Believe. Faith. Love. When they are alive, HE is alive.

Posts tagged ‘God’

KAKA the world best soccer player, belongs to Jesus

Vdate – What a long hiatus! 2014

IMG_20140112_18Happy 2014!!! Although i am really almost a month late for the greeting.

Yeap, it has been quite sometime since i last blogged. A month of being missing in action might be the norm for most people but looking back, i used to blog weekly, if not, bi weekly! Goodness! I am hoping that i am not turning lazier but the fact that i have to convince myself i am not….
Ok, anyway, let’s just say i am busier with new stuffs and i have to commit myself to the more important things.

I was thinking what i should blog about since most people usually would do a flashback on 2013  or coming up with a list of 2014 resolutions.
I guess i do not fancy the latter so perhaps i will just do a SHORT flashback on 2013 because honestly, i cant really remember much of what happened in 2013. (Maybe i do, but there are alot of things that i have chosen to forget)

So… let’s see…

In Year 2013,

Spiritual
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I am with God and never leave HIM in anyway. I am still rooted in a very nice spiritual family – BBG.
To others, they might think that BBG is unlike the Church i used to go but i am very sure this is the place God wants me to be in.
Thank you God, i believe you are moulding me in Your way and blessing me in Your way too. 

Family
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I am closer to my family of course. My Mum, my Sister, my Aunt and all. However, it wasnt really a good year for us, Mum was hospitalized for her weak knee and Sis and i have to visit her daily and took care of the house. Now, dont u go judging us. It is really NOT easy to do all the chores that Mum does. You know it perfectly well unless you have a family of your own.
Well, good thing is, Mum recovered and her being her, she is strong enough to look pass the fact that she is ageing though she can be rather negative at times. But alls well.
Sis and i faced the biggest challenge ever as we fought like crazy. We really felt very sad and bad that period of time, we have done everything we could to reconcile and in the end, she had to move out to cool down for a period of time… But thank God, she came back and she came back with an open mind and thank God, she is more kind and considerate this time round.
But all in all, i am just thankful that my family members are safe and sound, healthy and good.

Career
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I guess this section has to be the shortest. One word – Mediocre.
There is slight pay increment, there r some benefits here and there and i am thankful for all that.
However, the politics here is worse than Workers Party vs PAP.
So..i dont know. Basically i dont know what else to describe about my work except that i have a change of Boss and the current Boss gave a more detailed planning and direction for all the lost sheeps who were under poor management previously.
That is perhaps 1 good thing and yah, more stress might be on the way.
I have also started planning, doing something for my personal plan. I went overseas, i met up with relevant professionals.
However, due to budget constraint and my ill discipline, the plan was held back for very long. It is not helping when i was kinda timid and i was always lacking the courage to pursue what i want. But in year 2014, i swear i will just go ahead with all that i have on hand and do what i can and let God do the rest! Amen.

Relationship
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This must be the most exciting topic in this post. (at least to me and John? lol)
After being alone for 2 freaking long years (i have never been single for that long) I am in a relationship again.
To be honest, previously, i lost all faith in r/s (i know i say this many times and i always end up with some jerk after saying  that but really, this time it is different)
If you follow my blog, you would know. If not, you can read here and here. If you are too lazy to read or find out, let’s just say, i was really not intending to get hitched in any way. Yes i did hope for it secretly but really, on the scale of 10, my desire to be alone was 8.

I have hurt and i have been hurt alot of times and each  time after a break up, i would tell myself that i want to be alone because i am oh so jaded and i have lost all faith. But, you know, each time i say that, i was secretly hoping that someone will come around and show me that there is hope in this world, i was secretly hoping for someone that will appear in my life and show me what loyalty is all about, someone that is different, that will view loyalty as the most important factor in a r/s, someone that respect, that loves, that knows Love is not just a feeling but a Decision. (i actually blogged about this sometimes back, please read it here)

However, after the last r/s in 2011, i have decided firmly that such person does not exist, either that or he prolly does exist but he will never be mine. (yea, that’s negative but you cant blame me, i have suffered f-up r/s for at least 10yrs and having said that, i am not saying that i was never at fault, i believe no 1 party should bear all blames for failures for r/s)

Then, someone appeared in my life silently, normally, with an add in Facebook. John, i think you must be grinning at this.
Look, i mentioned that i will write about us once things are more stable and etc. Thus i wont go into much details now but hopefully that day will come and i can write about really fruitful news and hopefully we can move on further to another stage of the r/s by then.
Anyways, John was my schmate in Chung Cheng High Main (secondary school) and i never liked him back then.
He was just someone that my then- best friend dated. Other than that, all i knew of him was that he represented the sch for table tennis and apparently he was good at what he did, he studied in the special stream class and he was good with soccer. Thats all i knew about him and i had absolutely no interest in knowing more about him back then. Not that he wasnt attractive or anything but i was really immersed with Counterstrike and was more interested in friends outside school.

So anyway, that’s how we initially knew about each other. We hardly spoke and i think the only time i said something to him back then was an insult, he told me i called him ‘bastard’ and i shant talk much abt it.AHAH!
After 10 over years (got or not ar?), i duno how God work His miracle, John saw a pretty me (AHEM) on FB and he added me. LOL, ok la, he added me cos he knew it was me and also because i am pretty can? LOL

From then on….. i shall save e details for next time. HAHA!

