most important factor in a r/s, someone that respect, that loves, that knows Love is not just a feeling but a Decision. (i actually blogged about this sometimes back, please read it here)

However, after the last r/s in 2011, i have decided firmly that such person does not exist, either that or he prolly does exist but he will never be mine. (yea, that’s negative but you cant blame me, i have suffered f-up r/s for at least 10yrs and having said that, i am not saying that i was never at fault, i believe no 1 party should bear all blames for failures for r/s)

Then, someone appeared in my life silently, normally, with an add in Facebook. John, i think you must be grinning at this.
Look, i mentioned that i will write about us once things are more stable and etc. Thus i wont go into much details now but hopefully that day will come and i can write about really fruitful news and hopefully we can move on further to another stage of the r/s by then.
Anyways, John was my schmate in Chung Cheng High Main (secondary school) and i never liked him back then.
He was just someone that my then- best friend dated. Other than that, all i knew of him was that he represented the sch for table tennis and apparently he was good at what he did, he studied in the special stream class and he was good with soccer. Thats all i knew about him and i had absolutely no interest in knowing more about him back then. Not that he wasnt attractive or anything but i was really immersed with Counterstrike and was more interested in friends outside school.

So anyway, that’s how we initially knew about each other. We hardly spoke and i think the only time i said something to him back then was an insult, he told me i called him ‘bastard’ and i shant talk much abt it.AHAH!
After 10 over years (got or not ar?), i duno how God work His miracle, John saw a pretty me (AHEM) on FB and he added me. LOL, ok la, he added me cos he knew it was me and also because i am pretty can? LOL

From then on….. i shall save e details for next time. HAHA!

But i really wana say, since the day we started dating, i have never regretted because he shows me everything i want in a man, everything i ask from God and we are on the same page in almost all things. We possess the same perspective most of the time, our moral values tally with each other, we admire each other and are very attracted to each other, we acknowledge that God is the One that is in the center of the r/s and honestly, the list goes on.

“Wah, this is long but seriously, i really really want this to work out as much as you do John. “

We are working very hard towards it and thank God for this surprise blessing, both us are grateful and we pray that we will always cherish this r/s the way we do now. Though we are really just mths together, some even say we are in the honeymoon period, both of us really want this honeymoon period  to last and till date, we still feel very happy upon seeing each other and we will always make up after each fight with  rational minds. Hope this continue and although we can never guarantee the future, i hope nothing ever changes because John really closed the chapter of 2013 for me wonderfully.

Health

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I started seeing a psychiatrist and i am talking to a psychologist too. Well, ntg can be concluded as of now but at least i am under control for whatever i am suffering from. Many people view Depression or Mental illness as something shameful. I was one of those people. I always think that only the weak people will admit that they are depressed.
For me, it is even tougher as i am expected by the world to walk out of any crappy mental problem just because i claim  that God is real.
But i have made peace with myself and accepted that i might be stressed, and i have issues in me that might be unresolved. I believe God created professional help for people like me. Thus i am happy i have started talking to someone and on the path of getting my healthy mind back.
I also stated working out and i have lost weight, i have put on weight. It no longer matters i guess, as long as i am healthy. In the later part of 2013, i started to slack off. I am determined to return to the Gym soon (cut me some slack, CNY coming! 😛)

Wealth
Looking good, looking good. But can be better! HUAT LA 2014! Especially after spending that $400+ on a tooth. It wasnt even serious op, it was just a normal tooth being plucked out. FML.

Alright, i hope the above summarized my 2013 generally and it is honestly not short at all. LOL
I have no resolution for 2014 but i do hope that i can be more hardworking, less hot tempered, and more diligent and patient for 2014. I am very happy now. I have the best family, the best bf, the best friends around me and i want to lose none of them. I wish that all of them will be happy and safe everyday. I wish that i can achieve more in my career and hopefully the house that Mum and i wanted will be ours soon 🙂

As i really gtg, i hope the crazy amt of photos i post will make you happy because i am signing off!
Happy Chinese  New Year and may all of you be blessed with Peace and Prosperity!

恭喜发财!万事如意!身体健康!

IMG_20131222_2Our First overseas trip – KL

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IMG_20131221_7with the very talented Aloysius Yap

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IMG_20131224_3shopping spree

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Christmas 2013
IMG_20131225_13that child in me 

IMG_20131225_2first xmas

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R3hab with John and his friends @ Zouk for Xmas
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Dinner with Mummy and John before party
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IMG_20131225_46Many more Xmas-es together! 🙂

IMG_20131225_54Staycation at The Sultan
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With my lovely family on Xmas day
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IMG_20131225_53Sister photobombed me and Aunt

Gathering before 2014 with the peeps!
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My Loves!

