Believe. Faith. Love. When they are alive, HE is alive.

Posts tagged ‘work’

On my way to what i want to do

IMG_20140123_5I am dying of boredom. Look, i have done what i need to do over HERE and i have more or less settled my personal work.
Before i can go ahead with any other work, i need my work mail to be set up first and i am waiting for the designer to do  that for me.

Have to admit, though i dont exactly sound like it, i am actually really really stressed. So stressed that i dont even want to face u guys and tt explains that emo picture on the left (taken by Johnnie :p)
I really cant wait to start my venture now but then it is CNY soon and that means i have to wait a little longer.

Actually, i was quite lost, in fact, i was never clear about what i really want in life (in terms of what i wana do/ my ambition). Maybe, even up till now, i am still not sure what i really want. Well, i had ambitions but obviously they didnt work out, i worked in many kinda industries before and there were ups and downs.

I do not know if there is anybody that is like me except for GF. hahahaha. But i know there are alot of lost sheeps out there still trying to figure out what they want to do in life. But really, out of 10 friends, i have prolly 1 friend that get to do what he/she wants. The rest are merely just surviving and keeping their rice bowls.
Sadly, this is life isnt it. I dont know, some say it is Singapore. But i really dont think going elsewhere can change this.
Ok, perhaps for the Sportsmen, then it is really the country’s culture and the govt (that kinda hinder their progress)

But for people like me… i am just aint sure about what i really want. I know what i enjoy doing but that doesnt necessary keep me  rooted in a certain place leh. Shrugs. But i am glad i am not so lost to the extent of just staying in a place to rot, that is USELESS and i still have not reach that stage yet (i doubt i will. thanks)

But anyway…

Let’s see what i wanted to be when i was young? HAHA!

1) Butcher – yah i wanted to be a butcher because whenever i go to the market with my Mum, i love it when she visit the butcher stall. The way they chop and cut the meat and all was just very cool to me. Shrugs. You may judge me.

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How on earth did i find this cool?  oh Lord.

 

2) Lawyer – a huge contrast from the above but basically because it is very cool to wear that black robe and white headgear (watched too many HK movies with Mummy when young)
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3) Doctor – again, it is that white robe and that telescope. Perhaps it is really all (JUST) about the uniform.

docDoctor looking lidat, who wants to recover  right? 

4) Cashier – i love that machine that goes “DING” when the cashier collect money. #LAME
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5) Teacher – this is crazy but really, i wana be a teacher because i love the ‘chalk sound’  the teacher made while writing on the board.

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6) Ok, this might be the most exciting job that i want to have..The Wheel of Fortune lady – you know the one that walk to the boxes and ‘lit’ them up whenever the contestant got the right alphabet or something? HAHAHHA. i think it is the most relak job + she gets to wear pretty clothes and look chio.

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I guess my childhood was really boring, i cant remember much but really, 6 different kinds of ambitions is really not very little (extreme contrast and differences  somemore)

When i was in my teens, i really just want to have fun and do nothing.
But of cos, on random day-dreaming times, i would imagine being a singer so i can have alot of $ and fame while doing what i love.
I wanted to be a radio dj because i can play songs i love but i couldnt  decide if i want to go the very cheena way because i might end up in channel 8 somehow or go the  ang mor pai way and end up dating random djs. (just kidding, no offence to any djs. opps)
But what i really wanted to be was just a journalist, to report news. But i have to admit, if i were to be a journalist, i will want to be a paparazzi.
Sorry, just Paparazzi, forget abt the Journalist part. hahah.Those fking irritating ones that snap and snap celebrities like a sniper and write exaggerated headlines.
If not, please send me to some countries and war zones  to cover some really big ass cases or ok la, i am also ok with the recent riots in Thailand. Just not Little India’s riot. Thanks.
Well, yah.

