新年快乐

In another hr’s time, i will be leaving this icy cold office.

Dont really like it that CNY falls over the weekend, i mean i will appreciate if it is like Mon to Wed kinda days so the weekends can be super long. 

NEVERTHELESS, it is still weekend. i can’t wait and funny how i kept dozing off since 8ish till approx 5mins ago, i feel super hyper.

Tsk, how to nap before dinner lidat?

Oh, please, i hope the cheongsam i get last minute will fit me, gonna self collect later at some ulu place. 

Ok, hopefully can get more ang pows  this year, Huat-py New Year to all!

I am not going back to darkness

have you ever wonder what is your limitations in life? does anyone think about such topics in life?

i mean, most of the time, we wouldnt know our limits till we are pushed to the verge and forced to make decisions and act on the choice we make at that very moment.

do we actually set a limit in  the heart, telling ourselves that – right, that is something i cant take and if that happens, i will walk away.

but when it really happen, do we really abide to it and walk away or do we convince ourselves to give it a 2nd chance?

i am never a person who lives by the book, i am ill disciplined.

but after what happened last night, it makes me wonder if i should start abiding to the principles and guidelines i set for myself, to protect myself from going through what i went through before.

because i do not want to go back to darkness.

On my way to what i want to do

I am dying of boredom. Look, i have done what i need to do over HERE and i have more or less settled my personal work.
Before i can go ahead with any other work, i need my work mail to be set up first and i am waiting for the designer to do  that for me.

Have to admit, though i dont exactly sound like it, i am actually really really stressed. So stressed that i dont even want to face u guys and tt explains that emo picture on the left (taken by Johnnie :p)
I really cant wait to start my venture now but then it is CNY soon and that means i have to wait a little longer.

Actually, i was quite lost, in fact, i was never clear about what i really want in life (in terms of what i wana do/ my ambition). Maybe, even up till now, i am still not sure what i really want. Well, i had ambitions but obviously they didnt work out, i worked in many kinda industries before and there were ups and downs.

I do not know if there is anybody that is like me except for GF. hahahaha. But i know there are alot of lost sheeps out there still trying to figure out what they want to do in life. But really, out of 10 friends, i have prolly 1 friend that get to do what he/she wants. The rest are merely just surviving and keeping their rice bowls.
Sadly, this is life isnt it. I dont know, some say it is Singapore. But i really dont think going elsewhere can change this.
Ok, perhaps for the Sportsmen, then it is really the country’s culture and the govt (that kinda hinder their progress)

But for people like me… i am just aint sure about what i really want. I know what i enjoy doing but that doesnt necessary keep me  rooted in a certain place leh. Shrugs. But i am glad i am not so lost to the extent of just staying in a place to rot, that is USELESS and i still have not reach that stage yet (i doubt i will. thanks)

But anyway…

Let’s see what i wanted to be when i was young? HAHA!

1) Butcher – yah i wanted to be a butcher because whenever i go to the market with my Mum, i love it when she visit the butcher stall. The way they chop and cut the meat and all was just very cool to me. Shrugs. You may judge me.

How on earth did i find this cool?  oh Lord.

 

2) Lawyer – a huge contrast from the above but basically because it is very cool to wear that black robe and white headgear (watched too many HK movies with Mummy when young)

3) Doctor – again, it is that white robe and that telescope. Perhaps it is really all (JUST) about the uniform.

Doctor looking lidat, who wants to recover  right? 

4) Cashier – i love that machine that goes “DING” when the cashier collect money. #LAME

5) Teacher – this is crazy but really, i wana be a teacher because i love the ‘chalk sound’  the teacher made while writing on the board.

6) Ok, this might be the most exciting job that i want to have..The Wheel of Fortune lady – you know the one that walk to the boxes and ‘lit’ them up whenever the contestant got the right alphabet or something? HAHAHHA. i think it is the most relak job + she gets to wear pretty clothes and look chio.

