Believe. Faith. Love. When they are alive, HE is alive.

Archive for September, 2013

Epic.

Zach Galifianakis Says Everything You Want to Say to Justin Bieber Right to His Face – Esther Zuckerman – The Atlantic Wire.

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Corinne Bailey Rae – Is This Love

Recent Audio Pleasure

GF is irritating. She keeps reminding me of this ktv and ok, here it goes- For u GF! It’s Shu Qi.

Some of my recent listens, very old songs.

LOL


Who else had a major crush on Alex to too?

Memories come flushing to my brain when i listen to these old old songs. aha.

Ayte, some other recent songs that i keep playing these weeks…


 Or you might like the orginal, i love both.

Vdates Mini End Sept

IMG_20130924_200507Hihi! It’s been long as always. 😛

Nothing much but still as busy as ever.

Took the step to step out and everything STILL seems surreal, i reckon it will feel as surreal till the day really comes.

Anyway, i will update on that.

Recently, i read an article and thought it might be of good help to alot of gals/women who are hopelessly in love.

The beginning of the article sounds extremely familiar and i wud definitely write something like that. Totally relates to me.

Well, if you are lost and not sure if you are dating right, please have a read and save yourself.

“When I was in my early twenties, if a guy acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, I would get hooked. You could say I was addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player. I was drawn to what psychotherapist, Ken Page terms as “attractions of deprivation” – when we are drawn to people who embody the worst emotional characteristics of our parents. Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.

“The child in us believes that if the original perpetrators — or their current replacements — finally change their minds, apologize, or make up for that terrible rupture of trust, we can escape from our prison of unworthiness. Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which hurt us the most as children.”  – Psychology Today

So games used to work on me because 1) I had unresolved daddy issues and 2) At the tender age of 20, I was trying to figure out who I was and to top it off, I was ridden with insecurity and a low sense of self-worth.

But somewhere in between the passing of a decade, something changed.

I learned to love myself.  I became independent, confident, and started to value my self-worth. I went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked myself back up which built my strength and courage. Instead of relying on beauty as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values, contributions to the world and how I helped others. In a sense, I finally grew up. I went from being a girl to becoming a woman. And as a woman, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a girl.

A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. You can switch the genders in this post and most points would likely still apply. Or, read this post on “The 11 Differences Between Dating a Girl vs a Woman“.

If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.

  1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
  2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life).  A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
  3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
  4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
  5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
  6. A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
  7. A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting crunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
  8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
  9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
  10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.

*To clarify, when I’m referring to “games” I mean mind games.”

The above article in italics does not belong to me. I am just sharing. 
Credits: http://justmytype.ca/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/

As For Me….

IMG_20130922_194827Yup, i absolutely agree and i have far too many goals to attain now. I have been with the right ones but regretably they have to leave and i have to leave. And the wrong ones, thanks but no thanks, i had enough of bullshits. Special thanks to that last ex who beat the hell outta me to let me grow up and grow out of being silly enough to stick to an abusive man who slps around. 
I am never so thankful for being alone now. 

But who knows which nice angel will appear next right? But till then, no bullshit, drama free, focus on food. LOL. kidding, focus on the more important stuff.

Meanwhile, some Throwback pictures, went to Slug again with gf and love love love the brunch and chilling session as always. I love Garden Slug, i love the boss of Slug, he is very nice and considerate and is constantly checking how we feel about the food. If there is anything we are unhappy about, he would change another plate for us or offer some other nice gestures which i do not want to say much. (just in case there are rotten apples who wana take advantage of him!)
LOL. But generally, he is a nice chap that really take care of his customer. It is also a place for the PLUs and Garden slug welcome animals 🙂

It is a nice chilling place and personally, i love the food. No special recommendation because so far, i love al the food i order and i am trying to get gf to go back again tis week, Hopefully.

Garden Slug
8688 8575
55 Lorong L Telok Kurau #01-59/61 Bright CentreSingapore, Singapore 425500

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IMG_20130921_190931Chilled with babies.
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Meanwhile, as i am on  diet, i am eating ALL THESE!
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Love this, Nutella Banana Mash. Sinful to the max and guess what, we added BANANAS and Nutella!

