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Posts tagged ‘valencia lesley’

Vdates – End of May (and full of rantings)

IMG_20130526_213901Hi and in a blink of eye, 2013 is half gone.

I really hated the fact how time flies without me realizing. During my youngER days, each day is a dread and i do not know how to get past those days.

When i was in Primary school, i hated school because i was a dork and i was being bullied regularly.
The 6 years were terrible and each day was a struggle to me.

When i was in Secondary school, i have to worry if my Discipline master will catch my tinted hair, my not very long school skirts and basically all the other disciplinary problems lah. Thus the years crawled slowly and i cant wait to get into the society and work. (totally regretted having that thinking)

During Poly and Private Schooling days, i cant remember what happened but it didnt seem fast either.

Then it was those few years of feeling lost, not knowing what work to do, what job to get, what to do with life before i turned abit more serious at around 25 yo.

Those days of being lost and ‘useless’ really passed by very very slowly.

Recently, i have more plannings, more commitments and goals, time seems to fly its way at the fastest speed and it is not enough even if i am given 48hrs a day.

Sorry for growing up at a slower pace and at a later age. I am not sure how mature are my readers,  i am not sure who are you guys.
But do you also feel the same as me? Do you also feel that being committed and responsible for more things in life seems to make your days so short?

I only get to feel this way now because i really have alot of worries and things on mind, i really do not know how i manage to get pass each day in the past.

Anyway, back to vdates, my past week was TERRIBLE and i thank God it is over.

I dont even feel like starting but i guess i will have to.

Had another huge fight with my Family and this time round, it is MY FAULT. My sis said something unpleasant abt a relative and instead of being patient with her, i flared up and started to bang on things (tables,chairs, doors). Unbelievably mean of me.
I remember being very patient initially but i was just too outta control that night and i said nasty things and ran out of the hse in a fit of anger.

She was at fault for giving names to a relative  and i m very glad she realised it already but i was worse because i swear and cursed and i screamed at my Mum and her. I said alot of nasty things and i poured all my bitterness out.

Sometimes, i wish my sis can do that, so that her bitterness towards me and Mum can be confronted and dealt with. But nope, she doesnt and in the end, i was the 1 who did that. Damn.

I thank God i have gf with me, when i said the most nasty words tt hurt my Mum, gf was there talking to her. I really thank God that Mum also builds up her Faith and tried praying during such times. In the past, she wud just blame God.

Now, she would tell me: do u think this is spiritual attack?

I was like WOW MUM!

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Mum prepared this for my Lunch. Looks sickly but it taste very good – it is Chicken Breast.

Ok, i din intent to put all the blame on Satan that idiot, i have my part to play for giving in to temptation (of anger) but i thank God for His faithfulness. He reconciled us back together and this time round, it is quicker than usual.

I apologized to Mum and poor Mum has to suffer all my nonsense and talk nicely to me. I really love her alot, and i really am willing to do anything for her. She really show me what is selfless love. How can anyone love me so much besides Jesus?

I did not imagine i would apologize to my sister but i eventually did.

Honestly, as much as i hate to admit, i am a rather prideful person. I have no issues of admitting wrong and saying thanks – but thats only to people i am not very familiar with. To closer friends and family members, i tend to have that nasty pride problem that hold me back from saying Thanks and Sorry. I do not know why but i am THANKFUL that i am learning how to get that pride issue aside.

From this incident, something in me vindicated me badly. Something, a voice (if you wana call it a voice) in me KEEPS telling me i am wrong.
I have no choice but to approach my sis and apologize to her.
She surprised me though, she did not say much this time except for admitting her own mistakes  (no defensive statements from her).

I then realized that actually Pride is like a heavy weight, it is extremely hard to handle as it stretches your muscles while holding them. But they are not that hard to let go, and once you let go, your muscles feel relaxed.

As of 3pm today, sis and i were chatting away like kids:

[2:51:54 PM] Valencia Lesley: hi MT
[2:51:56 PM] Valencia Lesley: i love u

[2:52:16 PM] MT Cheng: …

[2:52:23 PM] Valencia Lesley: y?

[2:52:30 PM] MT Cheng: lol

[2:52:30 PM] Valencia Lesley: i tink despite u being a XXXX sometimes
[2:52:31 PM] Valencia Lesley: i love u
[2:52:37 PM] Valencia Lesley: since young i bully u

[2:52:39 PM] MT Cheng: f off HAHA

[2:52:42 PM] Valencia Lesley: wen i teach u maths
[2:52:45 PM] Valencia Lesley: i not patient with u
[2:52:49 PM] Valencia Lesley: 1+1 = 2

[2:52:52 PM] MT Cheng: despite being XXXX. wth

[2:52:53 PM] Valencia Lesley: bt u were SO STUPID
[2:52:55 PM] Valencia Lesley: u say 3

[2:52:57 PM] MT Cheng: aiya still say

[2:53:00 PM] Valencia Lesley: then i ask again

[2:53:01 PM] MT Cheng: my maths not good.

[2:53:01 PM] Valencia Lesley: u say 4
[2:53:04 PM] Valencia Lesley: then u say 6

[2:53:09 PM] MT Cheng: SINCE WHEN I SAY that? HAHA

[2:53:09 PM] Valencia Lesley: i was lik WTF is wrong w u!??!
[2:53:12 PM] Valencia Lesley: 1+1 = 2 la?!??!?!
[2:53:18 PM] Valencia Lesley: wher the 4 6 3 come frm?
[2:53:33 PM] Valencia Lesley: HAHAAH bt i m ashamed tt i m so impatient with a small kid lik u
[2:53:35 PM] Valencia Lesley: so i am sorry
[2:53:36 PM] Valencia Lesley: i love u
[2:53:43 PM] Valencia Lesley: n u said tt
[2:53:50 PM] Valencia Lesley: bc i rem clearly i scolded u say u stupid
[2:53:55 PM] Valencia Lesley: althou really abit stupid
[2:54:02 PM] Valencia Lesley: bt u were jus a kid
[2:54:03 PM] Valencia Lesley: i m sorry
[2:54:13 PM] Valencia Lesley: n i noe u are capable of bigger things
[2:54:19 PM] Valencia Lesley: so u r nt stupid ok

[2:57:31 PM] MT Cheng: haiz.
[2:57:39 PM] MT Cheng: i know im born smart

[2:57:44 PM] Valencia Lesley: … not really.

[2:57:46 PM] MT Cheng: but my talents are hidden
[2:57:48 PM] MT Cheng: HAHHA
[2:57:48 PM] MT Cheng: u guys didnt know

[2:57:52 PM] Valencia Lesley: lol!

[2:57:54 PM] MT Cheng: till now

[2:57:54 PM] Valencia Lesley: omg.

[2:57:55 PM] MT Cheng: well

[2:57:55 PM] Valencia Lesley: hahahhahah

[2:57:57 PM] MT Cheng: not so late

[2:57:57 PM] Valencia Lesley: WADEVER

[2:57:58 PM] MT Cheng: LOL!

[2:58:02 PM] Valencia Lesley: i m gona post this
[2:58:04 PM] Valencia Lesley: shit u

[2:58:06 PM] MT Cheng: WTF

[2:58:10 PM] Valencia Lesley: 😉

[2:58:11 PM] MT Cheng: HAHA
[2:58:15 PM] MT Cheng: blackmail
[2:58:19 PM] MT Cheng: can sue u for that
[2:58:19 PM] MT Cheng: haha

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHHAHA

I was very happy and i am still happy. We are now planning for our first Family trip for Mummy’s Birthie! 😀

I will most prolly be away for Aug for Mum’s birthie and the Project i have with gf. I pray for Open doors of Opportunities from God and i see how He guide me step by step, small steps and big steps. I believe He has a plan for me (and gf) so i believe we will do well. Praise the Lord!

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Went to visit Gf at the MBS suite and she bought bubbles for me! So happy! 😀
Chris and her (and my Mum) say that i am like a kid. :/

Then, before  May ends, i had an argument with Seven. I really do not think it is right to say it here but i also do not know if it is my fault.
I asked a few people about it and besides acknowledging tt i have a screwed up temper issue, the real problem here is not only my temper issue but a friendship issue.