But i really wana say, since the day we started dating, i have never regretted because he shows me everything i want in a man, everything i ask from God and we are on the same page in almost all things. We possess the same perspective most of the time, our moral values tally with each other, we admire each other and are very attracted to each other, we acknowledge that God is the One that is in the center of the r/s and honestly, the list goes on.

“Wah, this is long but seriously, i really really want this to work out as much as you do John. “

We are working very hard towards it and thank God for this surprise blessing, both us are grateful and we pray that we will always cherish this r/s the way we do now. Though we are really just mths together, some even say we are in the honeymoon period, both of us really want this honeymoon period  to last and till date, we still feel very happy upon seeing each other and we will always make up after each fight with  rational minds. Hope this continue and although we can never guarantee the future, i hope nothing ever changes because John really closed the chapter of 2013 for me wonderfully.

Health

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I started seeing a psychiatrist and i am talking to a psychologist too. Well, ntg can be concluded as of now but at least i am under control for whatever i am suffering from. Many people view Depression or Mental illness as something shameful. I was one of those people. I always think that only the weak people will admit that they are depressed.
For me, it is even tougher as i am expected by the world to walk out of any crappy mental problem just because i claim  that God is real.
But i have made peace with myself and accepted that i might be stressed, and i have issues in me that might be unresolved. I believe God created professional help for people like me. Thus i am happy i have started talking to someone and on the path of getting my healthy mind back.
I also stated working out and i have lost weight, i have put on weight. It no longer matters i guess, as long as i am healthy. In the later part of 2013, i started to slack off. I am determined to return to the Gym soon (cut me some slack, CNY coming! 😛)

Wealth
Looking good, looking good. But can be better! HUAT LA 2014! Especially after spending that $400+ on a tooth. It wasnt even serious op, it was just a normal tooth being plucked out. FML.

Alright, i hope the above summarized my 2013 generally and it is honestly not short at all. LOL
I have no resolution for 2014 but i do hope that i can be more hardworking, less hot tempered, and more diligent and patient for 2014. I am very happy now. I have the best family, the best bf, the best friends around me and i want to lose none of them. I wish that all of them will be happy and safe everyday. I wish that i can achieve more in my career and hopefully the house that Mum and i wanted will be ours soon 🙂

As i really gtg, i hope the crazy amt of photos i post will make you happy because i am signing off!
Happy Chinese  New Year and may all of you be blessed with Peace and Prosperity!

恭喜发财!万事如意!身体健康!

IMG_20131222_2Our First overseas trip – KL

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IMG_20131221_7with the very talented Aloysius Yap

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IMG_20131224_3shopping spree

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IMG_20131224_5John during his game
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Christmas 2013
IMG_20131225_13that child in me 

IMG_20131225_2first xmas

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R3hab with John and his friends @ Zouk for Xmas
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Dinner with Mummy and John before party
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IMG_20131225_46Many more Xmas-es together! 🙂

IMG_20131225_54Staycation at The Sultan
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With my lovely family on Xmas day
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IMG_20131225_53Sister photobombed me and Aunt

Gathering before 2014 with the peeps!
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My Loves!

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My Twin!

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IMG_20131228_13My Bff forever

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2014!

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we didnt go anywhere extravagant, we were in the car, counting down with the radio station.
But it was beautiful, with kisses, hugs and wishes, we crossed over to 2014 together. 🙂
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IMG_20140103_4totally in love with this white crochet dress
Wore this for dinner with John and his parents @ Jpot

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IMG_20140106_5@ Poulet

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IMG_20140110_10Random dating pictues

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IMG_20140112_17Dinner with Mummy and John @ PP

My Ex Boss Gavin’s big day with Liz
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With the ex colleagues

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John came and fetch me after the wedding and we hanged

pl

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And i shall end my post with the current KPOP hair color i just did. 
Love my hair 😀

Vdates – crossroad (last mth of 2013)

Hi birdies`

IMG_20131206_2Happy eve of Friday! You know how much i cant wait for this…

For as far as i remember, the only time i sleep more than 5 hrs was last weekend but it was very disturbed sleep. I hate it whenever i cant sleep like a baby throughout, kept waking up and drifting back to sleep… 😦

Basically, i feel extremely lost recently. I guess i really have to move on but i am very stuck at the moment because if i were to move on, i wouldnt know what are the new (and prolly alot more) things that will be added to me, i might not be getting what i am getting now too…

Sigh.

Moreover, i need alot of time to do what i am doing currently…

Ok, i bet you guys do not know what the heck i am talking about, please just let me rant and bottom line is, my job sucks. It is not the weekdays that are pissing me off, but yah, i am depressed almost everyday.

However, i am thankful i have John with me, he manage to make me feel better whenever we meet up. I would also love to thank him for tolerating my nonsense, taking my weirdness  (i am very eccentric and i cant be anymore thankful for his patience).
Met up with him yesterday and saw a very pale face, he was sick. So terribly sick and still came all the way to meet me in town. Before that, he didnt even show signs of tiredness or sickness during our earlier convos.

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I: why didnt u tell me u r sick? why cant u just say u r sick and not meet up?
He: because i dun wan to upset you, you dont like changes to your plans.