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#Garden Slug

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And then, a large bowl of not very fantastic Ramen, perhaps i had better ones before.
Since it is not fantastic, shant share the address and the shop’s name.

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Thanks Gf for the above!

There are plenty of Mooncakes at home now, from various friends and i have no particular interest in them. Lucky me.
but for the snowskin (s), i am guilty… :p

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Basically, alot of food lah. I was eating like crazy. Actually, not really crazy crazy but i wasnt starving.
How is that consider a diet plan?

Well, i am on a program right now and all i have to do is eat moderately.
I wasnt exactly gorging, but i am def not starving.

 

I just started this plan a week ago, if the result is good, i will definitely share.

Oh and yes, i still exercise, not that frequent but i am still trying my best to do it at least once or twice a week, one and 1/2 hour each time.

IMG_20130920_204757Amazing view during workout. 🙂

IMG_20130920_235727Zen joinned me for the workout and was screaming tired after 5 minutes of cycling. Lousy. LOL

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And i spent 1 of the Sundays packing my desk. It was WAR zone.

IMG_20130915_165721And i found an old picture of me and my buddy. It was year 2007, i was skinny and dark. 
And to those who keep saying i m resting my boobs on his arms, please get a life, it was just the angle.
Y would i do that? He wasnt a bf to begin with and it is quite obscene to hear that.

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IMG_20130915_164925Trust me, it might not look very neat in these pictures, but the desk was really neat and so much neater than before. 
4 hours of packing paid off.

And

My random pictures which you might have seen in my Insta if you are following me.
Follow me if you are not!
http://instagram.com/valliezlesley

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IMG_20130922_233300Especially true currently.

IMG_20130924_161614Oh, to that new follower on my Insta, hi and thanks! 🙂
U have always been in my memory and thanks for the wonderful memories you gave.

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And I just did a test that is extremely accurate, you might wana try?

Click TEST to try out now!

Alright, i gtg, till the next post!

Vdates – it’s been a while

IMG_20130904_2Hi everyone! Thank you for STILL visiting this space even though the updates are lesser and shorter.

Anyway, i am not really well, as mentioned previously and i am really busy planning some stuff. Thus i really feel sorry for not updating.
But initially when i started this blog, i wanted to write as and when i want to and not feeling obliged to.

I hate restrictions and i like to do things at my pace. Not a good thing because it reflects ill discipline, i noe. But honestly, blogging is not really part of the important aspects of my life as of now.

Alot happened and emotionally and physically, i am not able to handle my life for the past month. But all is good, nothing is too dramatic unless i allow it (which regrettably, i did in a few events)

So, i went to see the doc with Mum on 16th. Got my meds but not feeling much difference though. But i am glad i took the first step to improve things. Hopefully my condition can be more stable so that i wont hurt myself and most importantly, the people around me.

It was a fruitful day that day because we managed to do what we wanted and needed to on the  ToDoList.

I am really excited to introduce some new events in my life that are happening soon and i hope you will be as excited as i am too. Hurhur.

Of course, when 1 gains, 1 loses. I ‘lost’ 2 friends whom i was once closed with in the past month. I used to write a whole chunk of reasons why, just to defend myself in the past. Not anymore.

All i can say is, my conscience is clear, i do not need to pacify friends with kids behavior, i do not need to be interrogated, I do not need to please a Malebitch who is interested in my personal thoughts and wana gossip out of it.
I would also wana add that, i am indeed upset initially but after seeing the picture clearly, i dont give a shit to why would the wife of this friend arrange for friends gathering just the next day after we argue. The gathering excludes me, of course. you wana be scheming? Beware of Karma, thats Buddha’s teaching.