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My Twin!

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IMG_20131228_13My Bff forever

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2014!

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we didnt go anywhere extravagant, we were in the car, counting down with the radio station.
But it was beautiful, with kisses, hugs and wishes, we crossed over to 2014 together. 🙂
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IMG_20140103_4totally in love with this white crochet dress
Wore this for dinner with John and his parents @ Jpot

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IMG_20140106_5@ Poulet

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IMG_20140110_10Random dating pictues

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IMG_20140112_17Dinner with Mummy and John @ PP

My Ex Boss Gavin’s big day with Liz
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With the ex colleagues

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John came and fetch me after the wedding and we hanged

pl

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And i shall end my post with the current KPOP hair color i just did. 
Love my hair 😀

Vdate- a short one before Xmas

IMG_20131213_1Hi birdies`

Hmm… i am feeling a little lethargic here. Maybe it is because i am really tired, maybe i am just looking forward (TOO MUCH) to Friday, maybe i am just a little emo, or maybe is just all of the above.

Well, to make things better, Christmas (my fav day of the year) is just next week. How time flies. It seems like it was just yesterday that i celebrated Christmas.

It is days away from Christmas but it is 2 more LONG days to Friday. This Friday is further away from me because John is away in KL for some tournament and i am supposingly joining him on Friday.

See, this is what i mean by the con of having a r/s. You fall for the person, you are ‘used’ to seeing that person regularly then u start to miss him like crazy and then because of some situations, somehow or rather, you will have to feel love-sick.

Tsk.

But like what he always tell me, the happy days exceed the bad times by aplenty and it makes all the bad times worthy. Oh well.

IMG_20131214_8#lotd last Saturdate 

IMG_20131214_10This is funny, we went to Old Airport Road for super late lunch
(5pm??? actually i wudnt bother to eat lunch since tts dinner time and i didnt wana have dinner at 5pm because it is too early but as usual, someone just has to insist tt i have something in my stomach. Sigh, i duno hw to be skinny lidat…)
Anw the funny thing is, we bumped into my Aunt and Granny. I was shocked and i was guessing John was shocked too but he tried to hide it well. HAHA.
Mum was saying: wah i havent even see him, aunt saw already. 
Tsk.

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IMG_20131214_13ok. i hafta admit, i am officially missing you now. FML 😦

Anyway, work has picked up abit and i feel slightly better as i have clearer picture of where i can head to. As for my personal plan, it is still ongoing but i just wish i am more disciplined.

I havent have enough sleep everyday and frankly, Saturdays r for me to pay up my sleep debts. I have been slacking quite a bit towards my workout too. ARGH. Seriously. I really hope this is just the holiday mood  i am having.

Anyway, it has been sometime since i last brought my family out for a good meal, it will be soon but i have no idea where to bring them this time, any recommendation(s)?

Oh, i am also looking forward to next Friday (already! HAHA) because i am gathering with my seconday sch peeps and i miss them so! The last time i saw them was on my Birthday 7mths ago. The bf also knows them and thus it is quite easy for me, so i do not have to re-intro everyone to him and vice versa. But honestly, i am also running out of idea of what to do and where to go. They say SG is boring but really, i feel it is the same for everywhere and anywhere. What can we expect after staying in the same place for a quater decade?

Clubbing is out. Definitely. Nobody likes clubbing in the group, those who fancy partying are also tired of it already. Yes, it is the age. FOL.
Singing is boring.
Dinner should be it but how long can we take to eat?
Seriously running out of ideas and to think i am the ‘organizer’ this time. 😦

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IMG_20131213_4 He is not the only 1 afraid, i was so stressed out because he is so soft and i am afraid i couldnt handle him. HAHA!
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IMG_20131213_2#CuteSantaBaby

IMG_20131214_7Went for my spiritual group’s Thanksgiving Dinner. Yes, i am still with Eng Han simply because he is a man of integrity whom i trust and who has helped me in alot of ways. I am tired to elaborate but i hope that the people from church can understand that i am not lacking of HIS (God) presence in BBG. We are growing spiritually and there is definitely spiritual covering here. Thus i really do not appreciate hearing negative views on my choice. I know where God wants me to be at. But anyway, may the Lord build us up in BBG in HIS way.

Ok, I feel like sleeping, my eyes are heavy and i really do not know how to survive till 6pm. I am blogging using my lunch time, so please dont judge me. The office is freezing me and i really just cant keep those eyes open anymore.

Till my next post, which i supposed might be after Christmas, Happy Holidays everyone!