FML, he is very sick leh, and he still can think of what i think and how i feel? Best BF or what? Hahaha.
Ok, on a serious note, i am really thankful for him.

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at #49seats, we were q-ing forever. that place is truly 1 of the most raved abouts.

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IMG_20131207_6It is actually not bad, i like their friendly staff (not for that old uncle though. damn, he look like a loanshark or somthing)
I love their Al Scampi Sauce (it is beyond description, too nice!) and i guess John’s smoke duck pasta tasted ok too.
Prices can be considered as reasonable, approx $50 for 2 pax (1 main each and 1 side)

I would definitely recommend this place for chillaxing and dates. But John thinks  that the food is just mediocre.
He has high expectations for Western food. :/

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IMG_20131208_1I don’t know what the future brings but we are definitely working on it. As i said, we cant be sure as everything is still too new. We knew each other for over a decade and we dated our friends, we never even speak till 14yrs later? 
But for now, i am very  thankful for you, John. 🙂
Thank you for treating me like a queen, saying things i like to hear, doing things i wana do, giving in to me (thou not al the time)
#grateful

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IMG_20131208_3Chilling with Alan after John’s mini tournament with Thorsten Hohmann. (2013 WPC World 9-Ball Champion)
Oh, and he won Thorsten. How amazing right! HAHA!

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IMG_20131209_2Separately, on the next day, he won another tournament and that trohpy above is my first gift from him! Haha, my 1st time receiving trophy from another person, quite meaningful. 

But honestly, i really feel uneasy day by day because i have nothing to look forward to currently but if not for the money and the ambiguous fog ahead  that i might face, i wouldnt make myself so miserable daily. 😦 

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I am so lost recently that i am thinking of so many weird things to do, like learning how to play an instrument and i even have the instrument in mind already (but it is not cheap thou), i am thinking of getting inked again (not big ugly pics, just fonts), i am thinking of learning new sports like golf (yah damn, i hated golf and i actually tot of it now??) i am thinking of doing alot of things to keep myself going because i start to realise that i cant stand being in the same stagnant place for long. I prolly need some excitement to my own growth.

IMG_20131209_1Went Jamming with the cell group peeps. Pretty gal besides me is Ashley. 

Ayte, i know this is abrupt but this is a really short post and randomly, i would like to say that i cant wait for Xmas to come. I really am looking forward to Xmas very very much, my fav day of the year. Till the next update, be blessed people!

P/S i hope to come back with better news and hopefully there will be improvement to my current situation. 🙂
P/S P/S Thank God my family is safe and doing good though.

To lighten up the mood, this song is for all you guys! I have what and who i wanted this Xmas, (and hopefully every xmas). I hope the same happen to you too!
p/s it will be better if i know where should i  go from here. But i do know that God gives the freedom to me to walk my path.
I just pray that i have mre discernment in my judgments.
God bless~

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Vdates – Changes

IMG_20131023_3Before i start on my updates, i have a question for you guys.

What do the term “Changes” mean to you and how do you feel about having Changes in your life?
And i mean, major changes, not tiny little ones.
But of course, different individual view the size of changes differently.

Right now, there are quite a few changes in my life, i would say they are definitely good changes but i am really really afraid despite the excitement. Maybe i can list them down, you decide if they are big or  small changes. For me, they are all big changes because i believe that these changes change my destiny, and perhaps, bring me nearer to where i deserve.

I shall just compare the Me now and Me 5years ago.

1) I am a Christian

This is a major change because i remember i was a very rebellious kid. I felt that God (Jesus) is not real and even if HE is, we will never cross paths. I cursed, i swore and i said every nasty thing about Jesus but yah, i guess He loves me anyway.
Thank God for God, if not for Him, i wouldnt be able to be experience an intimate relationship with someone that High up. People always think that God is way up there, but ever since i came to know Jesus, i know that God is just right beside. Alot of times, i thought i was about to die, my life has reached the best it can ever go, God shows me otherwise. Too much to explain but i am glad i know You Jesus. So thankful.

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2) I no longer yearn for a relationship with a person
Perhaps back in those teenage days, i was lacking of family love and ever since, it has become a habit to find love elsewhere. The habit did lasted for quite sometime but i am glad that something really bad and major happened 2 years back (with my last ex bf) and made me realize that BGR isnt the most important thing in life. I realize that despite the argument that not all men are the same (crappy and shitty), i have more or less gave up on pursuing that fairytale for myself. I came to know that everything on earth can be forced except love. Marriage is important and was deemed to be the most important event in life for me 2 years ago but nope, it no longer hold much place in my heart anymore. Too many sad cases, too much betrayals, too much examples.
If the best happen, it happens (i am not saying you dont have to work for it, you do have to) but if it doesnt, it just doesnt.
so yah, BGR is desired but no longer essential.

