Vdates – Changes

Before i start on my updates, i have a question for you guys.

What do the term “Changes” mean to you and how do you feel about having Changes in your life?
And i mean, major changes, not tiny little ones.
But of course, different individual view the size of changes differently.

Right now, there are quite a few changes in my life, i would say they are definitely good changes but i am really really afraid despite the excitement. Maybe i can list them down, you decide if they are big or  small changes. For me, they are all big changes because i believe that these changes change my destiny, and perhaps, bring me nearer to where i deserve.

I shall just compare the Me now and Me 5years ago.

1) I am a Christian

This is a major change because i remember i was a very rebellious kid. I felt that God (Jesus) is not real and even if HE is, we will never cross paths. I cursed, i swore and i said every nasty thing about Jesus but yah, i guess He loves me anyway.
Thank God for God, if not for Him, i wouldnt be able to be experience an intimate relationship with someone that High up. People always think that God is way up there, but ever since i came to know Jesus, i know that God is just right beside. Alot of times, i thought i was about to die, my life has reached the best it can ever go, God shows me otherwise. Too much to explain but i am glad i know You Jesus. So thankful.

2) I no longer yearn for a relationship with a person
Perhaps back in those teenage days, i was lacking of family love and ever since, it has become a habit to find love elsewhere. The habit did lasted for quite sometime but i am glad that something really bad and major happened 2 years back (with my last ex bf) and made me realize that BGR isnt the most important thing in life. I realize that despite the argument that not all men are the same (crappy and shitty), i have more or less gave up on pursuing that fairytale for myself. I came to know that everything on earth can be forced except love. Marriage is important and was deemed to be the most important event in life for me 2 years ago but nope, it no longer hold much place in my heart anymore. Too many sad cases, too much betrayals, too much examples.
If the best happen, it happens (i am not saying you dont have to work for it, you do have to) but if it doesnt, it just doesnt.
so yah, BGR is desired but no longer essential.

3) I no longer commit myself to cigarettes 
I quit smoking on the 1st of Jan 2013. I didnt touch a stick till somewhere in May. I rem i was trying to light up a cig since i havent been touching it but it didnt feel very well. I shall not lie about it, i still smoke now and  then. But i am not addicted nor committed anymore. It is very very occasional that i will touch cigs again, They always say that “since you have stopped, why get back into it again?” I agree to a certain extent and thus i have never wanted to start the cycle of buying a pack every 2 days ever again.
But i believe, despite the fact that smoking harms, the addiction itself harms more. And thus i quit addiction, i quit the bad habit. It is more important to me, to be able to cut myself from that redudant commitment to smoking. However, i still have to emphasize, while it is not healthy being a social/ casual smoker, at the very least, i no longer behave like a slave to cigarettes and i have no yearnings for it no more. In short, i have control over my desires. Thank God

4) I spend more time with my Family and Mum
I remember spending time with them when i was in primary school. That was quite sometime ago and ever since i enter secondary school, i have stopped. I stopped wanting to know about them, i stopped showing that i care, in fact, i do not care at all. I do not want to have anything to do with the family and family members were just there cos they have to be there. I kinda hated myself for being so insensible then. And now, i have been doing all that i can to make up for lost times, however, sometimes i do fail them. But i am really very thankful that i get back that kinda lovey dovey feelings from  my family. I remember having those feeling when i was 7yr old. I have never forgotten about it, i just lost it and am i glad i got it back now. I hope it is not too late.

Please look at the mood swing Mum in these 2 pics.

5) I started exercising to keep fit and not only to lose weight
I always think that exercising is a chore and i still think that way sometimes when i am lazy. But i have come to accept that exercises not only build up the metabolism rate, but also self confidence of a person. At least for myself, it does. It is the best form of motivation and besides being able to look better, being able to be healthy mentally and physically is very important too. Age is a figure but what emits from within is more crucial. Especially when i am more than a quarter of a decade old. Ahem.

i wouldnt say i am in perfect shape but trust me, i love the progress i see in the mirror. I mentioned previously that i am on a programme for slimming and it really does work! Of course, it is best to combine proper dietary plans and exercises. I never believe in taking only diet pills or supplements.
I have another 2 months to go before i see the  full result, stay tuned, i am more than willing to share about it!