Oh, have a Merry Xmas and take this time to appreciate the day that commemorate the birth of Christ our Lord Jesus! ❤

What is inside me?

IMG_20131124_12Hi.

I haven’t been blogging seriously for some time. There are no excuses but i was just not in the mood to do it.

I would love to say that there are some new happenings in my life. But really, i duno if there are stuffs happening too.
Forget it, i dont know how to make this clear too.

So, work is really in a mediocre state till i have nothing much to say. It is really JUST about the money money money. Kaching!

Recently, i realize that i am sicker. Sick of pretending, sick of wanting this and that to happen, sick of being sucha perfectionist, sick of working out (which i usually love), sick of sleeping and sick of not being able to sleep, sick of eating (fml please. food leh), sick of heading out, sick of staying home, sick of this sick of that.

Why am i like that?

Whenever i feel this way, it is time for me to take up more challenging stuffs, like serving a new ministry, start a new hobby, learn something new. Perhaps i have been really lazy and nuar for the longest time of my life and thus for now, i really cant stay in a stagnant state.
Many ask me to find a new job since i am suffering here everyday, but easier said than done. We all know it.
A new job means interacting with new people, adapting new working environment, learning new stuff, handling new office politics and etc.
Plus, how would i know if i will be paid better and all? (fml for wanting this comfort zone)

But, isnt that what i want? New challenges?!

Many say maybe it is time for me to start dating again. Actually i didn’t really stay home as a nun. I mean, i still talk to new people now and then but am too jaded to start trusting, start loving and in short, i am sick of having a r/s.  I am sure my reasons are justifiable, who would be keen to start risking the heart being hurt and cheated again after all the shit i went through 2 years ago? (oh and that excludes shits i went tru before 2years ago)

But, isnt that what i want? New challenges?

Many say i should start doing something more, maybe head out, know new people or learn a new language. But frankly, i am too tired for all that.
I guess i just need a break. Like a long hiatus, like a getaway. But where is the time, the energy, the money and the companion?

I have no more leave to take because i have used them up due to my health issues, i have not enough money for a long Europe trip (please, i dun wan a 3days 2nights getaway), i have almost no friends to go with. I sounded so pathetic. FML.

But it is true. As i aged, the friends who were once very close to me are al married and busy with making babies, the money is put to other good use and a large part of it went to my personal plan, the time i have is left for work and exercises, the little amount of time i have left is also used to make myself sleepy so i can sleep.

Yep, the health issue is not getting better although i have been trying and i found myself trembling and shaking just this morning. This is crazy.
Slept at 940pm, woke up at 2am, went back to sleep at 3am, woke up at 6am and went back to sleep at 7am. Finally woke up at 8am and feeling out of breath.
I light a cigarette and tried to smoke all these nonsensical worries away, but i cant even hold the stick properly. Terrible.

Then my good friend told me i am not determined and i do not have the willpower to overcome my own sickness. Thank you very much.
I seriously duno what else can i do to make myself recover from this crap.

If working my way to be better, to do healthy stuffs, to be a better person, isnt “helping myself”, what is?
If seeing the doc monthly, increasing dosages, spending useless $ hearing the doc say that i need time and each time i visit her, all i was told was i need more time and patience  to recover….

Time. I do not know how much time i have. No. i am not suffering from terminal illness, if i am blessed enough (i am in Christ name) i should be able to have lots more time on earth. But what i mean is, age is catching up, i still do not feel that i have achieved much in life.
Look, what have i achieve?
Probably i am earning more than the past, but i am unhappy everyday, dreading my feet to Tg Pagar at 8am.
Probably i am alot more healthier than the past, but i am still on medication.
Probably i am happier, but when can i finally feel that “yes, this is the time of my life. i am truly happy and stable”

Ok, this post might be alittle negative, forgive me. I wk up feeling like crap. I nida rant. Maybe this is what they call- mid life crisis (mid life????)
Ok, perhaps it is just the late twenties crisis. Maybe it is peer pressure and seeing my peers far ahead of me can be quite taxing sometimes.

I talk alot this time about how i really feel inside me for the longest time. I rarely do this yea. So this post isnt about some updates of what i did, where i went and who i met. It is more of a real update of how i feel.

But it is all talk lah. Back to reality, i still have to face all the shits, i still have a meeting on Friday for my plan (really, i have kinda lost the motivation to do what i planned, but i have already commited myself to it, giving it up now really just show how loserish i am) i still have to face TONS of backstabbers at work, i still have to face the problem i created myself, i still have to try to sleep, i still have to work out, i still have to try to eat properly (only because i promised John) i still have to ….ARGH, i have to live.