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3) I no longer commit myself to cigarettes 
I quit smoking on the 1st of Jan 2013. I didnt touch a stick till somewhere in May. I rem i was trying to light up a cig since i havent been touching it but it didnt feel very well. I shall not lie about it, i still smoke now and  then. But i am not addicted nor committed anymore. It is very very occasional that i will touch cigs again, They always say that “since you have stopped, why get back into it again?” I agree to a certain extent and thus i have never wanted to start the cycle of buying a pack every 2 days ever again.
But i believe, despite the fact that smoking harms, the addiction itself harms more. And thus i quit addiction, i quit the bad habit. It is more important to me, to be able to cut myself from that redudant commitment to smoking. However, i still have to emphasize, while it is not healthy being a social/ casual smoker, at the very least, i no longer behave like a slave to cigarettes and i have no yearnings for it no more. In short, i have control over my desires. Thank God

4) I spend more time with my Family and Mum
I remember spending time with them when i was in primary school. That was quite sometime ago and ever since i enter secondary school, i have stopped. I stopped wanting to know about them, i stopped showing that i care, in fact, i do not care at all. I do not want to have anything to do with the family and family members were just there cos they have to be there. I kinda hated myself for being so insensible then. And now, i have been doing all that i can to make up for lost times, however, sometimes i do fail them. But i am really very thankful that i get back that kinda lovey dovey feelings from  my family. I remember having those feeling when i was 7yr old. I have never forgotten about it, i just lost it and am i glad i got it back now. I hope it is not too late.

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5) I started exercising to keep fit and not only to lose weight
I always think that exercising is a chore and i still think that way sometimes when i am lazy. But i have come to accept that exercises not only build up the metabolism rate, but also self confidence of a person. At least for myself, it does. It is the best form of motivation and besides being able to look better, being able to be healthy mentally and physically is very important too. Age is a figure but what emits from within is more crucial. Especially when i am more than a quarter of a decade old. Ahem.

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IMG_20131026_194908i wouldnt say i am in perfect shape but trust me, i love the progress i see in the mirror. I mentioned previously that i am on a programme for slimming and it really does work! Of course, it is best to combine proper dietary plans and exercises. I never believe in taking only diet pills or supplements.
I have another 2 months to go before i see the  full result, stay tuned, i am more than willing to share about it!

6) I started to save
Not much but yah, still trying my best to. It is a little late as my peers are all having 5 figure digits in their banks while i…. but better than nothing!

7) I stop forcing myself to be out on Fridays and Saturdays
I used to think that it is a MUST to party or at least be out on weekends so as to ‘not waste’ the weekend away. But nope, i stopped forcing myself to feel tired and i stay home after work most of the time. I will only head out when i feel fresh or ‘awake’.

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IMG_20131014_11Love my gf lots. #throwback #ktv

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Random Food i eat.
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Babies make me happy.

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8) I started to leave friends that do not want to cherish friendship
In the past, i get way too upset whenever a friendship has to end. I thought friends are forever. Guess i wasnt so mature.
Friends, in fact, do come and go. I believe God gives us different friends at different phases of life. And although i still feel a little upset initially when i chose to give up certain dishonest and negative friends months ago, i have learnt to let go and now, i feel nonchalant about these 2 persons. They might have helped me alot in the past, but thats the past, what matters now is the present. People do change and so do friends. I have accepted that fact.

9) I have taken a huge step for my health
I shant reveal what it is over here but let’s just say, i have taken a huge step in following up with my doctors (yah, more than 1 doc) regularly and am on medication to improve things.

10) This is a crazy plan
Yes, it is. I cant reveal it now but very soon, you will know what i am saying. I always feel small about myself since i dont know when. I always think that i can never accomplish big things, the good endings are not for me and etc. Thank God for sending me nice angels to be with me, to talk to me, to encourage me. I am taking a huge step to achieve this goal. It is very important to me now and i am really praying for the best. It is not easy as i am not born with a silver spoon to start with. I cant afford to not work, not even for a month. As i have to tc of my family. Thus, i am really giving my best and all. I know there are already people doing what i want to do, and perhaps plenty of them do not have to struggle so much as i do because they  came from a better background. But i believe God will show me what He wants for me along the way. By Faith, i believe. God, be with me.

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Alright, so i didnt expect to write so much but i did. Unknowingly, i gathered 10 points. I wanted to list only 3 initially. Haha.
What about you? Are you making changes to your life as well? Are you afraid of changes?

I, am very afraid. Thus i always pray for my courage to be more than my fear because fear is there to stay, as long as there are challenges. Instead of asking for it to be gone, i ask for Courage to cover Fear.

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But i guess, “changes” are good, because if there isnt any change in my life, it would simply mean i will be as useless as i was 5 years ago.

Haha.

Alright, gtg, till the next post, God Bless!

Oh! i forgot to include, from tomorrow onwards, i will be able to sing for my Christian meetings. I have always wanted to serve as a vocalist in the choir but i didnt dare to in the past. Also, there was no slots available back then. It has been years and i thought that the vision of me singing to God was just a dream that will never happen. Little do i know that, God really does make it happen! In His timing. 🙂
I am very very nervous and anxious. It is not another KTV session, i have to actually be moved by faith so that the worship will be good.
Thus, i am really really very very excited and nervous. Gotta  go and listen to the songs on Youtube now, laters!

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Acceptance.

Approximately 15 minutes ago, i was very depressed.

I was asking for a favour from my sister and although it is not unexpected that she turned me down, i still feel pricked because probably i still have hope in me (that perhaps she will show some care by saying Yes)

However,  she turned me down flatly and even say things like “you said you can do it alone”

Sure, of course i can do it alone.

I am doing it alone, arent i doing it alone from day 1?

I know that nobody is obliged to help me out. It is a dream that both of us wanted and since the day she backed out, i am still in this dream.
It is fine, i wanted it.