6) I started to save
Not much but yah, still trying my best to. It is a little late as my peers are all having 5 figure digits in their banks while i…. but better than nothing!

7) I stop forcing myself to be out on Fridays and Saturdays
I used to think that it is a MUST to party or at least be out on weekends so as to ‘not waste’ the weekend away. But nope, i stopped forcing myself to feel tired and i stay home after work most of the time. I will only head out when i feel fresh or ‘awake’.

Love my gf lots. #throwback #ktv

Random Food i eat.

Babies make me happy.

8) I started to leave friends that do not want to cherish friendship
In the past, i get way too upset whenever a friendship has to end. I thought friends are forever. Guess i wasnt so mature.
Friends, in fact, do come and go. I believe God gives us different friends at different phases of life. And although i still feel a little upset initially when i chose to give up certain dishonest and negative friends months ago, i have learnt to let go and now, i feel nonchalant about these 2 persons. They might have helped me alot in the past, but thats the past, what matters now is the present. People do change and so do friends. I have accepted that fact.

9) I have taken a huge step for my health
I shant reveal what it is over here but let’s just say, i have taken a huge step in following up with my doctors (yah, more than 1 doc) regularly and am on medication to improve things.

10) This is a crazy plan
Yes, it is. I cant reveal it now but very soon, you will know what i am saying. I always feel small about myself since i dont know when. I always think that i can never accomplish big things, the good endings are not for me and etc. Thank God for sending me nice angels to be with me, to talk to me, to encourage me. I am taking a huge step to achieve this goal. It is very important to me now and i am really praying for the best. It is not easy as i am not born with a silver spoon to start with. I cant afford to not work, not even for a month. As i have to tc of my family. Thus, i am really giving my best and all. I know there are already people doing what i want to do, and perhaps plenty of them do not have to struggle so much as i do because they  came from a better background. But i believe God will show me what He wants for me along the way. By Faith, i believe. God, be with me.

Alright, so i didnt expect to write so much but i did. Unknowingly, i gathered 10 points. I wanted to list only 3 initially. Haha.
What about you? Are you making changes to your life as well? Are you afraid of changes?

I, am very afraid. Thus i always pray for my courage to be more than my fear because fear is there to stay, as long as there are challenges. Instead of asking for it to be gone, i ask for Courage to cover Fear.

But i guess, “changes” are good, because if there isnt any change in my life, it would simply mean i will be as useless as i was 5 years ago.

Haha.

Alright, gtg, till the next post, God Bless!

Oh! i forgot to include, from tomorrow onwards, i will be able to sing for my Christian meetings. I have always wanted to serve as a vocalist in the choir but i didnt dare to in the past. Also, there was no slots available back then. It has been years and i thought that the vision of me singing to God was just a dream that will never happen. Little do i know that, God really does make it happen! In His timing. 🙂
I am very very nervous and anxious. It is not another KTV session, i have to actually be moved by faith so that the worship will be good.
Thus, i am really really very very excited and nervous. Gotta  go and listen to the songs on Youtube now, laters!

Vdates Mini End Sept

Hihi! It’s been long as always. 😛

Nothing much but still as busy as ever.

Took the step to step out and everything STILL seems surreal, i reckon it will feel as surreal till the day really comes.

Anyway, i will update on that.

Recently, i read an article and thought it might be of good help to alot of gals/women who are hopelessly in love.

The beginning of the article sounds extremely familiar and i wud definitely write something like that. Totally relates to me.

Well, if you are lost and not sure if you are dating right, please have a read and save yourself.

“When I was in my early twenties, if a guy acted aloof, called back only sometimes and showed minimal interest, I would get hooked. You could say I was addicted to the bad boy/ unavailable boy/ player. I was drawn to what psychotherapist, Ken Page terms as “attractions of deprivation” – when we are drawn to people who embody the worst emotional characteristics of our parents. Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.