Yah, Life is simple, it is just not easy. And i should stop whining. Sometimes, dont you just wish that Life comes with instructions?
For example, a guide book. You flip to page 1 for Monday and 2 for Tuesday and etc, then follow what God wants us to do and where God wants us to go, meet people God wants us to meet and etc.

Ok i am sounding a little naive and unattractive already. Better stop here.

Shall upload pics and tts it, i am not writing anymore. Feel like resting the poor brain that hasnt been resting for almost a week.

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Went to gf’s crib recently after doctor’s appointment. Had fun with Kinect and babies, of cos, with gf too! 😀
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Met up with Alan and John recently.

IMG_20131116_2Some dude- Alan’s fren

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IMG_20131116_4seriously, i really don’t know her. I dont even know if i can call her Alan’s fren.
Her name is Apple Gao, btw.

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IMG_20131116_6I know i really bring joy, but need to be so happy not?

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IMG_20131116_10i nida explain this. Look, i am not leaning on John ok, it was er….awkward.
Because errr Apple was lik….wanting to be closer to Alan and Alan doesnt seem lik he like it and so i kinda push her to him and aiya. 
Sua, i duno what to say.

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IMG_20131116_13Yah, trophy for Singaporeans. 
Mandatory shot when u have it, Krispy Kreme.

IMG_20131118_1Everyday, my eyes are lidat, i can never open them.

IMG_20131122_1Random. Trying dresses for Christmas, got more later. HAHA

IMG_20131123_1Gf day. Thanks to her and Chris, we went to….

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AMEI Special Showcase for the MBS Vips.
Pardon the blurry pictures, samsung S3 really..you know la.

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IMG_20131123_233048And this is my dinner with my gf after the concert, i was zombiefied. 

IMG_20131124_7 And this is me and XiaoHui at Jackson’s wedding. Congrats Bud! 
God will surely bless your wonderful new journey with Net!

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IMG_20131124_201520#Ootd for Jackson’s big day. Not bad ah, the dress.
But it is too loose and i am  thinking of selling, any takers?

IMG_20131124_201640Went Jockey’s to meet John after the Wedding.
My dinner at Jockey’s.

John’s fav place -_-

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IMG_20131123_154136 Cute not? Cute right? Haha. 
My talented Sis made this. So love hor.

IMG_20131124_19Went to H&M and tried on different attires.
My favs are the red and the bottom right.
Tts almost what all the others chose too.
My dear John chose the 3rd frm the top and the 1st on the bottom left.
FHL.

IMG_20131125_17And i am supposed to be touched when he tk pics of his food for me cos he says that he dun do that usually.
And becos of that, i took pic of my dinner and sent him and i was made to promise him that i have to eat proper meals for dinner.
How sian.

IMG_20131125_1At Jockey’s.

Vdates – Changes

IMG_20131023_3Before i start on my updates, i have a question for you guys.

What do the term “Changes” mean to you and how do you feel about having Changes in your life?
And i mean, major changes, not tiny little ones.
But of course, different individual view the size of changes differently.

Right now, there are quite a few changes in my life, i would say they are definitely good changes but i am really really afraid despite the excitement. Maybe i can list them down, you decide if they are big or  small changes. For me, they are all big changes because i believe that these changes change my destiny, and perhaps, bring me nearer to where i deserve.

I shall just compare the Me now and Me 5years ago.

1) I am a Christian

This is a major change because i remember i was a very rebellious kid. I felt that God (Jesus) is not real and even if HE is, we will never cross paths. I cursed, i swore and i said every nasty thing about Jesus but yah, i guess He loves me anyway.
Thank God for God, if not for Him, i wouldnt be able to be experience an intimate relationship with someone that High up. People always think that God is way up there, but ever since i came to know Jesus, i know that God is just right beside. Alot of times, i thought i was about to die, my life has reached the best it can ever go, God shows me otherwise. Too much to explain but i am glad i know You Jesus. So thankful.

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2) I no longer yearn for a relationship with a person
Perhaps back in those teenage days, i was lacking of family love and ever since, it has become a habit to find love elsewhere. The habit did lasted for quite sometime but i am glad that something really bad and major happened 2 years back (with my last ex bf) and made me realize that BGR isnt the most important thing in life. I realize that despite the argument that not all men are the same (crappy and shitty), i have more or less gave up on pursuing that fairytale for myself. I came to know that everything on earth can be forced except love. Marriage is important and was deemed to be the most important event in life for me 2 years ago but nope, it no longer hold much place in my heart anymore. Too many sad cases, too much betrayals, too much examples.
If the best happen, it happens (i am not saying you dont have to work for it, you do have to) but if it doesnt, it just doesnt.
so yah, BGR is desired but no longer essential.