I guess my childhood was really boring, i cant remember much but really, 6 different kinds of ambitions is really not very little (extreme contrast and differences  somemore)

When i was in my teens, i really just want to have fun and do nothing.
But of cos, on random day-dreaming times, i would imagine being a singer so i can have alot of $ and fame while doing what i love.
I wanted to be a radio dj because i can play songs i love but i couldnt  decide if i want to go the very cheena way because i might end up in channel 8 somehow or go the  ang mor pai way and end up dating random djs. (just kidding, no offence to any djs. opps)
But what i really wanted to be was just a journalist, to report news. But i have to admit, if i were to be a journalist, i will want to be a paparazzi.
Sorry, just Paparazzi, forget abt the Journalist part. hahah.Those fking irritating ones that snap and snap celebrities like a sniper and write exaggerated headlines.
If not, please send me to some countries and war zones  to cover some really big ass cases or ok la, i am also ok with the recent riots in Thailand. Just not Little India’s riot. Thanks.
Well, yah.

At my age now, which is over a quater of a decade…i have absolutely no idea what i really want to be. I have worked in the events industry, i have worked in a pub as a waitress (feeling useless daily because all i did was just drink and play games with customers), i have worked as promoters which the ignorant people term as “free lance models” now, i have worked as a sandwich maker in O’brians and i totally screwed the place up because i cant even make proper coffee nor sandwiches, not only that, i cant even wash plates, FML! I have worked as a receptionist and all i have to do is to look pretty and sit  there doing some boring admin job and greet the humsup Japanese bosses, i have worked as a part time cashier at a supermarket and i cant be more ashamed of the uniform (no offence but i was really paiseh to wear that auntie-ish uniform at the tender age of 18. it just didnt look good on me can)

Honestly, i do not remember what else have i done.  I have been doing Marketing ever since 5 -7 years ago and despite the fact that i was a slave most of the time, people still think i get the best because i market in the Music and Entertainment Industry those days. Shrugs.

Now, i am in a stagnant place which pays me ok, but i lost the drive and i lost that ‘something’ in me, which i really do not know how to describe.
I have plannings, yes i do, but i am afraid, then i  tot …FUCK IT, do or die. The most i start all over again.

So yea, i cant wait for my stuff to be settled.  I am left with 11  mths till 2015 and that is hell fast.
I left with a heavy heart after the msg at BBG last night (my spiritual meeting). The msg is about not being stagnant and that Faith without Works is dead. Maybe it is really  God telling me to STOP SITTING on my dream/plan and just get my ass out to do it.

Frankly, i am in sucha stagnant state currently that i no longer have tt much fear in me. I just want to start it, get it over and done with. If i make it, praise Lord. If not, maybe Lord has better plans, so fuck it. Since i am already 2/5 to where i want to go, might as well just carry on walking right? If the path does not lead me to where i want to be, at least i made the moves. Like a GPS, God will guide me if i really turn the wrong way, right? AMEN.

And so…i give myself another 1 month before i see a completed project infront of me, challenge accepted,. Life, bring it on!

this post is for myself and my lazy spirit in me. this is to encourage myself and stop myself from being emo over the worries i have in me.

Vdate – What a long hiatus! 2014

Happy 2014!!! Although i am really almost a month late for the greeting.

Yeap, it has been quite sometime since i last blogged. A month of being missing in action might be the norm for most people but looking back, i used to blog weekly, if not, bi weekly! Goodness! I am hoping that i am not turning lazier but the fact that i have to convince myself i am not….
Ok, anyway, let’s just say i am busier with new stuffs and i have to commit myself to the more important things.

I was thinking what i should blog about since most people usually would do a flashback on 2013  or coming up with a list of 2014 resolutions.
I guess i do not fancy the latter so perhaps i will just do a SHORT flashback on 2013 because honestly, i cant really remember much of what happened in 2013. (Maybe i do, but there are alot of things that i have chosen to forget)

So… let’s see…

In Year 2013,

Spiritual

I am with God and never leave HIM in anyway. I am still rooted in a very nice spiritual family – BBG.
To others, they might think that BBG is unlike the Church i used to go but i am very sure this is the place God wants me to be in.
Thank you God, i believe you are moulding me in Your way and blessing me in Your way too. 

