Believe. Faith. Love. When they are alive, HE is alive.

Posts tagged ‘Family’

Vdate – What a long hiatus! 2014

IMG_20140112_18Happy 2014!!! Although i am really almost a month late for the greeting.

Yeap, it has been quite sometime since i last blogged. A month of being missing in action might be the norm for most people but looking back, i used to blog weekly, if not, bi weekly! Goodness! I am hoping that i am not turning lazier but the fact that i have to convince myself i am not….
Ok, anyway, let’s just say i am busier with new stuffs and i have to commit myself to the more important things.

I was thinking what i should blog about since most people usually would do a flashback on 2013  or coming up with a list of 2014 resolutions.
I guess i do not fancy the latter so perhaps i will just do a SHORT flashback on 2013 because honestly, i cant really remember much of what happened in 2013. (Maybe i do, but there are alot of things that i have chosen to forget)

So… let’s see…

In Year 2013,

Spiritual
304476_10151255312176718_1716131946_n
I am with God and never leave HIM in anyway. I am still rooted in a very nice spiritual family – BBG.
To others, they might think that BBG is unlike the Church i used to go but i am very sure this is the place God wants me to be in.
Thank you God, i believe you are moulding me in Your way and blessing me in Your way too. 

Family
IMG_20130914_13

I am closer to my family of course. My Mum, my Sister, my Aunt and all. However, it wasnt really a good year for us, Mum was hospitalized for her weak knee and Sis and i have to visit her daily and took care of the house. Now, dont u go judging us. It is really NOT easy to do all the chores that Mum does. You know it perfectly well unless you have a family of your own.
Well, good thing is, Mum recovered and her being her, she is strong enough to look pass the fact that she is ageing though she can be rather negative at times. But alls well.
Sis and i faced the biggest challenge ever as we fought like crazy. We really felt very sad and bad that period of time, we have done everything we could to reconcile and in the end, she had to move out to cool down for a period of time… But thank God, she came back and she came back with an open mind and thank God, she is more kind and considerate this time round.
But all in all, i am just thankful that my family members are safe and sound, healthy and good.

Career
IMG_20130919_210309

I guess this section has to be the shortest. One word – Mediocre.
There is slight pay increment, there r some benefits here and there and i am thankful for all that.
However, the politics here is worse than Workers Party vs PAP.
So..i dont know. Basically i dont know what else to describe about my work except that i have a change of Boss and the current Boss gave a more detailed planning and direction for all the lost sheeps who were under poor management previously.
That is perhaps 1 good thing and yah, more stress might be on the way.
I have also started planning, doing something for my personal plan. I went overseas, i met up with relevant professionals.
However, due to budget constraint and my ill discipline, the plan was held back for very long. It is not helping when i was kinda timid and i was always lacking the courage to pursue what i want. But in year 2014, i swear i will just go ahead with all that i have on hand and do what i can and let God do the rest! Amen.

Relationship
lololol

This must be the most exciting topic in this post. (at least to me and John? lol)
After being alone for 2 freaking long years (i have never been single for that long) I am in a relationship again.
To be honest, previously, i lost all faith in r/s (i know i say this many times and i always end up with some jerk after saying  that but really, this time it is different)
If you follow my blog, you would know. If not, you can read here and here. If you are too lazy to read or find out, let’s just say, i was really not intending to get hitched in any way. Yes i did hope for it secretly but really, on the scale of 10, my desire to be alone was 8.

I have hurt and i have been hurt alot of times and each  time after a break up, i would tell myself that i want to be alone because i am oh so jaded and i have lost all faith. But, you know, each time i say that, i was secretly hoping that someone will come around and show me that there is hope in this world, i was secretly hoping for someone that will appear in my life and show me what loyalty is all about, someone that is different, that will view loyalty as the most important factor in a r/s, someone that respect, that loves, that knows Love is not just a feeling but a Decision. (i actually blogged about this sometimes back, please read it here)

However, after the last r/s in 2011, i have decided firmly that such person does not exist, either that or he prolly does exist but he will never be mine. (yea, that’s negative but you cant blame me, i have suffered f-up r/s for at least 10yrs and having said that, i am not saying that i was never at fault, i believe no 1 party should bear all blames for failures for r/s)

Then, someone appeared in my life silently, normally, with an add in Facebook. John, i think you must be grinning at this.
Look, i mentioned that i will write about us once things are more stable and etc. Thus i wont go into much details now but hopefully that day will come and i can write about really fruitful news and hopefully we can move on further to another stage of the r/s by then.
Anyways, John was my schmate in Chung Cheng High Main (secondary school) and i never liked him back then.
He was just someone that my then- best friend dated. Other than that, all i knew of him was that he represented the sch for table tennis and apparently he was good at what he did, he studied in the special stream class and he was good with soccer. Thats all i knew about him and i had absolutely no interest in knowing more about him back then. Not that he wasnt attractive or anything but i was really immersed with Counterstrike and was more interested in friends outside school.

So anyway, that’s how we initially knew about each other. We hardly spoke and i think the only time i said something to him back then was an insult, he told me i called him ‘bastard’ and i shant talk much abt it.AHAH!
After 10 over years (got or not ar?), i duno how God work His miracle, John saw a pretty me (AHEM) on FB and he added me. LOL, ok la, he added me cos he knew it was me and also because i am pretty can? LOL

From then on….. i shall save e details for next time. HAHA!

But i really wana say, since the day we started dating, i have never regretted because he shows me everything i want in a man, everything i ask from God and we are on the same page in almost all things. We possess the same perspective most of the time, our moral values tally with each other, we admire each other and are very attracted to each other, we acknowledge that God is the One that is in the center of the r/s and honestly, the list goes on.

“Wah, this is long but seriously, i really really want this to work out as much as you do John. “

We are working very hard towards it and thank God for this surprise blessing, both us are grateful and we pray that we will always cherish this r/s the way we do now. Though we are really just mths together, some even say we are in the honeymoon period, both of us really want this honeymoon period  to last and till date, we still feel very happy upon seeing each other and we will always make up after each fight with  rational minds. Hope this continue and although we can never guarantee the future, i hope nothing ever changes because John really closed the chapter of 2013 for me wonderfully.

Health

IMG_20131026_194908
I started seeing a psychiatrist and i am talking to a psychologist too. Well, ntg can be concluded as of now but at least i am under control for whatever i am suffering from. Many people view Depression or Mental illness as something shameful. I was one of those people. I always think that only the weak people will admit that they are depressed.
For me, it is even tougher as i am expected by the world to walk out of any crappy mental problem just because i claim  that God is real.
But i have made peace with myself and accepted that i might be stressed, and i have issues in me that might be unresolved. I believe God created professional help for people like me. Thus i am happy i have started talking to someone and on the path of getting my healthy mind back.
I also stated working out and i have lost weight, i have put on weight. It no longer matters i guess, as long as i am healthy. In the later part of 2013, i started to slack off. I am determined to return to the Gym soon (cut me some slack, CNY coming! 😛)

Wealth
Looking good, looking good. But can be better! HUAT LA 2014! Especially after spending that $400+ on a tooth. It wasnt even serious op, it was just a normal tooth being plucked out. FML.

Alright, i hope the above summarized my 2013 generally and it is honestly not short at all. LOL
I have no resolution for 2014 but i do hope that i can be more hardworking, less hot tempered, and more diligent and patient for 2014. I am very happy now. I have the best family, the best bf, the best friends around me and i want to lose none of them. I wish that all of them will be happy and safe everyday. I wish that i can achieve more in my career and hopefully the house that Mum and i wanted will be ours soon 🙂

As i really gtg, i hope the crazy amt of photos i post will make you happy because i am signing off!
Happy Chinese  New Year and may all of you be blessed with Peace and Prosperity!

恭喜发财!万事如意!身体健康!