But despite the fact that she isnt in this with me, i still think alot of how to share this dream with her, should this dream harvest into something fruitful.

But i guess, that is just one sided.

I guess what i do not understand is not about why she reject my plead for help.

I do not understand why as blood tied kins, how can someone so close (that came out from the same tummy) is able to feel indifferent when it comes to rejecting a favour asked. She feels nothing, AT ALL.

She just threw me a sentence “i dont feel like”

Now, that is very hurting.

I would offer my help with all i can even if she says that she is able to do it alone. Is that very stupid or Kay-Poh of me? Should i mind my own business in future?
If i do, i will feel uneasy and selfish, perhaps that is my character. I cannot bring myself to say things like “well u wanted to do it alone, so you do it alone, why are u complaining?”

Because i will feel for the other party, i will know how stressful she is, i will try my best to help even if she does not ask anything from me. I cant bear to see her feeling stressed all alone….

So why cant she do the same for me???

20minutes later, which is now…

I feel much better.

I guess i have only Jesus to thank.

I thought of Him. 

If you have to know, i can share with you.

Look, my belief and faith towards Jesus is strong but my love for Him isnt strong enough……Why would i say that?

Well, I am sure HE is there for me every second and is waiting for me to turn to him and give HIM some attention. But honestly, i didnt.
Most of the time, if i am not busy working and planning out my dream, i am watching some TV drama series.
I only talk briefly to HIM for 5minutes before i sleep and less than a minute when i wake up.
I am sure HE feels as sad as how i feel now….

But if HE were to feel hurt and expect me to be as patient as HIM, HE would have given up on me long ago because i can never be as faithful, i can never give HIM my constant attention.

But HE loves me still. That is unconditional love.  That is Acceptance.

Thus, as i am typing this, i can feel my heart lighten up, feeling much better. This is the 1st time i try thinking of Jesus when i m very depressed and helpless, i am ashamed to even say that this is the 1st time but indeed it is.
In the past, i just allow myself to be sad and wallow in self pity and sadness but this time round, i have too much on my plate to handle, i cant afford to waste time in sadness and insecurity.

I cant be anymore thankful, thank you Jesus, thank you for making me understand that every1 has her flaws, and i have my flaws too.
Most importantly, i cannot and should not expect anyone to be as “helpful” as me, there are things that i cant do too and if anyone expects that i do the same thing and behave the same way as them, i would be unhappy too.

Maybe this lesson is for me to learn – everyone has different character and personality, she might be less helpful but perhaps she is more calm when it comes to arguments. I shouldnt expect of her to be the same as me like how she wouldnt expect me to be the same of her. Maybe i should let go and stop expecting. Somethings can’t be forced but some relationships are destined, we cant change that. Thus we should really learn to Accept.

Thank you God.

Now, you might find that this is silly, but i really did manage to feel better and now i am off to do more constructive things, to plan for my project.

I am not trying to help anyone here but i just need an avenue to pen down my thoughts. I haven been opening up ever since i was told  that i am ill and that i need a shrink…

I might find strength in my Faith, but if you are not a believer and you think that Jesus is like Santa Claus, perhaps you can also see things in another perspective…
There will always be someone that is nicer to you than you know, he or she will accept you unconditionally, it might be your Mum/Dad, your Spouse or Partner? I wouldnt know, but you know, because he/she is the 1st person that came to your mind when i mention this.

However, this person has never once expect the same from you, he/she forgives and loves you even though you are not as nice as them. This world is never fair, quoting my sister “if the world is fair, all fingers will be of the same length”.
While you are upset with others failing your expectations of them, there are people who are equally upset with you but still accepting you… Maybe you would like to do the same, by accepting another person who sin differently as you?

I am just saying. Like i say, i am not even sure if i can help myself because of my illness, i am not so noble to help the world. I just wish to pen down my thoughts and share if i can.

Till the next post, may Love take over all. God Bless`

Happy Birthday Mummy Love

Hola!

It is finally the eve of 2 PH that is connected to the weekends! Wee!!! I really cant wait for 6pm to come, the start of my long weekend~ I want nothing but my bed. Thanks.

Anyway, this post is a little late. My Mum’s bday was yesterday and the celebrations we had was sometime back.

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Firstly, i really want to say i am sorry, for being so harsh on Mum on days she couldnt express herself properly, on days she refused to listen to me, on days which i feel lousy. I am so sorry  that she has to put up with me constantly. Frankly, she show me how unconditional her love is and in order to love unconditionally, 1 has to ACCEPT – accepting whatever lousy characteristic and habits of the loved one.
I always say i love her unconditionally, but Love is patient and i am not even patient towards her, whenever she do something that doesnt pleases me, i get pissed. I am terrible. I am terribly guilty. 😦

I have to remind myself daily that i will not scream nor shout at her  anymore (despite situations), and i will always give in to her because she is getting old and she might not be as alert as before and that i ought to (REALLY OUGHT TO) be very patient with her.

I know i cant do it, i seek for prayers and i am praying that i am able to love her unconditionally like how she loves me, thru Christ.

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So, even though Mummy might not be able to read this part, i still feel better writing it out because i do not want to portray  that perfect daughter image but in actual fact, i am actually far from being perfect.