Something is very wrong with the friendship.
Sometimes i feel that i am not being treated fairly in this friendship as her priority is no longer the friendship or something pure and fair. Her priority now is Gary, her beau, who happens to be a good friend of both of us too.
Hate to say this, i am not envy of her because after seeing what she is going through in this r/s, i really thank God i am single.
Not saying that she is suffering or whatever, that is not up to me to judge, but i am saying i wouldnt want to be in her position.
Hate to say this, i am not jealous at all but i do feel that the Seven i respect is now another person whom i might feel very …hard to find words.
I just feel that she changed and i can only say i am silly to expect from a human.
As much as she is very spiritual, kind, helpful and please-fill-up-the-list-with-all-the-good-virtue-pointers, she is still a human after all.
Why am i expecting her to be the same rational friend that held neutral stands that i once had?

I do not know what to do with the argument that we had, we basically did not talk after tt.
Knowing her well, she is not the least bothered because friendship, r/s, kinship and wadever ships to her are just secondary.
She told me she wouldnt even cry if someone close pass away. What do you think?
I know she is a rational person and some call her cold hearted. But i just thought it is not a problem for her to get over.

I did not tink of apologizing because i am still rather disturbed with what had happened. If doing something for me in the not so legal way is not possible, then why get me involved with the policy in the first place? Because even if i do not trouble Gary to help out, the whole thing is still Not legal.
So whether you get Gary to help me or not, you are still involving me in a NOT legal thing what. Why do you have to portray how righteous Gary is then? I mean, if he and you are so righteous, then why are you all doing the same not very legal thing for others?
I am not very sure about how insurance policies work thus you cant expect me to know everything. Is like, do you need to use  the word “Fraud” on me, hello?

Ok thats so much i am revealing, i am not gona get anyone into trouble by saying more, if you are smart, you would have guessed it.

As for me, i understand that when one apologize, it doesnt always mean that one is wrong, it is sometime for the r/s.
But for this case, i really do not know what to do, apologize for my attitude perhaps? But not for her selfish thoughts for Gary before me. I understand he is her beau but i feel crappy inside me.

Would also like to say this, yes i admit i kinda expect everyone to behave like me and i am really trying my best to change this very BAD habit of mine. Of course, i cant expect everyone to be fair and not 重色轻友 (the 4 chinese characters means one that cares more for his or her beau so much to the extent of neglecting friends)

I have my moments of being sucha bad person before too. I was busy being depressed with my last Ex, and i neglected Regine (which also made her very bitter towards me even after so long. She recently confessed that to me. Yes, how nice to have family arguments, frenship problems all tog right?)

But honestly Regine, i hope you see this and think about it, i have helped you many times before which i hate to claim credits for those times, you helped me multiple times before too. But you do realize that you ‘abandoned‘  me for some guys before too right? You do realize that as much as Adrian was a real jerk, i was blind that time and i wanted to marry him and thus i was depressed like mad when he abused  me and betrayed me during that time right? Y did you hate me so much for that 1 year of me abandoning you? I basically abandoned myself back then, dont you realize? SIGH.

I cant expect everyone to be as ‘tough’ & ‘cool’ as me, but u know how i cringe whenever Seven does the doll voice to coax Gary each time we are out. I mean, ok fine…couples like to do these lovey dovey things but i am not invisible, if you want to do all these, perhaps i shouldnt join the outing…right? It is really awkward for me.

I am a terrible person lah. I can only get along with certain people because these people accept me and i can accept them fully with no frustrations.
Terrible right?

I wouldnt be like others bc i wouldnt find excuses to defend myself saying i am cool because i am who i am. I am indeed terrible, that i admit.
I know i have been told that the real problem is me because i cant get along with people.
I agree, sadly.

I am trying to accept people and i am learning but i am still not able to do it. I think i need time and His Grace.

While typing this, my colleague who lost 7kg from the Nuskin TRA programme, came and remarked on my diet sarcastically AGAIN.

She lost alot of weight and it is obvious, from 75, 76kg to 68kg now? Well i do not know if she lies about her weight but from her shape, i can tell she lost weight. Good for her but she has been pushing me to buy that TRA thing for the longest time even after i told her i have commitment issues as i am with the Gym now and i am saving up for stuffs.

I would love to try TRA, why not right? I wana slim down too. I gained like 10 kg in a year of stuffing everything into my mouth last year.
But i would love to know i work for what i want, i cant deny i have fallen in love with exercising – Cycling, Swimming, Stretching and etc.
She pities me CONSTANTLY and say i am very 可怜 (pitiful), but i do not feel i am suffering.
She dissed my exercise regime, i was like…wads wrong with exercising???? Yes i would try TRA if i can afford to (it is $2k over for 3mths)
BUT i would still exercise EVEN if i am doing through that TRA crap.
I thought i made myself very clear already.
She dissed my healthy fruits and salad diet because she can eat fried chicken chops and other fried food because she has that TRA thing.
But why cant i eat healthy instead? Besides slimming down, i would like to be healthy too what?!
All those pills and supplements makes one slim down in a rapid rate, if i say i do not want that, i am lying.
But i also treasure my workout times, i love to work out and tone my muscles, i love to eat healthy now.

Nothing wrong right?

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Used to think tt 15mins on the cycling machine is crazy but i did 45mins ytd.

I honestly dont really care what you will say or dissed abt cycling because i have alot of people telling to me that it doesnt wrk if you wana slim down and etc
No doubt, i hope it works but if it doesnt, i will still love cycling. Just because you do not have the heart to cycle or cant put your lazy bum on that machine, just because you cant put in effort to exercise and you dissed me of the exercises i do… thats very mean.
Dont be surprise because there are alot of people like that around. They love to bring others down because they cant do it. They are hoping you are as lazy as them.
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Dearie Mummy prepared apples for me for lunch. 3 small apples! Yummy.

 

So you see, here i am complaining about another person. Terrible right?

I know I know and I know. I know i should learn to accept people and see their Good besides their Flaws. Because i wouldnt want others to see my flaws only.

Just this Morning, i bumped into Alex – my churchmate and his wife. I said hi and smiled, the wife looked away as usual whereas he greeted me happily and asked me how am i.
You see, Alex is a wonderful man, he is humble and helpful to everyone. I wouldnt say the same of his Wife because she is from HK and many told me she has a different culture background. (LAME EXCUSE FOR HER RUDENESS I KNOW, i rolled my eyes when the people told me that too)

Basically, She chooses her friends carefully. (even her husband says that)
I do not know if it is a bad thing because frankly, you cant blame her as you see, i choose friends too. (read above and you know what are the people i really wouldnt like to be friends with)

But i do think that as much as you choose friends, you have to have Manners lah. People say hi to you, smile at you, but you glared and look away?

I might not be AS RICH as those that you see in church (whom you have to suck up to), i might not be as pretty as your expectation, i might not be wearing Pradas and LV, I might not be the most spiritual gal in the church.

BUT I HAVE NEVER OFFENDED YOU IN ANYWAY!? I EVEN OFFERED YOU DRINKS, I TRIED TO GET FOOD FOR YOU WHEN WE WERE DINNING TOGETHER, I TRIED TO BE NICE.

I am not what you expect me to be and you can Don’t Friend Me , but you have NO MANNERS.

Hongkong teach you to be like that meh? Or Jesus taught you that? (ok Jesus will never teach her that i am sure)

IMG_20130527_202640

So my main point here is, i wana whine about people who irritated me for the past week. Nothing preachy. Just pure rantings.

Anyway, back to what i was saying, i was a terrrible person because my attitude to people depends on theirs to me. This is not totally wrong but it kinda reflects my low EQ. I cant help it. I am trying hard to change.  I have no excuses for myself but i can tell you…it is NOT EASY.

God have Mercy on me.

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It is Fri tomorrow and a new Month is coming. The upcoming months will be very challenging and i am glad i have my God, my family and gf with me. A BIG THANKS to gf for realizing my dream a bit faster for me, and she has been very supportive too. Love her.
I also wana thank Chris for ‘lending’ gf to me for this tough period. 🙂

I love Mummy and my Sis, i really pray that they can be healthy and safe 24/7. (Random but mean it)

Ok Anyway, the coming weeks i will be really busy so i thought i better blog today before i go MIA for sometime.

Someone asked if i will still be blogging more, i dont know man.It depends.If i am free and i feel like it, why not?

If i am lazy and all (hope you know that blogging is rather tedious. thank God i am just a normal blogger that blogs for i duno who.
Imagine the stress of the ‘famous bloggers’ of having to commit?? Meh)

Ok, i gtg. Good weekend everyone~ Till next post and God bless.

p/s: i hope you are not surprise by the exceptional huge amount of rantings in this post. I really feel i have to let out the steam. I really am trying my best to be good but i really do not know where else can i vent out. I am human but that is not an excuse for my errors i know. Pray for me?