Family

I am closer to my family of course. My Mum, my Sister, my Aunt and all. However, it wasnt really a good year for us, Mum was hospitalized for her weak knee and Sis and i have to visit her daily and took care of the house. Now, dont u go judging us. It is really NOT easy to do all the chores that Mum does. You know it perfectly well unless you have a family of your own.
Well, good thing is, Mum recovered and her being her, she is strong enough to look pass the fact that she is ageing though she can be rather negative at times. But alls well.
Sis and i faced the biggest challenge ever as we fought like crazy. We really felt very sad and bad that period of time, we have done everything we could to reconcile and in the end, she had to move out to cool down for a period of time… But thank God, she came back and she came back with an open mind and thank God, she is more kind and considerate this time round.
But all in all, i am just thankful that my family members are safe and sound, healthy and good.

Career

I guess this section has to be the shortest. One word – Mediocre.
There is slight pay increment, there r some benefits here and there and i am thankful for all that.
However, the politics here is worse than Workers Party vs PAP.
So..i dont know. Basically i dont know what else to describe about my work except that i have a change of Boss and the current Boss gave a more detailed planning and direction for all the lost sheeps who were under poor management previously.
That is perhaps 1 good thing and yah, more stress might be on the way.
I have also started planning, doing something for my personal plan. I went overseas, i met up with relevant professionals.
However, due to budget constraint and my ill discipline, the plan was held back for very long. It is not helping when i was kinda timid and i was always lacking the courage to pursue what i want. But in year 2014, i swear i will just go ahead with all that i have on hand and do what i can and let God do the rest! Amen.

Relationship

This must be the most exciting topic in this post. (at least to me and John? lol)
After being alone for 2 freaking long years (i have never been single for that long) I am in a relationship again.
To be honest, previously, i lost all faith in r/s (i know i say this many times and i always end up with some jerk after saying  that but really, this time it is different)
If you follow my blog, you would know. If not, you can read here and here. If you are too lazy to read or find out, let’s just say, i was really not intending to get hitched in any way. Yes i did hope for it secretly but really, on the scale of 10, my desire to be alone was 8.

I have hurt and i have been hurt alot of times and each  time after a break up, i would tell myself that i want to be alone because i am oh so jaded and i have lost all faith. But, you know, each time i say that, i was secretly hoping that someone will come around and show me that there is hope in this world, i was secretly hoping for someone that will appear in my life and show me what loyalty is all about, someone that is different, that will view loyalty as the most important factor in a r/s, someone that respect, that loves, that knows Love is not just a feeling but a Decision. (i actually blogged about this sometimes back, please read it here)

However, after the last r/s in 2011, i have decided firmly that such person does not exist, either that or he prolly does exist but he will never be mine. (yea, that’s negative but you cant blame me, i have suffered f-up r/s for at least 10yrs and having said that, i am not saying that i was never at fault, i believe no 1 party should bear all blames for failures for r/s)

Then, someone appeared in my life silently, normally, with an add in Facebook. John, i think you must be grinning at this.
Look, i mentioned that i will write about us once things are more stable and etc. Thus i wont go into much details now but hopefully that day will come and i can write about really fruitful news and hopefully we can move on further to another stage of the r/s by then.
Anyways, John was my schmate in Chung Cheng High Main (secondary school) and i never liked him back then.
He was just someone that my then- best friend dated. Other than that, all i knew of him was that he represented the sch for table tennis and apparently he was good at what he did, he studied in the special stream class and he was good with soccer. Thats all i knew about him and i had absolutely no interest in knowing more about him back then. Not that he wasnt attractive or anything but i was really immersed with Counterstrike and was more interested in friends outside school.