IMG_20131222_2Our First overseas trip – KL

IMG_20131221_1
IMG_20131221_2
IMG_20131221_3
IMG_20131221_4
IMG_20131221_6
IMG_20131221_7with the very talented Aloysius Yap

IMG_20131222_1food makes us happy

IMG_20131222_3
IMG_20131222_4
IMG_20131222_5
IMG_20131222_6
IMG_20131222_7
IMG_20131222_8
IMG_20131222_9
IMG_20131222_10
IMG_20131222_11
IMG_20131224_3shopping spree

IMG_20131224_4
IMG_20131224_5John during his game
IMG_20131224_6
IMG_20131224_7
Christmas 2013
IMG_20131225_13that child in me 

IMG_20131225_2first xmas

IMG_20131225_3
IMG_20131225_4
IMG_20131225_5
IMG_20131225_6
IMG_20131225_7

R3hab with John and his friends @ Zouk for Xmas
IMG_20131225_8
IMG_20131225_9
IMG_20131225_10
IMG_20131225_11
IMG_20131225_12
IMG_20131225_14
IMG_20131225_16
IMG_20131225_18
IMG_20131225_19
IMG_20131225_20
IMG_20131225_21
IMG_20131225_22
IMG_20131225_23
IMG_20131225_24
IMG_20131225_25
IMG_20131225_26
IMG_20131225_27
IMG_20131225_28
IMG_20131225_29
IMG_20131225_30
IMG_20131225_31
IMG_20131225_32
IMG_20131225_34
IMG_20131225_35
IMG_20131225_36
IMG_20131225_37
IMG_20131225_38
IMG_20131225_39
IMG_20131225_40
IMG_20131225_41
IMG_20131225_42
IMG_20131225_43

Dinner with Mummy and John before party
IMG_20131225_44
IMG_20131225_46Many more Xmas-es together! 🙂

IMG_20131225_54Staycation at The Sultan
IMG_20131225_47

IMG_20131225_50
IMG_20131225_56
IMG_20131225_55
IMG_20131225_57
IMG_20131227_5
IMG_20131227_9
With my lovely family on Xmas day
IMG_20131225_51
IMG_20131225_52
IMG_20131225_49
IMG_20131225_53Sister photobombed me and Aunt

Gathering before 2014 with the peeps!
IMG_20131228_9
IMG_20131228_1

My Loves!

IMG_20131228_3

My Twin!

IMG_20131228_4
IMG_20131228_6
IMG_20131228_7
IMG_20131228_8
IMG_20131228_11
IMG_20131228_12
IMG_20131228_13My Bff forever

IMG_20131228_14
IMG_20131228_15
IMG_20131228_16
IMG_20131228_17
IMG_20131228_18
IMG_20131228_19


2014!

IMG_20140101_2

we didnt go anywhere extravagant, we were in the car, counting down with the radio station.
But it was beautiful, with kisses, hugs and wishes, we crossed over to 2014 together. 🙂
IMG_20140101_3
IMG_20140102_1
IMG_20140102_4
IMG_20140102_9
IMG_20140101_1
IMG_20140102_2
IMG_20140102_3
IMG_20140102_4
IMG_20140102_5
IMG_20140102_6
IMG_20140102_7
IMG_20140102_8
IMG_20140102_11

IMG_20140102_12
IMG_20140102_13
IMG_20140102_14
IMG_20140102_15
IMG_20140102_16
IMG_20140103_1
IMG_20140103_2
IMG_20140103_3
IMG_20140103_4totally in love with this white crochet dress
Wore this for dinner with John and his parents @ Jpot

IMG_20140104_1
IMG_20140104_2
IMG_20140104_3
IMG_20140104_4
IMG_20140105_1
IMG_20140106_5@ Poulet

IMG_20140110_3
IMG_20140110_10Random dating pictues

IMG_20140112_11
IMG_20140112_12
IMG_20140112_14
IMG_20140112_16
IMG_20140112_17Dinner with Mummy and John @ PP

My Ex Boss Gavin’s big day with Liz
IMG_20140112_20
IMG_20140113_5May God bless their beautiful marriage

With the ex colleagues

IMG_20140112_21
IMG_20140112_22
IMG_20140112_23
IMG_20140112_25
IMG_20140112_27
IMG_20140112_28
IMG_20140112_29
IMG_20140113_3
IMG_20140113_6
IMG_20140113_4
IMG_20140113_2

John came and fetch me after the wedding and we hanged

pl

IMG_20140113_7
IMG_20140113_8
.

.


IMG_20140113_10

And i shall end my post with the current KPOP hair color i just did. 
Love my hair 😀

Advertisements

Vdates – October Fantastic Baby Edition

IMG_20131001_2Hi!

Happy Monday! I am dozing off after the crazy amount of workout ytd and 1/2 of the atarax.
Actually, i have been deprived of sleep since Friday. FML!

YAWNS!!!!
Ok, before anything, i would like to share my very first Korean POP song.

LOL!

I didnt even know they are called the Big Bang until my little sis told me ytd (we were dancing to this song for Zumba).
At first, i was like “WTF? Y KPOP AH?”

My sis screamed with excitement. I stared at her. She was so excited for K-POP. Goodness.
I dont fancy and i wont be keen in KPOP at all.
Sorry KPOP fans, i dont mean to offend, but i really do not know how to appreciate lah, sorry. I old liao, so i am very “evergreen-ish” LOL

But i must admit that i am addicted to this song, prolly due to the dance. HAHA.
Sometime back, i was asking my sister “eh who is G dragon ar? which band is that ar? y got so many de, y gt Big Bang, gt G dragon, gt don’t know what Tarsha or wadever “(sorry, i really do not know how to spell the right name, if i spell any name wrongly, my bad!)

Sister: G Dragon is 1 of the members in Big Bang.

I: FML. U mean it isnt a band?

Sister: Nope, he is in Big Bang.

LOL! Is this generation gap? I was like…shit, i am really sounding OLD now.  But why does people actually like these Korean boy bands ar?
I was looking at the MV for the 13832820 time and i still do not find them cute AT ALL leh?
Ok, there is this blue hair dude with green eyebrows, he looks ok.
Sis say his name is TOP, and is her fav guy in the group. Right.
But the rest are like….cute meh?
I even asked her to please point out G dragon to me, as i was asking over Line, (an app on iphones and android) all she can tell me was “he is the most skinny dude”

I: The long hair on one side guy ar?
Sister: yea.

OMG, why would anyone think this is cute ar?!

Ok, i better stop here. I am sorry Kpop fans, i am really old already, cant blame ah, i am just not appreciative but i really  think the music is very addictive. Haha, and very nice to dance along too!

I also admire the fact that they are so creative in their appearances and make up, so yah.
Hope that make up the fact that “i do not know how to find them cool/cute.”  -_-

big-bang-still-alive1

Eh, who is G Dragon again??? Which one???? There is no one with long hair in this pic leh!

Ok, so much for Big  Bang and Kpop. Haha, as i was saying, i had my first Zumba lesson ytd with Sis and GF. It was mad fun. But Gf didnt like it much. Both sis and i were enjoying so much n i am yearning for  more. 1 hr passed by so quickly. It was really fun, we danced to different genres of songs, and of course, 1 of which was the 1 above, that was my first true ‘interaction’ with Kpop HAHAH!
Actually not exactly, just that i danced to it for the 1st time, Sis plays Kpop all the time at home and i just roll my eyes everytime.
We also tried street jazz, hip hop, reggae, disco, and many others. I was sweating like a pig and it was really fun, cant wait for the next lesson! 😛

Because the GF wasnt really enjoying, so we accompanied her for her fav Body Combat lesson, and you know what, i was so damn sure i cant even complete the class because it was already mad  tiring after 1 hr of non stop dancing.
But i did! All of us survived the Body combat lesson and i am extremely proud of myself.
Looks like my stamina is catching up and i am getting fitter! HAHA.

Before that, i was telling GF that i will never complete the Body Combat lesson because of 2 reasons:
1) It killed me last week and i sprained every part of my legs
2) After 1 hr of Zumba, i think i will prolly die  there if i continue with Body Combat. It was a back to back lesson, immediately after the Zumba, Body Combat continues.