🙂

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Vdates 3rd and 4th week of May

IMG_20130517_2Hi^

Wanted to drag this post because it is really quite a dread.

But knowing myself, i will probably not blog if i drag any longer.

This is just an update for last week (was it? ok it is) and this week lah. save time. hahah.

Cant wait for this week to be over as i am running dry and i need my pay day!

Last week, my pals and i celebrated Regine’s bday on Fri night. It was a working day and everyone was tired.

But i guess we had fun.

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IMG_20130518_25 IMG_20130518_24 IMG_20130518_21IMG_20130518_19 IMG_20130518_18 IMG_20130518_17 IMG_20130518_16 IMG_20130518_20IMG_20130518_14 IMG_20130518_13 IMG_20130518_7

IMG_20130518_6 IMG_20130518_5 IMG_20130518_4 IMG_20130518_3 IMG_20130518_2 IMG_20130518_1 IMG_20130518_49 IMG_20130518_50 IMG_20130518_51 IMG_20130518_52 IMG_20130517_6 IMG_20130517_7 IMG_20130518_48

I thank God that Ricky was there, managed to ask him about some stuff i desperately need to know.

So all of us had Jpot for dinner, and we went over to Sentosa for some unusual ‘Fun’.

Discarding the usual idea of drinking, singing or clubbing, we proceeded to chill by the beach.

Best wishes to my bday gal Regine.

On Sunday, i met gf for brunch and we went swimming after that. It was our 1st time swimming together.

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The food looks good but it was actually just alright. I like the concept of the place though, is very suitable for people like us that likes to sit, chill, chat and noms.
Price of food is abit steep and the location is not very accessible unless you are driving.

Check out Garden Slug.
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Gf came over sometime last week to have dinner and my Mum cooked so much food. The above pic was not taken then but Mum was cooking similar food that day except that there was Battered Prawns (i am hungry again, is 5pm)

Anw, Swimming was fun and tiring, i always love swimming. Hope i can go over often to swim!

During the weekend, i went over to Grannys and spent time with Granny, Aunt and Mum. Granny stays at Kallang Airport an needless to say, the food over  there (Old Airport Road) is beyond description. We bought so much to share among oursleves.

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The following week (which is this week) was really tough as Mum sprained her knee and till date, we do not know what is exactly wrong with her knee and we are waiting for MRI scan. Sis and i were with poor Mum at the hospital and she looked scared and sad because of the fall.
The medical bills are choking up too but still manageable. Thank God.

Like what i mentioned earlier on, i thank God for what happened because who knows what worse things might have happened.

Nevertheless, Mum is recovering well and i pray that she will recover completely soon.

Would also like to thank Gary for holding a very fun and interesting Health Talk for my members – work.

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The participants were totally amused and entertained, (you know how boring some health talk and workshops can be).

Man, he is really good at what he does.

After the workshop, we went for dinner at ChinaTown and Seven brought us to have Sichuan food. It was my 1st time eating Sichuan food and although it tastes weird, i am quite ok with it and i quite like it. Went to chill after that and i went home early because i was sleepy.

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I am very happy because tomorrow is PH (public holiday) and that means i can watch movies till morning. HAHAHA.

Nah, i will have to do stuffs tomorrow, Gym, packing my room, visiting aunt and accompanying Mum. Speaking of which, i think i better msg my aunt now, she had a day surgery and was wondering how is she.

I will be enjoying my long weekend and i will end here. Till next post, God bless~

Vdates 2nd week of May 2013

IMG_20130428_3Hi^

I have nothing much to update actually, this week is a boring week. I have been feeling extremely tired this week because i am having insomnia.

Crap, thought it is gone forever, didnt expect it to be back so soon.

But i am not depressed, i am just insomniac. My body seems to be missing that one week of late nights and prolly that is why.

Old Picture taken before my face was swollen. Sigh i miss my good skin.

I didnt really want to start writing since i have nothing much to share but i reckon i might as well.

Speaking of “MIGHT AS WELL”.. I really wish to tell alot of my friends, or even people whom i do not know-but who are reading this space…that…. IT IS MIGHT AS WELL and NOT “MYSELF”!

Ok, i dont make sense above but check out the following sentences and you will know what i mean.

Gal A: If you are getting this, MYSELF you get that as well?

Guy C: hello Miss, if you want to go  that direction, you MYSELF turn the other way since it is nearer?

See anything wrong with the above sentences? They just dont make sense dont they?

Try pronouncing the words and reading the sentences.

Got it?

It is like… why are you SOFA KING stupid?

Ok, pardon the french, i dont mean it. It was meant to be an example. Duhzzz.

So, there were already so many friends that made the same mistake and i was too embarrassed to tell them.

I know my English isnt fantastic, but this mistake is abit OVERBOARD please, i dont even know what is going through their mind when they type that out! (YES! GF WAS SAYING THAT IF THEY PRONOUNCE IT THE WAY IT IS, IT IS ALREADY BAD ENOUGH. TYPING THAT OUT IS UNFORGIVABLE PLEASE! I mean, who would type “myself” out of nowhere, in the middle of a sentence when it is not relevant to the sentence, and when it is not even linking another word or making sense in the sentence?????)

Goodness.

Ok, get it once and for all, it is MIGHT AS WELL.

It is very common sense and simple mah, isnt it? -_-

When i was young, i also pondered why isit call “myself”, i used my puny brain and thought about it, went to ask a teacher and got her to confirm my answer and all. I know it is like super weird or boliao (senseless and meaningless) lah but at least i use my brain right.
And i got the right spelling and i am using the right word since 8. If not… it would be embarrassing to commit sucha awkward mistake lah!

This is supposed to be very random, i was just talking about this with GF last night and thus i decided to blog about it. No offence to anyone!!!

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missmissesmissesssss my goodoldskin! 😦

Anyway, another thing that i thought of mentioning but hesitated to do so is that…

Ok, how do i put it…..

It is awkward to call this person my Ex boyfriend but he indeed was my boyfriend. But it was like 10 years ago.

Puppy love you say, but we shared more than just puppy love. (quite personal, so i dont think i should pour all the details)

But whatever it is, we were tog and alot of shit happened then.

I used to put up with his nonsense of abuses (verbal and physical. but he is nowhere near my last ex Adrian) and of course, i wasnt perfect also.

But i never believe that a guy should verbally or physically abuse any woman and after my worst experience last 2011, i am never so sure that i will never never put up with an abusive r/s  or person ever.

So this Ex added me in FB and we kinda got back in contact and it was awkward at first because i cant imagine us talking again, it has been 10 years and i was really hurt by this person back then.
To make matter worse, he initiated break up every other day back then. Seriously, i was crazy to even stay for that 1 year with him.

I told him all these when we were talking days ago and he acknowledged. SO, I AM NOT BADMOUTHING HIM BEHIND HIS BACK.

I aint sure if he reads this space but at least i am not saying behind his back as whatever i said here, i meant it and i said in his face too.

Of cos, it kinda surprised me that he is talking to me as if nothing happened before when so much so much shits happened back then. Thus i brought the past up, not to blame, but to seek a closure. I cant pretend ntg happened before actually. Yah.

I apologized for the part of me being a very insensible and not good enough gf too, but more of me was thinking “why am i talking to such a jerk? didnt i wish him to die back then?”

There was a struggle inside me, that i admit. I was struggling if i should forgive, if i should even reply his messages.

Gf was saying that if it was me a few years ago, i would hv shouted vulgarities at him already.

But actually, i wudnt. I most likely will just ignore. (i did that to a few jerks so i am quite sure thats my reaction usually haha)

But something in me tell me to forgive and just let it go.

Honestly, the torments and hurts is still very fresh in my heart and mind. The scar he caused, is still on my left eye and it will never go because i had 4 (or was it 6) stitches for the deep wound.

But i dont know why i feel weak inside me to be angry with him.

Now, i dont and i never habour the hope of getting back together. It is just Impossible.

So i reckon i have really changed quite abit in terms of accepting someone who had let me down. I do not know if i should thank God for that, but all i know is that i am doing it for God – solely Jesus. I want to be like Him, i am trying.

Because i prayed and i asked “God, why do u make me so weak, why should i be talking to someone lidat? He hurt me badly and why should i talk to him or even think of helping him if he ever needs help?”