At my age now, which is over a quater of a decade…i have absolutely no idea what i really want to be. I have worked in the events industry, i have worked in a pub as a waitress (feeling useless daily because all i did was just drink and play games with customers), i have worked as promoters which the ignorant people term as “free lance models” now, i have worked as a sandwich maker in O’brians and i totally screwed the place up because i cant even make proper coffee nor sandwiches, not only that, i cant even wash plates, FML! I have worked as a receptionist and all i have to do is to look pretty and sit  there doing some boring admin job and greet the humsup Japanese bosses, i have worked as a part time cashier at a supermarket and i cant be more ashamed of the uniform (no offence but i was really paiseh to wear that auntie-ish uniform at the tender age of 18. it just didnt look good on me can)

Honestly, i do not remember what else have i done.  I have been doing Marketing ever since 5 -7 years ago and despite the fact that i was a slave most of the time, people still think i get the best because i market in the Music and Entertainment Industry those days. Shrugs.

Now, i am in a stagnant place which pays me ok, but i lost the drive and i lost that ‘something’ in me, which i really do not know how to describe.
I have plannings, yes i do, but i am afraid, then i  tot …FUCK IT, do or die. The most i start all over again.

So yea, i cant wait for my stuff to be settled.  I am left with 11  mths till 2015 and that is hell fast.
I left with a heavy heart after the msg at BBG last night (my spiritual meeting). The msg is about not being stagnant and that Faith without Works is dead. Maybe it is really  God telling me to STOP SITTING on my dream/plan and just get my ass out to do it.

Frankly, i am in sucha stagnant state currently that i no longer have tt much fear in me. I just want to start it, get it over and done with. If i make it, praise Lord. If not, maybe Lord has better plans, so fuck it. Since i am already 2/5 to where i want to go, might as well just carry on walking right? If the path does not lead me to where i want to be, at least i made the moves. Like a GPS, God will guide me if i really turn the wrong way, right? AMEN.

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And so…i give myself another 1 month before i see a completed project infront of me, challenge accepted,. Life, bring it on!

this post is for myself and my lazy spirit in me. this is to encourage myself and stop myself from being emo over the worries i have in me.

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Dont push me around like a Wagon. I might be Nice but it is not at the expense of being bullied.

Hi everybody.

It is a Monday and my mood isnt at its best.

It is a new month, March and i cant believe how fast time flies?

I am writing this with extreme anger. I know i shouldnt be angry, i know i should be slow to anger.

But i really cant contain it anymore. I mean, cmon, i am a human. I can be nice and all, but please dont push me around like a wagon.

I am trying very hard to not say out what i am saying in my head, if i do, sure, the whole world will blame me, i will be judged, and i let every1 down again.

Please bear with me, i mean, you do not have to. But if you want to, you may continue reading, if not, please exit because i do not want to spoil your mood or make you angry while reading (yes, some people wont and dont understand that this is MY blog, and thus controlling me like a control freak and wud request me to not write this and please write that)

I want to whine about 1 of my unreasonable co workers this morning.

Firstly, i want to admit that i am really not so awake and might be a little blur and that is absolutely my fault.

But i do not need to be treated like dirt.

I am not paid by her, i do not owe anything to her.

We are all working together, so what the fuck is wrong with her for treating me like her dog or worse?

Yes, that F word just came out of me. I cant take it no more.

I have bee n trying my best to be nice but whenever i am not a bitch, i am being bullied.

A short summary of what happened:

Me: Hi LL, just checking, did i pass this doc to you, just afraid that i miss out previously.
LL: PLEASE CHECK DOC NO. XXXXX and it is already March and you are asking for this and please check this and that and this and that.
Me: thanks, so, i did pass you right. Yes or No? Yes right? thats all that i hv to noe, thanks!
LL: you dont know meh? you must ask, other hotels and organisation also do the same wad, y you blah blah blah.
Me: lets not get outta topic, i am now aware that i passed you e doc. thanks.
LL: yah you Blah Blah Blah…ETC XXXX#$@#$

Guess what is worse than Monday blues?

All i need to know, is  whether she received the document i passed to her. THATS BASICALLY ALL.

I know it is a hassle to ask someone that because that someone might be busy, thats me being a nuisance. She has every right to be mad at me.
But i do not think all the lecturing and naggings and demeaning are necessary. I might be weak in my paper work. But i did and i am still earning for the company.