But we did it! Pats on my own shoulder. 🙂  Did it.

You see, i mentioned before that Exercising really makes 1 very motivated and makes 1 understand that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.
Alot of times, we give up when we are nearly there, but if we endure that bit more, we will reach there!

Anyway, i have been pushing myself to work out recently as i was getting complacent. But thank  God i found new classes like Zumba and etc to keep me going! It is no longer just cycling and stepping machines, they are rather boring to me now.
Also, i have been lifting weights to tone those flabby arms and working on the various machines to tone the fat thighs. They are not skinny but they are not that flabby 😡 But….

IMG_20131006_4

Please ah, this picture is definitely edited. If not my skin wudnt be that smooth looking.
It is filtered like crazy. But with phone app, not photoshop. i STILL do not know how to use PS. -_-
IMG_20131006_1

IMG_20131006_3

Still a long way to go and i really enjoy sweating, and will continue exercising! I am also on a program that helps to build up my metabolism, aids reducing Visceral fats, (please take some time to click on the link of Visceral fats as it is apparently more dangerous than the normal fats that you can see with your naked eyes). I have been on this program for approximately 20days?
I can already see the small difference of my body shape but i shall sum in up at the end of my program and show some before and after pictures.
I do not think i wana show it now as there will definitely be more differences in the next 2 months, i will show my progress along the way though and reveal the program to you at the end of the program.  You be the judge and see if it is effective ok?

Will talk more about that program. Those that are keen to know can pm me at valenciafaithz.z@gmail.com.

Of course, i feel better of myself now because a good  change (to the body) is always a pleasant sight to the eyes of many, but most importantly, my eyes love what they see in the mirror. 🙂

IMG_20130928_6

Random photo #OOTD

IMG_20131002_1

IMG_20131002_3 IMG_20131002_4

IMG_20131002_6Pardon this super random weird pic, i just love it whenever i flex those hard muscles while fixing the hair.
I used to have really flabby arms, so i am darn proud of myself now 😛

Anw, my past week was busy planning for …Project L, and i managed to catch up with Alan and Zen (my fav maid. haha) over the Friday. It was also Felyncia’s Birthday, though we were never close, but i wish her a very good birthday and may she find her own happiness soon! 🙂

IMG_20131004_1

IMG_20131004_2

IMG_20131005_1

IMG_20131005_2

IMG_20131005_3

We were chilling at some pub and  then went over to 1 of the thai joints. Not a fan of the place, but the company was good, my ex colls were there, catch up with them abit, and guess who i met? Shihui! 🙂

IMG_20131005_4

IMG_20131005_5

IMG_20131005_6

IMG_20131005_7

IMG_20131005_8

IMG_20131005_9

IMG_20131005_10

IMG_20131005_11

IMG_20131005_12

IMG_20131005_13

It’s been so long, am i glad to see her again and she still look so beautiful. Thank God she still treat me as a friend as there was some misunderstandings in the past between us. Though we can never go back to those days but thank God we are still well. 🙂

I haven been hanging out for so long and i totally let loose that night and went home feeling a tad drunk. Went to bed at 5ish and woke up at 9 the next day. Made breakfast for myself and felt lik crap. Hangover is bad, but Hangover after so many years, is worse. I was like a walking zombie.

But thank goodness i had enough training back in those days when i was marketing for Lifebrandz, i managed to reach home safely. 😛 Ok, i have to include the fact  that i was marketing in that ex co because alot of crazy people actually think i was working as some hostess if i say my prev job needs to drink like a fish. Just a tiny clarification, thanks!

So Saturday, Aunt treated us to dinner and yah, the dinner was really good. In fact, if you ask me to choose spending $ at some restaurant or this place, i will not hesitate to recommend this eating place. It is located at Aljunied, in fact, it is very near to Aljunied MRT station, just beside it.
Every item from the menu is good and it only cost us $160+ for 6 pax. We ordered alot of food that day.
1) Marmite chicken
2) Braised Fish Steamboat
3) Kang Kong (Veg)
4) Xiao Bai Cai (Veg)
5) Salted Egg Prawns
6) Yam Ring

IMG_20131005_15

IMG_20131005_14

IMG_20131005_16

IMG_20131005_17

The affordable prices of the food does not compromise with the quality and it is definitely worth it. However, the downside of the place would be the waiting time. It takes a longer time as it is always crowded, and the waiting time for food is rather long too. But that is small problem, i rather wait for good food than eating crappy food at some expensive restaurants.

Yeap. Address of the place is : 76 Lorong 25A Geylang

Anw, like i was saying, i was working out like a mad woman yesterday and i slept like a baby last night. Wanted to continue as a baby but of course, i cant, and i am here, dozing off.

Alright, i am really zonking out and i gtg, till the next post people! God Bless

Acceptance.

Approximately 15 minutes ago, i was very depressed.

I was asking for a favour from my sister and although it is not unexpected that she turned me down, i still feel pricked because probably i still have hope in me (that perhaps she will show some care by saying Yes)

However,  she turned me down flatly and even say things like “you said you can do it alone”

Sure, of course i can do it alone.

I am doing it alone, arent i doing it alone from day 1?

I know that nobody is obliged to help me out. It is a dream that both of us wanted and since the day she backed out, i am still in this dream.
It is fine, i wanted it.

But despite the fact that she isnt in this with me, i still think alot of how to share this dream with her, should this dream harvest into something fruitful.

But i guess, that is just one sided.

I guess what i do not understand is not about why she reject my plead for help.

I do not understand why as blood tied kins, how can someone so close (that came out from the same tummy) is able to feel indifferent when it comes to rejecting a favour asked. She feels nothing, AT ALL.

She just threw me a sentence “i dont feel like”

Now, that is very hurting.

I would offer my help with all i can even if she says that she is able to do it alone. Is that very stupid or Kay-Poh of me? Should i mind my own business in future?
If i do, i will feel uneasy and selfish, perhaps that is my character. I cannot bring myself to say things like “well u wanted to do it alone, so you do it alone, why are u complaining?”

Because i will feel for the other party, i will know how stressful she is, i will try my best to help even if she does not ask anything from me. I cant bear to see her feeling stressed all alone….

So why cant she do the same for me???

20minutes later, which is now…

I feel much better.

I guess i have only Jesus to thank.

I thought of Him. 

If you have to know, i can share with you.

Look, my belief and faith towards Jesus is strong but my love for Him isnt strong enough……Why would i say that?

Well, I am sure HE is there for me every second and is waiting for me to turn to him and give HIM some attention. But honestly, i didnt.
Most of the time, if i am not busy working and planning out my dream, i am watching some TV drama series.
I only talk briefly to HIM for 5minutes before i sleep and less than a minute when i wake up.
I am sure HE feels as sad as how i feel now….

But if HE were to feel hurt and expect me to be as patient as HIM, HE would have given up on me long ago because i can never be as faithful, i can never give HIM my constant attention.

But HE loves me still. That is unconditional love.  That is Acceptance.

Thus, as i am typing this, i can feel my heart lighten up, feeling much better. This is the 1st time i try thinking of Jesus when i m very depressed and helpless, i am ashamed to even say that this is the 1st time but indeed it is.
In the past, i just allow myself to be sad and wallow in self pity and sadness but this time round, i have too much on my plate to handle, i cant afford to waste time in sadness and insecurity.

I cant be anymore thankful, thank you Jesus, thank you for making me understand that every1 has her flaws, and i have my flaws too.
Most importantly, i cannot and should not expect anyone to be as “helpful” as me, there are things that i cant do too and if anyone expects that i do the same thing and behave the same way as them, i would be unhappy too.

Maybe this lesson is for me to learn – everyone has different character and personality, she might be less helpful but perhaps she is more calm when it comes to arguments. I shouldnt expect of her to be the same as me like how she wouldnt expect me to be the same of her. Maybe i should let go and stop expecting. Somethings can’t be forced but some relationships are destined, we cant change that. Thus we should really learn to Accept.

Thank you God.