I didnt really hear from God but i know there is a peaceful feeling in me. (but i still question myself sometime if it is worth my time talking to someone that hurt me so much before)

So, yah, he apologized too and to be honest, i actually wish that he is well, despite the fact that he told me about the ‘Karma’ that happened to him.
And i actually do not want him to feel guilty towards me….

and then i wonder if i ever will talk to someone more terrible like my last ex bf. ever.

Honestly, i didnt and i WILL NEVER expect or imagine him saying sorry or even feeling sorry. I will NEVER.
But if ever people (like him) who hurt me, needs help from me or anything, would i be bothered (in future)?

Hmm….

Anw, then i hear this ex (who added me in fb recently) telling me his Mum and him think that i am not so bad a person afterall, i am still quite ok as a gf.
I wanted to say “why didnt you guys realise it sooner?”

But i didnt.

Because recalling the past, as much as i am not very bad a person, i am still not considered as a good gf. I wish i can be better.
Of  cos, i do not know if he really mean it. I mean, i am not trying to be skeptical towards him, i am trying my best not to judge him based on 10 years ago but it is not so easy huh?
We can forgive, but we can never forget. So i am also trying my best to be neutral and treat him like someone i just got to know.

Shrugs.

Errr, this is so weird to end, but i just want to say, it is actually not that hard to forgive and maybe i am born so kind (LOL! OMG PLEASE) but i guess time really does washes the wounds clean.

For me, it is God who allow that compassion in me. Hmm..

Yah. Weird, i am ending it here.

Awkward.

Haha.

A picture for you to ease the awkwardness. I forgot to post this the other time. A sweet greeting from RBC for my bday 😛

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Ok anw, i am so tired because it is the ‘time of the month’ again and i chatted with GF till wee hours.
Gymming later with Se7en and i am so so dreading because of the heavy flow of…

Argh…

But i am looking forward to Gymming since last week 😦 So prolly i will try my best to make it. I havent been exercising last week so i cant slack off this week right? 😦

Ok i gtg. I cant wait to celebrate Mothers Day with Mummy and Aunt and sis this Sunday. Yes, it did burnt a hole in my pocket but  i guess Mummy is worth aplenty. As for Aunt, i will treat her as my mum too since she has no kids and she has us 🙂
I pray Mummy will recover soon thou,  from her giddiness 😦

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Weeeee~

Last but not least, i really pray for God for alot of Grace and Wisdom. I need to really start on my plannings already and i am excited, yet i am fearful. Thus i pray for courage. Like what Pastor Kong says…never pray for fear to be gone. Instead, pray for courage to be as much or more than fear! 🙂

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Speaking of which, i pray for Pastor Kong, Sun and Eng Han (and the others who were alleged) I believe God has a plan for them and the  church and the innocent will prevail in HIS WAY. Glory to Yaweh~

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Ok. Have a good weekend you people, i will be right back!

Vdates 3rd week April 2013

IMG_20130420_8Hi^

Its another week and i am seriously dreading the coming month. I have no mood to celebrate my Bday and i dont even like the idea of my Bday approaching that fast.

Totally hated it and am still dreading it. I know i shouldnt but i cant help it. My Bday seems to be shitty every year.

Anw, first and foremost, i feel so sorry for the loss of  one of the local actors. He passed away last Sat due to lymphoma cancer.
I am not a big fan of local entertainment/ mediacorp shows or ‘celebs’. Well i just watch wadever is on the tv since the tv is already on most of the time when i return home from work, daily.

But this actor can really act, and he does not possess that arrogant aura that most of the local celebs do. In other words, he is rather humble as he appears.

It is the loss of Singapore’s media scene.

hwy

Rip Mr Huang. You will be missed. 

Anyway, there are too many sad news recently. I guess the world is turning sadder day by day. Nobody want to read or hear about the news nowadays because it is filled with too much sadness and negative stuffs. What makes it worse is the ignorant comments coming from the netizens.

There are bombings, serious rape cases, stupid adultery scandals, natural disasters, wars and whatnot.

It is really depressing to read about the news now.

I have not much to update too.

I am not really happy but i aint that depressed now… it is getting better for me, i guess.

While i am still not very motivated for the plan i had but i know i have to face it someday unless i quit.

I am giving myself a break till May. Will officially get really busy when May comes. Time really flies isnt it. Before we knw it, it is already almost half a year of 2013.

😦

Anw, just to touch on the sermon of Mary Magdalene (i mentioned in my previous blogpost)..

I rem i was still in a very depressed state and i just suddenly decided to read some biblical material/ books. I do not usually like to read, i rather listen to sermons most of the time.
Thus i dont usually pick up those stack of books on my desk.

That particular night…i picked up 1 booklet sent by RBC Ministries .
Previously, Christina (my CG mate) registered for me and got them to send me materials regularly.
I was really guilty of not reading them because i am lazy… 😦

So anw, that night before i read the booklet, i actually said a short prayer and i mentioned “Jesus, i do not know if you are around. I know you are real, but i do doubt your existence whenever i am so depressed…i am guilty of that but if U are around, will you please give me a sign?”

Then i went to my bed, still tearing, holding a booklet by RBC – it is about Mary Magdalene.

I was reading by myself and my Mum came in.

She on her daily podcast (i seriously think God is very good to my Mum. She was playing with her radio on her hp previously and she just randomly chance upon this FM channel that gives sermons daily in mandarin) and she began to listen.
I do not usually listen to her podcast as it is in Mandarin, i am more used to listen to English ones but i do listen with her sometimes.
She might not understand what she is listening but she enjoys listening and sometimes she would ask me. I am so happy for her.

So that night, she came in with her podcast and i read my material…I never talk to anyone in the family after the fight with my sis, thus i just do my own stuff while she does hers.

As i was reading this in my mind in English “Jesus chased 7 demons out of Mary Magdalene and the name of this lady was mentioned in the bible for more than 12 times…”
Mum’s podcast was speaking the EXACT WORDS IN MANDARIN!!! OMG.

I was so shocked, i mean..what are the chances!??!

I dont usually listen to her podcast and i dont usually read the books sent by RBC…
But on that particular depressing night, after i made that tiny prayer… I actually experienced this very rare and weird, yet peaceful encounter!

 I do not know how to describe but it is very amazing. Some might tell me it is just coincidence but i really do not think it is so coincidental…Somehow, something in me tells me that Jesus gave me this sign that HE is there.

I feel peaceful and i fell asleep with Peace in me, for the 1st time after the fight broke out between Sis and me in the family.

As i type this now, i can still feel the goosebumps… Just imagine! Reading and listening the same thing altogether, in 2 different languages and coming from 2 different sources, in the same room.

It is very creepy haha but it is really very miraculous.

Praise my Lord for the little surprise 🙂

Anw, just fyi, after reading, i actually realise that alot of people including myself, mistaken Mary Magdalene as the prostitute, or the woman that committed adultery in the bible. She is actually NOT and there is no concrete evidence that she worked as a prostitute. 

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But i have to say, the devil isnt some1 that gives up easily too. I was disturbed in the morning, when i was praying, there is this constant voice (not literally in my ear but more like it is speaking in my head. I cant tell if it is psychological on my part but i noe the uneasy feeling in me) that ask me why am i praying and speaking to me telling me  that it is of no use even if i pray.

The feeling was very uneasy and i rem feeling very tired and angry…

I never stop praying though and i even play the worship Songs sang by Sun and i tried to keep myself calm while listening and praying at the same time.

The uneasy feeling only went away after a while…

For non believers, you might be skeptical because i would be too. Even the believers might find it hard to believe but all that i share here is true.
I just thought of sharing and hopefully this encourages you that God is always with you, no matter what you are going through.

It is hard for me because i realise that everytime i minister to people in need, or even when i am just assuring friends and readers in my blog that God is around us, something not so nice wud happen to me, and i know perfectly well that it is from the evil and NOT from God.

I know that my assurance will bite back at me each time but i believe my God is larger than the world’s problem, He will not leave me nor shortchange me.

As i am typing now, situation at home still did not change and it is as bad as it can be and thus i m not looking forward to my Bday. I always thought it will be nice to celebrate with my family, with fun and joy… but looking at it now, it most probably wont happen already.

But by Faith, i am still hoping for the best, even if it doesnt happen on my Bday this year, hopefully things will turn out better soon.