Having said that, even though i might not like Mummy all the time, i Love her always.

Thank you God, for giving me sucha nice, strong and loving Mummy. I really thank You for her. I thank my Mum for being so strong, so loving, towards me and my sis. Thank u Mummy that you have never thought of leaving us nor giving us up ever since the day Dad let us down. Thank you for your love Mummy, your love is very strong.

Anyway, 6th of August is the day my Superwoman’s birthday. We celebrated the week before at MBS for a weekend staycation.

The hotel is really overcrowded and all weekends are fully booked till next year. I tried asking a few friends that are connected to the place but all of them told me that the hotel is fully booked for weekends. I was rather disappointed.


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However, thanks to my wonderful pretty lovely cutesy GF, i managed to get a room! HAHA. It was on a Sunday though, thus sis and i have to take leave on Monday. Doesnt matter because Mum secretly wishes to stay at MBS for sometime. But i do know that all she ask for is peace in the family and us to be safe. She is not someone that will desires or lusts for luxury.

So we checked in on Sun, GF and Chris bought a Birthday Fruit Tart (big enough for 6 pax) and we did the usual lah, singing and clapping along with the Birthday song.
After Chris and GF left, Aunt (yes we invited Aunt too!) Mum, sis and i went up to the Skypark and took some pictures, walked around the boring shopping mall and had dinner.

We were quite lethargic actually.

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IMG_20130729_6Please ignore the Likeaboss/modelwanabe pose of sis, it is unintentional, it is the Sun.

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I guess there is nothing to be unhappy about with the service of MBS. You guys ‘know’ i am quite a fussy person when it comes to Service (even though i do not admit to that, lol)
But really, we do not need to comment much on MBS’s services. I am saying this not because it is a huge name nor because it is ‘branded’.

Even the food of their ‘affordable and casual’ class of bistro possesses restaurants’ standards. A must try is the ‘Ayam Penyet’ at A Taste of Nanyang. It is affordable, costing less than $10 a plate. We did not try any fine dining because Mum is definitely not into that. Knowing her, she will reprimand us for spending a bomb for something so little and knowing her, she rather have local delights. :s
So anyway, if you are not intending to spend alot since the room alraedy costs quite a bit, try out A Taste of Nanyang  on level B1. If not, you may also try ordering the food from the room. I had Fish and Chips and it is okok, cant really remember the price for that but  price is approx $20 for Wanton Mee, Never get to try the raved about Fine dinings there, perhaps another time.

Mum watched her tv prog on channel 8 and Sis and i strolled around the mall to digest the food in us. We popped into 7-11 and ended up buying more snacks. LOL.

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Went back to the room with lotsa food and we spent the night chatting away with FOOD. Mum was feeling tired and she slept before we did. On the next day, Sis and i went pool dipping and camwhored like crazy. Then we checkout and brought Mum to lunch.

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I was feeling so CRAZILY TIRED pls. I always feel tired whenever i stay in hotels because i can never sleep well outside, i cant even slp well on my own beloved bed, not to say other beds. No expensive beds can make me crash immediately.  Sis then went to the hospital for her check up , Mum and i went home after lunch.

Mum was happy although she keep nagging at us for the surprise as she hates surprises because she will want to prepare this prepare that for event like that. I also do not know what is there to prepare. LOL.

On 3rd Aug, we went to House of Seafood for her 2nd celebration. This time round, we included Aunt as well as Granny. The place was raved like crazy by my colleague  and online but OH please, listen to me, DONT GO. DONT EVEN TRY. I will do a Vshare on House of Seafood in my next post so i wont spoil this Bday post.

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Yesterday was the actual day of Mum’s hatchy. I intended to bring her out for dinner again but sadly, i kinda lost my temper on her in e morning. I want to kill myself! :s

She was asking me for advices for some work related issues which i hope i wont get to write it here because if i do, it will be a bad and big thing then. But i was pissed when she refused to listen nor believes. I hate it whenever i am asked YET doubted at the same time. It is very frustrating.

Thus the morning was not very good for us. Things got better in the evening and we went for dinner downstairs my house. I bought durians for her as she was craving madly for durians. We finished 2 boxes of durians (that is a total of 3 med size durians and 4 small durians) on the night itself. Thankyouverymuch and FML.  I probably will cry when i see the weighing machine this Thurs.

So, her Bday ended with a prayer from me. My sis is still at Taiwan so she sent back her wishes and we are waiting for her to be back on Thurs.

Well, i do not know how to end this post so i shall end it with a simple prayer for my dearest Mummy, do pray for her as well ok?

May the Lord bless her with His presence for His presence is nothing but the best we  can ever ask for.
His presence heals and He brings joy and peace.
May He shower all His love and blessing on my Mummy, may Jesus bless her with Longevity and safety daily.

Amen! 🙂

 

 

Everyone should be accepted. Yes, even Gays.

acce

I am utterly disappointed once again, with fellow human beings.

Frankly, i am filled with anguish as i type this. I am also tearing while i do this. I do not know how these people can throw stones at others like as if they have the right  to.
I can imagine how sad the lost feels, the gay who confess his fear, his sadness, his extreme depressed soul got tempted to give up his life due to these judgmental comments coming from the ‘Pharisees’ of this era.