“The child in us believes that if the original perpetrators — or their current replacements — finally change their minds, apologize, or make up for that terrible rupture of trust, we can escape from our prison of unworthiness. Our conscious self is drawn to the positive qualities we yearn for, but our unconscious draws us to the qualities which hurt us the most as children.”  – Psychology Today

So games used to work on me because 1) I had unresolved daddy issues and 2) At the tender age of 20, I was trying to figure out who I was and to top it off, I was ridden with insecurity and a low sense of self-worth.

But somewhere in between the passing of a decade, something changed.

I learned to love myself.  I became independent, confident, and started to value my self-worth. I went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked myself back up which built my strength and courage. Instead of relying on beauty as my source of empowerment, I focused on basing my empowerment on my intelligence, successes, values, contributions to the world and how I helped others. In a sense, I finally grew up. I went from being a girl to becoming a woman. And as a woman, you are attracted to very different things than you are as a girl.

A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I’m referring to maturity, life vision and stage of life. In fact, some people regardless of their age, will never really grow up. You can switch the genders in this post and most points would likely still apply. Or, read this post on “The 11 Differences Between Dating a Girl vs a Woman“.

If you are a girl (lack independence, are ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold yourself on your own) then expect that you will attract only boys. However, if you are a woman (independent, ambitious, knows your worth and value, has a strong moral compass, is considerate and an able communicator and doesn’t let insecurity dominate your psyche), then you should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.

1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.
2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life).  A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
6. A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.
7. A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting crunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.
8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.
10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.

*To clarify, when I’m referring to “games” I mean mind games.”

The above article in italics does not belong to me. I am just sharing. 
Credits: http://justmytype.ca/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/

As For Me….

Yup, i absolutely agree and i have far too many goals to attain now. I have been with the right ones but regretably they have to leave and i have to leave. And the wrong ones, thanks but no thanks, i had enough of bullshits. Special thanks to that last ex who beat the hell outta me to let me grow up and grow out of being silly enough to stick to an abusive man who slps around. 
I am never so thankful for being alone now. 

But who knows which nice angel will appear next right? But till then, no bullshit, drama free, focus on food. LOL. kidding, focus on the more important stuff.

Meanwhile, some Throwback pictures, went to Slug again with gf and love love love the brunch and chilling session as always. I love Garden Slug, i love the boss of Slug, he is very nice and considerate and is constantly checking how we feel about the food. If there is anything we are unhappy about, he would change another plate for us or offer some other nice gestures which i do not want to say much. (just in case there are rotten apples who wana take advantage of him!)
LOL. But generally, he is a nice chap that really take care of his customer. It is also a place for the PLUs and Garden slug welcome animals 🙂

It is a nice chilling place and personally, i love the food. No special recommendation because so far, i love al the food i order and i am trying to get gf to go back again tis week, Hopefully.

Garden Slug
8688 8575
55 Lorong L Telok Kurau #01-59/61 Bright CentreSingapore, Singapore 425500

Chilled with babies.

.

.

Meanwhile, as i am on  diet, i am eating ALL THESE!

Love this, Nutella Banana Mash. Sinful to the max and guess what, we added BANANAS and Nutella!

#Garden Slug

And then, a large bowl of not very fantastic Ramen, perhaps i had better ones before.
Since it is not fantastic, shant share the address and the shop’s name.

Thanks Gf for the above!

There are plenty of Mooncakes at home now, from various friends and i have no particular interest in them. Lucky me.
but for the snowskin (s), i am guilty… :p

Basically, alot of food lah. I was eating like crazy. Actually, not really crazy crazy but i wasnt starving.
How is that consider a diet plan?

Well, i am on a program right now and all i have to do is eat moderately.
I wasnt exactly gorging, but i am def not starving.

 

I just started this plan a week ago, if the result is good, i will definitely share.