I still believe that God will turn every situation around that is meant to break me.
I still believe that HE will use every situation to bring out the best of me, for me.
I still believe whatever HE allows is for the Best final end result and the process is not important.

Besides, they say that before a great blessing come pass, there will be trials..isnt it?

Frankly, my Christian journey is full of ups and downs. There are also a huge number of skeptics in my life, be it close friends or just friends…
I have people questioning my Faith, i have myself questioning my own Faith, i have people questioning my character and my thinking…

Sometimes it is tiring for me. I am a Christian and that doesnt mean i am perfect, it just means that i am so well aware that i am imperfect and thats why i humble myself and i allow God to work in me. I might fail now and then but i shouldnt be judged as if i am Jesus Christ Himself… Instead, i hope you can see what makes me better and who actually help me along the way. I am trying my best to be good but sometimes i fail, and i fail really hard. Do you know that my best is nothing compared to God’s? Thus i am trying to let God take over, it is easier said than done actually.

I always say i should stay happy no matter who say or does what to me. In this world, too many people are teaching you what to do and what not to do.

I have people telling me “hey you should do this and you shouldnt do that”, i have people saying that “how come u like urself so much that u have to post pictures of urself all the time?”, “how cme u look better in pictures?” , “how come you are not as rich as compared to others in your church?” “how come you still lose your temper, you are a Christian and you shouldnt be angry”, “how come u r not dating? u stay at home everyday, how to get a bf like that? you should go out more!”….. SERIOUSLY.

Worse, a hairstylist who is apparently my church friend even say that i shouldnt cut my hair short because i am not skinny.
Yes, i am not skinny, i am not super slim. I am voluptuous but i am Not fat. But in ignorant Asians’ eyes, a UK8 or 10 is already Darn fat.

So, why do these people care so much? Do they really care or do they just wana talk bad about you?

Look, why cant i upload pics of myself? I like to!

Look, why cant my pics look better than my real? I dont look that bad in real please, my pics are not photo shopped and i am not admitting that i use photoshop because i do not know how.
They are filtered like everyone else’s, i did make use of apps to make them look better by adjusting lightings & colors and i admit that i use a new software now  (on my android)  to make the skin look smoother, the chin sharper.
So? Every gal does  that too, so why are u faulting me?
I like what i see and i do not change the entire picture to be another person. You can still recognize me from the pictures isnt it? NO?

Look, why cant i have short hair just because i am not model-thin? So curvy gals should always have long hair to cover the face? I dont get it.

Look, why cant i be angry? It doesnt mean i am a robot with no feelings just because i am a Christian!?

The world is madness. People are not looking at themselves but they are looking at others and criticizing others.

It is easy to say “Ignore others, just do everything with conscience and with integrity and feel happy” but how many can actually do that and not feel affected?

It is really not easy to live with critical people and the world will really be better if people stop teaching others what to do.
But it wont happen so we have to always adjust ourselves. Sadly.

Well, i thought of dying so many times before. (of course my problems are more than what i typed up there lah. Obviously i wont want to die just because people’s critisize me of not being skinny right?!)
But honestly, if Dying is the solution, the whole world should be Dead long ago.

We are all waiting and anticipating that ray of light each and every day isnt it?

So, thats the life i am living. Everyday. I am not any better than any of you here. Just in case people think that i am living very well and happy and  thus i can post all the positive and happy posts. I did not reveal my sadness previously, but that doesnt mean i am not sad ok. I am sad.

But i guess i am learning to be happier, everyday.

🙂

I believe God will not shortchange me, maybe there is still hope in me. Haha.

Even if is 1% of hope. I hang on to it…I hope that you are hanging on to Hope too. For you will not know what tomorrow brings.

Ok, i dont know why it turns a little emotional now.. haha, so i better stop!

On a side note, i am loving my skin now. Havent been so perfect for quite sometime! Thanks to Hada LaBo!

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Ok, this is Confirmed non edited/ non filtered – bare skin under normal lightings.
Get that bottle of Hada Labo and try out now!

IMG_20130421_1This is obviously filtered.

Gf is complaining to me now over wechat, haha. I am blessed to have cute and awesome friends. Though not alot but i am thankful for real friends and a few of them is enough 🙂 And i miss the 4 babies of Gf!

I cant wait to go back to church, head out with gf, 7 and Gary soon, hurhur.

Today is Monday, arghh. 4 more days to weekend and i seriously cant wait. What makes the wait even more miserable and unbearable is my injured leg. Guess i overstretched it and i am kinda crippling now. I hope it gets better so that i can go jog soon 😦

IMG_20130420_1 IMG_20130418_1I am loving my new exercise gear in neon colors! 😀

IMG_20130420_18Mum and me eating infamous Tao Huey at Granny’s.

As i said, i have nothing much to update now so i shall stop here. Till e next post! God Bless.

Some Pictures (ok, is ALOT) of my Hair now, i love the Purple streaks (and some of them turned pink now)

I might get rid of them soon? Still deciding if i should do another color, so i better showcase them now. haha.

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Loves
ValliezLesley

Vdates – the broken one.mid Apr 2013

Hi.

I do not know what to say or how to start but i am gona do it before this blog turns into another dead piece of place.

First of all, i am better but i am obviously still hurting. This hurt has turned from something so raw to an inner hurt from within.

Imagine Pain from a raw wound to an internal pain in the bones kinda pain.

Yeap.

It is very painful but since i am still breathing, i guess i have to just bite on…

I was feeling so lethargic and i wonder why. Because i am not usually that tired (yes i am tired but not till this extent)… I woke up feeling super restless and really really sleepy. I wonder why. I slept earlier than usual (used to be 1am) and has been sleeping earlier at around 10+ or 11pm.

Yet, i am feeling super super drainned.

Frankly, i am quite worried.

I was reading around and i chance upon articles about Depression.

HERE.

I cant help feeling afraid because it is the symptoms i have been experiencing.

It is total sadness.

I once heard that, if you want to overcome your fear or depression, you have to face the reality that you are depressed or you have to come face to face and confront your fear (be it fear of height, fear of getting into another r/s and fear of whatever)

Yes, i know i am depressed emotionally but i did not expect myself to be depressed in the health, i did not expect myself to be mentally unhealthy- that’s what i mean.

And honestly, i find it hard to go home. I return home with a heavy heart and i hate to face the people at home. I dont hate the people but i just hate to face them.

Especially my sister. Life seems normal for her, she does not feel anything and yes, perhaps she shouldnt be feeling anything… Not that i hope that she is living in misery but it pricks me to see her so nonchalant and ignorant about the hurts she has brought.

In another words, she is trying hard to be a stranger in a family and thats not exactly something i ought to be happy about.

Returning home now is just like going back to a House to sleep, eat and bathe.

Right, that home i used to call home, is now a house to me. No love, No Warmth, Nothing.

Thats what she described when she was young and when there wasnt anyone with her in the family.

Ironically, now that everyone is around, trying to make things better (except that abusive Dad of mine, he isnt around anymore) and i feel even more lonely than ever. The House is now filled with people, but the loneliness is not any lesser, but worse.

I hope she is happy that i am getting this treatments, that i have to go through loneliness with more people in the family which she went through alone years back.

Yes, i am tasting the shit, i am also recalling how Dad used to abuse me and dote on you. Are you happy now that i am worse off than you?

Do you still feel that you are the only Victim in the family now?

I can assure you that i am going through Hell now, are you glad?

I have been praying to God for Grace and Forgiveness. I cant stand the fact that she is so blinded by her selfishness and she cant see the hurts she caused me. I do not know how to overcome now and i really pray that i can see her and look at her, her doings, in God’s way, through God’s eyes.

Because my own eyes failed and my heart for her failed and died.

This blog is started to spread Positive thinking and stuffs.

I did not imagine that it can be so hurtful and low, but i am sorry guys, i cant hold it inside me anymore. Suicidal thoughts are worse and everytime i think about what might happen after i am dead, i cant help thinking that it might be better if i am dead.

But looking at it, my mum would probably be so hurt and she wud have wasted all her efforts in bringing me up…

My friends might forget me, shrugs. I dont even dare to think of what my sister will feel.

1 of my favorite artiste suicides and he left the world feeling so upset for his departure from earth. – is that really what i want for my Mum?

Suicide is not a feasible solution, afterall? …….