Now, you might find that this is silly, but i really did manage to feel better and now i am off to do more constructive things, to plan for my project.

I am not trying to help anyone here but i just need an avenue to pen down my thoughts. I haven been opening up ever since i was told  that i am ill and that i need a shrink…

I might find strength in my Faith, but if you are not a believer and you think that Jesus is like Santa Claus, perhaps you can also see things in another perspective…
There will always be someone that is nicer to you than you know, he or she will accept you unconditionally, it might be your Mum/Dad, your Spouse or Partner? I wouldnt know, but you know, because he/she is the 1st person that came to your mind when i mention this.

However, this person has never once expect the same from you, he/she forgives and loves you even though you are not as nice as them. This world is never fair, quoting my sister “if the world is fair, all fingers will be of the same length”.
While you are upset with others failing your expectations of them, there are people who are equally upset with you but still accepting you… Maybe you would like to do the same, by accepting another person who sin differently as you?

I am just saying. Like i say, i am not even sure if i can help myself because of my illness, i am not so noble to help the world. I just wish to pen down my thoughts and share if i can.

Till the next post, may Love take over all. God Bless`

Vdates – End of May (and full of rantings)

IMG_20130526_213901Hi and in a blink of eye, 2013 is half gone.

I really hated the fact how time flies without me realizing. During my youngER days, each day is a dread and i do not know how to get past those days.

When i was in Primary school, i hated school because i was a dork and i was being bullied regularly.
The 6 years were terrible and each day was a struggle to me.

When i was in Secondary school, i have to worry if my Discipline master will catch my tinted hair, my not very long school skirts and basically all the other disciplinary problems lah. Thus the years crawled slowly and i cant wait to get into the society and work. (totally regretted having that thinking)

During Poly and Private Schooling days, i cant remember what happened but it didnt seem fast either.

Then it was those few years of feeling lost, not knowing what work to do, what job to get, what to do with life before i turned abit more serious at around 25 yo.

Those days of being lost and ‘useless’ really passed by very very slowly.

Recently, i have more plannings, more commitments and goals, time seems to fly its way at the fastest speed and it is not enough even if i am given 48hrs a day.

Sorry for growing up at a slower pace and at a later age. I am not sure how mature are my readers,  i am not sure who are you guys.
But do you also feel the same as me? Do you also feel that being committed and responsible for more things in life seems to make your days so short?

I only get to feel this way now because i really have alot of worries and things on mind, i really do not know how i manage to get pass each day in the past.

Anyway, back to vdates, my past week was TERRIBLE and i thank God it is over.

I dont even feel like starting but i guess i will have to.

Had another huge fight with my Family and this time round, it is MY FAULT. My sis said something unpleasant abt a relative and instead of being patient with her, i flared up and started to bang on things (tables,chairs, doors). Unbelievably mean of me.
I remember being very patient initially but i was just too outta control that night and i said nasty things and ran out of the hse in a fit of anger.

She was at fault for giving names to a relative  and i m very glad she realised it already but i was worse because i swear and cursed and i screamed at my Mum and her. I said alot of nasty things and i poured all my bitterness out.

Sometimes, i wish my sis can do that, so that her bitterness towards me and Mum can be confronted and dealt with. But nope, she doesnt and in the end, i was the 1 who did that. Damn.

I thank God i have gf with me, when i said the most nasty words tt hurt my Mum, gf was there talking to her. I really thank God that Mum also builds up her Faith and tried praying during such times. In the past, she wud just blame God.

Now, she would tell me: do u think this is spiritual attack?

I was like WOW MUM!

IMG_20130527_132619

Mum prepared this for my Lunch. Looks sickly but it taste very good – it is Chicken Breast.

Ok, i din intent to put all the blame on Satan that idiot, i have my part to play for giving in to temptation (of anger) but i thank God for His faithfulness. He reconciled us back together and this time round, it is quicker than usual.

I apologized to Mum and poor Mum has to suffer all my nonsense and talk nicely to me. I really love her alot, and i really am willing to do anything for her. She really show me what is selfless love. How can anyone love me so much besides Jesus?

I did not imagine i would apologize to my sister but i eventually did.

Honestly, as much as i hate to admit, i am a rather prideful person. I have no issues of admitting wrong and saying thanks – but thats only to people i am not very familiar with. To closer friends and family members, i tend to have that nasty pride problem that hold me back from saying Thanks and Sorry. I do not know why but i am THANKFUL that i am learning how to get that pride issue aside.

From this incident, something in me vindicated me badly. Something, a voice (if you wana call it a voice) in me KEEPS telling me i am wrong.
I have no choice but to approach my sis and apologize to her.
She surprised me though, she did not say much this time except for admitting her own mistakes  (no defensive statements from her).

I then realized that actually Pride is like a heavy weight, it is extremely hard to handle as it stretches your muscles while holding them. But they are not that hard to let go, and once you let go, your muscles feel relaxed.

As of 3pm today, sis and i were chatting away like kids:

[2:51:54 PM] Valencia Lesley: hi MT
[2:51:56 PM] Valencia Lesley: i love u

[2:52:16 PM] MT Cheng: …

[2:52:23 PM] Valencia Lesley: y?

[2:52:30 PM] MT Cheng: lol

[2:52:30 PM] Valencia Lesley: i tink despite u being a XXXX sometimes
[2:52:31 PM] Valencia Lesley: i love u
[2:52:37 PM] Valencia Lesley: since young i bully u

[2:52:39 PM] MT Cheng: f off HAHA

[2:52:42 PM] Valencia Lesley: wen i teach u maths
[2:52:45 PM] Valencia Lesley: i not patient with u
[2:52:49 PM] Valencia Lesley: 1+1 = 2

[2:52:52 PM] MT Cheng: despite being XXXX. wth

[2:52:53 PM] Valencia Lesley: bt u were SO STUPID
[2:52:55 PM] Valencia Lesley: u say 3

[2:52:57 PM] MT Cheng: aiya still say

[2:53:00 PM] Valencia Lesley: then i ask again

[2:53:01 PM] MT Cheng: my maths not good.

[2:53:01 PM] Valencia Lesley: u say 4
[2:53:04 PM] Valencia Lesley: then u say 6

[2:53:09 PM] MT Cheng: SINCE WHEN I SAY that? HAHA

[2:53:09 PM] Valencia Lesley: i was lik WTF is wrong w u!??!
[2:53:12 PM] Valencia Lesley: 1+1 = 2 la?!??!?!
[2:53:18 PM] Valencia Lesley: wher the 4 6 3 come frm?
[2:53:33 PM] Valencia Lesley: HAHAAH bt i m ashamed tt i m so impatient with a small kid lik u
[2:53:35 PM] Valencia Lesley: so i am sorry
[2:53:36 PM] Valencia Lesley: i love u
[2:53:43 PM] Valencia Lesley: n u said tt
[2:53:50 PM] Valencia Lesley: bc i rem clearly i scolded u say u stupid
[2:53:55 PM] Valencia Lesley: althou really abit stupid
[2:54:02 PM] Valencia Lesley: bt u were jus a kid
[2:54:03 PM] Valencia Lesley: i m sorry
[2:54:13 PM] Valencia Lesley: n i noe u are capable of bigger things
[2:54:19 PM] Valencia Lesley: so u r nt stupid ok

[2:57:31 PM] MT Cheng: haiz.
[2:57:39 PM] MT Cheng: i know im born smart

[2:57:44 PM] Valencia Lesley: … not really.

[2:57:46 PM] MT Cheng: but my talents are hidden
[2:57:48 PM] MT Cheng: HAHHA
[2:57:48 PM] MT Cheng: u guys didnt know

[2:57:52 PM] Valencia Lesley: lol!

[2:57:54 PM] MT Cheng: till now

[2:57:54 PM] Valencia Lesley: omg.

[2:57:55 PM] MT Cheng: well

[2:57:55 PM] Valencia Lesley: hahahhahah

[2:57:57 PM] MT Cheng: not so late

[2:57:57 PM] Valencia Lesley: WADEVER

[2:57:58 PM] MT Cheng: LOL!