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3) I no longer commit myself to cigarettes 
I quit smoking on the 1st of Jan 2013. I didnt touch a stick till somewhere in May. I rem i was trying to light up a cig since i havent been touching it but it didnt feel very well. I shall not lie about it, i still smoke now and  then. But i am not addicted nor committed anymore. It is very very occasional that i will touch cigs again, They always say that “since you have stopped, why get back into it again?” I agree to a certain extent and thus i have never wanted to start the cycle of buying a pack every 2 days ever again.
But i believe, despite the fact that smoking harms, the addiction itself harms more. And thus i quit addiction, i quit the bad habit. It is more important to me, to be able to cut myself from that redudant commitment to smoking. However, i still have to emphasize, while it is not healthy being a social/ casual smoker, at the very least, i no longer behave like a slave to cigarettes and i have no yearnings for it no more. In short, i have control over my desires. Thank God

4) I spend more time with my Family and Mum
I remember spending time with them when i was in primary school. That was quite sometime ago and ever since i enter secondary school, i have stopped. I stopped wanting to know about them, i stopped showing that i care, in fact, i do not care at all. I do not want to have anything to do with the family and family members were just there cos they have to be there. I kinda hated myself for being so insensible then. And now, i have been doing all that i can to make up for lost times, however, sometimes i do fail them. But i am really very thankful that i get back that kinda lovey dovey feelings from  my family. I remember having those feeling when i was 7yr old. I have never forgotten about it, i just lost it and am i glad i got it back now. I hope it is not too late.

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5) I started exercising to keep fit and not only to lose weight
I always think that exercising is a chore and i still think that way sometimes when i am lazy. But i have come to accept that exercises not only build up the metabolism rate, but also self confidence of a person. At least for myself, it does. It is the best form of motivation and besides being able to look better, being able to be healthy mentally and physically is very important too. Age is a figure but what emits from within is more crucial. Especially when i am more than a quarter of a decade old. Ahem.

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IMG_20131026_194908i wouldnt say i am in perfect shape but trust me, i love the progress i see in the mirror. I mentioned previously that i am on a programme for slimming and it really does work! Of course, it is best to combine proper dietary plans and exercises. I never believe in taking only diet pills or supplements.
I have another 2 months to go before i see the  full result, stay tuned, i am more than willing to share about it!

6) I started to save
Not much but yah, still trying my best to. It is a little late as my peers are all having 5 figure digits in their banks while i…. but better than nothing!

7) I stop forcing myself to be out on Fridays and Saturdays
I used to think that it is a MUST to party or at least be out on weekends so as to ‘not waste’ the weekend away. But nope, i stopped forcing myself to feel tired and i stay home after work most of the time. I will only head out when i feel fresh or ‘awake’.

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IMG_20131014_11Love my gf lots. #throwback #ktv

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Random Food i eat.
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Babies make me happy.

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8) I started to leave friends that do not want to cherish friendship
In the past, i get way too upset whenever a friendship has to end. I thought friends are forever. Guess i wasnt so mature.
Friends, in fact, do come and go. I believe God gives us different friends at different phases of life. And although i still feel a little upset initially when i chose to give up certain dishonest and negative friends months ago, i have learnt to let go and now, i feel nonchalant about these 2 persons. They might have helped me alot in the past, but thats the past, what matters now is the present. People do change and so do friends. I have accepted that fact.

9) I have taken a huge step for my health
I shant reveal what it is over here but let’s just say, i have taken a huge step in following up with my doctors (yah, more than 1 doc) regularly and am on medication to improve things.

10) This is a crazy plan
Yes, it is. I cant reveal it now but very soon, you will know what i am saying. I always feel small about myself since i dont know when. I always think that i can never accomplish big things, the good endings are not for me and etc. Thank God for sending me nice angels to be with me, to talk to me, to encourage me. I am taking a huge step to achieve this goal. It is very important to me now and i am really praying for the best. It is not easy as i am not born with a silver spoon to start with. I cant afford to not work, not even for a month. As i have to tc of my family. Thus, i am really giving my best and all. I know there are already people doing what i want to do, and perhaps plenty of them do not have to struggle so much as i do because they  came from a better background. But i believe God will show me what He wants for me along the way. By Faith, i believe. God, be with me.

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Alright, so i didnt expect to write so much but i did. Unknowingly, i gathered 10 points. I wanted to list only 3 initially. Haha.
What about you? Are you making changes to your life as well? Are you afraid of changes?

I, am very afraid. Thus i always pray for my courage to be more than my fear because fear is there to stay, as long as there are challenges. Instead of asking for it to be gone, i ask for Courage to cover Fear.