I am also trying my best to be better and to recover… Trust me, i am doing my best…

Just to take a break from all these sadness (i am not emo. i am really very upset.  & i guess it is not hard to understand.i will never emo for things that are pointless)

Since the sister has decided to back out from the ‘plan’ we had initially, i have to start the journey alone, yes all by myself. It is not a bad thing but it is not really worth being happy.

In any way, i will have to continue the plan and not letting circumstances bring me down, right?

The Sister’s friend did told me that he is more concern about my family well being than my plan. I appreciated that thought but honestly, instead of holding on to something that is not within my control… i have to grab on to something which i can control isnt it?

Do i hv to lose everything before the whole Depression gets worse?

So thats that for my ‘plan’. Will share more when things are more firmed.

I got myself registered in the recent craze (not so much in Singapore but more of TW, HK and China). Weibo.

My account is so new and i honestly feel ashamed, terribly ashamed that i cant even navigate.

It is all in Chinese, not  that i cant read Chinese but honestly, to read everything in Chinese is really tedious and i feel giddy while doing  that.

Some of its instructions are so deep (to me) and i just want to give up using it.

It is like Twitter but much much harder (maybe language aside, the way it is constructed is really not very user friendly).

Ayte, i started it for fun, for stalking of Celebs (if i hv the time) so it doesnt matter.

If you r a weibo user, do add me up and perhaps you can guide me how to use!

My Weibo is at http://weibo.com/valliezfaith or you can find me at Valliez Lesley.

Not sure how to add friends even, dont ask me. Ha.

I went over to visit GF again and i frankly felt better though it is hurting inside me the whole while. But Cel and the 4 doggies did their part and their best to cheer me up.

We played and we had fun with our ‘mini project’ and we  drank the very not nice Champagne that i brought over. Chatted till dawn and i really like the time spent.

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perhaps one’s sadness can really be told through the eyes. they say i have sad eyes. WT!

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Thanks babies. 🙂 I really feel slightly better that night…

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Its been sometime!

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Random play
(lyrics seems legit now, for me)

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Then it is time for Church on Sat. I did not serve that particular Sat because i do not think i have the capacity to minister to hurting people when i am hurting and doubting. Perhaps i am still not vry mature in handling my own emotions and minister works. But i guess is better that i acknowledge it than forcing it through.

Well, someone went with me, though i appreciate that someone went with me but i am really not thankful that the whole thing bores him and the whole outing was like crap. Full of boredom and sadness. Like i say, i have no special feeling or yearning towards someone &/ or anyone right now.

Anyway, i do not need anyone to accommodate to me anymore, if it is not to your liking, then dont do it on account of me. In short, dont do anyting for me against ur liking.

Well, whatever.

The movie later on that Sat was TERRIBLY CRAPPY – the Exorcism part 2 or something. It deserves 0.5 star over 5 stars. I dont even know how i manage to give it 0.5 stars. It is the lousiest movie i watched in these 2 years i think. Please dont even try. Just wait for Fushion or wadever.

What really was the best on Sat was Pastor Kong’s Sermon on Saturday.

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It touches me as it really touches the raw wound i am having. As usual. I used to find it hard to hear from God during tough times but i have to be thankful that most of the time, when i am desperately hurt and in need, God still speaks to me.

That day, Church sang a worship song and i cant remember the title but there was this lyrics that goes: I am desperate for you (Jesus)

Honestly, life is not at its best but it has been great till this recent family sadness happened. I did not forget Jesus of course, before, during the incident. But i admit i was abit slacked off before this incident.

Also, whenever i help to minister to someone hurting, telling and assuring the person about God, days later i will be confronted by the Devil of the same doubts as that person whom i ministered to.

You might be thinking “then i really wont dare to help anyone anymore” I have that thinking too. But honestly, thank God and Holy Spirit, i can never bear to see some1 in pain so i will always help if i can, even if it means i will have to go through trials myself.

Anyway, i just want to say, no matter if i am going through trials because my leaders are going through trials or whether i wud go through trials because  i am doing God’s works…. I will bite on and not stop doing whats right because God’s favour will be on people who have a heart for Him and doing His works.

Yes, i am very very hurt and depressed still… but that doesnt mean God is unreal right? I believe He is still with me, probably He hasnt show up or show any solution yet but by Faith, i believe. Even Oxygen doesnt seem like it is  physically there, but i still breathe in Oxygen right?

Ok, continuing where i left off, after worship song, i realise that i really am desperate for Jesus now. It is human nature, when you are in trouble, you will then cry louder and yearn deeper for your Saviour. Right?

Pastor Kong went on to preach about Faith. It is a common topic for any Christian and honestly, if i did not go through the hurts i have in Family, i will probably sleep on this topic again. It seems like ‘Faith’ has been overly preached.
Probably this is the time i should receive Words abt Faith again.

I cant remember the whole sermon, and i used to think that is very bad. But i grew to realise and know that, you do not need to understand the whole sermon to be edified. Even if you only receive 1 point out of the many points, you have received the Word that you needed.

I remember Pastor Kong saying this (this has been said many times by different pastors before too but i guess i needed this reminder hard in the face) – The devil has came to steal, steal what? Steal your wealth? Steal your house? Steal your income? Steal your bf/gf? The devil can steal everything but everything else can be recovered, eg. income can be cut but you will never b jobless forever if you r willing to work.
There is one thing that is dangerous that the devil steal & this as it might not be recoverable  – your Faith.

My Faith was terribly shaken and i even blame God for not removing the label on me. The label of  ‘inferiority’ and ‘depression’. I questioned and i drifted away and i really feel a distance between Jesus and me. It was not until this sermon, which reminded me that Faith is something that bridges the distance between me and God. I am only far from God because my Faith is breaking and the bridge therefore is breaking..

My Faith is weak, it might not even be the size of a whole mustard seed, but i believe there is still a very tiny bit left and thus i am still around.

It is not easy to hang on, but it is also hard to  give up. 

Because who knows what is at the end of the tunnel?

What if that moment of success will come after the 20th time of failure and what if i am already already at my 20th time and the 21st time will be a success?

Pastor Kong went on to say about a woman who went to Pastor Cho bc of  her daughter. A daughter whom she nearly wanted dead because she is so terrible a person. The woman and her husband were feeling hopeless for the daughter.
Frankly, my sister isnt a very bad person, she is a sweet girl and i believe she is not one that wants me dead. At her age, i wasnt so concern about my family members too. Perhaps after some incident outside with my abusive and psychotic Ex, i realise that Family is still the best and i cherish my Family more than i used to.

Thus even though it is 2 different cases, but i find the relation way too similar, the way we feel hopeless (the woman and i ) about the family and the way we are disappointed with our kins.

Pastor Kong said that, for situation to change, we have to look at the situation with Jesus’s eyes. His perspective will never be bad, it will always be good. If we can look at the situation with Jesus’s eyes, things will change.

Frankly, i have never been able to look at my sister with Jesus’s eyes because His eyes is full of love and forgiveness. I am full of sadness and grievances for my Sister…

Thus i really pray that situation will change not by human nor actions but by Will of God.

Sidetrack from the sermon – After this incident, alot of people around me has been asking me to let go and Let God…even a co worker whom i do not see myself talking much to (not from the same company, more like a Marketing partner) will comfort me and pray for me, telling me that i should let go and Let God – (he doesnt know what happens thou)

I am rather thankful to Pastor Kong and my church, perhaps i am destined to be rooted here, to receive and to give. Even at this very minute, which Pastor has to face tremendous accusations and stress, he still manage to minister to broken souls and i am one of the broken souls… I am thankful to him, my church and of cos, God.

Here is a Video from the very anointed Pastor John Bevere to cheer us on during this crazy tough time 🙂 Click here.

Perhaps God really hasnt left me a bit, and i am still trying to find out more traits of God… Will you keep me in prayers?

Right, i have to go… and hopefully, the next time i am back, i will have better and happier stuffs to blog about…

My birthday is coming and i remember saying that i really love Birthdays but i did not expect things to turn out this way, even the Sister who once wanted to celebrate with me…is now not on talking terms with me…

Best Birthday present or what…

Upset, but i leave it all (emotions) to you, my Lord.

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Be Back soon,

Valliez Lesley

Vdates April Week 2 ’13

IMG_20130316_5  Hi there!

Cant believe another week flew JUST LIKE THAT. I hate how time flies, it is flying rapidly especially.
May is coming and May seems like someone’s birthday – mine! haha.

I know of people who doesnt give a hoot about Birthdays but i do ok, it is a big day to me because i am super         in love with myself. To me,  my birthday is a special day because thats when an awesome person is born and thats me. Thanks.