I do hope that these ‘Pharisees’  are not believers because i feel really sad seeing their hate messages towards others. If they are believers,  y and how can they say such things? Did they not remember what did Jesus say about acceptance and love?

I thought we have the same God in us, then how is it they can hurt and condemn others without hesitating, without love?

Why should condemnation exist?

I am pasting some printscreens and i am blogging about this because these people used God’s name to judge others.
I am not speaking on behalf of Jesus, but from what i was taught, all people are equal in His eyes, gays or not gays, murderers or not murderers.

We only have to speak the truth. It is indeed written that same sex should not be involved sexually. Well, that is a truth and i will not deny what is written, There are alot more commandments and we were told of no fornication and look at how many people in the world engages in sexual r/s before marriage? Look at the amount of lies from different people, look at the greed of people.

I am not saying we should all sin, i am saying that we sin differently. If we were to judge others, the judging will never stop. I repeat, IT WILL NEVER STOP.

You dont judge others just because they sin differently from you, Aaron Says So and Fan Bonk KeeShame on you 2 that cant let go and keep judging as if you both are perfect. Moreover, who are you to give the verdict of sinning? Who are you?
Having said that, i still do not want to keep labelling Gays as sinners, i said before and i say again, all of us human beings ARE sinners.

disgust
Aaron Say So ·  Top Commenter · National University of Singapore
(Wonderul education qualification, but i am sad that education actually makes one stupid sometimes)

this Valencia Lesley is saying we all have to respect thieves and robbers, because Jesus is loving. 
So what if Jesus is loving? It is written, “brush off the dust from your scandals”. 
– Right, you TOO should be brushed off because you are behaving worse than thief and robber by robbing and stealing respect for the human kinds.
Brush off the dust? Yah, dont just quote part of a verse or scripture from a bible and take words out of context, you want to talk about bible, here is a verse for you –

Matthew 7:1-3 King James Version (KJV)

7 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

And he mentioned:
inside the pub, gay “a” who just get to know gay “b” for a few minutes, was rubbing his private part on gay “b” ‘s leg. gay “b” cheekily looks at the camera and says “he is rubbing me”. Come on, what is this? Is sex the only thing in a gay mind? I’m a man and I love woman, can I go around rubbing my private part on strangers? That gay inside the video even proudly declare he had over 50 sex partners. What over 50 sex partners? where is the humanity? Aren’t gay supposed to be faithful to one another? I’m sure if I walk into any gay pubs, most of the gays will be delighted to entertain me and hopefully have sex with me. Come on, think carefully, are you comfortable to have these gays mixing with your children? 
If you have to insist that gays are philandering, it just goes to show how ignorant you are. I can give you a list of places to go, to see how straight men and women behave too.
Maybe you were at those places before too, or perhaps you should try going sammyboy forum to find out how some straight people behave. Alternatively, go to any club and you might be lucky enough to catch some action going on.
Whats with the youtube link? You want to post links, i can give u 1482482334 links of how SOME straight people behaves in different clubs all over the world.Cmon, dont say such thing as Gays should be loyal and faithful to earn respect. EVERYONE SHOULD BE faithful.The raising divorce rate of the normal couples, do we judge that and say because divorce rate is high, we shouldnt get married?
Please do not suggest such silly bullshit about adultery, it might happen to anyone and it might be you or me or any other straight person. Hope you are a virgin or that you only sleep with 1 person in your entire life. Clapclap*
Lastly, you would rather spend time helping the poor? You have to choose who to help? Is that genuine love? Then i would choose to help who i want to help in the future and declare proudly to others that i am so helpful because i help the poor, and only the poor. While on the other hand, i type furiously behind the keyboard and judge the gays and secretly want them to die.
BRAVO. That is SO KIND of you. Maybe you can also come up with a list of people you would want to help and check off the ones that you personally detest which Jesus loves. Please do not argue with me on this because even when we deny Jesus, HE still chooses to love us. This is a fact, HE doesnt choose who to help and who not to help? Hello? If you want solid Truth from the bible since you love quoting, here it is, TRUTH, you like TRUTH right, you get it:

1 John 4:10

New International Version (NIV)

10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

1 John 4:19 New International Version (NIV)

19 We love because he first loved us.

And despite that you keep saying/judging  that the gays reject God and all, too bad but God still loves them.

Ephesians 2:8 

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

As for you, do you think you abide in God? I would love to think you DO NOT, but i let God do the judging. But by seeing the verses and WHAT IT IS WRITTEN, i really feel you do not know God. For God is love and if you do not love, you do not know Him.

1 John 4:16 

So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us.
God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

1 John 4:7-21

New International Version (NIV)

God’s Love and Ours

7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of Godand knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

13 This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

THERE IS NO FEAR IN LOVE, PERFECT LOVE CAST OUT ALL FEAR. By writing all those scary judgmental stuff, you are creating fear and i dont know how you can do that in the name of God. Put it simply, if Jesus is here today, He wouldnt do what you are doing.

GOD WILL NEVER PUT ANYONE DOWN.