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But i guess, “changes” are good, because if there isnt any change in my life, it would simply mean i will be as useless as i was 5 years ago.

Haha.

Alright, gtg, till the next post, God Bless!

Oh! i forgot to include, from tomorrow onwards, i will be able to sing for my Christian meetings. I have always wanted to serve as a vocalist in the choir but i didnt dare to in the past. Also, there was no slots available back then. It has been years and i thought that the vision of me singing to God was just a dream that will never happen. Little do i know that, God really does make it happen! In His timing. 🙂
I am very very nervous and anxious. It is not another KTV session, i have to actually be moved by faith so that the worship will be good.
Thus, i am really really very very excited and nervous. Gotta  go and listen to the songs on Youtube now, laters!

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Vdates – October Fantastic Baby Edition

IMG_20131001_2Hi!

Happy Monday! I am dozing off after the crazy amount of workout ytd and 1/2 of the atarax.
Actually, i have been deprived of sleep since Friday. FML!

YAWNS!!!!
Ok, before anything, i would like to share my very first Korean POP song.

LOL!

I didnt even know they are called the Big Bang until my little sis told me ytd (we were dancing to this song for Zumba).
At first, i was like “WTF? Y KPOP AH?”

My sis screamed with excitement. I stared at her. She was so excited for K-POP. Goodness.
I dont fancy and i wont be keen in KPOP at all.
Sorry KPOP fans, i dont mean to offend, but i really do not know how to appreciate lah, sorry. I old liao, so i am very “evergreen-ish” LOL

But i must admit that i am addicted to this song, prolly due to the dance. HAHA.
Sometime back, i was asking my sister “eh who is G dragon ar? which band is that ar? y got so many de, y gt Big Bang, gt G dragon, gt don’t know what Tarsha or wadever “(sorry, i really do not know how to spell the right name, if i spell any name wrongly, my bad!)

Sister: G Dragon is 1 of the members in Big Bang.

I: FML. U mean it isnt a band?

Sister: Nope, he is in Big Bang.

LOL! Is this generation gap? I was like…shit, i am really sounding OLD now.  But why does people actually like these Korean boy bands ar?
I was looking at the MV for the 13832820 time and i still do not find them cute AT ALL leh?
Ok, there is this blue hair dude with green eyebrows, he looks ok.
Sis say his name is TOP, and is her fav guy in the group. Right.
But the rest are like….cute meh?
I even asked her to please point out G dragon to me, as i was asking over Line, (an app on iphones and android) all she can tell me was “he is the most skinny dude”

I: The long hair on one side guy ar?
Sister: yea.

OMG, why would anyone think this is cute ar?!

Ok, i better stop here. I am sorry Kpop fans, i am really old already, cant blame ah, i am just not appreciative but i really  think the music is very addictive. Haha, and very nice to dance along too!

I also admire the fact that they are so creative in their appearances and make up, so yah.
Hope that make up the fact that “i do not know how to find them cool/cute.”  -_-

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Eh, who is G Dragon again??? Which one???? There is no one with long hair in this pic leh!

Ok, so much for Big  Bang and Kpop. Haha, as i was saying, i had my first Zumba lesson ytd with Sis and GF. It was mad fun. But Gf didnt like it much. Both sis and i were enjoying so much n i am yearning for  more. 1 hr passed by so quickly. It was really fun, we danced to different genres of songs, and of course, 1 of which was the 1 above, that was my first true ‘interaction’ with Kpop HAHAH!
Actually not exactly, just that i danced to it for the 1st time, Sis plays Kpop all the time at home and i just roll my eyes everytime.
We also tried street jazz, hip hop, reggae, disco, and many others. I was sweating like a pig and it was really fun, cant wait for the next lesson! 😛

Because the GF wasnt really enjoying, so we accompanied her for her fav Body Combat lesson, and you know what, i was so damn sure i cant even complete the class because it was already mad  tiring after 1 hr of non stop dancing.
But i did! All of us survived the Body combat lesson and i am extremely proud of myself.
Looks like my stamina is catching up and i am getting fitter! HAHA.

Before that, i was telling GF that i will never complete the Body Combat lesson because of 2 reasons:
1) It killed me last week and i sprained every part of my legs
2) After 1 hr of Zumba, i think i will prolly die  there if i continue with Body Combat. It was a back to back lesson, immediately after the Zumba, Body Combat continues.

But we did it! Pats on my own shoulder. 🙂  Did it.

You see, i mentioned before that Exercising really makes 1 very motivated and makes 1 understand that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.
Alot of times, we give up when we are nearly there, but if we endure that bit more, we will reach there!