But as the age increases, the desire to blow candles on the cake decreases :/ but i am still looking forward to celebrating of cos.

Just that i do not know who to celebrate with. For a long time, my closed friends have been bz with their lives and we have stopped celebrating Bdays for each other.

Do i sound like a loner now? Omg, i hope not. LOL

(Realised that the dark picture brings across an Emo message but no!!! i just love the effects of the photo and it is not supposed to be emo!!!)

I mean, for Bdays- i would love to celebrate with the closest people and not just any random person…my closest people are all busy but i am sure some do rem lah!

Anyway, still weeks to go and i am not really looking forward to that day now so perhaps i will talk about this later. :/

Ok, i guess is time to do some simple updates for the past week and events. Not much happenings and as usual, i took pictures to make recording easy.

I realise i havent been doing ‘Serious Blogging‘ for some time (some self improvement lessons).
Not that i am expert at self improvement but there are some experiences that i might be able to share with you guys – if it helps-good, if not…shrugs. Haha!

Maybe soon!

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Went to see a doc last week because of the itchy throat. I decided to knock off at 12pm, not that i want but the throat is feeling crazily uncomfortable.

It was just amazing how the whole experience turned out to be. I was rushing to the clinic near my office, i actually reached the 1st clinic at 1248pm and i was told  that i am late. The info they gave online was that they are open till 1pm.

The nurse insisted that their last patient has to be in the clinic and register by 1245pm. Ok i was late by 3mins and i am denied the chance of seeing the doc. What a clinic. The nurses continue to gossip and laughed loudly after i took my leave.

Very nice.

So i went to the next clinic that was 3 levels above the previous one. I reached there at ard 1253pm? Super late and i thought tts it, i will have to run to another clinic. But this time roung, the nurse there was so nice and she registered my name and i went ahead with the consultation.

The doc was a friendly and nice old man. He found out that i stopped smoking, he warned me  and told me NOT to touch it again. Haha.

Then, i sat down near the recept area and waited for my turn to collect my med. I was taken aback by a group of people who (suddenly) joined me and they took out their bibles and started their bible studies. YES! Right there! Haha. I was kinda ‘invited’ to join them.
I am not sure how they know i am a Christian, perhaps they saw my Cross pendant but i did not think it was obvious as it was inside my dress that day. Haha.

I joined them anyhow.

I am very touched and surprised by the message i received that day. I believe when a non believer meet with such situation, he/she will freak out and get disgusted (thats hw i wud feel when i was a non believer years back).

But for me, i know very well that God is always around me, no matter what and where. He is always talking to me. Thus the message that day really was very edifying for me.

It was 1 Chronicles 12.

Yes, the whole chapter.  You may read it Here.

However, just fyi, a short brief on the chapter:

It simply means that, if you are doing God’s work and doing it right (like David in the book). God’s favour will always be with you. Even people who do not like you, even neutral parties or even the enemies’s people, they might come to you and help you.
It doesnt has to be what you do or did that makes people wana take sides with you, it simply means God has favour over you and will send people to you.
You will also come out strong and defeat your enemy because you are doing God’s work, and being obedient to God.

This applies very much in life and of course, the current situation of my Church. I am touched by this chapter as i seldom touches the bible (opps) and i doubt i would like to read 1 Chronicles even if i happens to read the bible. I like the New Testament more actually. Haha.

Thus i am very grateful that a visit to the clinic actually allow me to feel and hear God. I thank Him for  the peace and confirmation he put into my heart. Of course, i will also apply this chapter in my own plannings for my own stuff. 🙂

Thank you God, for letting me know You are always around me =)

Project Fruits

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The Friday night.

I spent my Friday night doing this! Haha. I call it “Project Fruits”
I was supposed to have a meeting with my sis tt night but we postponed because of Project Fruits.

I spent almost 3 hrs cutting up all the fruits and putting them into sticks. Mum was helping alot on this and she was cutting and cutting, especially the pineapples. I am so thankful. I think i shall sms her now and tell her i love her. Haha cant help it!

It was so much fruits and it was the first time i bought so much fruits all at once. $30 worth of fruits! Ronald was kind enough to help me carry them back.
If not,  i would never be able to carry those fruits home, it weighs more than 15kg i think.

Project Fruits is actually for Gary’s clinic opening. He needed fruits and i offer to bring since i insisted of bringing something over.

I mean, who would attend an opening party empty handed? I can’t do that.

So i googled for Fruits Basket online and Duh…the fruits baskets that the various florist sell  look super MEH and  they are so expensive.
The fruits look super unappealing and i was disappointed.

Then i thought of doing something special and  thus i Youtube for DIY fruits baskets. Tada! I found clips on DIY fruits baskets! I thought it was simple but it actually was quite tedious and i am so blessed to have Mummy to help me. Mummy always nv fails me 🙂

It was alright except for the cutting and all.

Did the arrangement in the morning and i am pleased with my DIY Fruits Basket. Honestly, it can look better if i use more time, it can be improved actually.

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This is the Top View

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This is how it looks actually.

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I instagrammed it while i was in the cab down to Gary’s clinic.
Of cos, it was meant to be a surprise thus i didnt reveal the real picture of the pressie till i reached the clinic.20130406_115236

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I am glad the guests and Gary love it. I know  Gary is a perfectionist and he always expects the best. I know he shouldnt blame me even if the fruit basket turns out like shit but i do not want to give a pot of ‘shit’ to people on people’s opening la!
And if i am the one opening a shop, i wouldnt expect to receive a pot of ugly looking thing also la!

I am not expecting to receive praises and thanks, really i am not. I once mentioned in my fb, insta and blog that i appreciate people who are thankful and grateful and not taking others’ favour for granted but i really do not mean i need praises and recognition all the time, Especially this time.

But i was surprised that Gary thanked me a couple of times. I guess Seven n Gary r being extra careful and sensitive to my feelings nowadays. I am the one that is very thankful to them for being so sensitive to how i feel. Thank you Happy 3. I really do not need those praises and non stop thanks but i am  very happy you guys love me. 🙂

Anyway, i thought i did not do much and i feel very embarrassed to being thanked for a couple of times. Tsk!

Congrats Gary! Congrats on your new opening and enjoy the challenging new journey that awaits you!

Friends, if you want to know more about Dr Gary and his services, you may read HERE.

Also, even if you do not need Chiropractic treatments, if you are like me who wants to find out more on how to lose those bumps and bulges, you may also read up Dr Gary’s blog. He is a very positive friend and his encouraging blog might just help you some way or another!

Dr Gary will also be speaking at The China Club Singapore on the 22nd May 2013. Wednesday. This workshop is open to all China Club Members and UOB Lady Solitaire Cardholders Exclusively. Please find details below:

chiro


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Gary and his  parents 🙂IMG_20130406_22

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Mandatory Speech by Gary. Hurhur

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There. Thats me obviously. With boring Dark Brown hair (sometimes very light brown because of sunlight)

I was thinking of adding some colors to my hair but i hated Ombre as it is so common nowadays and almost 4 gals out of 10 gals have ombre hair.

Moreover, my hair is abit too short for ombre. Thus i wanted something thats not so flashy yet chic ( i personally think that the flashy ombre that alot of bloggers did recently look kinda cliche, i understand that it is stylish but anything too much is Not. To me.)

Went to Ooosh  and got my hair done by Perry. He is a personal friend and he is the Director of Ooosh. Perry has very rich experiences in Hair and Beauty. Whoever walks out of Ooosh always brings a wide grin with him or her, thats my own observation while i was there.

Alot of times, i am there whenever im in town, just to catch up with Perry and his wife. I did not do my hair there (back then) and it is not like they are my preferred hairstylist from day 1. We started out as friends and then i realised that their works are awesome and their services really gain recognition and praises from the customers.

Just to add, i am not very impressed with Salons that sponsor the whole loads of bloggers and whatnot because if you are good, you wouldnt need to do that (thats my own opinion).
Moreover, i hate looking ‘similar’ or having the ‘same’ hair with another person, thus i prefer to go to a recognized and ‘proper’ hair salon.
I do not mean that the other salons are crap, i just prefer Ooosh in this case as i am doing something which the whole of Sg has already been doing. I trust that i will not walk out of the salon looking like another person because  there will be some ‘unique’ twists which Perry will add in.