Oh and yes, i still exercise, not that frequent but i am still trying my best to do it at least once or twice a week, one and 1/2 hour each time.

Amazing view during workout. 🙂

Zen joinned me for the workout and was screaming tired after 5 minutes of cycling. Lousy. LOL

And i spent 1 of the Sundays packing my desk. It was WAR zone.

And i found an old picture of me and my buddy. It was year 2007, i was skinny and dark. 
And to those who keep saying i m resting my boobs on his arms, please get a life, it was just the angle.
Y would i do that? He wasnt a bf to begin with and it is quite obscene to hear that.

Trust me, it might not look very neat in these pictures, but the desk was really neat and so much neater than before. 
4 hours of packing paid off.

And

My random pictures which you might have seen in my Insta if you are following me.
Follow me if you are not!
http://instagram.com/valliezlesley

Especially true currently.

Oh, to that new follower on my Insta, hi and thanks! 🙂
U have always been in my memory and thanks for the wonderful memories you gave.

And I just did a test that is extremely accurate, you might wana try?

Click TEST to try out now!

Alright, i gtg, till the next post!

Vdates Aug (1)

Heylo!

I recently went to get my fringe trimmed. Boring me has officially return to having “bangs” again. Yeap. Boring.

I wanted so much to persist on having long and flowy fringe like my GF but i couldnt take it no more. The fringe is getting on my nerves by getting into my eye all the time.

It was kinda random because i just walked into a Shunji Matsuo after my workout at the Gym and requested for Bangs. I hope i look better now. GF said that i look like a kid but really, i wish i do. But ney, i dont  think so.

HAHAAH.

All along, fringe always has the higher votes, but who cares right, i gotta like what i see in the mirror and not accommodating to what others like. I used to keep my fringe long just because my ex bfs prefer that to “bangs”. All the while in the past, i was pleasing others. But honestly, if a person is gona love me any lesser just because of my hair, then he can go love others. I dont need such love. But of  course, i dont mean anyone must love my dirty hair if i never wash for weeks la.

HAHA!

Ok anyway, i love this bangs now. No matter who say what.

🙂

the before and after!

Nothing much over the past 2 weeks. The usual, i hit the gym, stay home for movie marathon (alone and with Mummy), hang out with gf, played with babies, went church.

Frankly, i still go to church despite whatever is happening and despite the uneasiness in me. Thus i was hoping that the msg i receive can be pure. Last week’s msg was good and i did alot of reflection on myself as well. But honestly, it will be better if there wasnt so much hidden implications. I mean, it is a personal feeling, sorry if i wronged anyone but i love Dr Robi. I just wish that at certain point of time, there wasnt so much awkward hints of personal attacks without mentioning of names. I wish there wasnt so much clapping and cheering for the wrong reason.

Watched so much movies that i really cant remember how many. Haha! But i think the 1 that left a deep impression on me was Unfaithful.

I used to avoid watching some shows and betrayals/ adultery-related is def 1 of them. I guess it was due to an old scar in me. But well, everyone has to recover somehow or rather and so i did. The show was a long one, by Richard Gere and the beautiful Diane Lane. It is so rich with emotions and very realistic. But somehow, i can relate to how the characters feel in the show. Still, i was cursing the wife because she hurt the husband so deeply while indulging in her sexual desires.

Oh well…

Anyway, i took some pictures while trying some clothes. Guess which 1s did i buy?

I love them all though.

Like usual, i did not edit nor photoshop the pictures. I did filtered them though. I would also want to keep a record of how the body looks as time passes while i continue with my exercises.

The fact is that nothing much is shed, i am still not a Size 0. Oh please, i am not even a size 4. I am a size 8 to 10 and very occasionally 6 for certain brands.
But really, i am feeling better of myself now than 6mths ago because although not solid fit as in FIT, i am not as flabby as before. Especially my arms, and i believe my legs are slowly but surely becoming tougher.
It feels better no matter what i am decking on my body now, at least i know it is not on a pile of soft flabs. HAHA!