Please understand that you and i are human, we are not supposed to judge madly about whoever’s sexual preference is, and etc. We can tell them what is written and stop at there, afterall, it is their choice and God gives us freedom of choice, Who are you to force your choice on others?
Lastly, i dont think so, nope. Please dont be so narcissitic to that extent, what makes you think any gay would want to make out with you.
Take a look in the mirror before saying things so loudly and proudly, i almost thought that sentence came from Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise.
I know you are super in love in yourself, good for you.
And yes, i am comfortable with my kids mixing with nice people, Gays or not.
I wud b worry if my kids mix with the philandering straight people too.
It is all about the character of the individual and i will never categorize anyone as BAD or UNFAITHFUL just because of their sexual preference.
It is 2 diff thing. I would be worried if my kid mixes ard with a mean judgmental person, like yourself.
And who knows how much porno you MIGHT watch. Opps, did i just judge lik you did, i am sorry if i did.
Anyway, my name is Valencia, not “THIS Valencia”, i do not add any silly nick infront or behind my name. Whereas you seem to deem everything you said as Truth because YOU SAY SO and you have to  insist in your name, i doubt anything else can go into your judgmental one sided brain. So, WHATEVER, if You Say So.

g1

g2

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disgust1
g5g7

I am STILL insisting that Gays are human beings and we ALL have human rights as long as we are human beings. We should ALL be respected.
I am seeing this world as a whole not because i am perfect, i am not perfect. I still cant hold my anger towards people sometimes, i get jealous at times too. I am not flawless and nobody is. Thus instead of being self righteous and judge others, i rather believe that everyone is the same, despite status nor monetary value. We come as dust, we leave as dust. Here i am talking about respect for all human kinds. We need respect, every individual.
I wanted to delete this blogpost and i actually wrote this days ago, i was still thinking if i should publish this as this topic is so subjective and debatable,
It is not worth the time and effort as this problem will never go as long as i dont know when. But i really cant contain it within myself and see these people ‘bullying’ the Gays, I personally dont think anyone has the rights to do that.
I was being reprimanded and lectured by many many people the other time i stood up to speak up for the Gays. Most of the times, i was told that i am a Christian, i need to represent God and be strict with what is in the Bible.
I do not know if i am going against God, but i have acknowledged that it is written that individuals of the same sex should not be involved. I am not painting a nice picture and being a hypocrite like what Fan Bonk Kee was suggesting above. I know what is written. I know they are laws.
I Love my Belief, i Love God and i really really respect what was taught to me.
BUT it is also a fact that Jesus accepts all kinds of people. He doesnt discriminate and condemns. He told us what is good for us, and He leave the choice to us. I still believe that and i believe He loves us despite any situation.
I know this post will anger alot of people and i know it will definitely offend a group of Christians. I am sorry. I cant be self righteous for this matter, i cant blame nor point fingers to blame Gays. If you cant accept me or this post, too bad.
I cant stress enough on how SOME Christians turn very self righteous as time goes by. They feel that they are God, they forbid any freedom of choice and speech. I wouldnt wish to be like that.
Besides, we are supposed to learn to accept, i am still learning hard. If we do not accept, who will? God want us to accept, to love, to help,
By shutting people you dislike and detest out, how will they ever know who God is? Isnt that too rigid? Jesus does not only mixes with the good, instead, He mixes with the saddest, worst people.
Again, i emphasize, i am in no way saying Gays are saddest  or worst people. I have always been seeing everyone as human being, not an object categorized by his or her sexual preference.
And frankly, if you ask me if i will want my kids to be Gays or Lesbians? My answer is No. I am not being hypocrite, i just cant bear to see my son or daughter get bullied in future. The society now does not recognise human rights, there are too many people judging. I worry for their well being,
And yes, i would rather they are straight because that is what is deemed as ‘normal’ in this society, and fine, i admit that my belief says so too.
But i am sure i will still love my children very much because they are my children and nothing changes that fact. Same as God, we are His children, i will never believe  that HE will hate us because of the choice we made.
I will accept and respect my kids no matter what.

Just to add, i have known more gay couples that still stay together after so long, faithfully standing by each other than the normal straight couples. Let just say. out of 10 gay couples i known, 8 of them are still loving each other faithfully while outta 10 straight couples that i know, only 2 or 3 of them are married and the rest either split up or ended up in adultery.

 

Of course, this statistic is based on my own circle of friends, you can argue that i might have lousy unfaithful friends, well, whatever. I have nothing to say to that. But i am not suggesting that gays are more faithful than straights. I just want to point out the fact that not gays are as philandering as what

“aaron says so” said. (damn, i really feel silly typing out that name)
I think i have said enough. You may dislike this post, but seriously, i dont care. If you want to judge me and this post, you have to do a reality check on your own life first. Pray for God to change your thinking before thinking of changing mine.

And in the meantime, i hope whoever that are affected by all the hurting comments, to be strong and wise to filter out what is not needed.

 

 

Everyone is same but different, everyone deserves to be loved and accepted. Dont feel any smaller or inferior.

Remember this,

You are wonderfully made by the Creator

I really do not agree with condoning the behavior of the 2 judgmental writers above.
I have zero tolerance towards a cyber bully, or bullies in general.

Thus i really see  the need of doing this.

It is up to you to judge me. But whatever it is, bullies should not be hidden behind the screen, they should be publicized.

“Self righteousness is not love, and is not from God.
Stop that hatred for gays, you judge not and leave it to God.
Dont talk laws to me for i am aware, but Jesus taught us about Acceptance, Grace and Love.
– Valencia Lesley

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