My hair is now not super awesome but i like it, it is not too Flashy and it looks a little ombre but it is kinda hidden. Not exceptionally special and i am sure there are people with similar style but at least not a handful i guess?

Anyway, i also brought Mum along this time. I make it a point that whenever i am ‘enjoying’ , be it good food or good relaxing activities, i will include Mummy because she deserves good stuffs more than anyone!

Thus Mummy joined me and she got herself a new hairstyle that day too.
Mum has always been very careful with how she spends thus she always cut her hair at those $10 salons downstairs my house.
I had enough of letting her ruin her hair (lol, not that i despise the $10 hair salons but i believe in paying for good services) and thus i dragged her along with me to Ooosh.

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Mum looking Happy 🙂 I love her to bits

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Me and Amanda. She is super cute and chatty.
My long hours there aint that bored because of her.

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Brought Mum to have dinner at Ion (forgot the name of the rest!)
and spent my Sat with her, walking around Ion after the Hair sessions.

IMG_20130406_6Our New Heads 🙂


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Mandatory Before & After Pic

I personally think it is still acceptable and quite ok ah. Not very Lianish like some ignorant people would say.
Anyway, i feel it depends on a person’s behavior instead of appearance to determine a person’s character.
For those that do not know what is ‘Lianish‘ (as i have a couple of foreign readers) it basically means lady hooligans/gangsters with outrageous appearances or just think “Lindsay Lohan” =x

Of course, i adore my hair now and i would post a lot more pictures!

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Ok, thats all for now! Haha!

Ooosh! at Delfi Orchard boasts a groundbreaking hair & beauty concept based on a social entrepreneurship model.
It is helmed by award-winning hairstylist Perry TJ.

Delfi Orchard, 402 Orchard Road #01-05/06

Singapore 238876
+65 6733-1068 / 6733-6113
http://www.ooosh.com.sg

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Went out with my Aunt on Sun and went shopping with her. Happy to spend time with her 🙂

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Ytd i lost my patience with Mum, feeling so guilt stricken. 😦 But i am very blessed, my Mum understands my foul temper and always gives in to me (worse feeling builds up inside me).

I have to keep reminding myself to stop being so rude to Mummy and control that foul temper of mine.

Anyway, the week was a busy one and this Wed marks my last QiGong class, i am looking forward to Zumba and more intense workout sessions! Havent been losing much ever since that 2.5kg. =(

Anw, i did this funny crap:

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P/S Looking forward to the Holiday i am having with my Family (although still a long long way :/ )

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Gona be a busy week ahead, Till the next post^

ValliezLesley 

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Vdates April week 1

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Hi there^ Its been sometime since i last updated about myself.

As you already read, the last few posts are all about Leslie Cheung and his death anniversary and etc.

Well, a little updates about myself over the past week.

Aunt and Mum went Easter service  on Good Friday with me to church, Mum enjoyed the drama as usual and Aunt is very touched.

I didnt ask her, i knew she used to be a skeptic when it comes to Christianity. But she responded to whatever the Pastor says and she prays on her own without me asking her to. I just let things  flow itself and i do my own prayers. Other things just fall in place…

Please pray for me and my family yea, my aunt said the sinners prayer:) !

Mum is looking very mischievous. omg.

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I have alot of friends who are stubborn when it comes to this topic, like opening their mind towards Christianity?
They will tell me things like “I will never convert no matter what”, “dont need to tell me anything about Christianity, i will not want to listen” and etc.

Well, i dont blame them, i was like that in the past.

However, i feel there is no wrong in opening up to know more about different things, Just like my friend who asked me to go to the buddhist temple ‘to have a feel’ of what the religion is about, i did not reject.

Of course , i know how it feels,  i was a buddhist / taoist since young till 3 years ago. But it feel that there is no wrong or right in choosing your own Faith.

What i did not feel from being a buddhist or taoist (the love and r/s with God),  & what that did not make me a better person during those times, i experienced it when i am a Christian.

So why would i go back to those days? I feel i have experienced the best already and i wouldnt even think of going back.

But this does not stop me from opening up my heart and mind to listen to others when they have something to say about their religions, however deep in me, i know what is the Best, this wont change.

Thus i am a little upset whenever skeptics say those things that shut me up totally when they want me to share about Christianity. I am like… “you ask me share isnt it?”

Haha. Then i realised, some people arent really sincere in listening to my sharing on my views and  choice of Christianity, these people are purely prepared to ‘argue’ with you. Like…they came prepared, so no matter what you say, they will ‘counter’ you with their own views and it is usually very negative towards Christ.

Shrugs.

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Ok, anyway back to Aunt, i am thankful to God that she was touched, I absolutely believe that NO ‘brainwash’ is needed.
She was skeptic not only towards Christ but also my Church especially.
But i guess the Power of God really is almighty and it touches 🙂 She is feeling happy throughout. 🙂

Also, i would like to add, Aunt can feel the peace and calmness not due to me (obviously) and also, she kept an open mind and really stayed neutral when she went to church, her mind was blank and wasnt full of negative critics and biasness.
So next time, before saying you do not feel anything even after going to church, it is not exactly wrong, but you can try going to the service with an open mind instead.

And i would like to emphasize, just like the past, nothing about $$$ was mentioned like what the media makes us to be like. Other than the usual offering which every other churches also will mention, nothing about soliciting $. Thus Aunt is very comfortable. CHC does NOT  solicit money from anybody-members,non members, public or “Reporters-that-visit-for-whatever-reasons”

IMG_20130329_1Pastor Kong delivering a very powerful message on Healing.

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The Easter Drama by the Drama team. It was awesome as usual.

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Serving for Greeters for first service on Good Friday.

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We then booked a cab and went to Bedok for dinner. It was rainning Cats and Dogs and there is no way to take a train, EXPO is terribly packed.
I really cant wait for church to go back to Suntec. 😦

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We had Dinner at this place call Kungfu Paradise. The concept is alittle like Xin Wang but it looks better from the outside. Food is super MEH. Service is not very bad, as in the servers are patient towards my requests. However, they are really very forgetful. I need to repeat 4 times for my ice water, 2 times for my chili sauce and etc.

I spent GoodFriday with my family and i am happy, i am thankful to my church mates for the flexibility too. Because i have to take care of my Mum and Aunt, i cant really concentrate serving and am thankful for the understanding mates.

The next day, i prepared and wana head out to serve the 3rd service and before i head out i actually scalded my palm. It was looking horrible with bruises and blisters. I was in great pain and i could not make it to serve on Saturday. I ended up sleeping at home.

The past week was ok ok but i remember being really hurt by my sis 1 of the nights. I can write a whole page of the incident but i decided to forget it.

I am still very much affected and hurt over her behavior and words but i rather not talk about it.  I just pray for God to give me grace to forgive and to bring back the harmony and peace…

I have been very stressed recently. I guess it comes with the age and the increased level of commitment. Sometimes i feel that i am almost ‘there’. Very suffocating and i really just wish to lay there doing nothing.

Sometimes, i know i might be heading towards Depression.

For me,  Depression used to be an uncontrollable state of emotion.. it used to be.
After i know God, i have learnt that Happiness is a choice, sometimes i can hear God saying to me – dont give up, I am still with you!

You see, i know when i am at my brim, i know i might be slipping back to the dark sad days but i remind myself  everytime (when i am about to give up on everything)… if the terrible 1 year of abuse can be over and i am alive and kicking, living even better now…what can be worse  than that that i cant take?

Sometimes, after being stretched for a certain extent..you will really come out stronger.

Things are better and will be better.

Anyway, this is another busy week. I missed Qi gong last week because i am extremely tired and stressed out. I ran 5mins more than usual last week.

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I totally dread running and exercising, i will be lying if i say i love Sports. I never like sports. But i want to keep myself fit. 
Trust me, i make tons of excuses when it comes to exercising. But the moment i started running, i find it kinda hard to stop.
You will want to run 15mins initially, but you will always tell yourself to run alittle more, which ended up in a 30mins run. 
And each time, you feel better about yourself after the run. #truestory

Today, i have Qigong and i cant wait for it to be over as i am signing up for Zumba next. Decided to attend classes on Sun this time as i have enough of being SO TIRED working out after a working day.

Running tonight again, still deciding on the route to take tonight…

Will be doing up something special for Gary’s clinic opening on Sat, gona spend my Sat with Mum  after the opening. Another busy week.

And before i know it, first quarter of 2013 is almost over 😦

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ValliezLesley~

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