Another friend who seem so kind and full of Gospel preaching is now no longer someone i can trust nor believe. All i can say is, i understand that boyfriends are important, i have my moments of neglecting friends for boyfriends. But this time round, i see how a ‘preacher’ fails in actions, and she is supposed to be my spiritual buddy, my good friend and my insurance agent. But in short, during the time i need her the most, whether if it is during my sickness or whether it is related to the insurance issues, SHE WAS NEVER THERE.

So fuck off with hypocrisy and the fake whatsapp concern msges. Just Get out totally from my life.

I wana quit drama so pardon the french, FO. And to those that think i am the problem, perhaps i am really the problem. So it makes it better for them to lose me and vice versa. Hope that makes u happy.

Ok anyway, thank God my gf is still with me. we had our first fight during the time i went crazy a mth ago. But really, we are still as close or closer. Love her.

As i mentioned, alot has happened and i really do not think i wana pen them down 1 by 1. So generally, i am trying my best to summarize.

Sister has moved out to try out being independent and to take a break. Initially, we were very reluctant to let her do that but i guess everyone has to go through certain phases in life. I just pray that she is safe out there.

This Mid Autumn Festival, we will still meet to eat mooncakes for no1 can resist durian snowskin from Peony Jade, not forgetting the Dark Choc Cognac snowskin from Raffles Hotel. LOL. Yes, i bought them all without hesitation, i am a sucker for snowskins. 😛

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IMG_20130909_1Best Meal at the Most affordable price ever during the recent short trip.

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IMG_20130905_2I feel so sorry for being sucha brat to my aunt recently. I guess i really have alot to improve on. My temper especially. 😦

IMG_20130907_7Love this picture of my sis and i, discovered it in my Aunt’s Hp. Grabbed it! 😛

So anw, recently the family gathered to celebrate Aunt’s Bday and it was a happy celebration. The bill for the dinner was like $400+ for 6 of us. FOL. haha. It was really worth it because the food was really decent compared to the last place we went (i cant emphasize enough how bad it was, please read HERE)

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We went to Rama Thai Restaurant, it is a small restuarant that is seated along the street of wedding shops at Tanjong Pagar. Previously,i ate at this place with my colleagues and boss and we thought they serve pretty good Thai- Teochew food.
Thus i went back the second time with my family to try out more dishes. Do not be alarmed by the amount i mentioned previously, it was $400+ because i was greedy. I added alot more dishes on top of our set meals.
If you have a lesser budget but intend to have really good food, you may opt for the $28++/pax or $38++/pax set meals. Honestly, the quantity is alot and the quality is definitely worth every cent.

And yes, the set meals promotional price is available on weekends too, you might have to check if they open on Sunday though. I did not ask and even if i did, i prolly forgot. Here is  their Website: http://www.ramathai.com.sg/

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Was really happy that all are present this time round, for a birthday gathering. All of us were very happy, especially aunt 🙂 Well, it felt like CNY reunion and frankly, this has never really happen ever since God knows how many decades.

Even Uncle went! He paid the full sum and i felt bad because i was the 1 that wanted to celebrate for my Aunt, thus i sneakily hide half of the total amount in his room. LOL

We went back to Granny’s to cut cake and went home to crush after that, everyone was exhausted.

Btw, Happy Birthday Aunt, You are precious!

So, yah, i kinda jumbled up all the activities and stuff in this post. But yah. I am sorry. Haha. Rushing for time as i have other stuff to take care of.
Hope you dont mind the tiny bits of me being frank and loud, i cant and i dont want to contain inside me.

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But still, may God bless all! Till next update!

Happy Birthday Leslie Cheung

Archive SCMP B36194

Happy Birthday Leslie!

he has been an inspiration, and will always be.

Acceptance.

Approximately 15 minutes ago, i was very depressed.

I was asking for a favour from my sister and although it is not unexpected that she turned me down, i still feel pricked because probably i still have hope in me (that perhaps she will show some care by saying Yes)

However,  she turned me down flatly and even say things like “you said you can do it alone”

Sure, of course i can do it alone.

I am doing it alone, arent i doing it alone from day 1?