Some commented the clothes i wore above look disastrous on me, while my collgeaue just told me 1 min ago that she feels i have been exercising wrongly because she feels i still look ‘fat’ wor.

Ok, to say i am not offended by either is  gona be so  fake, i am affected but trust me, it is only to a certain extent.
In the past, i would be so affected till i feel inferior of myself, till i doubt myself, till i feel so scared whenever i head out. I would feel terrible and i would ask myself why are people looking at me.

Not anymore.

Really, i dont want to swear but trust me. Things are different now.

Look, my colleague is alot bigger than me and sometimes i really doubt her agenda of saying mean things to me. Of course, i am giving her the benefit of doubt too. She might really want the best for me but i dont think i should listen to someone that eats and eats and goes on diet pills. She doesnt exercise at all, and thus why should i be listening to her?

It doesnt help when i caught her staring at my new clothes. my body and my hair. It is super creepy because i caught her doing that while my back was facing her. Why would i know – you asked. I have a mirror infront of me and her expressions was reflected – crystal clear. Scary much.

Honestly, i am not a confident person which many thought i am. I have been through alot of things and along the experiences i have, i build myself up slowly and i am still not 100% as confident as you might think i am. But i am thankful i started somewhere, since i dont know where.

If you are a inferior person, I hope you can too, Look, you gotta start somewhere and you gotta do something about it. I am tired of wallowing in self pity and self blame. Arent you?

I know it is tough but slowly, surely. Remember that nobody is confident from birth. Sometimes i confuse myself too. Sometimes i mix up humility with inferiority. It is tough for me as i always thought that being humble is good but sometimes i tend to be too humble for my own good and it turns into ugly inferiority. It is really hard, and i m still figuring which is which. Dont ask me why because i do not know how to explain, it is just me.

But really, trust me, not everyone views you as how badly you view yourself. If you know you are doing the right thing and you know the right thing you do can produce right result, What does it matter if who say what?

For eg. my colleague. She is always saying i am fat when she is so much bigger than me, when she just eats and does not exercise. I and probably the whole world knows  that, exercising will be a long term beneficial plan than diet pills and supplements. I and probably  the whole world knows that i will look more freshened up, my muscles will look so much nicer and i will look toner than before.
Does what she says actually matters?

You prolly seen this in my insta. I shall repost for those that havent.

It really doesnt matter what others say.
Because not everyone is gona like what u say what u do what u talk abt what u wear what u watch whatever.
Some might just be jealous, some are just opinionated and the others are jus genuinely not liking you.
What matters is, do u like yourself?
Do u like what u say/do/watch/wear or eat? If u do, that settles it.
If u trust ur own judgment and preference, that settles it.
Nobody feels gd abt u if u cant even feel good about urself.
Check that mirror and see wonderful image and let those critics go on, they cant see a bigger picture.
#confidence

.

This is just an example i would want to share with you. Sorry if my example isnt great enough but really, because i go through criticism like you do, and this is so real and instant (happened about 1 min ago), i just have to quote this example.

Alot of others doubt me too, saying i am not spiritual enough. But really, i do not have to account to anyone about my spiritual being, i know it is enough as long as i account myself to God. Some others quote bible verses and some others preach alot but i really dont see them walk the talk anyways. So, what you see might not be what is real anyway.

What i am trying to say here is, as long as you have a clear conscience of what is right, and you are not guilty of doing the wrong thing, who cares abt what they say?

Beauty is subjective, you can be Jessica Alba and there will still be people saying you are ugly. Thus lets not even touch on that. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Confidence is Beauty but Arrogance is not, neither is Inferiority. I am very much aware of this thus i am reminding myself constantly.

I hope you too, keep that in mind.

It is definitely not easy for me to type these out because now and then i struggle with insecurity. It was just weeks ago that i cried out to Mel about my chest problem (i will leave it private and talk more about it next time)
It was just days ago i keep feeling bloated and fat.