So anyway, that’s how we initially knew about each other. We hardly spoke and i think the only time i said something to him back then was an insult, he told me i called him ‘bastard’ and i shant talk much abt it.AHAH!
After 10 over years (got or not ar?), i duno how God work His miracle, John saw a pretty me (AHEM) on FB and he added me. LOL, ok la, he added me cos he knew it was me and also because i am pretty can? LOL

From then on….. i shall save e details for next time. HAHA!

But i really wana say, since the day we started dating, i have never regretted because he shows me everything i want in a man, everything i ask from God and we are on the same page in almost all things. We possess the same perspective most of the time, our moral values tally with each other, we admire each other and are very attracted to each other, we acknowledge that God is the One that is in the center of the r/s and honestly, the list goes on.

“Wah, this is long but seriously, i really really want this to work out as much as you do John. “

We are working very hard towards it and thank God for this surprise blessing, both us are grateful and we pray that we will always cherish this r/s the way we do now. Though we are really just mths together, some even say we are in the honeymoon period, both of us really want this honeymoon period  to last and till date, we still feel very happy upon seeing each other and we will always make up after each fight with  rational minds. Hope this continue and although we can never guarantee the future, i hope nothing ever changes because John really closed the chapter of 2013 for me wonderfully.

Health

I started seeing a psychiatrist and i am talking to a psychologist too. Well, ntg can be concluded as of now but at least i am under control for whatever i am suffering from. Many people view Depression or Mental illness as something shameful. I was one of those people. I always think that only the weak people will admit that they are depressed.
For me, it is even tougher as i am expected by the world to walk out of any crappy mental problem just because i claim  that God is real.
But i have made peace with myself and accepted that i might be stressed, and i have issues in me that might be unresolved. I believe God created professional help for people like me. Thus i am happy i have started talking to someone and on the path of getting my healthy mind back.
I also stated working out and i have lost weight, i have put on weight. It no longer matters i guess, as long as i am healthy. In the later part of 2013, i started to slack off. I am determined to return to the Gym soon (cut me some slack, CNY coming! 😛)

Wealth
Looking good, looking good. But can be better! HUAT LA 2014! Especially after spending that $400+ on a tooth. It wasnt even serious op, it was just a normal tooth being plucked out. FML.

Alright, i hope the above summarized my 2013 generally and it is honestly not short at all. LOL
I have no resolution for 2014 but i do hope that i can be more hardworking, less hot tempered, and more diligent and patient for 2014. I am very happy now. I have the best family, the best bf, the best friends around me and i want to lose none of them. I wish that all of them will be happy and safe everyday. I wish that i can achieve more in my career and hopefully the house that Mum and i wanted will be ours soon 🙂

As i really gtg, i hope the crazy amt of photos i post will make you happy because i am signing off!
Happy Chinese  New Year and may all of you be blessed with Peace and Prosperity!

恭喜发财！万事如意！身体健康！

Our First overseas trip – KL

with the very talented Aloysius Yap

food makes us happy

shopping spree

John during his game


Christmas 2013
that child in me 

first xmas

R3hab with John and his friends @ Zouk for Xmas

Dinner with Mummy and John before party

Many more Xmas-es together! 🙂

Staycation at The Sultan








With my lovely family on Xmas day



Sister photobombed me and Aunt

Gathering before 2014 with the peeps!

My Loves!

My Twin!

My Bff forever

2014!

we didnt go anywhere extravagant, we were in the car, counting down with the radio station.
But it was beautiful, with kisses, hugs and wishes, we crossed over to 2014 together. 🙂

totally in love with this white crochet dress
Wore this for dinner with John and his parents @ Jpot

@ Poulet


Random dating pictues

Dinner with Mummy and John @ PP

My Ex Boss Gavin’s big day with Liz

May God bless their beautiful marriage

With the ex colleagues

John came and fetch me after the wedding and we hanged

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And i shall end my post with the current KPOP hair color i just did. 
Love my hair 😀