[2:58:02 PM] Valencia Lesley: i m gona post this
[2:58:04 PM] Valencia Lesley: shit u

[2:58:06 PM] MT Cheng: WTF

[2:58:10 PM] Valencia Lesley: 😉

[2:58:11 PM] MT Cheng: HAHA
[2:58:15 PM] MT Cheng: blackmail
[2:58:19 PM] MT Cheng: can sue u for that
[2:58:19 PM] MT Cheng: haha

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHAHA

I was very happy and i am still happy. We are now planning for our first Family trip for Mummy’s Birthie! 😀

I will most prolly be away for Aug for Mum’s birthie and the Project i have with gf. I pray for Open doors of Opportunities from God and i see how He guide me step by step, small steps and big steps. I believe He has a plan for me (and gf) so i believe we will do well. Praise the Lord!

IMG_20130529_1 IMG_20130529_004559

Went to visit Gf at the MBS suite and she bought bubbles for me! So happy! 😀
Chris and her (and my Mum) say that i am like a kid. :/

Then, before  May ends, i had an argument with Seven. I really do not think it is right to say it here but i also do not know if it is my fault.
I asked a few people about it and besides acknowledging tt i have a screwed up temper issue, the real problem here is not only my temper issue but a friendship issue.

Something is very wrong with the friendship.
Sometimes i feel that i am not being treated fairly in this friendship as her priority is no longer the friendship or something pure and fair. Her priority now is Gary, her beau, who happens to be a good friend of both of us too.
Hate to say this, i am not envy of her because after seeing what she is going through in this r/s, i really thank God i am single.
Not saying that she is suffering or whatever, that is not up to me to judge, but i am saying i wouldnt want to be in her position.
Hate to say this, i am not jealous at all but i do feel that the Seven i respect is now another person whom i might feel very …hard to find words.
I just feel that she changed and i can only say i am silly to expect from a human.
As much as she is very spiritual, kind, helpful and please-fill-up-the-list-with-all-the-good-virtue-pointers, she is still a human after all.
Why am i expecting her to be the same rational friend that held neutral stands that i once had?

I do not know what to do with the argument that we had, we basically did not talk after tt.
Knowing her well, she is not the least bothered because friendship, r/s, kinship and wadever ships to her are just secondary.
She told me she wouldnt even cry if someone close pass away. What do you think?
I know she is a rational person and some call her cold hearted. But i just thought it is not a problem for her to get over.

I did not tink of apologizing because i am still rather disturbed with what had happened. If doing something for me in the not so legal way is not possible, then why get me involved with the policy in the first place? Because even if i do not trouble Gary to help out, the whole thing is still Not legal.
So whether you get Gary to help me or not, you are still involving me in a NOT legal thing what. Why do you have to portray how righteous Gary is then? I mean, if he and you are so righteous, then why are you all doing the same not very legal thing for others?
I am not very sure about how insurance policies work thus you cant expect me to know everything. Is like, do you need to use  the word “Fraud” on me, hello?

Ok thats so much i am revealing, i am not gona get anyone into trouble by saying more, if you are smart, you would have guessed it.

As for me, i understand that when one apologize, it doesnt always mean that one is wrong, it is sometime for the r/s.
But for this case, i really do not know what to do, apologize for my attitude perhaps? But not for her selfish thoughts for Gary before me. I understand he is her beau but i feel crappy inside me.

Would also like to say this, yes i admit i kinda expect everyone to behave like me and i am really trying my best to change this very BAD habit of mine. Of course, i cant expect everyone to be fair and not 重色轻友 (the 4 chinese characters means one that cares more for his or her beau so much to the extent of neglecting friends)

I have my moments of being sucha bad person before too. I was busy being depressed with my last Ex, and i neglected Regine (which also made her very bitter towards me even after so long. She recently confessed that to me. Yes, how nice to have family arguments, frenship problems all tog right?)

But honestly Regine, i hope you see this and think about it, i have helped you many times before which i hate to claim credits for those times, you helped me multiple times before too. But you do realize that you ‘abandoned‘  me for some guys before too right? You do realize that as much as Adrian was a real jerk, i was blind that time and i wanted to marry him and thus i was depressed like mad when he abused  me and betrayed me during that time right? Y did you hate me so much for that 1 year of me abandoning you? I basically abandoned myself back then, dont you realize? SIGH.

I cant expect everyone to be as ‘tough’ & ‘cool’ as me, but u know how i cringe whenever Seven does the doll voice to coax Gary each time we are out. I mean, ok fine…couples like to do these lovey dovey things but i am not invisible, if you want to do all these, perhaps i shouldnt join the outing…right? It is really awkward for me.

I am a terrible person lah. I can only get along with certain people because these people accept me and i can accept them fully with no frustrations.
Terrible right?

I wouldnt be like others bc i wouldnt find excuses to defend myself saying i am cool because i am who i am. I am indeed terrible, that i admit.
I know i have been told that the real problem is me because i cant get along with people.
I agree, sadly.

I am trying to accept people and i am learning but i am still not able to do it. I think i need time and His Grace.

While typing this, my colleague who lost 7kg from the Nuskin TRA programme, came and remarked on my diet sarcastically AGAIN.

She lost alot of weight and it is obvious, from 75, 76kg to 68kg now? Well i do not know if she lies about her weight but from her shape, i can tell she lost weight. Good for her but she has been pushing me to buy that TRA thing for the longest time even after i told her i have commitment issues as i am with the Gym now and i am saving up for stuffs.

I would love to try TRA, why not right? I wana slim down too. I gained like 10 kg in a year of stuffing everything into my mouth last year.
But i would love to know i work for what i want, i cant deny i have fallen in love with exercising – Cycling, Swimming, Stretching and etc.
She pities me CONSTANTLY and say i am very 可怜 (pitiful), but i do not feel i am suffering.
She dissed my exercise regime, i was like…wads wrong with exercising???? Yes i would try TRA if i can afford to (it is $2k over for 3mths)
BUT i would still exercise EVEN if i am doing through that TRA crap.
I thought i made myself very clear already.
She dissed my healthy fruits and salad diet because she can eat fried chicken chops and other fried food because she has that TRA thing.
But why cant i eat healthy instead? Besides slimming down, i would like to be healthy too what?!
All those pills and supplements makes one slim down in a rapid rate, if i say i do not want that, i am lying.
But i also treasure my workout times, i love to work out and tone my muscles, i love to eat healthy now.

Nothing wrong right?

IMG_20130529_191352

Used to think tt 15mins on the cycling machine is crazy but i did 45mins ytd.

I honestly dont really care what you will say or dissed abt cycling because i have alot of people telling to me that it doesnt wrk if you wana slim down and etc
No doubt, i hope it works but if it doesnt, i will still love cycling. Just because you do not have the heart to cycle or cant put your lazy bum on that machine, just because you cant put in effort to exercise and you dissed me of the exercises i do… thats very mean.
Dont be surprise because there are alot of people like that around. They love to bring others down because they cant do it. They are hoping you are as lazy as them.
IMG_20130526_2

IMG_20130530_132140

Dearie Mummy prepared apples for me for lunch. 3 small apples! Yummy.

 

So you see, here i am complaining about another person. Terrible right?

I know I know and I know. I know i should learn to accept people and see their Good besides their Flaws. Because i wouldnt want others to see my flaws only.

Just this Morning, i bumped into Alex – my churchmate and his wife. I said hi and smiled, the wife looked away as usual whereas he greeted me happily and asked me how am i.
You see, Alex is a wonderful man, he is humble and helpful to everyone. I wouldnt say the same of his Wife because she is from HK and many told me she has a different culture background. (LAME EXCUSE FOR HER RUDENESS I KNOW, i rolled my eyes when the people told me that too)

Basically, She chooses her friends carefully. (even her husband says that)
I do not know if it is a bad thing because frankly, you cant blame her as you see, i choose friends too. (read above and you know what are the people i really wouldnt like to be friends with)

But i do think that as much as you choose friends, you have to have Manners lah. People say hi to you, smile at you, but you glared and look away?