But it is also God’s way of showing me that, hey, Jennifer Lawrence is so gorgeous and her body is so hot despite not being a size 0 or 6. She isnt your typical bombshell nor Kate Moss but boy, her body is so hot. (and she is weighing above 60kg fyi)
Yeap, i watched the Silver Linings Playbook over the long weekend. Haha.

Credits of images: healthyceleb.com

It is also God’s way of showing me that alot of people only talk the talk and not walk the talk when situations arise. That certain person who preaches alot is now missing in action.
I shant judge but yeap, alot of times it is like that.

Not many might know about your struggles and your credits for doing well, but you know, God knows. Sometimes it is enough.

Before i end this post, here is wishing everyone that God show u (including me pls) how much potential you have, and how beautiful you are and for those tt are too arrogant, may God shows you defeat so you practice humility.

In my opinion, Leslie Cheung has to be the most beautiful Man in Asia besides Takaeshi Kaneshiro.
Given the fact that Leslie Cheung is all natural, he wins Kaneshiro of course! (the latter had plastic)
But even Leslie himself was being insulted as ‘ugly Gay’. *Roll eyes- since when sexual preference has to do with looks right
Ryan Gosling, almost the next perfect thing in Hollywood, was just criticized by my friend this morning of being ugly. I mean, who the crap will say that?!

Now i really hope you see the picture, nobody will earn the liking of everyone. Not even Ryan Gosling nor Leslie Cheung.

I wish i can write more but i gotta go, i promise more for next time round! 🙂 Meanwhile be blessed and browse my random pictures. :p

Supposed to be a drinking session but it turned out to be durian + Red wine session over at Zen’s crib over the long weekend.

Pigeons around my house, lazy to even move when i am near.

Woo! Mum and my treats for the PH eve.
The Pink 1 was really very attractive, even more attractive after you open the packaging.
Taste good too! 

My 1 way ticket to failure of diet plan with my gf. 

The show i didnt manage to even start, gona watch it this coming weekend!
Gerard Butler~

Indeed and i am facing this dilemma non stop. 
I guess i will figure it out.

A song i long forgotten if not for the movie. My fav~

Stevie Wonder – Don’t you worry bout a thing

Vdates April week 1

Hi there^ Its been sometime since i last updated about myself.

As you already read, the last few posts are all about Leslie Cheung and his death anniversary and etc.

Well, a little updates about myself over the past week.

Aunt and Mum went Easter service  on Good Friday with me to church, Mum enjoyed the drama as usual and Aunt is very touched.

I didnt ask her, i knew she used to be a skeptic when it comes to Christianity. But she responded to whatever the Pastor says and she prays on her own without me asking her to. I just let things  flow itself and i do my own prayers. Other things just fall in place…

Please pray for me and my family yea, my aunt said the sinners prayer:) !

Mum is looking very mischievous. omg.

I have alot of friends who are stubborn when it comes to this topic, like opening their mind towards Christianity?
They will tell me things like “I will never convert no matter what”, “dont need to tell me anything about Christianity, i will not want to listen” and etc.

Well, i dont blame them, i was like that in the past.

However, i feel there is no wrong in opening up to know more about different things, Just like my friend who asked me to go to the buddhist temple ‘to have a feel’ of what the religion is about, i did not reject.

Of course , i know how it feels,  i was a buddhist / taoist since young till 3 years ago. But it feel that there is no wrong or right in choosing your own Faith.

What i did not feel from being a buddhist or taoist (the love and r/s with God),  & what that did not make me a better person during those times, i experienced it when i am a Christian.

So why would i go back to those days? I feel i have experienced the best already and i wouldnt even think of going back.

But this does not stop me from opening up my heart and mind to listen to others when they have something to say about their religions, however deep in me, i know what is the Best, this wont change.

Thus i am a little upset whenever skeptics say those things that shut me up totally when they want me to share about Christianity. I am like… “you ask me share isnt it?”

Haha. Then i realised, some people arent really sincere in listening to my sharing on my views and  choice of Christianity, these people are purely prepared to ‘argue’ with you. Like…they came prepared, so no matter what you say, they will ‘counter’ you with their own views and it is usually very negative towards Christ.