After that, i asked for something from the supplier in order for me to raise an Purchasing Order. Right, i was damn blur because i do not need to ask for invoice before work is done.

Again, this lady called me and shout at me. I mean, enough is enough.
The convo went like that:

LL: you mean u dont know? We have to do tis n that my dear, y you #$@#@## and blah  blah blah
Me: ok, so u dont need this right. can, i wont attach. no worries
LL: no, is not that you dont need to attach, you do not even have to ask, why do u go n ask ppl for it?
Me: ok got it, i wont ask anymore. no need for that. right.
LL: yah, y you need to ask and blah blah blah?!!
Me: no, i got it, i wont ask anymore, solved? Please dont shout at me.
LL: I am not shouting at u, i am just explainning, you canot ask for it and etc Blah Blah Blah
Me: hey, i got it, alright? I got it.
LL hangs up phone.

HELLO? How rude is that?

I mean, i hate naggings, i am NOT A CHILD. i do not need to account to you why i did that because you are not my boss.
I did wrong, move on la?
I alraedy said i wont do it again right?

Besides, it is not any grave mistake, i just asked for an invoice and i shouldnt be asking for it, yes, i did asked and i will not ask again.
Whats the Fucking Big Problem?

Why do you have to nag, interrogate why i asked, lecture me that i asked for the invoice like i freaking hit and run over your cat or dog?

Honestly, is that necessary?

Hanging up the phone like that. Great, i didnt wana say bye to you too, but i will say Thanks because that is only professional.

I really do not know why people must be so hard on me when i am being nice and giving.

It might be extremely juvenile but i sent an email by cc-ing her boss and mine, i really do not appreciate being bullied like that. I feel that the management needs to be aware of such bullies. I cannot be pushed around like a wagon.

I can do without friends but i cant do without self love and self respect, if i cant respect myself to defend myself, who will do that for me?

Moreover, i have tolerated for how many months? It is the ultimatum lah. really.

Given my temper, i would have scolded the bully and all long ago.

Back in LB (my ex co), that person would have gotten from me already.

No one is supposed to bully another just because that party is nice.

Do you know i have many updates to blog about and i have ZERO mood for that now.

I will be back,

For now, just leave me as it is.

You, i hope you see this, Please stop bullying me. I have emailed you directly, cc-ing my boss and your boss, i am not backstabbing behind your back. You know what you have done.

Approaching . . .

I have been waiting for all my life…ok, perhaps not.

Just 3 mths plus but it is enough to kill me.

Today, the date is 11th, i cant believe i am so near to 15th!

I really do not know how i make it through these few mths.

Actually i know, i do not dare to head out, i forced myself to head out feeling a little uncomfortable. ETC.

The wait seems faster during the few mths. Now that the day is nearer, the wait seems so loooooooooong.

As much as i am so anxious and looking forward to that day with anticipation….1% of me cant believe it is finally here and is a little resistent towards it.

I am just complicated yea?

Btw, it should be Day 9 but i kinda break it so it is Day 3 again.

But i am proud of myself, the cravings is getting lesser and i believe i can do it.

Thank you Jesus.

On a side note, the colleague at work is targeting all her hatred from God-knows-where, to me. All to me.

Honestly, i am very pissed off everyday at work, having to face such person. I have to write this out because i have no avenue to..

But at the same time, i am thankful that at least i have a job. No, i am not looking down on myself, yes  i believe i am capable to get a job elsewhere but you might not know. So.. i tolerate, i endure.

I am also learning to stand up for myself ever since i met such bullies.

I am rather sad that my sister at home is giving me attitude constantly. Is lik, she do not lik communicating properly with the family.

I never experience this from her when she was a teenager, but i gt all the shits when she is 24 this year.

She might not know or she might blame me for writing this. But honestly, she do not knw the hurts she bring to Mum and me for being so cold and harsh to us.

My life is not perfect, but i start to look at small little things that bring smiles to my face, i guess thats how we manage to survive each day.

If not, life is gona b very hard.

Isnt it?

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