I might not be AS RICH as those that you see in church (whom you have to suck up to), i might not be as pretty as your expectation, i might not be wearing Pradas and LV, I might not be the most spiritual gal in the church.

BUT I HAVE NEVER OFFENDED YOU IN ANYWAY!? I EVEN OFFERED YOU DRINKS, I TRIED TO GET FOOD FOR YOU WHEN WE WERE DINNING TOGETHER, I TRIED TO BE NICE.

I am not what you expect me to be and you can Don’t Friend Me , but you have NO MANNERS.

Hongkong teach you to be like that meh? Or Jesus taught you that? (ok Jesus will never teach her that i am sure)

IMG_20130527_202640

So my main point here is, i wana whine about people who irritated me for the past week. Nothing preachy. Just pure rantings.

Anyway, back to what i was saying, i was a terrrible person because my attitude to people depends on theirs to me. This is not totally wrong but it kinda reflects my low EQ. I cant help it. I am trying hard to change.  I have no excuses for myself but i can tell you…it is NOT EASY.

God have Mercy on me.

IMG_20130526_214252

It is Fri tomorrow and a new Month is coming. The upcoming months will be very challenging and i am glad i have my God, my family and gf with me. A BIG THANKS to gf for realizing my dream a bit faster for me, and she has been very supportive too. Love her.
I also wana thank Chris for ‘lending’ gf to me for this tough period. 🙂

I love Mummy and my Sis, i really pray that they can be healthy and safe 24/7. (Random but mean it)

Ok Anyway, the coming weeks i will be really busy so i thought i better blog today before i go MIA for sometime.

Someone asked if i will still be blogging more, i dont know man.It depends.If i am free and i feel like it, why not?

If i am lazy and all (hope you know that blogging is rather tedious. thank God i am just a normal blogger that blogs for i duno who.
Imagine the stress of the ‘famous bloggers’ of having to commit?? Meh)

Ok, i gtg. Good weekend everyone~ Till next post and God bless.

p/s: i hope you are not surprise by the exceptional huge amount of rantings in this post. I really feel i have to let out the steam. I really am trying my best to be good but i really do not know where else can i vent out. I am human but that is not an excuse for my errors i know. Pray for me?

🙂

500 days of New Life

500 Days.

& lesser.

 approx 500 days for me to be completely bleached. 

a complete cleansed heart.

no memories at all

only realise it till i see it

i am very relieved and very very thankful 

extremely happy for myself

🙂


From e bottom of my heart, Thank you God. Jesus. CHC. Pastor Kong, Sun Ho, Eng Han & Janet, Mum & Sis, BBG211, Seven, Mel, Gary.

Thank you, Valencia.

Thats right, i thank you for being so strong despite the really bad shits you went through and standing stronger than ever.

I love you.

Vdates – the broken one.mid Apr 2013

Hi.

I do not know what to say or how to start but i am gona do it before this blog turns into another dead piece of place.

First of all, i am better but i am obviously still hurting. This hurt has turned from something so raw to an inner hurt from within.

Imagine Pain from a raw wound to an internal pain in the bones kinda pain.

Yeap.

It is very painful but since i am still breathing, i guess i have to just bite on…

I was feeling so lethargic and i wonder why. Because i am not usually that tired (yes i am tired but not till this extent)… I woke up feeling super restless and really really sleepy. I wonder why. I slept earlier than usual (used to be 1am) and has been sleeping earlier at around 10+ or 11pm.

Yet, i am feeling super super drainned.

Frankly, i am quite worried.

I was reading around and i chance upon articles about Depression.

HERE.

I cant help feeling afraid because it is the symptoms i have been experiencing.

It is total sadness.

I once heard that, if you want to overcome your fear or depression, you have to face the reality that you are depressed or you have to come face to face and confront your fear (be it fear of height, fear of getting into another r/s and fear of whatever)

Yes, i know i am depressed emotionally but i did not expect myself to be depressed in the health, i did not expect myself to be mentally unhealthy- that’s what i mean.

And honestly, i find it hard to go home. I return home with a heavy heart and i hate to face the people at home. I dont hate the people but i just hate to face them.

Especially my sister. Life seems normal for her, she does not feel anything and yes, perhaps she shouldnt be feeling anything… Not that i hope that she is living in misery but it pricks me to see her so nonchalant and ignorant about the hurts she has brought.

In another words, she is trying hard to be a stranger in a family and thats not exactly something i ought to be happy about.

Returning home now is just like going back to a House to sleep, eat and bathe.

Right, that home i used to call home, is now a house to me. No love, No Warmth, Nothing.

Thats what she described when she was young and when there wasnt anyone with her in the family.

Ironically, now that everyone is around, trying to make things better (except that abusive Dad of mine, he isnt around anymore) and i feel even more lonely than ever. The House is now filled with people, but the loneliness is not any lesser, but worse.

I hope she is happy that i am getting this treatments, that i have to go through loneliness with more people in the family which she went through alone years back.

Yes, i am tasting the shit, i am also recalling how Dad used to abuse me and dote on you. Are you happy now that i am worse off than you?

Do you still feel that you are the only Victim in the family now?

I can assure you that i am going through Hell now, are you glad?

I have been praying to God for Grace and Forgiveness. I cant stand the fact that she is so blinded by her selfishness and she cant see the hurts she caused me. I do not know how to overcome now and i really pray that i can see her and look at her, her doings, in God’s way, through God’s eyes.

Because my own eyes failed and my heart for her failed and died.

This blog is started to spread Positive thinking and stuffs.

I did not imagine that it can be so hurtful and low, but i am sorry guys, i cant hold it inside me anymore. Suicidal thoughts are worse and everytime i think about what might happen after i am dead, i cant help thinking that it might be better if i am dead.

But looking at it, my mum would probably be so hurt and she wud have wasted all her efforts in bringing me up…

My friends might forget me, shrugs. I dont even dare to think of what my sister will feel.

1 of my favorite artiste suicides and he left the world feeling so upset for his departure from earth. – is that really what i want for my Mum?

Suicide is not a feasible solution, afterall? …….

I am also trying my best to be better and to recover… Trust me, i am doing my best…

Just to take a break from all these sadness (i am not emo. i am really very upset.  & i guess it is not hard to understand.i will never emo for things that are pointless)

Since the sister has decided to back out from the ‘plan’ we had initially, i have to start the journey alone, yes all by myself. It is not a bad thing but it is not really worth being happy.

In any way, i will have to continue the plan and not letting circumstances bring me down, right?

The Sister’s friend did told me that he is more concern about my family well being than my plan. I appreciated that thought but honestly, instead of holding on to something that is not within my control… i have to grab on to something which i can control isnt it?

Do i hv to lose everything before the whole Depression gets worse?

So thats that for my ‘plan’. Will share more when things are more firmed.

I got myself registered in the recent craze (not so much in Singapore but more of TW, HK and China). Weibo.

My account is so new and i honestly feel ashamed, terribly ashamed that i cant even navigate.

It is all in Chinese, not  that i cant read Chinese but honestly, to read everything in Chinese is really tedious and i feel giddy while doing  that.

Some of its instructions are so deep (to me) and i just want to give up using it.

It is like Twitter but much much harder (maybe language aside, the way it is constructed is really not very user friendly).

Ayte, i started it for fun, for stalking of Celebs (if i hv the time) so it doesnt matter.

If you r a weibo user, do add me up and perhaps you can guide me how to use!

My Weibo is at http://weibo.com/valliezfaith or you can find me at Valliez Lesley.

Not sure how to add friends even, dont ask me. Ha.

I went over to visit GF again and i frankly felt better though it is hurting inside me the whole while. But Cel and the 4 doggies did their part and their best to cheer me up.

We played and we had fun with our ‘mini project’ and we  drank the very not nice Champagne that i brought over. Chatted till dawn and i really like the time spent.