I know that nobody is obliged to help me out. It is a dream that both of us wanted and since the day she backed out, i am still in this dream.
It is fine, i wanted it.

But despite the fact that she isnt in this with me, i still think alot of how to share this dream with her, should this dream harvest into something fruitful.

But i guess, that is just one sided.

I guess what i do not understand is not about why she reject my plead for help.

I do not understand why as blood tied kins, how can someone so close (that came out from the same tummy) is able to feel indifferent when it comes to rejecting a favour asked. She feels nothing, AT ALL.

She just threw me a sentence “i dont feel like”

Now, that is very hurting.

I would offer my help with all i can even if she says that she is able to do it alone. Is that very stupid or Kay-Poh of me? Should i mind my own business in future?
If i do, i will feel uneasy and selfish, perhaps that is my character. I cannot bring myself to say things like “well u wanted to do it alone, so you do it alone, why are u complaining?”

Because i will feel for the other party, i will know how stressful she is, i will try my best to help even if she does not ask anything from me. I cant bear to see her feeling stressed all alone….

So why cant she do the same for me???

20minutes later, which is now…

I feel much better.

I guess i have only Jesus to thank.

I thought of Him. 

If you have to know, i can share with you.

Look, my belief and faith towards Jesus is strong but my love for Him isnt strong enough……Why would i say that?

Well, I am sure HE is there for me every second and is waiting for me to turn to him and give HIM some attention. But honestly, i didnt.
Most of the time, if i am not busy working and planning out my dream, i am watching some TV drama series.
I only talk briefly to HIM for 5minutes before i sleep and less than a minute when i wake up.
I am sure HE feels as sad as how i feel now….

But if HE were to feel hurt and expect me to be as patient as HIM, HE would have given up on me long ago because i can never be as faithful, i can never give HIM my constant attention.

But HE loves me still. That is unconditional love.  That is Acceptance.

Thus, as i am typing this, i can feel my heart lighten up, feeling much better. This is the 1st time i try thinking of Jesus when i m very depressed and helpless, i am ashamed to even say that this is the 1st time but indeed it is.
In the past, i just allow myself to be sad and wallow in self pity and sadness but this time round, i have too much on my plate to handle, i cant afford to waste time in sadness and insecurity.

I cant be anymore thankful, thank you Jesus, thank you for making me understand that every1 has her flaws, and i have my flaws too.
Most importantly, i cannot and should not expect anyone to be as “helpful” as me, there are things that i cant do too and if anyone expects that i do the same thing and behave the same way as them, i would be unhappy too.

Maybe this lesson is for me to learn – everyone has different character and personality, she might be less helpful but perhaps she is more calm when it comes to arguments. I shouldnt expect of her to be the same as me like how she wouldnt expect me to be the same of her. Maybe i should let go and stop expecting. Somethings can’t be forced but some relationships are destined, we cant change that. Thus we should really learn to Accept.

Thank you God.

Now, you might find that this is silly, but i really did manage to feel better and now i am off to do more constructive things, to plan for my project.

I am not trying to help anyone here but i just need an avenue to pen down my thoughts. I haven been opening up ever since i was told  that i am ill and that i need a shrink…

I might find strength in my Faith, but if you are not a believer and you think that Jesus is like Santa Claus, perhaps you can also see things in another perspective…
There will always be someone that is nicer to you than you know, he or she will accept you unconditionally, it might be your Mum/Dad, your Spouse or Partner? I wouldnt know, but you know, because he/she is the 1st person that came to your mind when i mention this.

However, this person has never once expect the same from you, he/she forgives and loves you even though you are not as nice as them. This world is never fair, quoting my sister “if the world is fair, all fingers will be of the same length”.
While you are upset with others failing your expectations of them, there are people who are equally upset with you but still accepting you… Maybe you would like to do the same, by accepting another person who sin differently as you?

I am just saying. Like i say, i am not even sure if i can help myself because of my illness, i am not so noble to help the world. I just wish to pen down my thoughts and share if i can.

Till the next post, may Love take over all. God Bless`

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