Anyway, i have been pushing myself to work out recently as i was getting complacent. But thank  God i found new classes like Zumba and etc to keep me going! It is no longer just cycling and stepping machines, they are rather boring to me now.
Also, i have been lifting weights to tone those flabby arms and working on the various machines to tone the fat thighs. They are not skinny but they are not that flabby 😡 But….

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Please ah, this picture is definitely edited. If not my skin wudnt be that smooth looking.
It is filtered like crazy. But with phone app, not photoshop. i STILL do not know how to use PS. -_-
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Still a long way to go and i really enjoy sweating, and will continue exercising! I am also on a program that helps to build up my metabolism, aids reducing Visceral fats, (please take some time to click on the link of Visceral fats as it is apparently more dangerous than the normal fats that you can see with your naked eyes). I have been on this program for approximately 20days?
I can already see the small difference of my body shape but i shall sum in up at the end of my program and show some before and after pictures.
I do not think i wana show it now as there will definitely be more differences in the next 2 months, i will show my progress along the way though and reveal the program to you at the end of the program.  You be the judge and see if it is effective ok?

Will talk more about that program. Those that are keen to know can pm me at valenciafaithz.z@gmail.com.

Of course, i feel better of myself now because a good  change (to the body) is always a pleasant sight to the eyes of many, but most importantly, my eyes love what they see in the mirror. 🙂

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Random photo #OOTD

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IMG_20131002_6Pardon this super random weird pic, i just love it whenever i flex those hard muscles while fixing the hair.
I used to have really flabby arms, so i am darn proud of myself now 😛

Anw, my past week was busy planning for …Project L, and i managed to catch up with Alan and Zen (my fav maid. haha) over the Friday. It was also Felyncia’s Birthday, though we were never close, but i wish her a very good birthday and may she find her own happiness soon! 🙂

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We were chilling at some pub and  then went over to 1 of the thai joints. Not a fan of the place, but the company was good, my ex colls were there, catch up with them abit, and guess who i met? Shihui! 🙂

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It’s been so long, am i glad to see her again and she still look so beautiful. Thank God she still treat me as a friend as there was some misunderstandings in the past between us. Though we can never go back to those days but thank God we are still well. 🙂

I haven been hanging out for so long and i totally let loose that night and went home feeling a tad drunk. Went to bed at 5ish and woke up at 9 the next day. Made breakfast for myself and felt lik crap. Hangover is bad, but Hangover after so many years, is worse. I was like a walking zombie.

But thank goodness i had enough training back in those days when i was marketing for Lifebrandz, i managed to reach home safely. 😛 Ok, i have to include the fact  that i was marketing in that ex co because alot of crazy people actually think i was working as some hostess if i say my prev job needs to drink like a fish. Just a tiny clarification, thanks!

So Saturday, Aunt treated us to dinner and yah, the dinner was really good. In fact, if you ask me to choose spending $ at some restaurant or this place, i will not hesitate to recommend this eating place. It is located at Aljunied, in fact, it is very near to Aljunied MRT station, just beside it.
Every item from the menu is good and it only cost us $160+ for 6 pax. We ordered alot of food that day.
1) Marmite chicken
2) Braised Fish Steamboat
3) Kang Kong (Veg)
4) Xiao Bai Cai (Veg)
5) Salted Egg Prawns
6) Yam Ring

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The affordable prices of the food does not compromise with the quality and it is definitely worth it. However, the downside of the place would be the waiting time. It takes a longer time as it is always crowded, and the waiting time for food is rather long too. But that is small problem, i rather wait for good food than eating crappy food at some expensive restaurants.

Yeap. Address of the place is : 76 Lorong 25A Geylang

Anw, like i was saying, i was working out like a mad woman yesterday and i slept like a baby last night. Wanted to continue as a baby but of course, i cant, and i am here, dozing off.

Alright, i am really zonking out and i gtg, till the next post people! God Bless

Vdates Mini End Sept

IMG_20130924_200507Hihi! It’s been long as always. 😛

Nothing much but still as busy as ever.

Took the step to step out and everything STILL seems surreal, i reckon it will feel as surreal till the day really comes.

Anyway, i will update on that.

Recently, i read an article and thought it might be of good help to alot of gals/women who are hopelessly in love.

The beginning of the article sounds extremely familiar and i wud definitely write something like that. Totally relates to me.

Well, if you are lost and not sure if you are dating right, please have a read and save yourself.

“When I was in my early twenties, if a guy acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, I would get hooked. You could say I was addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player. I was drawn to what psychotherapist, Ken Page terms as “attractions of deprivation” – when we are drawn to people who embody the worst emotional characteristics of our parents. Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.