IMG_20130413_10IMG_20130413_11

IMG_20130413_4 IMG_20130413_9

IMG_20130413_22 IMG_20130413_1 IMG_20130413_15 IMG_20130413_8 IMG_20130413_13

Gf looking prettyIMG_20130413_12 IMG_20130413_3 IMG_20130413_14
IMG_20130413_6

OMGIMG_20130413_17 IMG_20130413_18 IMG_20130413_19 IMG_20130413_20

.

.

perhaps one’s sadness can really be told through the eyes. they say i have sad eyes. WT!

IMG_20130413_16 IMG_20130413_2

Thanks babies. 🙂 I really feel slightly better that night…

IMG_20130412_1

Its been sometime!

IMG_20130412_3

Random play
(lyrics seems legit now, for me)

.

Then it is time for Church on Sat. I did not serve that particular Sat because i do not think i have the capacity to minister to hurting people when i am hurting and doubting. Perhaps i am still not vry mature in handling my own emotions and minister works. But i guess is better that i acknowledge it than forcing it through.

Well, someone went with me, though i appreciate that someone went with me but i am really not thankful that the whole thing bores him and the whole outing was like crap. Full of boredom and sadness. Like i say, i have no special feeling or yearning towards someone &/ or anyone right now.

Anyway, i do not need anyone to accommodate to me anymore, if it is not to your liking, then dont do it on account of me. In short, dont do anyting for me against ur liking.

Well, whatever.

The movie later on that Sat was TERRIBLY CRAPPY – the Exorcism part 2 or something. It deserves 0.5 star over 5 stars. I dont even know how i manage to give it 0.5 stars. It is the lousiest movie i watched in these 2 years i think. Please dont even try. Just wait for Fushion or wadever.

What really was the best on Sat was Pastor Kong’s Sermon on Saturday.

20120626.144537_jun2612_konghee

It touches me as it really touches the raw wound i am having. As usual. I used to find it hard to hear from God during tough times but i have to be thankful that most of the time, when i am desperately hurt and in need, God still speaks to me.

That day, Church sang a worship song and i cant remember the title but there was this lyrics that goes: I am desperate for you (Jesus)

Honestly, life is not at its best but it has been great till this recent family sadness happened. I did not forget Jesus of course, before, during the incident. But i admit i was abit slacked off before this incident.

Also, whenever i help to minister to someone hurting, telling and assuring the person about God, days later i will be confronted by the Devil of the same doubts as that person whom i ministered to.

You might be thinking “then i really wont dare to help anyone anymore” I have that thinking too. But honestly, thank God and Holy Spirit, i can never bear to see some1 in pain so i will always help if i can, even if it means i will have to go through trials myself.

Anyway, i just want to say, no matter if i am going through trials because my leaders are going through trials or whether i wud go through trials because  i am doing God’s works…. I will bite on and not stop doing whats right because God’s favour will be on people who have a heart for Him and doing His works.

Yes, i am very very hurt and depressed still… but that doesnt mean God is unreal right? I believe He is still with me, probably He hasnt show up or show any solution yet but by Faith, i believe. Even Oxygen doesnt seem like it is  physically there, but i still breathe in Oxygen right?

Ok, continuing where i left off, after worship song, i realise that i really am desperate for Jesus now. It is human nature, when you are in trouble, you will then cry louder and yearn deeper for your Saviour. Right?

Pastor Kong went on to preach about Faith. It is a common topic for any Christian and honestly, if i did not go through the hurts i have in Family, i will probably sleep on this topic again. It seems like ‘Faith’ has been overly preached.
Probably this is the time i should receive Words abt Faith again.

I cant remember the whole sermon, and i used to think that is very bad. But i grew to realise and know that, you do not need to understand the whole sermon to be edified. Even if you only receive 1 point out of the many points, you have received the Word that you needed.

I remember Pastor Kong saying this (this has been said many times by different pastors before too but i guess i needed this reminder hard in the face) – The devil has came to steal, steal what? Steal your wealth? Steal your house? Steal your income? Steal your bf/gf? The devil can steal everything but everything else can be recovered, eg. income can be cut but you will never b jobless forever if you r willing to work.
There is one thing that is dangerous that the devil steal & this as it might not be recoverable  – your Faith.

My Faith was terribly shaken and i even blame God for not removing the label on me. The label of  ‘inferiority’ and ‘depression’. I questioned and i drifted away and i really feel a distance between Jesus and me. It was not until this sermon, which reminded me that Faith is something that bridges the distance between me and God. I am only far from God because my Faith is breaking and the bridge therefore is breaking..

My Faith is weak, it might not even be the size of a whole mustard seed, but i believe there is still a very tiny bit left and thus i am still around.

It is not easy to hang on, but it is also hard to  give up. 

Because who knows what is at the end of the tunnel?

What if that moment of success will come after the 20th time of failure and what if i am already already at my 20th time and the 21st time will be a success?

Pastor Kong went on to say about a woman who went to Pastor Cho bc of  her daughter. A daughter whom she nearly wanted dead because she is so terrible a person. The woman and her husband were feeling hopeless for the daughter.
Frankly, my sister isnt a very bad person, she is a sweet girl and i believe she is not one that wants me dead. At her age, i wasnt so concern about my family members too. Perhaps after some incident outside with my abusive and psychotic Ex, i realise that Family is still the best and i cherish my Family more than i used to.

Thus even though it is 2 different cases, but i find the relation way too similar, the way we feel hopeless (the woman and i ) about the family and the way we are disappointed with our kins.

Pastor Kong said that, for situation to change, we have to look at the situation with Jesus’s eyes. His perspective will never be bad, it will always be good. If we can look at the situation with Jesus’s eyes, things will change.

Frankly, i have never been able to look at my sister with Jesus’s eyes because His eyes is full of love and forgiveness. I am full of sadness and grievances for my Sister…

Thus i really pray that situation will change not by human nor actions but by Will of God.

Sidetrack from the sermon – After this incident, alot of people around me has been asking me to let go and Let God…even a co worker whom i do not see myself talking much to (not from the same company, more like a Marketing partner) will comfort me and pray for me, telling me that i should let go and Let God – (he doesnt know what happens thou)

I am rather thankful to Pastor Kong and my church, perhaps i am destined to be rooted here, to receive and to give. Even at this very minute, which Pastor has to face tremendous accusations and stress, he still manage to minister to broken souls and i am one of the broken souls… I am thankful to him, my church and of cos, God.

Here is a Video from the very anointed Pastor John Bevere to cheer us on during this crazy tough time 🙂 Click here.

Perhaps God really hasnt left me a bit, and i am still trying to find out more traits of God… Will you keep me in prayers?

Right, i have to go… and hopefully, the next time i am back, i will have better and happier stuffs to blog about…

My birthday is coming and i remember saying that i really love Birthdays but i did not expect things to turn out this way, even the Sister who once wanted to celebrate with me…is now not on talking terms with me…

Best Birthday present or what…

Upset, but i leave it all (emotions) to you, my Lord.

images

Be Back soon,

Valliez Lesley

Pre CNY updates 123

IMG_20130203_44

Hellllo~

I hope i haven’t been away for too long, and i hope my post will not be so long like the previous one this time. haha!

Y is the title Pre Cny updates 123 you ask, it is as it is! 123 is the 123th post of this blog! Hurhur

CNY is coming, i hope you have done the necessary shopping, clothes, food, whatever. I am not gonna do any intro because if you haven’t do any shopping for the above, u r quite screwed. HAHA no lah, kidding!

You can still rush to Chinatown for the food, just that it is more expensive now and it might not taste as good as it is more mass. Dont know about you, i usually do not trust variety in mass quantity.

As for clothes, i don’t know how to help you but pray hard the blogshops or e-commerce shops you patronize do meet-ups. Or, just rush to the infamous Bugis St, Far East, Forever 21, Zara, Mango and ETC lah. Is too last minute already.

For me, i don’t care. As mentioned, CNY is an excuse for my shopping spree, but i can actually shop anytime lah, so i didnt really bother to buy ALOT of clothes this year, mostly office wear or mre formal wear, for work. I don’t think i will be hanging out during CNY because i only have Granny to visit, and friends are all visiting their own families.