Shrugs.

Ok, anyway back to Aunt, i am thankful to God that she was touched, I absolutely believe that NO ‘brainwash’ is needed.
She was skeptic not only towards Christ but also my Church especially.
But i guess the Power of God really is almighty and it touches 🙂 She is feeling happy throughout. 🙂

Also, i would like to add, Aunt can feel the peace and calmness not due to me (obviously) and also, she kept an open mind and really stayed neutral when she went to church, her mind was blank and wasnt full of negative critics and biasness.
So next time, before saying you do not feel anything even after going to church, it is not exactly wrong, but you can try going to the service with an open mind instead.

And i would like to emphasize, just like the past, nothing about $$$ was mentioned like what the media makes us to be like. Other than the usual offering which every other churches also will mention, nothing about soliciting $. Thus Aunt is very comfortable. CHC does NOT  solicit money from anybody-members,non members, public or “Reporters-that-visit-for-whatever-reasons”

Pastor Kong delivering a very powerful message on Healing.

The Easter Drama by the Drama team. It was awesome as usual.

Serving for Greeters for first service on Good Friday.

We then booked a cab and went to Bedok for dinner. It was rainning Cats and Dogs and there is no way to take a train, EXPO is terribly packed.
I really cant wait for church to go back to Suntec. 😦

We had Dinner at this place call Kungfu Paradise. The concept is alittle like Xin Wang but it looks better from the outside. Food is super MEH. Service is not very bad, as in the servers are patient towards my requests. However, they are really very forgetful. I need to repeat 4 times for my ice water, 2 times for my chili sauce and etc.

I spent GoodFriday with my family and i am happy, i am thankful to my church mates for the flexibility too. Because i have to take care of my Mum and Aunt, i cant really concentrate serving and am thankful for the understanding mates.

The next day, i prepared and wana head out to serve the 3rd service and before i head out i actually scalded my palm. It was looking horrible with bruises and blisters. I was in great pain and i could not make it to serve on Saturday. I ended up sleeping at home.

The past week was ok ok but i remember being really hurt by my sis 1 of the nights. I can write a whole page of the incident but i decided to forget it.

I am still very much affected and hurt over her behavior and words but i rather not talk about it.  I just pray for God to give me grace to forgive and to bring back the harmony and peace…

I have been very stressed recently. I guess it comes with the age and the increased level of commitment. Sometimes i feel that i am almost ‘there’. Very suffocating and i really just wish to lay there doing nothing.

Sometimes, i know i might be heading towards Depression.

For me,  Depression used to be an uncontrollable state of emotion.. it used to be.
After i know God, i have learnt that Happiness is a choice, sometimes i can hear God saying to me – dont give up, I am still with you!

You see, i know when i am at my brim, i know i might be slipping back to the dark sad days but i remind myself  everytime (when i am about to give up on everything)… if the terrible 1 year of abuse can be over and i am alive and kicking, living even better now…what can be worse  than that that i cant take?

Sometimes, after being stretched for a certain extent..you will really come out stronger.

Things are better and will be better.

Anyway, this is another busy week. I missed Qi gong last week because i am extremely tired and stressed out. I ran 5mins more than usual last week.

I totally dread running and exercising, i will be lying if i say i love Sports. I never like sports. But i want to keep myself fit. 
Trust me, i make tons of excuses when it comes to exercising. But the moment i started running, i find it kinda hard to stop.
You will want to run 15mins initially, but you will always tell yourself to run alittle more, which ended up in a 30mins run. 
And each time, you feel better about yourself after the run. #truestory

Today, i have Qigong and i cant wait for it to be over as i am signing up for Zumba next. Decided to attend classes on Sun this time as i have enough of being SO TIRED working out after a working day.

Running tonight again, still deciding on the route to take tonight…

Will be doing up something special for Gary’s clinic opening on Sat, gona spend my Sat with Mum  after the opening. Another busy week.

And before i know it, first quarter of 2013 is almost over 😦

ValliezLesley~