“The child in us believes that if the original perpetrators — or their current replacements — finally change their minds, apologize, or make up for that terrible rupture of trust, we can escape from our prison of unworthiness. Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which hurt us the most as children.”  – Psychology Today

So games used to work on me because 1) I had unresolved daddy issues and 2) At the tender age of 20, I was trying to figure out who I was and to top it off, I was ridden with insecurity and a low sense of self-worth.

But somewhere in between the passing of a decade, something changed.

I learned to love myself.  I became independent, confident, and started to value my self-worth. I went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked myself back up which built my strength and courage. Instead of relying on beauty as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values, contributions to the world and how I helped others. In a sense, I finally grew up. I went from being a girl to becoming a woman. And as a woman, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a girl.

A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. You can switch the genders in this post and most points would likely still apply. Or, read this post on “The 11 Differences Between Dating a Girl vs a Woman“.

If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.

  1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
  2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life).  A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
  3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
  4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
  5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
  6. A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
  7. A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting crunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
  8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
  9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
  10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.

*To clarify, when I’m referring to “games” I mean mind games.”

The above article in italics does not belong to me. I am just sharing. 
Credits: http://justmytype.ca/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/

As For Me….

IMG_20130922_194827Yup, i absolutely agree and i have far too many goals to attain now. I have been with the right ones but regretably they have to leave and i have to leave. And the wrong ones, thanks but no thanks, i had enough of bullshits. Special thanks to that last ex who beat the hell outta me to let me grow up and grow out of being silly enough to stick to an abusive man who slps around. 
I am never so thankful for being alone now. 

But who knows which nice angel will appear next right? But till then, no bullshit, drama free, focus on food. LOL. kidding, focus on the more important stuff.

Meanwhile, some Throwback pictures, went to Slug again with gf and love love love the brunch and chilling session as always. I love Garden Slug, i love the boss of Slug, he is very nice and considerate and is constantly checking how we feel about the food. If there is anything we are unhappy about, he would change another plate for us or offer some other nice gestures which i do not want to say much. (just in case there are rotten apples who wana take advantage of him!)
LOL. But generally, he is a nice chap that really take care of his customer. It is also a place for the PLUs and Garden slug welcome animals 🙂

It is a nice chilling place and personally, i love the food. No special recommendation because so far, i love al the food i order and i am trying to get gf to go back again tis week, Hopefully.

Garden Slug
8688 8575
55 Lorong L Telok Kurau #01-59/61 Bright CentreSingapore, Singapore 425500

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IMG_20130921_190931Chilled with babies.
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Meanwhile, as i am on  diet, i am eating ALL THESE!
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Love this, Nutella Banana Mash. Sinful to the max and guess what, we added BANANAS and Nutella!

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#Garden Slug

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And then, a large bowl of not very fantastic Ramen, perhaps i had better ones before.
Since it is not fantastic, shant share the address and the shop’s name.

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Thanks Gf for the above!

There are plenty of Mooncakes at home now, from various friends and i have no particular interest in them. Lucky me.
but for the snowskin (s), i am guilty… :p

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Basically, alot of food lah. I was eating like crazy. Actually, not really crazy crazy but i wasnt starving.
How is that consider a diet plan?

Well, i am on a program right now and all i have to do is eat moderately.
I wasnt exactly gorging, but i am def not starving.

 

I just started this plan a week ago, if the result is good, i will definitely share.

Oh and yes, i still exercise, not that frequent but i am still trying my best to do it at least once or twice a week, one and 1/2 hour each time.

IMG_20130920_204757Amazing view during workout. 🙂

IMG_20130920_235727Zen joinned me for the workout and was screaming tired after 5 minutes of cycling. Lousy. LOL

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And i spent 1 of the Sundays packing my desk. It was WAR zone.

IMG_20130915_165721And i found an old picture of me and my buddy. It was year 2007, i was skinny and dark. 
And to those who keep saying i m resting my boobs on his arms, please get a life, it was just the angle.
Y would i do that? He wasnt a bf to begin with and it is quite obscene to hear that.

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IMG_20130915_164925Trust me, it might not look very neat in these pictures, but the desk was really neat and so much neater than before. 
4 hours of packing paid off.

And

My random pictures which you might have seen in my Insta if you are following me.
Follow me if you are not!
http://instagram.com/valliezlesley

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IMG_20130922_233300Especially true currently.

IMG_20130924_161614Oh, to that new follower on my Insta, hi and thanks! 🙂
U have always been in my memory and thanks for the wonderful memories you gave.

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And I just did a test that is extremely accurate, you might wana try?

Click TEST to try out now!

Alright, i gtg, till the next post!

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