BUT, i still look forward to CNY because i like, because i am a Chinese.
As Ps Kong mentioned “alot of people actually ask if Christians celebrate CNY since we seem to be the Westernized batch that worship a ‘Western God’ ?”
I share the same answer as Ps Kong “Yes we do and we LOVE CNY because we are Chinese! It has ntg to do with our beliefs. Also, we believe Jesus isnt just a Western God. He is God. Period”
Thus, we also mean that we will never forget our roots, and in general, we cannot forget our roots, no matter what religion 1 choose to believe in.

Of course i heard of the myth and all about “过年” and the myth about the monster “年” (the monster’s name) and how CNY is related to it (Christians are not supposed to hmm, how do i put it…believe? worship? associate? with such symbolic erm..figure?)

But whatever. Lets be discerning, smart Christians.
Well, i believe it is a myth (that monster story), and it is like any fairytale, so i personally feel it has ntg to do with me being a Christian Chinese, celebrating CNY.
So i am cool and i still love and njoy CNY 🙂

Anw, do allow me to say this, i love Ps Kong. He will never make me feel i am in a rigid and unreasonable place. (thats him, not meaning the place is perfect with perfect ppl. if you get my drift)
I remember going to other churches that forbid this and that.
I mean, cmon, we are all human, as long as we know what we are doing is not harming ourselves or others, y not?
I am glad i do not need to feel restricted and Mummy also appreciates this.

I have ntg much to update basically. I thought i updated quite a bit in the previous entry. Perhaps i can add in some photos this time for the past events.

Mum looks much younger and better now. Omg Mum, pls stop going to the $10 aunty hairdressers. I told her so many times but she just couldn’t be bothered with her looks and thus looking not so pleasant because she always patronize those hairdressers that cant be bothered/dont know how to make 1 look better.

I did a slight wave perm to my hair because the straight hair is pissing me off daily. It looks very nice only on  good-STRAIGHT hair days.
On most of the days, it is not. It curls up and i am tired of blowing the hair straight because it is rather stubborn.
Thus, i just perm it. Koreanish kinda perm, you may beg to differ but is ok, i like it. Haha.

BeforeIMG_20130202_9

During20130202_210643

After
IMG_20130202_11

Mum looks better right!
She looks too cute.
IMG_20130203_2

I do miss my straight hair though 😦

Then i also met up with Zen, my very good friend, we last met up 2 or 3 years ago. Goodness. It was fun, though i do not know his friends prior to that night.

IMG_20130202_2IMG_20130202_5
Spent the weekend celebrating Sis’s bday, some Family time over weekend. Honestly, i haven’t been feeling too good recently. I cant help feeling sad and bad because i seem to be shouting at Mum more often recently. Like a parent that couldn’t control herself, i tend to scold my Mum whenever she forgets stuff, or say something that sounds absurd. Because Mum is a very conservative Chinese woman, she do not know how to express herself. She is not highly educated too, thus she always express herself wrongly and trust me, it can be very frustrating whenever she does  that, especially at the wrong time.

IMG_20130203_38 IMG_20130203_39 IMG_20130203_7 IMG_20130203_8 IMG_20130203_10 IMG_20130203_11 IMG_20130203_12

IMG_20130203_6 Just a note, i lost faith in those food bloggers’ reviews. because despite the much ravings (especially from that famous youknowhofoodblogger), Royal China @ Raffles is so-so only  for their DimSum. 
Dont get me wrong, it is definitely nice and decent. i will give it a 7.5/10 but the ravings were exaggerated, and i expect it to be 8 or 9.

IMG_20130203_25 HAPPY BDAY to my beloved Sister. Stay Healthy, Safe in your coming in and going out, be Blessed by Jesus, and of cos, Pretty lah! 🙂IMG_20130203_26 IMG_20130203_29 Hope Mum loves the gift 🙂 – from sis and meIMG_20130203_30 IMG_20130203_31

@ Royal China@Raffles, Canele-Raffles City

But it is NOT her fault. I should be more understanding, and patient. But i didn’t and i am extremely disappointed with myself. I managed to be nicer to her for a period of time (without all the shouting) but i am back to being mean again.

Of course, i will hug her and apologize and sms her all my apologies and she will stare at me, smile and then say: I keep quiet and let you scold, let you reflect yourself.
Awww. Mum is so so so best, she is the best on earth and no 1 can compare to her. NOBODY.
I love her and sometimes, i will think like a child and hope that she lives forever, and i live forever, not for myself, but to be with her. I love her so much.

I tell myself, i HAVE TO and i WILL BE nice to her from now on and STOP SHOUTING at her. I pray and i pray that i can LOVE her all i can and give her the best of me beside showering her with $ or gifts….:)

Anyway, lemme update on the Face lotion i was talking and raving about previously.

Since it is my own opinion and Review, it is Not paid– i can be blatantly honest! Wee~
It turns out that Hada LaBo is still very effective after approx 1week to 2 weeks of usage.
However, it is not as magical as what i raved about anymore.
On nights that i didn’t really use it, the flaky problem comes back the very next day.

Sometimes, i still feel that my skin is way too dry till it is so tight. I do not know how botox makes 1 feel because i have not try it but i hope it doesn’t feel as tight as i feel (sometimes). The feeling is not comfy nor pleasant. My face was so dry that whenever i yawn or even wen i don’t  i can feel the tightness across the whole face. It is not the feeling of ‘firmness’. It is just…Dry.

Sigh. And i thought i found the savior water that can help my skin…

But to be fair, it does help me to stop my flaky skin problem. Just that, it is not Divine, not permanent. You have to keep using it if you want your result. Actually, every other product works this way too isn’t it? Is there any product that works miraculously, that will give you the perfect smooth skin after just a few apply?
I am just disappointed because during the 1st 3 days, i can expect and i see/feel the  silky smooth skin even if i miss using it for 1 night.  But later on, i realize that i have to apply it day and night in order to ‘retain‘ that silky smooth effect.

As i said, this is normal isn’t it? If a product requires just a few applies and works forever, the company of the product will be darn stupid. haha.
Oh, i heard that S_** is worse, i heard it gives you crazy outbreak the moment you stop using it. Wonder how true it is but i am not ready to spend that amount to risk finding out.

So, i would say,  Hada Labo is still good, i will give it 7.8/10 at this moment.

I recently added the Hydrating cream to the skin regime. I also got the Hada Labo Cleanser (supposed to moisturize as you wash).
The cream is supposed to ‘lock up the ocean’, basically locking the ‘moist and hydrated  condition’.
I just started and today is Day 1. I cant guarantee any results now as it is only 1 day. But at this stage, the face is VERY smooth and nothing else.
It is JUST VERY SMOOTH. Also, the glow is very obvious, before and after putting on cosmetic  it is the same, glowy and i have people complimenting that i appear to be very ‘glowy’ now. (it might also be because that i do not smoke now)

I will post some pictures of me without make up, you can judge yourself. They are not filtered and needless to say, not photoshopped (i dont know for hw many times must i say i dont know PS)

IMG_20130130_4 IMG_20130130_1 IMG_20130130_2 IMG_20130130_3

Alright, tts all for the skin, btw, my FB is back. But i am not checking it regularly and religiously like the past. I reckon i need a FB afterall, to keep myself updated about stuff happening around me, the news and trends (you get the fastest updates in FB than in forums). As i am planning something with Sis, i thought i might as well just retain the FB and since i dont really log in, doesnt matter.

IMG_20130202_1

But i am active in Twitter and Insta! Here also! 😀 Hurhur~

Ok, I guess thats quite enough for a mini update. It turns out that i wrote more than i thought i would. Updated about what i have been doing recently, my family, and some humble opinions of the skin regime. Thats enough, more next time!

An Advance Happy Lunar New Year to all Chinese Readers! May this New Year shower you with Prosperity and Good Health.
Blessed CNY!:)

Lotsa Love,

VallieLesley

Tag Cloud